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:: 2004 19 February :: 4.11 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: The Wallflowers - Angel On My Bike

So I made a survey on Bzoink, just cause I didn't have anything better to do with my brain while I was in class today.

Movie character that best describes you::Rob from High Fidelity
Song that best describes you::The Verve Pipe - Colorful
Favorite board game::Malpractice :-)
Luke or Owen Wilson?:Luke (most days)
Favorite Muppet (including Sesame St.)::ANIMAL!
Grocery store you shop at most::Meijer... has everything.
Favorite video game as a kid::Star Tropics or Earthbound
Jim Carrey at his best, funny or serious?:Serious... Eternal Sunshine, woot woot!
Concert that changed your life::NIN @ Van Andel or The Verve Pipe @ Celebration on the Grand
How many pairs of socks do you own?:13
Favorite philosopher or composer, take your pick::Voltaire and Beethoven
Biggest fear::I'm not worried...
Do you know how to roll your tongue?:I do ::does it::
Hidden talent::I'm not telling... this is a family survey.

20 Questions brought to you by BZOINK!

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:: 2004 19 February :: 12.49 pm

Concert Recruitement
Got another one if anybody's interested. I really want to go to this one, so if none of you bastards reply, I'll go by myself damn it! Hehe.

Dido
Fox Theatre Detroit , Detroit, MI
Sun, Jun 6, 2004 07:30 PM

ORCHESTRA PIT
$50.00
MAINFLOOR SEATING
$35.00
MEZZANINE (BALCONY 1ST LEVEL ROWS AA-EE)
$35.00
GALLERY A (BALCONY 2ND LEVEL ROWS A-K)
$30.00
GALLERY C (BALCONY 4TH LEVEL ROWS U-W)
$30.00

This year is going to be a good year for music... Norah Jones and Incubus already, and Modest Mouse, Fiona Apple, and Cake still on deck later this year. I'm happy, see? ---> :-D

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:: 2004 19 February :: 2.12 am
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should Have Come Over

Hey... HEY! Look over here... you looking? Good. Just wanted to get your attention.

::dances a bit::

I'm going to suprise y'all yet. Just you wait.

::takes a bow::

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:: 2004 18 February :: 2.16 pm
:: Mood: better
:: Music: Coldplay - Clocks

am i part of the cure?/or am i part of the disease?
My reaction time is getting better and better. When I'm down, I'm not down as far, and I'm not down as long. So that's a good thing.

I made my first restricted journal entry today. That was interesting.

Anyway, on with the therapeutic lists...

Top 10 Modest Mouse songs
10) Doin' The Cockroach
9) Long Distance Drunk
8) Convenient Parking
7) Styrofoam Boots/It's All Nice On Ice, Alright
6) Wild Packs of Family Dogs
5) Gravity Rides Everything
4) Medication
3) All Nite Diner
2) Third Planet
1) Here It Comes

(yet again revised) Top 50 Movies
1) American Beauty
2) The Truman Show
3) Vanilla Sky
4) Fight Club
5) Monty Python & The Holy Grail
6) Dr. Strangelove
7) Citizen Kane
8) Magnolia
9) Moulin Rouge
10) Punch-Drunk Love
11) Philadelphia
12) A Clockwork Orange
13) The Insider
14) Pulp Fiction
15) The Big Lebowski
16) The Royal Tenenbaums
17) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
18) The Shawshank Redemption
19) Run Lola Run
20) 12 Monkeys
21) The Matrix
22) The Lion King
23) The Hours
24) Network
25) 25th Hour
26) South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut
27) Kill Bill
28) Casablanca
29) Lost In Translation
30) The Shining
31) Heat
32) The Silence of the Lambs
33) The Talented Mr. Ripley
34) Dogma
35) The Thomas Crown Affair
36) Young Frankenstein
37) Adaptation
38) Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
39) Donnie Darko
40) Memento
41) The Blair Witch Project
42) Girl, Interrupted
43) High Fidelity
44) Seven
45) Toy Story
46) The Godfather
47) L.A. Confidential
48) Stop Making Sense
49) American History X
50) Being John Malkovich

Oh, thank god, I feel so much better... :-)

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:: 2004 18 February :: 11.55 am
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Badly Drawn Boy - Have You Fed The Fish Today?

i wrestled the octupus/and came out with extra arms/to carry your baggage...
I once again need more time. I'm out of money as well, and I still need to pay for spring break. Damn it.

