idont wanna feel this small

:: 2004 27 April :: 6.37pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: T.V.

ii thiink ii neEd y0u babii
=[ Ugh - - i havnt wr0te in here in a while . .

friday - went t0 a dance with Kayla .. danced with s0me sexy 6th graders, lol m0st 0f them turned me d0wn th0 ='[ teaaar . . n we g0t lyk 21 gl0w stixx . . than went 2 Nick'z . . hung 0ut @ markz n watched m0viez -- than went t0 nickz gain hadd a reallie badd head ace =[ . . went h0me ar0und 11

Saturday -- sarah walked 0ver early -- went t0 chris's . . tyler was there -- the 4 0f us jus played basketball , swam n watched m0vies we playyed CLUE! l0l - it waz pretty funn . .

sunday -- waz reallie tired s0o jus stayyed h0me . .

M0nday - -
wasnt s0o g0od =[ m0st 0f y0u alreaddy kn0w whyy but its all better n0w - - sept that mark hates me =/

HaPpy AnNivErSeRy SaRaH - - 2 m0nThZ bAyBaY !! l0l 2/27 !!

eVeRy tImE yOuR LiPs mEeT mInE
iT sTiLl fEeLs LiKe ThE fIrSt TiMe
aNd iF yOu lOsT eVeRyThInG
I`d KeEp On sTaNdInG bY yOuR sIdE
aNd BoYiT sEeMs LiKe EvErYdAy i FaLl dEePeR iN lOvE wItH yOu
- - - - - - :
v
Nick -- i l0ve y0u !!

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 27 April :: 10.30am
:: Mood: drained

To feel luv you must feel pain..
Yeah this blows.. 2 DaYz today everyone ='( Yeah dont wrry i fuckin hate me too. ='(

Im hopin today will be a better day Since every since last wed has been horrible for me. Im going to Brandy's tonight. So thats good.

But ive gotta go now, luv you all. Byes!!

4 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 26 April :: 12.23pm

Hold me tight and never let me go..
Wow, this last weekend was fuckin horrible. I ended up quiting my job on sat.

And then I couldn�t go rockin bowling wif kala n everyone else like I was going to. And then yesterday on Sunday I ended up running away and had James come pick me up and take me bak home this morning for skool at like 6 am. So yeah my weekend wasn�t that good =(

Gosh and then my puter is f�ed up so yeah I really cant like get online for a long while. Im not sure when the next time is that I can get online. Maybe a week or so. SO yeah I cant talk wif alla you for a while which sucks.

And yeah we�ve gotta start over you guys..everyone sigh now..yeah I hate me too. Brittany if you geton call me t nite plz!!

<33 Jilly

lala91

:: 2004 25 April :: 8.49pm
:: Music: roses-- outkast

haha
ive been sayin that a lot latley.
this weekend was 0ok.. i had a softball game firday night, and we won. and then catherine, bailey, and lacey spent the night. we did eachothers hair and nails.. it was funN. we talked about just about everything. i really missed mia and kayla goldman this weekend.. ne wayz. saturday catherine , lacey, my mama and i went to "the tanning place". i g0t a playb0ii bunnii sticker and itz s0o cute!! l0l. [[sexy-- catherine]] then bailey and kristi came and picked me up and we went to malikes party. it was s0 fun.. well until the piont when catherine started bo0tii dancing [[or at least thatz what i think it was]] l0l. uh.. i spent the night at baileys with kristi, and in the morning i was the last one up and kristi hadD already went h0me. s0 i called mah momma and she came and g0t me.. when i g0t h0me my aunt came and s0 did mia [[finally]] we babysat mah cuzin while mah parents and mah aunt went to the beach. me and calli made up and we're c0ol n0w.. read ur journal if you d0nt beleive she l0ves me...
www.livejournal.com/~_canes04_
itz the bigG font at the t0p. lma0. and then chris t0ok mah writing.. where i use the 00's for mah oo's.. he sed itz his n0w.. "calli tell him t0 st0pP!!!" l0l.
35%!!!!
ne wayz im g0nna g0 make a belt f0r kayla valente.. l0l j/p
- ~~x0x0x~~
LaLa

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 23 April :: 7.10pm

http://www.postpoems.com/members/behindmysmile/

Everyone go there, its some of my poems..not many are on there yet. But plz go check it out..and leave comments!! =)

*Britty ill be bak t nite, i hope to talk wif you i luv you*

*Jay i hope u have a wonderful nite i luv you lots* =)

<333 Jilly!!

