if you're having a bad or stressful day, don't ready this, it won't help.

well, I'm having a pretty bad week. Most of the time I can pin point my bad mood down to a specific event, but this time, I'm having trouble seeing anything that has happened that could have caused this. I guess it's probably just a lot of little things that nobody but me would care about. I don't know, I guess I'm just trying to live up to the standards that I have set for myself and I'm giving myself a really hard time because it's not working out. I'm having trouble in my math class, which, knowing me, is a given, but last semester I got an A, so this is sucking. Then, I got bad news about one of my history books, which, my teacher is a hard ass, so my grade is screwed there, and then my photography class was canceled today, which kind of made me happy cuz I wasn't feeling like going and developing, since it stinks, but then in math we had a quiz, which sucked, and oh gosh, what's my other class.........oh english, I just got done stressing out about a paper that was due yesterday, and now in my history class, I have a paper due, and I don't have the right book to do the paper, so that's gonna be like 40 bucks. That I don't have, and my car payment and cell phone bill are coming in the mail this week. And I don't know why, cuz Jake says it's just me, but me and my mom can honestly, not have a conversation with each other. No matter what, it turns into her lecturing me about money, or school, or work, and for goodness sake, just give me a freakin break, I'm doing the best I can. I don't know what else I can do. And another thing, Jake wants to help me so bad, and make me feel better, and he always wants to know what's wrong, and I honestly don't want to tell him, even though he only cares and wants to help, and I know that, but then I feel like I am bringing him down complaining about the same things over and over again. and I think it makes him feel bad that I won't tell him. Which makes me feel bad, knowing that I'm not telling him what he wants to know. ugh ok, This summer I'm working two jobs, and trying to have a life, and pay for college, and I can't get ahead since my car was fixed, and I don't know, things seriously suck right now, I'm having the hardest time being happy, and when I am, like when I'm with Jake, or when Laina's happy at work and it rubs off, it's always short lived, well, until I'm alone again, or I get home. What's the deal! Honestly! I need this all to stop. I'm getting run down. I want to give up, I'm seriously this () close to giving up, nothing bad like some of you might think, but just sitting home and not doing anything. Just being a bum, and not spending money, and like,giving up at life. I'm just not making it work right. I suck.

and ya know what else, I hate it when you think you have something really really great, and someone else comes along and tells you that it's not. I hate that. or makes it seem stupid, that's an even bigger pet peeve. Gosh darn it! I need to stop!

3 shooting stars | lie awake