::
2005 4 May :: 9.09 pm
:: Mood: guilty
My parents went out to eat tonight, again- -without any of their kids. *pssh* who does that?
My sister and I bought my mom a $267 ring for Mothers Day. It's gold and it has pink diamonds on it. It's so pretty.
This weekend I have to go to Lansing for some modeling thing. My friend lives there so we are staying at her house and we have to do a fashion show on Saturday. I'm excited but I really have no idea what is actually going on and how its going to work. Modeling takes up all my time and weekends. I don't get to see my friends that much or my family but this is what I wanted I guess and this is only the begining..
I'm happy that The O.C is going to be on for two hours tomorrow that just makes my day, or my week lol. It's pretty awesome that the three people I like most on American Idol are all in the top three so that also makes my day.
I still can't believe that my cousins baby was born on my birthday. That really is one of the best birthday presents ever and she wasn't supposed to be born until December or Jan. but she was premature and it just so happend to be on my birthday that she was born. Pretty cool.
but I'm just rambling on and I have nothing else to say so I guess I'll just stop now.
Love Much,
Ashley***
3 shooting stars |
lie awake |
::
2005 3 May :: 5.38 pm
Well.........
I'm not going to try to work this out. You've made it clear that you don't want to and that you don't care, so if you don't care then I'm not going to care either. You hurt me and thats all there is to it and you never believe me so I guess thats your problem now. I'm done.
Looks like you broke your promise, just as much as I did. So whats the problem?
I don't know what is wrong with me. Why do I push away the people that try to get close to me. He hugged me and I didn't even hug him back. How hard was that? Not very. I don't know what my deal is anymore.
I'm just afraid that someone actually cares about me and thats all there is to it. Thats why I push people away. It's difficult for me to believe that and it scares me.
You continue to tell me how I feel, you tell me what I think, what I want, what to believe so you know what, keep on telling me how I feel. Pretty soon I'm gonna feel that way. Then you'll be right, until then, shut up.
4 shooting stars |
lie awake |
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2005 2 May :: 11.21 am
I didn't go to school today. I don't know why either. I woke up and I didn't want to get up so I just came and told my mom that I didn't want to go to school and she said okay go back to sleep. I was so tired and last night I couldn't fall asleep. I had too much on my mind but I haven't missed a whole day of school up until now so I guess thats okay. I needed to sleep in for once since I didn't get to at all this weekend and my room needed some serious cleaning anyways.
This weekend was really fun but really long too.
Friday: I went to Aarons
Saturday: I had to go to Detroit for modeling. They did my hair and the whole process was about 3 hours. It was so boring sitting there and it was so hard to take everything out too. After we got back I went to my friend Jessicas.
Sunday: I went to Church and Sunday School..very boring that was then I came home and hung out with Jon.
So my weekend was awesome.
I'm really happy with everything right now. I've waited for that for so long you have no idea.
But I should go clean my room, since I stayed home for that right?
I love you.
XOXO, ASHLEY*
lie awake |
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2005 28 April :: 6.25 pm
thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could become between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,
We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back
Yeah!
I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back
When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone.
So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back
Thats just how I feel now.
lie awake |
::
2005 27 April :: 4.39 pm
:: Mood: confused
Today was better than yesterday besides the fact that this girl in my 2nd hour had a rabbit in our class and I'm allergic to rabbits- - so that didn't work out too well.
Matt is so nice to me. Yesterday I hit my knee on the table really hard on accident and I had a big bruise and he's like "do you want a kiss to make it better" and I was like "sure" and he kissed me it was cute and then today I seen him and he was dressed up for senior interviews and I was like "Hi Matt, you looked cute today" and hes like "hey precious you do too, but you look cute everyday". Hes one of the nicest friends I have.
Apparently I'm Cohens g/f now..j/k im not but thats what he told everyone after school but he was joking.
Brianna- Thanks for keeping our poster. H was going to make me keep it but I didn't know what to do with it. bRiE..BRIE* Brianna haha that was funny when we played that question game and Michelle was like "why do you have braces" and then I'm like "why dont you have braces" and Brittani Matthews was like "yeah thats the question you should ask Ashley" lol our class is awesome, I must say.
I think this time we both want differen't things, unfortunately. Looks like its going to be my problem. Of course one of us had to change our minds on what we want, why not be you? I don't even know what you want anymore and I don't know what I want and I just feel like pretty soon time will run out. We can't be like this forever.
I want to talk to you about this but I know you wont so I'm done for now. I have to leave anyways.
Always,
Ashley*
1 shooting star |
lie awake |
::
2005 26 April :: 9.54 pm
I just want to tell you but after last night and the night before, I don't think it matters.
I talked to Chloe and Corbin today. It was cool.
We’re the teasr in your eyes
We’re the ones that you chased
We’re the promises that you made
We’re the voice in your head
We’re the lies that you said
We’re the ones that you pushed away
We’re the best thing you had
But you left us behind
We’re the pain that you feel
We’re the scars that don’t heal
We’re the tears in your eyes
We’re the reason you cry.
Thats for you.
I don't see how it's so easy for everyone else but today has just been rough so I'm going to try to sleep.