I just need 24 hours of feeling safe. Just to remember how it feels. Maybe I'll work something out this weekend when I'm at home. As much as I've grown accustomed to this town and as many strong points as it has, I rarely ever feel totally at home, totally secure, here. I just want to be home, curled up on the couch at my dad's, late at night, looking at all the snow on the bike path.

::sigh::

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:: 2004 17 February :: 4.10 pm
:: Mood: concerned
:: Music: Eurythmics - Would I Lie To You?

So I think I've developed a tic at the bottom corner of my right eye. It just keeps twitching. I haven't passed a mirror since it started, so I haven't been able to check on it.

Seems like my brain didn't get the memo to my body that we are done with the issues and are fairly well-adjusted at the present time. My back was hurting so bad yesterday that I almost asked Lynda if she minded if I went home. Thankfully, most of my energy has returned within the past couple of weeks, but I still finding myself sleeping more than I should.

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:: 2004 17 February :: 12.12 am
:: Mood: decent
:: Music: The Wallflowers - God Don't Make Lonely Girls

I really want to get back in the game. Get my toes wet... or throw myself back into the deep end; I'm not picky.

I feel like a kid at Christmastime whose just gotten a new toy that he really wants to try out with his friends, but he has to wait for his parents to get back from the store with the batteries.

::nags from the back seat:: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

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:: 2004 16 February :: 11.35 am
:: Mood: amazed
:: Music: Enigma - The Child In Us

4.25 days and counting...
Who the hell are you, and what the hell have you done with Jason?

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:: 2004 15 February :: 11.37 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Counting Crows - Hangin' Around

Tonight, I chose a fabric softener in less than 15 seconds. If you know me, you know what a feat that is. I was rolling so fast at Meijer tonight, I even forgot one my bottle slips. Oh well, it was under a dollar.

Tonight is one of those nights where it's so cold that the snow freezes and you can walk on top of it and feel like you are walking on water. I love that feeling.

V-Day went well. Of course, I spent the vast majority of it at work, but that's quite alright. Pieces of April was a pleasant suprise; didn't expect much going in. Cheap and good; two things you want out of a movie.

Congrats to you-know-who for you-know-what.

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:: 2004 14 February :: 2.34 am
:: Mood: sobering up
:: Music: Outkast - Happy Valentine's Day

So, I was going to wait until morning to post these lyrics, but I'll forget/won't have time before work tomorrow. Anyway, I hope you all have a stressless and enjoyable Valentine's Day. For everyone with someone to spend it with, I wish you all the best. For everyone who doesn't, please don't let the holiday bring you down. Celebrate the love in your life, no matter where it originates from. I myself have some fucking awesome memories from the past couple of V-Days, so I'm going to celebrate those. Spend some quality time with your friends, I know that's what I'm going to do. Anyway, without further adieu, the completely appropriate but useless song lyrics.


"My name is Cupid Valentino,
the modern day cupid.
I just want to say one thing.

(Verse 1)
Happy Valentine's Day!
Every day the 14th!
I don't think ya'll heard me?
I just wanna say Happy Valentine's Day!
Every day the 14th!
Can ya'll dig that?

Now when arrows don't penetrate,
Cupid grabs the pistol,
He shoots straight for your heart,
And he won't miss you.
That's alright ya'll won't believe in me anyway but,

Ya won't believe in me but you would fancy leprechauns or ground hogs,
No thank you, Easter Bunny!
There's all this talk about Santa Claus, but see love will rule supreme.

(Verse 2)
Happy Valentine's Day!
Every day the 14th!
When cupid knocks at your door,
You can't ignore me (there's no need to run)
Happy Valentine's Day!
Every day the 14th!
If you know what love means
Somebody tell me.

Ya won't believe in me but you would fancy leprechauns or ground hogs,
No thank you, Easter Bunny!
There's so much fuss about Santa Claus,
But see cupid will not be defeated.

(Verse 3)
Happy Valentine's Day!
Every day the 14th!
Now I know your hearts have grown cold, and that bothers me.
Now I understand 'cause I used to be a bad boy in my day.
I know your tryin' to protect your lil' feelings,
But you can't run away. (Uh oh)

Ya won't believe in me but you would fancy,
Hey don't you suppose to be some kind of player or somethin'...
Bunny!!
Well keep on runnin', player cause I got my good shoes on
And I got 'em tied up tight, so your gon' find out tonight.

