Well, today was fun...didn't fall asleep through anything important...French isn't important, y'see? And Mrs. Dever knew that I slept through the movie yesterday, saw that my head was up and down, but heh...I always thought she'd get pissed if I slept through class...I guess not...that's pretty cool, except I shouldn't really sleep through class...hmm...went to pep band tonight, Girls won, it was good...Carmen showed up late because she had to work...didn't miss "Hey Baby" though...I'm missing French tomorrow because of dumb band, so I don't have to do the homework...I'm pondering whether or not to skip 4th and go out to lunch with people...I kind of need to be in art...hmm...tonight, after band, went and kept Carmen company for awhile...and then I came home...

Morrowind isn't good...I've been late to work every day of the week...it isn't good...although, it'd be considerably worse if it were Diablo...I might have not even gone in at all...*sigh*...I'm going to stop putting this before my job and homework and health...and it hasn't even reached the weekend yet...Something wicked this way comes...

Quote of the day:
"I've named a boil on my ass after you. It too bothers me everytime I sit down"

*Sigh*

Hail the return of the short temper...for it is coming back, whether I want it to or not...I practically snapped at Carmen earlier today on the phone, to which she said "don't get upset" and I replied, lamely "I'm not"...which was a lie...and I know she could tell...*sigh* I also snapped at Britt before I left for Myrtle Beach, also not good...

So maybe it isn't just the hotel room that makes me have those dreams...and even worse, I can't wake up when I want to, leaving me to endure these horrible dreams...I really hope that these do not become a regularity...

Today, I went to the river with Carmen, Esther, Doug, Emily, Kevin, and Dr. Underwood...I wish I could have gone in...granted that I've probably been in colder waters than the Maumee...cleaner also...The Au Sable, in late August, early September has a nice temperature of about 37 degrees...especially at the whirlpool...*sighs* I missed my Grayling trip this year...first year in a long time when I haven't gone up there...I've got so many good memories up there...maybe I'll move up there when I graduate from highschool/college...get out of this town...

Anyways...we went out to Bob Evans, had a fun time there...I went home, and then over to Dan's for dinner...good dinner, got full...went to visit Carmen, got scared by Chris and Justin so I left...came home and finished Better Luck Tomorrow...I went out to take the movie back, and ended up going to Meijer to get myself more deodorant...that evolved itself into an hour and half of just driving around, listening to a random assortment of music...

Quote of the day:
"If you’d been a dog
They would’ve drowned you at birth"

I'm back now, from my oh so wonderful vacation...we got there in record time, 12 hours and 10 minutes, partly due to me to driving 80 some miles per hour down the express way/toll road...so we got there in time for dinner, and we went to our traditional cafeteria...went and checked into the hotel and got set up...our hotel/resort wasn't anything fancy...in fact, it sucked, because on sunday we found out that we had ants...so we spent most of that day waiting to hear what the damned staff was going to do about it...they moved us to another room, which also sucked a lot because the sliding doors didn't work properly...*sigh*

Saturday, we went put-putting, walked on the beach, and that was it...

Sunday, after the room fiasco, we went to the Carolina Opry...it was country Christmas music, which is like a double no in my book...I didn't like it...and I'm not saying here that country sucks, it's just not my bag of corn (or cup of tea, Carmen)...it was a good show from a musical standpoint, but not one that attached itself to my tastes...after that, we went out for ice cream...

Monday, we went put-putting again, and I came home for a nap, because I was feeling rather fatigued...I do not sleep well in hotels...Why, I do not know...all I know is that for some reason, they seem to bring out dreams...very rarely it is that these dreams are good ones...they usually end up being the most gruesome, vivid, and terrible dreams I've ever had...I usually wake up from these dreams in a cold sweat, crying and sobbing, feeling really depressed and alone...and I'm usually up for an hour or so after that, and when I do fall back asleep, they come again...that can happen only so much before the night is gone...*sigh*

Tuesday, we drove home, took longer than I wanted, Carmen beat me home...I've seen that I can't stand my family...it didn't take long for them to get on my nerves...it upsets me...it's almost as if I hate my family...I wish I could stand to be around them and not fight or bicker within 30 minutes...Carmen believes it may have had to do with my lack of sleep...I hung out with her later in the night, after she visited some other people...it was much better than Thursday night, where I screwed up an infinitely amount...which I feel has happened before, but maybe it is only in my mind that I see these things...maybe I'm over reacting to the way I think...hmm...

I've also realized something...I've been extremely dumb these past few months of my life...heh...

Quote of the day:
"Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it "

Merry Christmas...it's funny, I'm not that excited about today, nor am I excited about our upcoming trip to Myrtle Beach...I could practically not care any less what goes on...this is bad...it feels almost that this isn't me...like all feelings are leaving me...is this what I've become? Emotionless?

