Behindmymask
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2004 19 May :: 9.69am
I am running for Student councel president...
And i heard that our most popular girl in school... Robyn (O) was worried because we both are runnin' 4 the same posistion!
Thats funny because im me and SHES ROBYN O! I think shes nice and shes doesnt fit the discription of the people APA is toward!!!!!!!!!
*Smooches*
Ande
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Behindmymask
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2004 19 May :: 9.51am
Yes I’m so excited! I paid!
I guess this is kind of bad but… I like my friends bf! I wont try to steal him from her because I don’t think he likes me!:(! I was told that they aren’t gunna be a couple 4 long but I wish them the best ne-wayz! I love this one guy but I cant tell you so don’t ask!;) I g2g4n *Smooches*
Ande
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behindmysmile
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2004 18 May :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: hopeful
May 18th
I am receptive to the idea that...I always have a choice
about how I respond to experiences in my life.
If you have ever thought of yourself as a victim, you will have difficultly trusting yourself, god or anyone else. As long as you are a victim you will have someone to blame, someone to hold accountable for what went on and what is going on in your life. Sure, something unpleasant happened! That was then, this is now. There is no need for you to remain a victim. As long as you are a victim you can take no share of the responsiblity for who you are, what you do or how you feel. You see, victims do not respond in choice, they react in fear. As long as you are in fear, you cannot trust.
As long as you are a victim, you cannot see the lesson. In fact, you may not want to see the lesson. You want an explaination! You want the whys answered, but no matter what anyone says, you will not believe it because you don't trust anyone. As a victim you cannot admit that you have grown and are growing in response to your experience. Rather than choosing to see and celebrate your growth, you choose hurt, anger, fear, indignation and self righteousness. In fact, the taste of anger is probably rising in your throat right now because you don't trust that anyone knows how horrible it was for you. Nor do you trust that anyone other than you understands how that horror is still very active in your life. They do. They also realize that the reason you cannot let go of being a victim is because to do so means deciding for yourself what else you can be. And victims do not trust that they can do that.
Until today, you may have been singing a victim song so loud that you did not realize that there is a redemption song. Just for today, trust yourself enough to sing your own praises about how far you have come, how much you have done, how much more you are willing to do, in spite of all you have experienced.
Today, I am devoted to trusting myself to break the chains
and shackles that have made me a victim!
I love mah babii Ali jean!! Your my best friend i luv you!!
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behindmysmile
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2004 18 May :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: silly
Hey everyone..theres this book that, the social worker, sherry gave me today because it was our last day today talking, and its like a book where you read one entry every day. And it has the date on it and everything, so im going to write every day in here. Just so you all can read it lol. =)
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thoughtskill
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2004 16 May :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: nuFfin
Everything is 0kay, n0w that y0ur here
Heyy..
0kay s0o
wuz muh first day on crutchez..l0l funn.. fell al0t..went tannin after skewl w/ kaela..
went 2 skewl..came h0me..picked up kaela n markus n went to nickz h0use.. g0t there n the guyz played basketball n me,kaela,kayla,n mia talked n tryed to spray paint my cruchtes l0l..then Nickz m0m t0ok Me - Mark - Markus - Kaela - Kayla - Nick - n Mia 2 Baiileyz s0ftball gamme .. the guyz playyed baskterball again n i was h0pin round cuz every`1 but me had muh crutchez..l0ol..mia n kayla gave me a tat0o! .. then thez guyz threw basket ballz @ me n mia s0o markus n mark went n kiked their buttz l0l =] then we me n muh babii went n playyed in the sand * nick didnt feel g0od =[ .. then i hung 0ut w/ kayla [ b0yd ] n mia fer a while.. kan i tellll u sumthin l0l ::licks ear:: .. l0l .. me n muh mia bear bitch g0t sum guyz f0ne numberz! l0l w0op w0op x0x * n than Nickz daddy dr0ve me n kaela h0me -
me n kaela went tannin.. that was pretty much it muh m0m made me c0me h0me n stuDy fer math cuhz i have a D in algebra =[
me n kaela g0t readii fer the m0viez, piked up jamie n lindsey..went .. met up w/ nick.. saw the lazt half 0f new y0rk minute.. than the firzt half l0l.. saw r0o mary n stevie =]i waz playin w/ kaelas hair n drawin 0n her bak n she fell asleep 0n me =] l0l l0ve y0u babii * <3 ..then she spent the nite n we watched nine livez but fell asleep..