(Rap Verse)
Got a sweet lil' darling back in my corner
Below I know I love her but, act like I don't want her
Surrounded by the lovely but yet feel like a loner
Could be an organ donor,
The way I'd give up my heart but never know because shit I never tell her
Ask me how I'm feeling I'd holla that it's irrel'
I don't get myself caught in the Jello jella,
And pudding pops that other opt to call falling in love but,
For the record have you ever rode a horse?
Likely you just sent me to Pluto, I said of course
But if you ain't a sweety indeedy I won't endorse
Han Solo till I'm hit by bullets, obey the force
Bewitch you, and I rich you in better time permits
For now show me samples, examples why your the shit
But how am I to know with the profession that I'm in
And if you do not know me then how could you be my friend

(x3)
Happy Valentine
Happy Valentine (Valentine)
Happy Valentine's Day (Happy Valentine's Day)

Happy Valentine
Pump that Valentine(Valentine)
Pump that Valentine's Day (Pump that Valentine's Day)

(x3)
Pump that Valentine
Pump that Valentine (Valentine)
Pump that Valentine's Day (Pump that Valentine's Day)"

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:: 2004 14 February :: 1.57 am
:: Mood: drunk
:: Music: Coldplay - Politik

First of all, let me say that I think Coldplay has created some of the most beautiful music ever. And they've only made two albums.

I probably shouldn't have drove home tonight. But I did a really good job. I'm quite drunk though. I drank beer tonight. Beer and only beer. Five of them. Some of then were smaller than others, but it's a feat nonetheless.

Monaco Bay is one of the greatest places I've ever been to. I've been there only twice, but each visit has been paired with such intensely reinforcing experiences that I'm completely in love with the place. And all I've done is drink and sing along. ::does the watussie::

Have you ever been so happy you cried? I cried quite a bit tonight. I want this damn feeling in a bottle and I want to wear it as cologne 24/7. I want to be this carefree, I want to be this disinhibited all the time.

"I have so much love, I just don't know where to put it." William H. Macy, Magnolia

I love you all so much. I'm so happy to be alive. I don't care how I feel tomorrow.

Have you ever been completely happy and joyous for another person? I mean, to seriously just sit there and be completely altruistic and selfless and go, "I'm so happy that they are experiencing this" or that they are having a completely joyful time. I wanted nothing from anyone tonight... I just wanted to sit and observe and feel a little bit of their happiness.

I want so little out of this life... I just want someone who truly understands me.

"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it." Wes Bentley, American Beauty


This is normally the part where I apologize for being such a bleeding heart, but fuck that. Besides, I'm pretty drunk.

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:: 2004 13 February :: 1.12 pm
:: Mood: hombre
:: Music: Pink Floyd - Us & Them

"Call me crazy, but I believe that in order to be successful, one must portray an image of success at all times." - Buddy, American Beauty

I keep writing journal enteries and deleting them before I post them. There really is no reason not to post them, but I feel like I should. I don't have anything especially important to say anyway. So this is kind of a compromise with myself.

Blah blah blah.

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:: 2004 12 February :: 7.56 pm
:: Music: Oasis Champagne Supernova

So it's that time of year again: I made a new quiz at QuizYourFriends.com. Here is the link:

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Good luck, and I look forward to taking some of yours in the near future.

In other "news," I did work start a list on my strengths, I didn't get too far, but I thought I'd throw it on here anyway, for my own paramasturbatory means... I love creating new words...

I am able to show my feelings.
I am clean and organized.
I am capable of love.
When I do it, I contribute well in class.
I write really well.
I am a good listener.
I have very good taste in music, movies, etc.
I have an insanely high pop culture IQ.
My goal in life is to help other people.
I am a good son.
I am a good friend.
I recognize the good that other people do for me, and attempt to do the same for them.
I am a gentleman.
I like trying new things.
I am not dependent on my material possessions.
I am idealistic.
I am always trying to better myself.
I don't give up.
I can roll my tongue.

I wrote those a couple weeks ago, so I'm sure a list today would be quite different and I could probably cook up a few new ones, but I'm lazy and I have better things to do.