:: 2004 23 April :: 9.57am

i love you jill i love you jill i love you jill i love u jill i love you jill i love you jill i love you jill

-Duffey

11 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 23 April :: 8.39am

KraZedBlOndie69: teen drinking is very bad!
COBIA69: NO ITS NOT =-O

KraZedBlOndie69: teen drinking iz very bad!
zac000lz8946: huh?

KraZedBlOndie69: teen drinking is very bad
WoWo CoWo 1490: why?

KraZedBlOndie69: teen drinking is very bad !
bLu eyed fLoosie: y0 i got a fake id thO
DING DING DING !! g0 Lee! <3.

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 22 April :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: lonely

The end is near, i can feel it..
Omfg, i am soo sick of that skool. Everyone says they care jus ohh soo much. But okay heres a perfect example of how much none of my friends care..

Today i was walkin outta 2nd hour, and guess whose standin rite there Kyndra I aint seen her since before spring break. So i was soo happy and excited But i knew it was going to be one of the last times.. that i woudl get to talk, or even see her. Cuz i knew, *cuz sherry told me yesterday* that she was going to be done the week after next week. So 2 weeks away But no guess wat? Today was the LAST FUCKIN DAY i did everything i could to hold bak my tears while i was wif her. She even got me this present, it was a jurnal, and told me to write in it, and to never forget her.. But then i walk out, and go to 3rd hour and i start crying. nobody says a word to me, lunch comes around, im sittin here talkin wif my friends and i start crying nobody says a word to me, and thier lookin rite at me, so i walk into the bathroom, bawl my eyes out the rest of lunch and jus sit there durin 4th hour crying. nobody even noticed i was gone.. I leave for the bus early so i wont have to see anyone, nobody notices,

So i come home hoping someone would IM me or call me, or something..but no nobody really wants to talk to me. I dont know wat to do anymore, i have nobody. And im seriously still cryin cuz i didnt knw taht was going to be the last time seeing kyndra!! Wtf!! *I think im gonna get sick* I cant stop crying, I cant talk to anyone, im soo stressed out over this newspaper, and ive been busy every single day this week. And im still busy all weekend. i dont know wat to do Well thats enough complaining for today. Bye..

Ali jean, i luv you and ima always be here no matter wat happens

:: 2004 22 April :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: She wantz t0 m0ve --* lma0 Ashy!!

0ne day y0ull miSs mE lyk i miSseD y0u..*
Hey my shweet sexi beautiful people !
im in a gr8 m0od.. t0dayy was really g0od .. 1zt period we played with ~~clay~~ playy d0 all class - l0l w0rk it !! 2nd period - t0ld gh0st st0riez .. l0l that waz kinda fun =P LunCh me n Ash were singin l0l.. TAKE A L0oK @ Y0UR GURL .. SHE L0VES IT !! lma0* 3rd peri0d- tezt =/ .. 4th period .. hung out w/ Mark & we wr0te 0n each 0ther all peri0d cuhz we hadD n0 w0rk =] than parent pik up -- hung 0ut w/ my cripled sister .. l0l shez hurt herr f0ot & iz 0n crutchez cuhzZ she stePped 0n a t0oth pik lma0 -- dumaSs !! l0l jk i l0ve y0u baBez ! t0marR0w . . im h0pefulLy g0in t0 the dance [ i n0 im lamMe-- itz f0r Xtra creddit ] w/ Nick'z sister Kayla ! n were g0nna sit in the c0rner, make funN 0f everyune, eat , n ask 6th graDerz 2 dancce l0l.. yayy !! than nick'z m0mmy iz pikin us up n were g0n bak 2 their h0use =] . . n i gett t0 C muh babii finallyy..