Me n kaela sat round the h0use all day ..drunk pina c0l0daz..n ate ice cream.. then went to the bl0ck party brittanys n nickz party-fair.. l0l .. d0nt azk.. n we met up w/ muh f0xy felicia..cassandra..lizzie..michael..sami..ethan n sum 0ther ppl .. g0t m0re kiddz #z..went 2 wendyz - playyed lazer tag - n w0n fire ballz.. l0l.. g0od timez.. i w0n 5 d0larrz =] cuhz me n nick made a bet t0 C wh0 c0uld n0t whine the l0ngest n i w0n but then i ended up given him the m0ney cuhz hiz p0or lil aSs waz thirsty =P "im c0ld, im tired, i wanna sit d0wn, my back hurtz"..l0l jk mwa !then went h0me r0und 11
went t0 sunsplash early.. g0t there n it started p0urin rain.. left n it g0t sunny .. l0l.. kame h0me watched texas chain saw masacre, where the heart is, and american wedding.. then kaela went h0me r0und 11 @ nite...
thaz b0ut it...
I MISS U C0URT!
NiCh0LaS a BoyD -- i l0ve y0u s0 much Babii * y0u have n0 idea -- i w0uldnt chanGe anythin b0ut y0u .. y0u r s0 perfect fer Me.. i l0ve y0u m0re Than AnyThin ElSe.. MWAAA!
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behindmysmile
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2004 15 May :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Amazed --lonestar
Please do this!! =)
Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post more than once, if you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what your friends have to say.
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behindmysmile
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2004 13 May :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Yellow card--ocean avenue
I'd run right into your arms, if i could..
Well omg, today was an interesting interesting day!! gues wat everyone Nicole had her baby!! Omg im soo excited..we are gonna go see her tommarow.
Name April
Born May 13th
7 pounds 8 oz.
21 Inches long
YaYaY!! Im soo excited. And guess wat else, Miss Conrad/Mrs Beer is having a BOY!! Awwe thats soo exciting, she emailed me today and told me what it was.
So all of that is exciting, plus Will asked me out again today. But i said no again, i said that me and this guy are talking. And me and this guy are really talking, I really like this guy alot But theres ntohing going to happen between us, but who could blame him.
But i think that im going to get going. becky and herboyfriend are like about to break up or something and i know that she really needs me right now so im gonig to get off and call her. I luv you all tons.
Only like 18 DaYz until Britt gets here
hehe love always, Jillian!! =)
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behindmysmile
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2004 11 May :: 7.17am
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: Yeah --usher n lil jon n luda
Sometimes i wonder what could have been..
Wow, yesterday seriously turned totally around on me. It started an okay day and turned out to be horrible Im havin way too many of those kind of days lately. I dont know wat to do anymore. I feel so drained mentally and physically
And ya know what, there goes my credit that i was actually going to get or lit comp B bcuz my computer took a shit on me and its not printing right. And if you dont do this project, then you fail Now thats what 8 credits i have to make up. And ill be a stupid freshmen next year too. =(
Well im gonna go i hate skool but i must go. Well bye everyone. ='(
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thoughtskill
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2004 10 May :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: NaGgin`*
Ill neva f0rget the l0ok in yer eyez *
i havnt wr0te in here in a while..
s0 thursday courtney called me and told me she was moving, and friday was her last day. words cant describe how much i am gonna miss her, she is my best friend and she was my first friend when i moved here, seriously .. i dont know how im gonna make it without her.. i love you courtney ! .. anyway s0 yea friday i gave c0urt this necklace n bracelet 4 a g0in away prez..n she gave me this heart necklace that is silver n blu..n than at 2 was the talent sh0w s0 i sat by c0urt n we wre m0stly jus cryin thr0ugh it.. n than there waz lyk a gr0up 0f lyk 40 ppl surR0undin her cryin n huggin her.. it was really sad =/ .. than i jus tried to keep my mind of it and have a ok weekend.. went with kaela to get her dress fitted and than we went to the movies n met our boitoiz .. saw mean gurlz for the 3rd time .. thn went to man on fire.. left round 11.. came homee slept.. than lindsey came n pickd me up at lyk 1 saturday n we went to jeremys party..that waz really fun . . than i went bak 2 linds h0use n we g0t ready 4 teen night.. wanted 2 d0 s0mthin w/ nick but he waz tired..s0 we piked up steven n went.. had s0o much funn there.. hung 0ut w/ linds steven carissa dezi marissa randy jeremy .. that was aws0me.. then went h0me..sunday waznt s0o g0od =/ ugh.. i hurt my knee really badd and in lyk 10 minutes im g0in n gettin crutchez.. l0l..