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:: 2004 12 February :: 2.23 am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Evanescence - My Immortal

I had it in the bag... I was so money... and then she goes and isn't there tonight. Grr, damn scheduling luck. That's alright, I'll get it Friday, and if I don't get it then, I'll get it the next opportunity I get.

I've found the best way to get out of a bad mood or rut is take whatever you plan on doing, and doing the complete opposite. Worked last night, and it's still working now... I call it the "Constanza" (gotta give props to its inventor).

I did a really nice and sweet thing for someone tonight, and I wanted nothing in return. Just nice to give once a while... and I've got a few more good gestures in the cooker.

I can't wait for Saturday, and I have no idea why.

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:: 2004 10 February :: 4.02 pm
:: Mood: introspective
:: Music: Sheryl Crow - The Difficult Kind

rhetorical questions ahead...
I know what I want, and I can't have it. Damn my luck.

Still, a good part of the reason I want it is because I can't have it.

I've never known what to do with it once I've gotten it, but I think I have a pretty decent idea now.

A to B to C to D... E's around here somewhere. Maybe right in front of my face, wouldn't that be ironic? How poetic. I never know for sure, I hate it.

I had my A-game going this weekend, but it went away again. It'll be back, but I'd like to be self-effacious all of the time, not just every few days. Which brings me to another question...

If I live for pleasing others, then I put myself in the backseat and I'm unhappy, but if I consider myself first, all of a sudden I'm a narcissist. I think I asked this in my journal last year, but is it narcissim if you can back it up? I told Molly a couple weeks ago that I'm a narcissist with low self-esteem, and I think that can be a pretty decent explanation of how I can be. A majority of being a certain type of person is how much you believe that you are that person. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that stuff I've said for ages now... that's another thing. I keep finding that as many new things that I've learned in, say, the last year, an even greater number of things were exactly what I believed them to be in the first place.

The problem with living totally within myself is that I've never been in a completely stable state in my life, as good as it has been. I can't trust myself enough to put me in my own hands. So I attempt to encompass myself with the ones I love, and deduce what they see in me. I see all and more of what they see, but a bad thought pulls me down with such force... the dark side is so alluring, that it's tough not to be called over.

Every one of my actions is second guessed. When an outside source, especially a loved one, agrees with a doubt I have in myself, my grip and self-esteem collapses. I believe in my strengths a great deal, but I believe in my faults just a little more. This year, it's been all about "what I can fix" instead of... well, what should I be concerned with?

This isn't sadness, it isn't depression... as I write this, I feel a lot better about myself. But I do feel lost, and the meaning of this thing is presently lost on me. And even if I find peace within myself, I still worry that I can only be complete with the help of another. That no matter as much love as I have for myself, it's going to be what I do for another that I measure my life by.

I'm still working on all this, and I recognize the great progress I've made, I just want an intermission... a lunch break if you will.

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:: 2004 10 February :: 10.06 am
:: Mood: overwhelmed
:: Music: Sheryl Crow - Leaving Las Vegas

I do have to say, I've discovered that this is my least favorite part of the school year, now up until Spring Break. The work starts to pile up again. You are forced to consider and plan for the future year, including housing and spring break. For me, hours are cut back at work. Spring break is close enough to taste, but the closer you get to it, the more you want it, and it usually goes by too fast to appreciate it. Factor the shitty ass weather into all of this, and it makes for a pretty gloomy mood. I have phone calls to make, reading to do, people to see, etc. Yet, all I have the motivation to do is to sit and make a journal entry complaining about all the stuff I need to do instead of just doing it. I'm not worried, it'll all get done... I would just like some assurance that I'm doing things right.

I just want to get away for a bit. I long for a distraction.

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:: 2004 8 February :: 11.51 pm
:: Music: Dido - See The Sun

and you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day/and i promise you you'll see the sun again...
Selections for genre on these could be argued, but just go with it...

