I'm not gonna let you break me

:: 2003 16 November :: 11.06pm

Ahh ppl r so fuckin stupid..they say one thing..and do another..dats fuckin stupid! And not to mention all da shit they talk bout EVERYONE includin da ppl they say r thier friends..wateva dats fuckin stupid if youve got somethign to say to someone..DEN FUCKIN SAY IT..

wateva fuck everything..fuck you..fuck skool..fuck life! Dats all i gotta say..

Fuck ALL of yew!!

:: 2003 16 November :: 1.56pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Omfg dude..i was sittin there, and i was lookin at da diff moods there, and like i asked my mom, wat contemplative meant and she said like *someones thinkin about something* and i was like okaythanks..and den she said *like someone is contemplating suicide..like i am* under her breath like i couldnt hear her!!

Wtf..am i surposed to take care of her too? I cant even take care of my damn self..let alone take care of friggin my MOTHER!!

I really dont know wat to do anymore..

1 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 16 November :: 11.28am

PINK!

Pink: You see the world in bright pink. The world is a happy, happy place! You love all people and things!! Life is great! You're just like a happy child. Spread the cheer.

3 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 15 November :: 6.15pm

I just called jills house, her mom picked up, or who i think was her mom. She said like one thing to me, and i wanted to cry.
me: is jill there
her: no shes at work

that's all it took, just hearing her voice made me go crazy... i wanted to yell at her for ruining jill's life, i wanted to scream at her and tell her how much i hate her and wut ahorrible person she is. I wanted to tell her i hope she fucking dies for everything she has done to jill..

but all i could say was okay, bye

:: 2003 15 November :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: crappy

Did you notice i was afraid?..
Its saturday again. Everything is going by so fast.

I havn't talked to Jill since i blew up in her face. I called her today and yesterday..she called me twice last night but i was in the moviez and couldnt pick it up..

The movies was really fun... me and jay got divorced ='[ ..hes married to gina now
But anyway, a wholllle bunncha ppl went to the moviez it was really fun..Kevin won me a really kute bear :o) ..n i got a purple elephant too =]

Today i might go to sarah's brother's bday party wit kevin n but i really dont feel good...

i miss jay!
i miss jill !!

sometimes you forgive people for the
simple fact that you want them in your life..

1 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 14 November :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: crazy

Britt im at home..so call t nite if you'd like =( latah..

Urgh t day was crappy..i ended up going to skool..it was..SHITTY!! I fuckin hate skool and everyone there..*cept some special few* n one of those few, we got into this arguement t day..urgh it was crazy =(

Ya know i jus dont know wat its worth living fo anymore..wat da hell do i have to live fo..? NOTHING! Im losing everything and everyone..*including my damn mind* Im losing grip..on things i once loved..on things i once cherished..

Oh gosh and not to mention my mom..she hasnt left her room fo like a week now..shes drivin my insane! All she does is take drugs..smoke..n starve herself to death every single day..so i have to take care of myself and wilson..im not da fuckin mom..this is fuckin crazy!!

I jus dont know wat to do anymore.. =(

3 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 14 November :: 6.36am
:: Mood: ugly.. =(

Lordy lord i dont think dat ive ever cried dat much in my entire friggin life.. ='(

Ive decided not to go to skool t day..*dont wanna deal wif thier shit* and im not goign to work t day *ditto* but im not gonna stay home..*cant stand seeing my mom in da state that she is rite now* Soo see i dont have anywhere to fuckin go anymore.. =(

Last nite, after everyone had gone to sleep..i ly still more awake then ever..*thinkin* I walk into the kitchen, grab the biggest knife outta the drawer..and hold it up towards my neck..i scrap ever so slightly against my neck..jus to see..and den im tempted to press harder and harder and harder until i fall to the floor and sit in a puddle of my own blood until its all gone and im dead..but i dont instead i take the knife bak into my room, and hide it in a drawer..until next time..until t nite..

2 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 13 November :: 11.35pm

Too bad soo sad.. =(

Lifes a bitch and den you die..so lets jus get it over wif now! ='(

:: 2003 13 November :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: aggravated

He didnt even get a chance at life..
Okay dis entry was influenced by britts entry so thanks britt..neways..

