idont wanna feel this small

1 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 1 June :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: b0red..
:: Music: adams song

i never thought id die alone. i laughed the loudest whod have known? i traced the cord back to the wall. no wonder it was never plugged in at all. i took my time, i hurried up. the choice was mine, i didnt think enough. im t0o depressed to go on. you'll be sorry when im gone. i never conquered, rarely came. 16 just held suh better days. days when i still felt alive. we couldnt wait to get outside. the world was wide, too late to try. the tour was over we'd survived...

summers been 0ok.. nuttin much.. mias been at jessicas and um.. we went to winn dixie yesterday dressed like wiggers.. me and jessica were "hollerin" out the window to these girls that passed by and this one sk8 boarding kidd matt.. he was makin fun of us.. meanie. um. sunday i think it was.. bailey and me met chris and mike at the sk8 park and we were gonna go ice skating but we didnt have money$$ so we threw rocks at eachother instead. um.. kayla goldman came over on friday and spent the night.. we were crackin on catherines boots.. combat. lol kayla.. um.. today hillary ad lacey are coming over and were gonna go to the movies.. again for the 2nd time this week, i went with bailey last time and we saw shrek 2 again lol. today we're gonna see raising helen.. with my favorite actress.. kate hudson i think hillary looks like kate.. a lot. in the eyes.. and ive been puttin a lot of periods latley.. <<< see?!?
lol.. well.. lacey just tryed callin me but since my celli sux she couldnt hear so ima go call her back!!
-x0x [[since calli took my -x0]] lol love ya girlie!!
wuvv yall!!

11 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 1 June :: 11.33am
:: Mood: bitchy

Its not enough to want..
Omg im in the most bitchy mood today. Im like yellin at every1 and arguein wif all my teachers n friends I dont know, im jus really being a meanie lol.

Brittany is in michigan doesnt that jus make all of you feel better knowin the best person in the world is in your state lol. I luv you tons babii gurl. Bestest Buddies forever and always

This weekend was a blast!! I hope all of you had a good weekend cuz i sure did. =) The zoo yesterday was awesome I wanna go again. Im going to ask, bout mayb? this weekend? or sometime this week? And i wanna ask Britt if she wants go? i dont know. But it was mucho fun. =)

Nothing really else to write about. exams are today but i dont have to be here. Thats why im here in uprights class again lol. Cuz i dont have to take my science or lit comp exam bcuz im failing both of those classes. So im gonna see bout stayin here online all day lol. I knew i souldnt have come today. But it was fun for the first 2 hours wif duffey lol.

Duffey remember, Denny's breakfast, on June 23rd lol. *same day as me n britts 2 years lol.

13 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 1 June :: 9.40am
:: Mood: busy

havin the time of my life, but i wish it was with y0u
w0w.. al0t has happened in the past c0uple dayyz ..

thursday
lazt day 0f miDdle sch0ol =[ .. it was really sad.. everyone was crying.. we had the last like 15 minutes 2 walk ar0und n say byye 2 everyb0dy .. im g0nna miSs that sch0ol.. even th0ugh i hated every day that i spent there.. im g0nna miSs markus n mRs hampt0n fighting.. im g0nna MiSs me n kaela going to sch0ol 2gether every single day n c0min h0me every single nite =].. im g0nna MiSs stealin jayz every1z f0od huggin kayla every dayy @ the buS ramp .. me n dani c0untin the dayyz .. Jenna me n Ash playin with clay .. me n cassandra sayin WEASEL UP ASS lol.. whore game ... .. me n sarah g0in t0 the office every single dayy .. fakin sick ..Jeremy the chinese cricket, Frisc0 the white boii , n Lindsey the stupid pueartarican .. and every1 else..i l0ve y0u guyz im g0nna miSs y0u s0o much =[

ANYWAY.. after sch0ol markus,sarah,,n daniel, came h0me 0n the buS with me n kaela n came 2 my h0use.. then nick came n we all went t0 sunsplash.. which was fun 4 lyk 15 minutes.. n then it g0t kinda b0rin n we were stuck there till 9.. al0t funny things happened th0ugh markus swallowed a fly ! l0l.. n then kaela n nick came back to my h0use n we made pina c0ladaz n then nick went h0me n me n kaela watched a m0vie n she went h0me r0und 3 am.. l0l =]