Top 10 Crime Films
10) Matchstick Men
9) The Godfather, Part II
8) The French Connection
7) The Sting
6) Reservoir Dogs
5) The Limey
4) Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels
3) Kill Bill, Vol. 1
2) The Godfather
1) Pulp Fiction

Top 10 Musicals
10) West Side Story
9) Rocky Horror Picture Show
8) U2: Rattle & Hum
7) Pink Floyd: The Wall
6) The Sound of Music
5) A Hard Day's Night
4) Talking Heads: Stop Making Sense
3) Chicago
2) South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut
1) Moulin Rouge

Top 10 Thrillers
10) Marathon Man
9) Panic Room
8) Rope
7) The Negiotator
6) Conspiracy Theory
5) The Usual Suspects
4) The Manchurian Candidate
3) The Thomas Crown Affair
2) The Talented Mr. Ripley
1) Arlington Road

Top 10 Sci-Fi Films
10) Contact
9) Minority Report
8) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
7) Aliens
6) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
5) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
4) The X-Files
3) Gattaca
2) 12 Monkeys
1) The Matrix

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:: 2004 8 February :: 11.50 pm

The farther I get, the more removed from you all I feel.

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:: 2004 7 February :: 8.54 pm
:: Mood: pumped up
:: Music: Eels - Dirty Girl

I like a girl with a dirty mouth
Someone that I can believe
We had a window, not open too long
But that time is good and gone

And if I ever see her again
Just walking by with some new guy
I know that we will need to pretend
And hope our eyes keep telling lies

Sit on the back porch and wonder ‘bout her
What is she doing right now?
Making somebody a happier man
Dying her hair back to brown

Once in a while your life gets so good
Worth all the trouble of the past
That was the case but I think I always knew
Good things don’t ever last

And if I ever see her again
Just walking by with some new guy
I know that we will need to pretend
And hope our eyes keep telling lies

I like a girl with a dirty mouth
Know that I can trust her
We had our time but it didn’t last too long
And that time is good and gone
That time is good and gone

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:: 2004 6 February :: 3.40 pm
:: Mood: confused

So, I'm got a new #1 pet peeve: Wendy's when they forget to give you a damn spoon with your frosty. I hate that! I've got a good suggestion, though, if you ever find yourself in that unfortunate position... use the straw they gave you (assuming you were lucky enough to get one of those), bend it in half, and use it to scoop that delicious treat out, a la a pair of chopsticks.

Jason's Interesting Fact of the Day:
(This one comes courtesty of my Human Sexuality class again)
Ejaculate travels at a rate of 30mph. Now what I'd like to know is who the funded the study to figure that one out...

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:: 2004 5 February :: 3.05 pm
:: Music: Moby - In My Heart

Warning: Big Fish analogies ahead
I've seen and heard everyone's perspectives, and now it's time I take my own.

Here I was thinking that I understood... I really had no clue, I still don't, and I doubt I ever will. I was in way over my head. A fish out of water. Or maybe the water was in the wrong place, I don't know. (And yes, I realize that makes no sense.) It's ok, I'll find a fishbowl I belong in, and in the meantime I'll just chill out here in the sea... there's a lot more freedom out here anyway.

I can't help but feel this is another one of our pissing contests... well, I'm out. ::walks away::

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:: 2004 4 February :: 8.39 pm
:: Music: Dido - This Land Is Mine

finally, things are changing/this land is mine/but i'll let you in...
"You're here because I put you here. I could take any of you out if I so desired."

Something's different, something shifted in my head. I want to start anew, the chain of events have already started. Twelve months or twelve years is a long time to let go of. I know it's the latter.

I need to be released.

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:: 2004 4 February :: 6.09 pm
:: Mood: edgy
:: Music: David Gray - My Oh My

you know, it just don't stop...
If I were a month I would be: June
If I were a day of the week I would be: Saturday
If I were a time of day I would be: 11:21pm
If I were a planet I would be: Saturn
If I were a sea animal I would be: a sea monkey
If I were a direction I would be: south
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a Herman Miller Eimes (sp?) chair
If I were a sin I would be: pride
If I were a historical figure I would be: FDR
If I were a liquid I would be: water
If I were a stone, I would be: a rock :-P
If I were a tree, I would be: california redwood
If I were a bird, I would be: a hummingbird
If I were a tool, I would be: hammer
If I were a flower/plant: a rose
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: sunny
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a unicorn
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a piano
If I were an animal, I would be: a dog
If I were a color, I would be: cerulean blue
If I were an emotion, I would be: happiness
If I were a vegetable, I would be: a carrot
If I were a sound, I would be: silence
If I were an element, I would be: oxygen
If I were a song, I would be: Verve Pipe - Colorful
If I were a food, I would be: a pizza
If I were a place, I would be: Greece
If I were a material, I would be: paper
If I were a taste, I would be: bittersweet
If I were a word, I would be: epiphany
If I were an object, I would be: a mirror
If I were a subject in school I would be: psychology
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Homer Simpson
If I were a shape I would be a: circle
If I were a number I would be: 3

Congratulations, Jason!
Your IQ score is 133

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

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:: 2004 4 February :: 12.32 pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: Incubus - Talk Show on Mute


Which Family Guy character are you?

