Ugh lol
Note to self: Never talk again! LMSTBSAO!

New look

I cant take the fact that I cant look for respect from people in this house...

If i leave my notebook out I dont expect you to fucking read it. Do you have the brains to stop and think "well maybe she doesnt want it read and that it was left out by accident"

Fuckin ass hole. To sit there and criticise me when your going on 18 and you have like 3 friends. Leave me alone.

Mirror Image

I sit here, looking at myself in the mirror and I cant except whats staring back at me. I see a girl afraid to be herself. Afraid to be anything in fear of rejection. In fear of being alone. Fear of misconception and being misunderstood. All out of fear. Given herself 14 years to figure out who she is. if its taken this long to figure out some sense, any thing that would make sense to her life, then how long will it take to find the answer? The world is too big for her to conquor. She hides behind her own shadows just to protect herself from pain but always ends up getting hurt anyways. She finds herself wishing for something else but what isnt quite sure what she wants. She does know that she is dethly concerned with her image to the point where she'd do anything to improve it. Theres always a constant reminder that shes not good enough for the outside world. She sees life as a pathetic human food chain thats only based on impressing other people to even get anywhre in life. Its true. Like a flower, she'll never be pretty enough, she will never last forever, her petals will never be silky enough, and she ends up dieing and getting thrown away or left out on a hard surface to wilt. So maybe i'm just afraid of myself. Afriad of how to feel. But I am the girl in the mirror. Atleast i'm not afraid to admit that.

Sleeping awake litteally..


I cant sleep. I dont know why.

I stay up late and dont wake up until 1:30 pm. Thats unlike me...eh..

Maybe its just a new sleeping pattern..

I better go before my dad wakes up and catches me up and on the internet this late.

Ah ha..
I'm offically Passwording my journal.

I've figured out what I'm afraid of..

Being alone...

Thats why I'm so persistant on trying to fix things... I dont even want to think about being alone...I'm in denyal......ugh.

If you pick at a problem it wont heal...

Sup, Just droppin out of a uterus...lol

Yo

I'm just chilling at home. The parents are gone for the evening. Thank god. Who knows when they will get back. I hope they get drunk and get lost. Then I could have the house to myself with my sister. She doesnt bug me that much and if she did i'd just lock her in the basement lol. Naw.. hmm..lol

COUSINS ARE GONEE! Thank goodness!! They are great.(suree they are amy) but they got so annoying. Thats enough of that dont even get me started. I only see them like once a year or whatever.

Ever wish you could play the bongos. That would be so damn sweet. "Hey amy do you play any instruments?" "Yeah...I play the.... BOONGGGOOOSS" then i'd all like move my hands like i'm playing the bongos and I'd make noises and stuff then people would think i'm weird lol. Thats ok!!!!...wanna know why that would be ok...because I could play the BONNNNGOOOSS lol.

I need to download some new music. I was downloading some hacker programs too.. I shall try to figure that out. No one will be able to trust me..I'll be hackin into your email accounts bizotches! LOL

I am such a computer nerrrrd.

I'm out.

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend Cut ties with all the lies that you've been livin in and if you do not want to see me again i would understand..


I have a good feeling that 9th grade is going to be good. Its going to be very good. Not to mention back to school shopping. I'm egar...for some reason.. to see people. To hang out with jesse and kyle. And to make fun of allen for being shy. I'll get to know emily all over again...I love that girl. I'll just see people who I havent seen in like 3 years. And not to mention to meet new people. Its going to be a big new world of oppertunities. I just hope i pick the right ones.

Trapt-Still Frame. Good song. Thank you arie.

I was talking to chanz the other day and she was talking about how she felt that she was frozen and that the world was passing her by like she was cought in a "still frame". I stoped and thought about it and shes right...I mean...my life has litterally passed before my eyes. I remember being in kindergarten...just reading books and coloring all day..all the sudden I'm getting closer and closer to being on my own. Isnt that what I wished for? In a sense, my wish has came true..but...I wish it hadnt. I'd give anything to not have a single care in the world again. I just wish I just could have everything handed to me easily. With no rules..nothing holding me back. Life would be so much easier.

I take that back. If life was easy there would be nothing to it. If its difficult that you can feed off of struggles...it gives you a sense of empowerment. It feels good.

I want to learn how to play the guitar. Some one teach me.

Hmm.
i was going to write about something but i forgot. I always loose the good ideas.

Kayla invited me over to her house for tonight to hang out with a bunch of people. :-D I love Kayla.


LoSTCHeRRieS: i'm bored...on the phone with zach but not really talking to him that much....i'm like this conversation is endulging
bAbyHaNds101388: lol
bAbyHaNds101388: tell him that amy says that I'm going to kick his ass

lol thats great.

I long for thundershowers. I want to hear the lightning and the rain hitting the willow tree in the neighbors yard. I want to hear its branches creaking. Its like a lulabye at night. Its ...its...weird...it make you feel good...I cant describe it.

I had the best dream lastnight...I woke up and felt all warm inside. It was about him...they are always about him. :-/
Maybe I will have him someday.

I have to pee lol
yeah the family cookout was fun lol..We played an intense game of badmitten and I kicked some ass. lol

Last night i was up till like 2 playing videogame tennis and I was kicking ass once again...what does this tell you?

That I can Kick Ass..?
Yeah thats right

You better watch yourself Zach O'Connor...I kick...You ASS! lol

All ends well?
1000 hits WOO!

Eh. Dont know what to do about this one. I thought middle school would be over with.

I think I shall make an effort to hang out more often instead of sleeping. But sleeppingg is sooo good. -drools- lol

I havent wrote anything in a long time.. I think I'll work on that tonight. If at all possible.......hm.

Theses pieces will come together soon.. I have to promise myself that. I wont feel like something is missing....

I have a feeling that this promise will be one i cant keep...:-/

i'm out

grr.
i hate my mom she makes me feel like i'm unworthy.

Psh.
UGH! ...JUST UGH.....

Fuck it.