Friday
dr0ve 2 atlanta
Saturday
dr0ve 2 michigan.. g0t there r0und 1o .. miSsy n amber came n picked me up went to there h0use n watched m0vies n ATE n fell asleep

Sunday
walked 2 CVS 2 get hair die 4 Amber met j0sh n sully .. there s0o funny n aws0me =].. went 2 a garage sale .. b0ught bellz n b0otz..lma0.. came back h0me n drew all 0ver j0shz face .. i have never laughed s0 hard that kiDd is hillari0uz .. then an0ther j0sh came 0ver .. n then we died ambers hair .. this redish purpleish burgendyish c0l0r.. n then we watched face 0ff .. then watched PARENTS of the caribean .. MICHIGAN imp0Ssible n listened 2 sum LINKIN LAW .. l0l ..

M0nday
w0ke up early went t0 a parade started -p0uring* .. chelsie came 0ver.. went t0 CVS 'gain t0 get men miSsy hair die .. g0t ice cream .. went t0 the Park came h0me died my hair =] n miSsys but she put wayy 2 much in and its BRIGHT ORANGE..lma0 .. then me missy amber chelsie n craig n his gurlfriend all cramed into his lil 2 seater convertablen went t0 A&W -- started p0urin again .. came h0me fell asleep 4 lyk 4 h0urz l0l.. w0ke up ate.. then went bak 2 sleep .. l0l...

t0day im all al0ne at miSsy n ambers h0use cuz there at school <--hahahahah .. s0o any0ne call my cell if y0ur b0red cuz i will be .. mwaaazzzz

I LOVE KAELA N NICK <-- i miss u 2 !!

fr0stii

12 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 26 May :: 6.28am
:: Mood: exhausted

There must be more than this..
We've gone our own ways
and I know its for the best,
but sometimes I wonder
will I ever have a friend like you again?

Well nothing really been going on still. Exams are startin This week!! im soo nervous. Cuz sum of my classes, i cant pass w/o passin the exam. which totally blows but oh well. And its offical, I will be a freshman next year. Well for the 1st half then a Freshmore lol. But i dont really care. Im still thinkin bout summer skool but im pretty sure tahts still a big NO NO!! lol, no way im going to waste my summer when i can jus make up at skool lol. Neways.

Me and Courtney and Sherry and the other Sherry and my mom and wilson and david and jessica and Ashley and Kimmy and whoever else there was, are planning our cedar point trip for this June 19th. I wanted Britty to go, but im not sure she wants to now but oh wells i guess. Maybe Cassie can still go, not that i really want her to But i dont know right now. Plus the skool cedar point trip is coming up real soon. Its June 4th I cant wait. =) Im going wif Cassie b Lisa Scottie, Megan, Laura, Ashley, Amber n whoever else is going lol.

Well thats all the news for today. I guess mayb ill write more t nite. But ive got counseling t nite so i dont know. =(

P.s. Malissa, sorry bout last nite when we were on the phone, my mom is sucha bitch, I luv you soo fuckin much lilmofuggy!!!! =)

♥ Ali jean you are my everything, i luv you soo fuckin much ♥

12 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 25 May :: 9.42pm

i love nick =]
were an "item" again..as kaela would say .. <3333333

6 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 24 May :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: disappointed

thanks f0r n0thing..
omg..im not gonna go over what has happened in the past week like usual. no one cares. i sure as hell dont. doesnt even matter. ill just start with friday..when me markus kaela n nick went to amandas party. if you could even call it a party..more like hell..i feel really bad for draggin nick there.. i didnt even wanna go ..from the second we got there we all just stood there watching everyone cry and scream and run around from being so trashed. high drunk..everyone. havin to sit with one of my best friends as she throws up all over me and the floor as she was screamin at me but telling me she needs me at the same time.. be...markus's mom picked us up thank god..

saturday was the8th grade dance.. that was pretty good i guess.. danced with alotta ppl.. .. then the lim0 took is to mugz n jugz .. that sucked..sept 4 karoke.. rest of the night sat alone..nick got there round 11:3o after me beggin him.. ignored me for a while then hung out with me for about 6 seconds then we left..