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:: 2004 4 February :: 12.07 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Incubus - A Crow Left of the Murder

First things first. I got a little carried away today and tried to accomplish too much too fast, and now I'm feeling on edge. I just think I was so excited about what I've accomplished that I want to sprint the remainder of the way, and all that's going to get me is short of breath. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not, and all that stuff strays me from what I'm trying to accomplish. Acceptance et al. In order words, I'm cleaning this house as soon as I get back from school.

I've had a couple ideas knocking around inside my head the last couple of days...

1) I'm beginning to notice a cyclical pattern to the relationships in my life, romantic and otherwise. What has been said to me, I have said to others; what others have done to me, I have done to another; how I felt once may be how another feels now; etc. etc. and vice versa. Not really going anywhere with that, I just think it's kind of interesting.

2) Life kind of reminds me of a RPG game. You walk around, solving puzzles and fighting battles, and in the process you gain experience points. Eventually, after you fight a large battle, you gain a large amount of experience points, and this usually results in a level-up. You gain new skills and new powers that you didn't previously have. You don't really ever lose these powers or knowledge, but they may be rendered powerless for a short period if you let your guard down. You don't ever really stop gaining points or increasing your character's level, you just hopefully get stronger and smarter with your experience.

I just wish a computer was keeping stats on my life, to break it down for me so I can take a look at it at the end of the game. You know, nothing too special, but I'd like to know how much orange juice I've drank in my life. Stuff like that...

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:: 2004 4 February :: 10.16 am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: Incubus - Megalomaniac

Approximately 11 hours and I could have went for a couple more if I had really concentrated... when does the benefit outweight the cost? Not even close to that point yet...

My house is a "mess," and I don't think I'm going to do anything about it...

for a couple days.

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:: 2004 3 February :: 6.38 pm

Life can be amazingly simple when you learn to stop worrying.

I just hope my energy returns soon. So tired...

I don't have a strong desire to listen to sad songs anymore, kind of bothersome because a lot of them are really good, but we'll see what happens with that.

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:: 2004 2 February :: 2.21 pm
:: Mood: serene
:: Music: David Gray - Dead In The Water

I deem last night's party a great success. Why?

1) We cheered Amanda up a little.
2) More people came that I thought were going to.
3) Fras drove down from GR.
4) The game was REALLY good, save that whole first quarter. GO PATS!
5) I had a lot to drink, and I had no hangover... and I didn't puke! Two parties in a row!
6) Janet Jackson's exposed breast... I'm still confused. Timberlake called a "wardrobe malfunction," I think that's funny as hell. And we thought we weren't going to see any cleavage...
7) No coffee tables or any other property was damaged in the enjoyment of this party.
8) I had A LOT of fun.

Next up, Leeder's visit next weekend. Can't wait, spring break plans will be made and more drinking will ensue. On a more somber note, I just found out Christa's (my ex) grandfather is in the hospital, and the prognosis is not good. Evidently, they didn't get the Mike's memo that no one else is allowed to die. Seriously though, if you know her, and are down with the whole religion game, please include the K-clan in your pairs. The family and I have had some differences in the past, but that's never an easy thing.

Anyway, can't end happy journal entry on a bad note... so(ed) I'm(ed) going(ed) to include(d) some(d) inside(d) jokes(ed) from(ed) last(ed) night(ed). ::grabs Monty Python DVD set:: AH SHIT!