Well, yesterday was alright...got my sweet boxers from Carmen for Christmas, and I gave her the radio adapter thingy for her car...she is really pleased with it, and it works, so I am glad...I went and visited her at work, got a hug there...came home, had a great dinner at James', got full, fell asleep, woke up, came home, felt sick, went and visited Carmen...I went to give her a hug, because she seemed pretty down...I ended up staying awhile, maybe longer than she entended me too, and if that's the case, I'm sorry...didn't mean to wear out my welcome...came home to my lonely house, my lonely room, my lonely bed...

No Quote of the day

*Sigh*

We went up last night to the zoo, for the lights...it was kind of boring...I drove up with Britt, had a fun time with that...there isn't too much to see up there, took a look at Stevie's Graham Cracker house, saw the lights, the seals, the polar bears, the penguin(s), the walrus, the wolves, and then came home...actually, we went to Fazoli's, and had a good time at that...made a rucus, they were probably ready to kick us out...I felt kind of bad, if they were going to kick us out and we were being bad...anyways...before going up to the zoo, Britt came over and I gave her my present, she liked it...we had trouble opening the box and getting the thing to shut off...Amanda came over a bit after that, and she followed us out to Jackie's...I gave Sara her present there, and I believe she liked it...I couldn't tell though...I hope she did...anyways, after Fazoli's, Britt came home with me and we played a bit of Double Dash...had a fun time with that, and then she left...Carmen came over around 10:30, but had to leave around 11:30 to pick up Esther...Got partway through episode 4 of Excel Saga...she made me go to bed early...

This morning, I woke up, and laid around...took a shower and went to work...after that, I went out and bought Carmen's present, which I hope she likes...

My mp3 player is giving me some problems, which I don't like...well, it is my computer actually...doesn't like ripping some tracks off of my cds...So then I don't have the complete playist that I should have...

Carmen's got Esther staying with her, which has made it hard for me to talk to Carmen late at night about what is troubling me...and it's about that time when the problems have been thought out...

Hmm, I feel I keep on screwing up, making it seem like something is here that isn't...I hope I haven't, cause that's not what I want to do...maybe I should just stay away...

*Sigh*

Quote of the day:
"Said there ain't no use in crying.
Cause it will only, only drive you mad
Does it hurt to hear them lying?
Was this the only world you had? Oh-oh "

Well yesterday, we delivered food to the needy for St. Tom's...it feels good to do such a thing...one of the families wasn't home though...I almost feel that the people who smoke should not get this aid, as odds are if they didn't smoke, they wouldn't be in this mess...*sigh* I went to work, took my Nomad and listened to some songs...Melody came in and I trained her a bit more...it is pretty nice having someone to work with...after work, I got together with Joshie, and we went to see Return of the King, with my father of course...it was amazing! After that, Joshie and I went down to visit Carmen, who apparently had a really horrible shitty day at work...I'm sorry that she had that bad of a day...after Carmen got off work, Joshie and I went over to her house to watch some anime, but first, we visited Esther with her...I got two Double Cheeseburgers for $3 bucks...actually $2.10!!! Yay for saving money! Well, we went back to Carmen's to watch a lot of Haunted Junction...we kind of made it through episode 11, but Carmen and I were too tired to stay awake through that one...I ended up dozing off, and woke up with a start...it was 11:28, and I need to be home in 2 minutes...I ended being up late, but nothing came of it...James and I played some Rockman Power Battles 2, and had a good time at that...brings back good, nostalgic memories...I was talking on the phone with Carmen during that time...I had to get ready for bed, so I told her I'd call her back...I guess I took a little too long as when I called she was practically dead...that was a good thing, though, as she had a particularily bad day, with plenty of stress involved...she needed her sleep, I know that, so I wasn't hurt...

I've been seeing things lately, and it worries me an extreme amount...sometimes, it even causes me to cry...cry a whole lot...I am disgraced with myself...

Quote of the day:
"I lost my soul
deep inside
and it's so
black and cold
deep inside"

Well, it's Friday, beginning of break...here I am, 2 am, updating...I'm loading files onto my Nomad, which is sweet already...I love it, and as much as I love my music, it can only mean that this will be my essential material good...all of my music, in my pocket! Tonight, I spent some time with Carmen, getting an oil chage, almost finishing up my Christmas shopping...getting dinner at Bamboo Garden and then watching some Haunted Junction...Had a great time doing that, as always...Carmen went over to Rachel's for a movie, with Megan and Elise also...The girls came over here, I got my presents from Britt and Sara, which are lovely...And I didn't vomit...I've spent practically all night ripping songs onto my Hard drive, and then transfering them to my Nomad...I wasn't paying attention and got my space down to 100 mb, on my computer that is...I've still got 35 viable gigs left on my Nomad, after 323 songs...LOVELY! And now I must go get sleep, so I can help out the need tomorrow...

I've also been having some bothersome feelings lately...not because of what they are, just that I don't want them now...maybe if they were a few months ago, that'd have been fine...

Quote of the day:
"We, the plague of Terra Firma,
nature's grand and last mistake
plant the poisoned seed of cancer,
set the severed fruits awake"