shkae it off part 2
ok today

i woke up, got dressed TE BREAKFAST, AND OTO CAME PICKED ME UP. (sry for the caps) anyways i went to first hour and fell asleep
went to second hour and faled the test, went to thirsd hour to work out my soon-to-be sexy body. went to 4th hour and made a fool oif my self, 5th hour i dont remember, and 6th hour me and alex lit shyt on fire, 7th hour i learned how to count. took the bus home and slept when i got home, then alex came by and we practice for n'sync lisync contest that this thursday so anyone who asked to come better come cuz i'm doing this 4 u guys! i'm gunna go now cuz i'm awake but tired, umm see how interesting my jounral is when i dont talk about her, ha! w/e leave a nice comment or die
peac-E

shake it off
i just got doing my french hmwk with my mom woohu,
before that i was at work 4 and 1/2 hours
before that i was at home worting music
before that i was on the bus going home
before that i was getting on the bus with regret
before that i was talking to her
before that my heart started beating fast again
before that i thought of her and wondereed why she wasnt if first hour
and before that i realized that i'm not strong enuff to change...."what' the fuck 'ever"
this is me
i guess i can try and try but this feeling ohhh i abhor, maybe i can just live a life of debauchery b/c that one regret, this is making agressive ahhh

WAIT ok lets try this...everytime i see her i'll just think about where i'll be in 5 years instead of thinking about all the stuff we did, hmmm this is working already...i got some ideas in my head this is cool. i'm gunna go cuz it time to fuking sleep for real sorry for being fatuous all this time, maybe my next hournal topic wont be about this extrenuous, useless, overrated thing called love

-Peac-E

today
just another day...

well another day of O.R. had passed, i only got one more day and i'm back to my perfect life...i wonder...how it feels like to have some one in your control, like a puppet...yet she doesnt know, or does she

see i'll keep complaining about the same thing forever....but if i didnt have this to complain about, what would i talk about?
heh not much i guess...this kills me, but w/e doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.

its not just her tho, its everybody. everybodt had a sotry to tell and there onyl so much you can take in beofre you just stop caring...that why i think i'm not a good friend, ugh wat a day....

i dont have a problem with anyone, anything, i dont have a problem with the world...i'm seen very differeently then i think i am..."they" have a probelm with me, yes "they"...the world, it doenst matter how many songs i write or lyrics i scream to get it out...it doesnt matter at all, cuz in "order" to get over this, u just need to let go completly...i dont think i'll ever be able to do that, and thats my problem-some of us try and trat and try and make it....but people like me try and try and try and try once more but fail, fail at what you ask? i dont know...everything...but that everything is actually ntuhing now because i've wasted it on one thing...my invision of "love" it not one person...its every person i've "loved"....but i dont feel better now that i got this out, i feel worse cuz i'm left with this thought in my head until something else can overcome. and i'm sad that this is what i have to worry about....while other kid are out having fun and worrying about toher teenage things like a ride to a party or getting her phone number....i'm stuck here worrying about merely surviving.....surviving my remaining teenage years...surviving my ambitions, expectations, love.

this is all just way too extranuous.
(sigh)

...just another day...

ugh
today was not a good day

woke up...tired as usual. many hmwk assignments due but none of them done.
went to first hour, heh we dont even say hi anymore, wats the point. i went to the office to change my scehdule to get out of mr tillman class, ...i have like 4 tests tomorrow...after school i went to work....hard work...made 6.25 in tips...i'm only $430 dollors away form my half stack.... pay day is friday....now i'm here talking to thiago about his dad who has stomach cancer...wow...i rememeber how bad this hurts. this christmas it will be 4 years...

i wanna die

but tomorrow is another day.

i g2g later

the fuck up
ok i'm at school right now, and i feeel really pissed off. school just ended, i'm waiting for my mom to come to the student pick up around 5:30 and thats a long way away. looks like i'm stuck here for another 2 hours and 30 minutess..pleanty of time to do my hmwk though.

ok now on to the real reason i'm writing in my journal after school is done.

at first i just got really fuken angry and now its a mix of determination as well. its probably not as obvious but i am the jealous type, all i need isd a spark and i get going. its not fault tho i dont understand. some times its yes like earlier this morning when she was waiting for me out side the 1st hour room and some times it s hell no when she just goes off completly disregarding everything i say to her it soo fuck up....ughh...but now on to the determination part. i know now that i cant be want i want her to see me as, i'm nto gunna act like a thug just cuz thats the kinda boys she likes. and i dont know what she does over the weekends now cuz we dont hang out anymore...thats my jealousy taking over me....maybe it was me maybe i was to afrid to say what guys are suppose to say when they get this close to someone...myabe i skipped oput on the " do you wanna go out" and now i'm way overdue and she doesnt wanna hear it, or maybe she does and i can't see it..... or maybe i'm fessing over sumthing that is absolutly nuthing at alllll. heh this is me right now. this is my life as it is right now. this is me pressing the period button in frustration. stuck.forever.

well well well
Today was my first day of work...it was pretty cool, made 12 bucks tonire in tips, and got to hang out with my good friend ricky....this means i will probabaly to buy a new guitar hooray!, ok but today i didnt do any hmwk and i didnt study for my french test so i'm fuked schlasticly, but w/e
there is this new gurl that works, her name is anna hmm an ice cream anna how ironic, ohh and she is hot. but i dont think i have much more left to say so i guess i'll see you later....bye