11 lies | this sentence is false


:: 2004 1 February :: 5.58 pm
:: Mood: bien
:: Music: Santa Esmeralda - Don't Let Me Be Understood

A Tale of Two Days
Just goes to show you, you win some and you lose some. Yesterday was a bad day, with all the same ol' issues that had been bothering me last month. Today, after a night of long, restful sleep and no alcohol, I found myself in a much better mood by the time I arrived at work early this morning. I made the best decision for myself last night, and I continued those good choices throughout today. As reinforcing as my dumb decisions are, I'm beginning to find that the smarter ones are just as rewarding, they are just a hell of a lot harder to make. Work was good, the best it's been, in terms of my attitude, in a long time. Had some good conversations with Elena, the customers were decent, and had some fun with a "page-war" with Stef and Shannon. I kinda suck, but hey, I'm the only person in my department who's willing to do 'em, so whatever. In fact the only thing that really sucked today was the music; it was much better yesterday... oh well. I just hope that I am able to get my hours back on track; they've kind of been pissing me off lately by repeatedly calling and telling me I don't have to come in. Yeah, I know it's not their fault, and I've enjoyed the time off, but I'm going to be kicking myself in a couple weeks over it.

I'm really glad January is over. I'm not saying it was the worst month ever, but it was certainly the longest. I've come out of it growing a great deal, learning a ton of stuff the hard way, and I've got a pretty firm grasp on what I want from here on. I feel good, but I know that I'm still not that far away from everything, and that if I don't maintain my focus, I could easily get pulled down by everything again.

Random appropriate music interspliced with journal entry:

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

What it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

- Alanis Morrissette, "Hand In My Pocket"

I'm doing my darnest to have as few qualms about who I am as a person. "Take me or leave me as you please" is my new philosophy. There are still shortcomings about myself that I would like to reconcile with, but I want to work on said things for myself, to allow me to be more comfortable with myself. I will no longer allow a quest to fix every character flaw to swallow me; it's stupid, and unnecessary, and it would take any a lot of things that make me... me. (Holy pronouns Batman!) The only way that I'm truly going to be content with who I am as a person is to accept the whole of my personality, to intergrate, not seperate, what I've considered to be my "good side" and my "bad side."

Super Bowl time.

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:: 2004 30 January :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: SOAD - Bounce

yeah, i know, i'm getting kind of sick of them too...
-::- name a song for each emotion -::-
Sad:Counting Crows - Colorblind
Happy:ELO - Mr. Blue Sky
Angry:Disturbed - (Anything...)
Hurt:Nine Inch Nails - Hurt
silly:Karl Zero - Ca Va Ca Va
Highper [ insider on the spelling people ]:System of a Down - Bounce
loved:Ben Folds - The Luckiest
dirty:Garbage - Push It
-::- Name a song that relates -::-
Makes you want to dance:T.A.T.U. - Not Gonna Get Us
Gives you chills:Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back To Me Now
Makes you think:Enigma - Return To Innocence
Makes you miss someone special:Nine Days - I Love You
Makes you think about your future:Foo Fighters - Times Like These
About your past?:Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
Your life?:The Verve Pipe - Colorful
love:Foo Fighters - Walking After You
hate:19 Wheels - Really Stupid Girl
- ::- Top five Bands/singers -::-
first:Foo Fighters
second:Coldplay
third:Fiona Apple
fourth:Badly Drawn Boy
fifth:Incubus
-::- Top five songs -::-
First:U2 - One
second:Elton John - Tiny Dancer
third:Oasis - Champagne Supernova
fourth:Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
fifth:Coldplay - Clocks
-::- What do you think of these artists -::-
Good Charlotte:crappity crap crap
Brittney Spears:get used to her, she'll be around for a bit
Chingy:who?
Blink 182:I've grown out of them, but I still enjoy some of it
Pearl Jam:past their prime, but still a great band
Mest:W
Xtina:H
Yellowcard:O?
Justin Timberlake:::laughs::
Cauterize:damnit Jim, I'm not a doctor!
Simple Plan:good question
The Ataris:I don't like that Don Henley cover, but that's I know of them
P.O.D:crap v2.0
AFI:i've heard of them...
Limp bizkit:I have nothing to say here that hasn't already been said...
ACDC:you've been THUNDERSTRUCK! ::thinks of Fras and Tony, laughs::
Linkin Park:bad bad bad
Three Days Grace:clueless again
-::- What do you think of this music -::-
orchestra:good stuff
blues:eh, i'll pass
alternative:woohoo!
jazz:indifferent
opera:no thanks
christian:hehe
country:i like the Dixie Chicks...
hip hop:nah
emo:it's goooood
ska:Mighty Mighty Bosstones... yeah
rap:some i like
rock:rocks
punk:eh
Pop:overdone

Music Survey brought to you by BZOINK!

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