Love Always,
Ashley
lie awake |
::
2005 25 April :: 8.06 pm
I can't wait until summer. I can't wait until California. I wait for it all year. Thats what I look forward too. I'm also going to Tennessee this summer too. Were going to Gatlinburg, but I think I spelt that wrong. Its pretty cool there. We go there a lot because we have family that lives there. Skyler called me and is begging me to come back to Florida this summer but I don't know if I'll have time because I am doing the drama camp, going to California and Tennessee and plus hopefully modeling but I'm going to try to go there. I also am thinking about signing up for surf camp in Cali but I'm not sure yet.
It has become a habit of Chloe calling me everyday which is actually really sweet of her. I miss everyone there. But I have some good news. She might be moving back home. That would mean the world to me.
I talked to her today. I just had to. She promised me that it would be ok.
but other than that life seems pretty good and busy. We haven't had power for a while. It was out all day yesterday so I had to go to Lisas to take a shower and then afterwards I went home and nobody was there and it was still out so I went to Lisas and then today it was out again so I came here.
That felt so good, standing up for myself for once. Sorry for you.
but I have to go.
xoxo ashley
lie awake |
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2005 24 April :: 12.04 pm
Well on Friday I went and seen the Amityville Horror.
Kelli-I just thought of another thing to add to our list. When we were in the movies and then I was sad when the dog got killed and I was pretending to cry and then Steven was like "Is Ashley crying?" lol. add that.
But anyways we went and seen that movie with some people and then Saturday we went to the mall and then last night we went out to Trinis. So we were at Trinis and Kelli ordered desert and this hot guy came to our table and he gave her, her desert and then he put down extra spoons and goes "here are some extra spoons in case any one wants to join along" and I didn't even think about saying this it just came out and im like "awww yeah! I'll join along with you" and then we all started cracking up and my dad was like "Ashley, what are you becoming?" I was like umm lol...but that was one of those things where you had to be there and everyone was shocked because I never say things like that to my dad-only my mom lol.
but other than my weekend I have nothing to talk about so I guess this is all.
xoxo ashley
lie awake |
::
2005 22 April :: 4.35 pm
Well I'm updating this because Kelli says so and I also wore makeup today for Kelli since I NEVER do. A lot of things for Kelli lol.
This weekend I don't really know whats going on. I'm going to the movies tonight and tomorrow I'm going to the mall with Kelli and were going out to eat too.
but Kelli is being a retard lol so I have to go.
ashley
3 shooting stars |
lie awake |
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2005 19 April :: 6.33 pm
Fucking thanks a lot.
Amanda, I talked to my mom about everything and she said I can so I'll call you tomorrow. I hope Kendall is okay after her fall.
I know that hurt Aaron. I could tell he was mad at me and I even told him he would be but he over heard Emily and I talking and then he was like "what did you say?" and then I had to tell him. I can't disapoint him anymore but he insisted on me telling him and I can't lie to him about what was wrong so I told him and it made things so much better. He made my day.
I'm glad she understands. Shes the only one who will EVER understand. Were both hurt but
Remember every tear that falls from your eyes, falls from mine too.
Things are screwed up right now but I knew this was going to happen. Somehow it always leads to this, everytime.
Its all just a big let down and I'm disapointed in you. I thought you were almost differen't than everyone else but everyone knows almost doesn't count.
Were all the same.
Ashley Megan
lie awake |
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2005 18 April :: 11.17 pm
I had a really bad day today, even Tyler asked me what was wrong. It couldn't have gave it away that something was wrong when I was swearing at Britt and Elyse.
I just talked to Emily for 55 minutes.
I'm just not going to say anything to you because I've already said too much and I can't take back what I said now and I wish I could but I can't.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
but I'm going to go take a shower and go to sleep, well I'll try but now I have too much to think about.
How can you not care....?
lie awake |
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2005 17 April :: 1.17 pm
I'm going to move on, forget about this all, start over, be better, be smarter, not fall for the same old things.
I think next time I'm gonna be stronger.
The truth hurts but the part about that is its the truth.
I see it all so cleary now.
I just don't care and I'm giving up on trying.
I know whats best for me and this isn't it.
4 shooting stars |
lie awake |
::
2005 17 April :: 10.16 am
I don't understand. Things are just weird right now. I'm stuck in between two differen't things and I know which way I should go but it's not the way I want to go.
I don't even know what you want from me anymore. This is all so pointless and I was actually starting to be happy and then you had to ruin it all.
My mom wants to put our house up for sale soon so now both of my houses will be for sale and I have no idea where were moving but I hope it's far so I can just get out of here. When I'm away things are so much better because I dont have to think about anything back at home. I wish things were like they used to be but that was too easy.
*You break my heart
tear me apart
loser of my dreams
ripping me apart
at my seams
cant stand it
you demand it
heres my heart
rip it apart
i know you will
i love you still
you break my heart
crazy as it seems
your the loser of my dreams*
And your the one who I want to talk to about this right now but its a little hard when its about you.
I don't even know anymore but I have to leave and go home now so I'll be back later I guess.
xoxo ashley
4 shooting stars |
lie awake |
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