<33 i l0ove NiCh0lAs! <33
4 c0urty...
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart,
For times when my life seems so low.
It would make me believe what tomorrow can bring,
When today doesn't really know.
I want you to come back and carry me home,
Away from these longlonely nights.
I'm reaching for you
And what would you say if I called on you now?
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy wayit gets harder each day.
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behindmysmile
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2004 6 May :: 11.51am
:: Mood: flirty
Haha im sittin here in renteria's class when im surposed to be in gym cuz i didnt feel like running track today so i skipped. Neways
Omg everyone britt is coming here in only 24 DaYz I cant wait. Britt I luv you u more than anything. You’re the best friend that anyone could ever have. besterest buddies forever
Gosh we soo better get together this summer, and A LOT or else im soo going to be like major pissed. Dude im like coming to see you as soon as you get here. I miss you!!
Neways gotta get going to lunch soon so latah everyone..luv you all byes!!
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behindmysmile
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2004 5 May :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: impressed
Life without you, isnt..
Awwe man i aint wrote in here in like forever. Right now is my lunch period but since we have early starts the lunch is messed up and the only person thats really on my lunch today is cassie, and yeah im really not surposed to talk to her i guess. =/ I dont know so here i am talking away.
Neways omg i miss all of my friends soo flipping much. Brittany and Ali jean and Chelsie, and Jay, and Megs, and like all of you. I miss you all way too much and im seriously soo sad without you all i luv you! =(
But neways, nothing much really gonig on around here..well lots of stuff is but nothing that i really have time to write about in here. But i dont know maybe ill update this 2marro. Im not sure ive been really busy with this website that im making and everything. =/ Ohh yeah in bowens class we have to make vignettes which are storys about our lives, and yeah 1. is about the campground..and another is about brittany *its about someone who ahs influenced our life.* yeah its going great im happy.
But yeah i met this guy, the only prob is hes black. But hes soo sweet and awesome. I dont know im hopin to see him this fri. wilson is going to chicago this fri. Excited for her. Newyas im gonna get going to lunch. Luv you all soo much latahs.
<33 meeehhh!!
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thoughtskill
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2004 2 May :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: SugAh SugAh
all my lyf ive prayed fer s0me0ne lyk y0u
Sarah came h0me with me, cuz we were soposed to go to the yankeez champi0nshipp but it was rainin s0o it waz canceled - then the p0wer went 0ut - s0 me n sarah made a f0rt in my bathr0om l0l - it waz s0o funn - than we went 2 muh babii kaelaz . . they burRied me in pill0wz n than jumped on me =] l0l - than we went bak h0me . . did 0ur h0mew0rk n slept in 0ur f0rt =]
Sch0ol waz 0kay - - sarrah came h0me with me - than kaela came 0ver n we all g0t readdyy f0r the m0viezz .. saw s0o0 many ppl there.. wen i first g0t there me n felicia did our RAIN DANCE !! to make the rain g0 away but i think we made iit c0me m0re l0l .. i l0ve y0u fefe!! Than Me kaela nick n markus went int0 MeAn GuRlZ but there were n0o0 seatz - but we kicked s0me kiddz 0ut s0o we g0t some nexxt 2 chris n sarah =] i waz s0o0o0o hyper nick waz makin funn of me the wh0le m0vie l0l n i talked thr0ugh the wh0le thiing . . l0l d0 y0u neEd s0me0ne t0 butter y0ur muffin?!;] lma0 - than stevie neEded a seat s0o me n nick m0ved 0ver 0ne neXt t0 thez 11 year 0ldz n nick said 0mg im lyk 0n thiz kiddz lap n im lyk d0nt w0rry he lyks it n i asked him if he w0uld have m0nkey sexx w/ nick n he said n0 n i asked if he w0uld have monnkeyy sexx w/ me n he said hell yea but u g0tta boyfriend and i sed n0o0 thiz iz muh br0ther !! n he lyk freaked 0ut n t0ld all his lil 11 1/2 year 0ld friendz that we were br0ther n sister n they were all p0intin at us -- l0l -- than after the m0viez it waz rainin really hard -- thunder g0 b0om lightning g0 flash l0l nick =] .. we were all dancin in the rain n vinny went streakin n put his ass printz 0n the Kmart wind0w - l0l than me kaela n sarah hadda run ar0und chasin her m0m l0l n we were lyk swimmin in the parkinl0t .. than we went 2 jamiez fer her partey .. sarah,stevie,mary,jamies cuzin, jamiez neighboor, and lindsey were there..watched freddie g0t fingered .. prank kalled ppl .. talked n than fell asleep
n than went t0 sleep ..