sunday.. me n kaela went to sunsplash n met everybody there.. hung out with nick in the lazy river then left 4 a minute to go talk with kaela..then mark comes back and tells me nick doesnt wanna go out with me anymore so im jus like WHY and markus xplains its because i "cheated on him" with kevin at the dance and they all heard from brittney detrick who "saw the whole thing" who by the way wasnt even at the fuckin dance..s0o i wanted to go home right then because i couldnt stand seeing him all day but bailey n kayla boyd made me stay..had an awsome day with them.. we made a NERD HERD picked dildoz from the dildo tree and used up all our last freakin pennyz 2 get abuncha ice cream n a slurpee..go0d timez..they cheered me up s0o much and i l0ve them 4 it.. =D thankz tatter t0t n wh0pper !! MWA! .. nick kept trying to talk to me but i didnt wanna talk to him.. i guess he didnt want mark to break up with me he was jus mad .. i dont know if were broken up for good or not.. i hope not cuz i miSs him already..='[ ..
well im gonna go..
I LOVE KAYLA KAELA BAILEY ~~NICK~~ N SARAH

19 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 24 May :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: rejected

Will time heal this hurt?
Well lets see here. yesterday was Kirstens b day!! So that was fun. Had an okay weekend but dont really wanna talk bout it right now. So neways.

I think i made a huge mistake a very huge mistake. The only pesron i have left now, is my babii ali jean not that thats a bad thing. cuz shes my life but i dont have stacey or britty *i think not britt* Anymore. I mean i have My lilmofuggy Malissa too. But nobody like britty. I dont know anymore

Oh gosh. Theres this new guy everyone. If you really wanna know about him then ask. But omg, hes the kind of guy your parents want to bring home Hes the preppy church volenture kind of guy. Hes the kind of guy who truely cares about gurls, and treats them right. I'll get some pics on here hopefully soon. But yeah. i hope thigns work out

Neways thats enough for now. I'll write more when i have more gossip lol. =)

♥Ali jean i luv you more than life itself you are my everything. ♥

4 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 24 May :: 5.18pm
:: Music: out of control hoobastank

calli burnt me the ho0bastank. thanks sweetii t0daii was really fun... it was a g0od day. l0l. x cept catheryn was talkin m0re shit.. grrr. my br0 and his gf mite get back t0gether. yay. my sister wh0 takes me t0 nifty places. l0l
nerd herd-- tater t0t
wat happened to us> we used to be perfect...

:: 2004 23 May :: 12.47pm

Beach dayz ; flip fl0pz - bAthin SuiTz
tAnk TopZ - BlAzIn BoiZ * NicE TaN :: h0t DayZ :
WaRm SAnd ~ VaCa Time ; LiL Fightz *
Drinkin bEeRz -->ParTyin @ NiGht -
SuN s0 Bright - m0on aLl hAzy
_Hell Yea Babii _
sUmmer `04 iZ g0nna bE KrAzii
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/xXx/ReMeMbEr WheN..
ReMeMbEr WhEn BoYz HaD �.cOoTiEs.�
WhEn FrIeNdS aLwAyS �-lIsTeNeD-� 2 u..
wHeN ((dReAmS)) wErE uNsHaTtErEd
& [[wOrRiEs]] WeRe ::fEw::
WhEn ReCeSs WaS tOo |sHoRt|
aNd LiFe WaS *2* �---LoNg---�
wHeN DeCiSiOnS cAmE .:eAsIlY:.
wItH ((nO NeEd)) 2 �..bElOnG..�
wHeN :.:StOrKs:.: DeLiVeReD bAbIeS
aNd *PaSsIoNs* WeReN't sOo o�sTrOnG�o
wHeN [[fRiEnDsHiPs]] WeReNt bRo|KeN..
RiGhT wAs .RiGhT. & wRoNg wAs :WrOnG:
WhEn (((BaD))) tHiNgS dIdN't HaPpEn
OnLy _sKiNnEd KnEeS_ bRoUgHt ::TeArs::
aNd tHe �_NiGhT . LiGhT_� iN OuR rOoM
((.QuIeTeD.)) aLl oUr FeArs
wHeN :.dEcIsi0ns.: wErE s0|VeD
bY [eNi mEaNi . mini m0]
wHeN �.�b0yS�.� wErE sOoO !yUcKy!
& *gOoDbYe* MeAnT OnLy tIl ::ToMoRrOw::
WhEn Ur ClOtHeS DiDnT �..mAtCh..�
& *r E a L* fRiEnDs DiDn'T p|A|r|T
tHe ((..FuN..) wEnT oN *4eVeR* aNd
NeVeR LeFt a _BrOkEn ... HeArt_

cant handle this

18 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 21 May :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: lonely