i remember the day we met started 0ut lyk n e 0ther dayy y0u were jus an0ther kute face in the croud
what i didnt kn0w than - - that dayy w0uld change mii life f0rever i l0ve y0u -- *

p.s. i f0rg0t t0 tell y0u h0w felicia saved my life AGAIN !!! we were at the m0vies n she rannn int0 my armz -- * l0l n than we were talkin n this DRUNK m0ter cycle man was SPEEDING d0wn the street `nd we rann n she pushed me 0utta the way -- * l0l !! x0x0x0x0

3 alone | cant handle this

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 21 April :: 9.56pm
:: Mood: depressed

Just kill me now..
Omg every1 is mad at me today, why does every1 do this to me?! Jays mad bcuz i said you 2..im sorry im in a bad mood, i didnt mean anything by it. Becky is mad at me cuz she thinks im jealous of her and brandy becoming good friends, and brandy is mad at me for nott alkin to her and havin other friends..and thier both mad cuz i dont talk to them when thier together or some shit like that, which aint true they dont talk to me neither, and then britts mad cuz like im talkin to stacey or something and im stupid cuz of that. Mike is mad at me bcuz i wouldnt tell him why i was crying earlier. Stacey is mad at me cuz britt yelled at her..wtf does that have to do wif me?! Ick i wish someone would jus talk to me, and understand wat im feeling sometimes, i always have to help every1, and nobdoy ever helps me!! I hate this!! ='(

Isnt there anyone here who cares about Jill? I mean i have feelings too, i cant help you all, all the time, i need some fuckin help, I need some fuckin medicine thats wat i need, im fuckin depressed, and i have migranes like u wont believe, and i seriously cant sleep ever, but of korse i cant see a doctor cuz my mom is fuckin crazy too. I need to talk to someone that dont only care bout themselves. But nobody wants to talk to me, ex right now. I wish i could jus die. freal. ='( If there really was a god he would fuckin jus like kill me right now, actually he would make me die slowly, the most painful death, i would rather die of cancer than live any longer, and i swear to god i mean that.

I dont need ur fuckin sympothy, i dont need you to talk shit about me, i dont need anything except for your FUCKIN HELP Well sicne nobody cares, and nobody will prolly read this, im gonna go. Bye!!

4 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 20 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: pissed off

The biggest mistake of your life..
Omg, my day was going okay, i mean i got to go see miss conrad/mrs beer for like an hour with Brittney and everything but then i had to come home to this shit. Ick!!

First my mom is being a total and complete bitch, and then kirste is being fuckin stupid. And of krose me and brandy got into a fight at skool and thhen i couldnt get a hold of her all friggin night long. But the worst part..

I asked britt to do me a favor..she did no prob. Then she starts like yellin at stacey and yeah so stac freaks out and everything and then like she starts yellin at me when i get bak online. And thier all in an arguement, and then stacey tries to make me choose between to two again. Obviously imgoing to choice britt, obviously she means more to me than anyone ever has, wat a fuckin idiot is she tryin to make me piss her off? Read::

AnGeLbAyBLyF: u needa choose m r her
AnGeLbAyBLyF: :'(
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: u cant make me choose
AnGeLbAyBLyF: yess
AnGeLbAyBLyF: u either want me r her
AnGeLbAyBLyF: look how shes treatin me it hurts
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: yeah i nkow but that aint got shit to do wif me
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: and if you really wanna lose a good friend like me
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: then go ahead try and make me choose
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: cuz obviously you already know my choice

See wat i mean, shes fuckin stupid i souldnt have to choose between my best friends. See my baby ali jean would never do that to me, we never ever fight * i luv you for that baby gurl*

Well im donebitchin for today, Jay if you read this i luv you lots and im sorry i couldnt talk to you today, my sis was online talkin to her bf, miss you tons!! And britt i luv you and imnot mad at you for the whole stacey thing, most likely we'll talk to 2marro, i hope =( neways luv you lots chicka!!

<33 meeehhhh!! ='(

:: 2004 20 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: pissed off

1 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 20 April :: 12.13pm

29 D a Y z!!