left jamiez round 11:3o - tanNed the rest 0f the dayy till lyk 5 n than Kaela came 0ver n we g0t readii fer Nickz .. i t0ld him ide be there @ 63o s0o i called him at lyk 6:15 t0 tell him i waz leavin n ask if markus waz there n hiz dadd sed he went 0n j0shz b0at n w0uldnt be h0me till 7 - 7:3o .. s0 i waz kinda madd cuz my m0m waz leavin n c0uld 0nly take uz n0w -- s0 we went t0 the m0viez -- saw kaelas krazy friendz wh0 gave us nelly stikerz .. l0l .. theyy all th0ugh i waz pregnet - we saw mean gurlz again l0l .. sat in the xact same seatz cuz were d0rkz - than left cuhz nick kept callin than nickz dad picked us up fr0m the m0viez n we went bak there w/ markus.. than nickz m0mmy wanted us t0 g0 t0 their neighb0orz n his dad sed it waz cuz she wanted t0 sh0w me 0ff -- l0l aww =] n nick dr0ve us there -- than nickz dad dr0ve uz bak n we made markus n nick walk l0l .. than me kaela n nick had a water fight in the h0use -- g0t water everywhere - than we were really c0ld s0 we went n laid in hiz cozy bed .. then nickz m0m came h0me n waz reallie drunk n really mad cuz the 4 0f uz were in his bed with the lights 0ff n 0ur clothz were 0n the fl0or [ cuz we took em off cuz they were wet n put on nickz clothz ] l0l - than i f0und ch0clate in nickz cl0set n me n markus n nick were all eatin it n than he relized i waz fr0m 2 x-mas'z ag0 l0l-- than we g0t h0me r0und midnight .. n i went t0 sleep
t0day me n kaela r g0in sh0ppin fer 0ur dreSsez =] I KAN G0 TO THE 8TH GRADE DANCE NOWW!!
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thoughtskill
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2004 29 April :: 8.42am
Im g0nna make y0u l0ve me babbii
Heyy ..
s0o yessterday me n sarah went sh0pping round 5iish .. t0 get 0ur dresses, twin 0utfitz, n jamie'z prezent . . all we g0t waz 0ur twin 0utfitz which R prettie dam kute !n me n sarah had fun runnin round lol =] "d0 y0u have AT&T" BAMMM!! lma0 * g0od timez.. . .Mark & Daniela were there and Josh & Nick.. n0ne 0f us knew l0l.. s0o i hung 0ut w/ muh baybee f0r a lil bit "i think i smell j0sh !! " lma0 l0ve y0u babe!!. . than we saw krista & alison!! i havnt seen them in s0o l0ng !! =D Krista is s0o sweEt !! i <3 her !
n0thin iz g0in rite anym0re =/
im always there f0r y0u
. . but y0u have never ever beEn there f0r me .
im starting to relise wh0 aRe reallyy my friendz . . `nd wh0 never were:-\
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behindmysmile
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2004 28 April :: 11.50am
I think im in luv wif you..
Nothing really going on today, I ended up not going to brandys yesterday which was a really good thing. Omg do you guys remember me talking about my sister? And then Nicole? Well yeah they got caught breaking and entering to my aunts house. And now their going to jail..the only reason they didn’t yesterday was because they were cut and bleeding all over.
Yeah it was kind of a crazy night last nite. And ya know what the funny thing is, im more worried about Nicole than I am my own sister. But Nicole is like a sister to me..ive known her forever. And im pretty sure this is her 3rd felony. Omg im nervous.
Dude I tried calling you again yesterday Brittany but of korse u don’t answer as always. But oh wells..im sorry sweetheart u know that I luv you more than anything in this whole world. And I miss you tons!! =/
Well ima go for now..we’ve got an early release and its almost time to LEAVE SOON!! W0ot w0ot im soo happy. I think im gonna go over to brandys or something. Luv you all lots. Latah everyone.
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