You've fucked me over, once again
Ohh wow. Today & yesterday was hell I dont even know where to start. Okay 1st hour, Kristen n Mr. Woodruff, both saw blood that was soakin through my shirt. Yeah i had cut myself that morning. Then he took me to Arkison she called Kim Kim and Arkison called my mom and then my mom called my counsler So they could talk about it. Ended up only going to 3rd hour yesterday. Yeah, called Kim 4th hour, to see if she would pick me up from skool. my mom ended up being there and stole the phone from kim. my mom said i couldnt go to kims t nite So im like wtf ever ya know. I jus jus didnt wanna deal wif my mom But ended up kim showed up at my house right when i got home. went to her house and we talked. even more than me and my mom did. Yeah thats about it. Xcept now i cant go to riot

My mom is fuckin retarded!! i hope she does go to jail on the 1st like she is surposed to. While shes there i hope she dies i fuckin hate her. shes immature and fuckin stupid. im jus going to run away t nite ='( I fuckin cant live here, wif these dumbasses.

Well thats enough for now. Latah everyone. ='(

I luv you Ali Jean Maloney, your my best friend ever!! ♥

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 20 May :: 11.04pm

we are beautiful together.
<3.

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 20 May :: 6.10pm

i hate everything about y0u, why d0 i love you
hey hey..
im at the library with bailey and meghan.. g0d i l0ve her.. l0l. baileys 0n the c0mputer right beside me d0in some kinda rep0rt.
ne wayz.. t0daii was a blast. 0ur team went 0n a b0wling trip thingy. kayla, rachel, chris, lacey and me were 0n 0ne team.. and i w0n the first game and chris w0n the sec0nd. we came back, g0t free lunch and then watched m0vies and signed yearb0oks.. [[and no calli, me an chris didnt d0 anything.. and y0u can g0 hed and read his yearb0ok and what i wr0te in it.. ill sh0w y0u what he wr0te me t0o.. i have n0thing t0 hide.
i g0t b0ut a million signatures.
6 dayz 0f sch0ol!!!!
hey kayla we 0n f0r t0m0r0? call me and tell me whatz up iight?
ne wayz..
dude,
i cant wait til eight grade,, dam itll be fun. im unpluggin mah cell if i d0nt wanna talk t0 that pers0n.. i need mah al0ne time s0 d0nt think i just hate y0u. l0l.
devin ian and j0e are s0o0o funni.. devin had his hair like elvis t0day, ian had his part in the middle and j0e had his part t0 the side.. talk ab0ut an abercr0mbie m0del "w0ot w0ot" l0l. 0key d0key well.. "thats all i g0t t0 say ab0ut that" -- f0rest gump
l0l
muah
~~x0x~~

6 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 19 May :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: nauseated

I still need you here wit me babii..
Well lets see here, everyone wants me to update and everything, i really dont know what to say, nothing much has really happened lately i guess. Well..today i went to counseling..yeah that was really kind of..uhm..sad n stuff i started bawling of korse..and even she knows how much i hate crying..but yeah we talked about some interesting stuff..and i think i mite have a plan to get outta here. But i have to think about it ya know..neways.

Ya know, everything is going real wrong lately. And i really dont know what to do. I miss when things were finally okay I jus wish that i knew how to get back to that point i need kyndra..i need group, i need arkinson, and i need laurie. But who do i have, ONLY LAURIE And none of my friends are being good friends except of korse ali jean Stacey roo and Malissa *lilmofuggy* But thats it. i jus dont know wat to do anymore. i feel so hopeless and worthless

Well thats it for complaing today. i luv all of my friends Latah everyone.

<33 Jillane <33