Dude i member when i was going out wif Travis in 6th grade and Justin and him were like best friends, and i met Justin fo da first time..He was kinda crazy, but really really funny. We became like really good friends..but as time went on after me n Travis broke up..our friendship begin to build a rift..and after a while dat rift was too big too mend, so we jus kinda grew apart fo a while..da next time we started talkin again was in 8th grade cuz he was like in all of my classes and we would sit by eachother alot..and we always got in trouble hehe..well not me but him *smiles sheepishly* But after a while during like da second quarter he began to drop hints dat he liked me..so i flirted of korse..and we got alot closer..he was never someone dat i would go out wif..he jus wasnt my type as i sometimes put it..but he was really awesome and i loved da kid..he asked me out many times but i jus used da lame ass excuse dat i jus wanted to be friends and didnt wanna ruin da friendship..and den summer came..we spent alotta fun times in conrads class..gettin in trouble EVERY CLASS! But summer came and we didnt talk at all..and den next thing i know..HES GONE, HES DEAD! And soon to find out, *by travis* is dat he liked me ever since 6th grade when we were going out..he liked me alot..and i was jus sucha bitch and didnt even give him a friggin chance..life didnt give him much of a friggin chance either!! And its not friggin fair!!

There i said it..fo da first time..i said it..i got it out..there is everyone happy..

now did dat make me feel any better to jus open up and say all dat shit..

NO IT DIDNT! so wtf was da point..i unno latah!

4 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 13 November :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: melancholy

Urgh t day=shitty! =(

My mom these days jus sits in her room, crying and feeling srry fo her damn self! Does she understand dat she has kids out here dat SHE needs to take CARE of..im sick and tired of takin care of myself and doing everything fo myself *dat sounds selfish* but i seriously mite as well fuckin live on my own cuz i do everything fo myself, she dont do shit fo me..and never has..and its not really dat bad dat shes doing dis to me..cuz shes hates me n all but like shes doing it to wilson too! I get her up in da morning i get her around i get her on da bus *sometimes breakfast if time* I do her laundry, i clean up her messes *i clean da house* i makes sure dat shes doing her homework, and dat shes gettin good grades..and if shes got a problem at skool, i make sure dat she fixes it! Like when she was failing her class wif *mrs blume* i was da one dat went after skool wif her and talked wif da teacher bout wat was going on and why she was failing..NOT MY MOM! No korse not..if she needs a ride from skool, if shes going out on da weekend or something..i usually have one of my friends and i friggin pick her up, or i get her around to leave wif her dad fo da weekend..or wateva i seriously do everything fo dat spoiled lil brat..*yah shes only 11* but she needs to grow up a lil more and take more responsibility fo her damn self cuz i can take care of her and myself its crazy i really souldnt have to do it anyway..its not like im her friggin mother! Im jus a kid..i cant deal wif dis shit..and have a job, and deal wif skool, and all da shit afterskool, and keepin a social life, i mean wtf? I cant be a mother! to me and wilson! Dats fuckin wrong and crazy! ANd i hate it! I jus wanna be a kid fo once! I miss being a kid.. =(

I dont know anymore dis shit round here is gettin way too fuckin crazy..i dont nkow wat to do im soo friggin stressed out!

Geesh everyone thinks my life is soo easy..n GOOD..yah i wish it were..i wish dat i could go home fo one day and not have to wrry bout anything but *who im gonna call, wat homework i have, and wat time my fav tv show was playin t nite* Like a REGULAR kid..i unno anymore..

Hey do u like my new journal theme thingy? I do!! Fits mucho better fo someone like me.. =(

Love..me..korse.. =(

:: 2003 13 November :: 6.47pm

HASH(0x87dcaec)
borderline

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

DA LAST LINE..IS SO FUCKIN RITE IT AINT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!! =(

:: 2003 13 November :: 6.11pm

HASH(0x878e030)
Protector

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

Geesh this one is SOOO me again.. =( *sigh*

:: 2003 13 November :: 5.33pm

You see the world in Gray
Gray:
You poor, depressed child. A rain cloud seems to
follow you everywhere. The worst has always got
to happen doesn't it? Life is miserable.
Made by
Sara

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lovely aint it? Jus as everyone views me eh *britt*?