My Own Little World

:: 2005 8 November :: 10.11pm

my mum brought me like fifty chocolates fro m a wine tasting to which she went! eeP!

if you havent watched it yet, watch Good to Be Square you have to play the music composer thingy, too. its the last tab.

um...today. employee meeting...breakfast...nothing important.

last night=interesting.

for the first time, i saw justin as a child...someone who still has some growing up to do. he got drunk enough to puke for a while, and zack and ian went upstairs to sleep, i went outside with him. i rubbed his back and brought him water and kleenex, because i figure thats the nice thing to do.

apparently, its not common; at least not for him. he said he would leave himself...strange.

he's got all these beads spread out on a table, but they have no string to hold them together. what i mean is that his ideas a thousand and widely knowledgable, but has no basic logic to hold it together.

He laughed at me, saying i was like his mum, only without the grounding; weird, but it made me think of freud's theory...no good lol.

jen said its okie that i cant let go...but then, i know i will get hurt. that's my defense, letting things go. she argued that it's more difficult to let things go, but a sharp weight on your shoulder will only be healed by dropping the object.

i really wish i knew his reasoning for not wanting to go out wiht me. i hate the fact that "am too much of a guy friend" for people...it makes me feel like i have no options. and the fact that i know my body plays into it is a bit of an ouch. cuz how do i change that? zack excaimed tonight in quite the same way sean from chuck e. cheese did that "holy crap, [my] calves are huge!" how do you take that? yes, i am aware that i am not tall and slender; dare you point it out more? weight isnt even that much of an issue. i like the fact that am not a stick, and rather muscular, but its a little tough on the conscience.

i dont know. last night, i liked spending time with justin. he laid on my lap and shivered in the cold, and despite the cold, i did not shiver when i gave him my hoodie. i liked the fact that i could hold him and care for him, that he was in my arms and i knew he was safe. i liked being there, even though he was sick. am glad i went over there, and i hope to go with him wherever he feels its necessary to drink, just to make sure he's safe. i guess that means i care about him, eh?

guess that explains why i wont give up...

:: 2005 7 November :: 12.52am

this is a ridiculous day. i come online and no one is in a good mood. im frustrated wiht mushroom...he says things that should not be said, or maybe could be in a joking manner but are said so often, you wonder if they're just a joke anymore...

then q is upset cuz he cant pay for college cuz his mum wont next semester, which may just be a threat but scholarships...i wont let him make the same stupid mistake jill did.

zak must talk to someone or they will die...that's all i got.

justin's thoroughly confused as to why mushroom doesnt like him...and i know why but he's not on, so i cant tell him. i guess ill text him...

i cant intern anywhere in the city because i dont live down there i have to find scholarships and such so that my parents can help plus a job...or two...

in other news, zack and i both got the job at express...

um...i guess thats it...sad, eh?

:: 2005 6 October :: 6.02pm

Yea. I have nothing to do. I am fasting i get to break my fast until like 6:30 so i just a chillin. Im gonna go for a book now in the library. THis library has like half floors its weird.

:: 2005 6 October :: 1.37pm

Nerdiness
OMG bio is so cool. Yea total nerd moment but all the bones and hwo they fit and work together is like super amazing. Totally pissed at the fact that i had the lab after the class. Cuz if i had it before i might have stayed awake during the lectures cuz its cool. Like how top bone (i would know the name if i stayed awake in class) weighs more than like ur femur cuz it has to be stronger to protect the brain. Its cool shit. Now i have to go study for chem which is not cool. I hate that class. But w/e.

4 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 2 October :: 4.10am

i hate being hungover. Its a bitch and a half. im not drinkin again.

:: 2005 1 November :: 1.17am
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: crickets

so hello.

just got back from a wedding.

yesterday was pleasing...i finally asked all that needed to be asked. whether i understand or not is another story.

um...i paid my mum back for refilling my bank account with one check from SW; that's happy.

if you're bored, go to play MASH online. it's fun.

i actually kind of forgot what i was going to type in here...

i met a six year old who not only knew what the confederate flag was and drew it with his crayons, but who said blatently, "i just really like history". Starts early, i guess.

erm...i dont really have anything that interesting...

yesterday, justin, zak, and i went to a concert, but it sold out like twenty people in front of us...so we went to olive garden...mmm breadsticks...then to the park for just a bit...then to denny's, where we didnt spend that much time inside so i was okie with it...but apparently, i look like i belong there...the convo went like this..."see, you guys look like denny's kids; those guys look like customers" the other kids were all colourful and pissy wehn he tried to talk to them. wolfy's a nice guy, but i dont want to be in a vh denny's for my night life when am 22. The other interesting thing was that i was accepted into a group...which its been quite a while since that has happened...like...i dont know...its not necessarily a real acceptance, just being able to say taht i have a particular group of friends, whether they match or not, is something i miss.

i dont know why i cant forget justin...we decided on the fact that nothings going to happen...so its been left at that, but i asked all my questions and am more comfortable with it now, so i dont knwo...we'll hang out and just be friends and i kinda hope it changes but if it doesnt, i guess, oh, well, because what am i going to do about it, really?

alright am done...i have to get up early to get a facial at kristens tmro...woo!

g'night.

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 29 September :: 4.16pm

Hey whats up? (Yea i know jorie the sky)

Anyway so im bored, i just finished my classes. Too exhausted to start h/w cuz its tough shit. I think were goin to a hookah bar this weekedn which should be exciting. (Belmont stop off the red line, join). I know u guys wont adn if you really wanted to hookah u'd go to the Bellajo cafe in libertyville. But im comin home this weekend (to babysit) but the homecoming game is this weekend which imight show up to, if i get off of work on time. i dunno i don't wanna go but i told ppl im goin. W/e. nothin else.

<3 yasamin

:: 2005 28 September :: 9.40am

i have loads to do...but am posting my idea for my project so that i dont forget and i dont have to pull out a pencil. i dont know how im going to go about it though. i dont know photoshop well enough to pull it off, and i couldnt draw it in one night i dont think.

so we read "The House on Mango Street" and we've been focusing on identity. so my idea is that identity is like your shopping cart and the world is the store. so what i want to do is draw a little girl shopping and along the aisle is a row of buildings that will be mango street, and a side display of hobo...some shoes can be on the shelf and poster of Sally hanging because i love her description. two boys must be shopping in the next aisle because carlos and kiki are in a different, male world. She can have some things in the cart, such as a a bike with two girls playing around it, and meme with his two dogs...nenny should be in the aisle as a source of frustration for esperanza because she has to care for her, and she's immature, so maybe pulling things off the walls happily. That type of behaviour is common for young children, which goes along with how Nenny tries to keep things ordinary, while Experanza tries to change the behaviour, becomes like everyone else pretending there's a chance out of mango street. so that will be the main focus. there will be a looming man that will represent her sexuality. because she sees men as people who take advantage when they can, like with the hobo with the shoes. All the men in the novel have more power than the women, and hold things over them like a treat for a dog. maybe the looming man can be a creepy sales associate rather than a hobo at the end of an aisle.

i dont know...please tell me if you have any suggestions...thanks.

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 27 October :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: calm

HP Trailer and a Busy Week
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Trailer

am super excited...the trailer makes me go... :O...so great...

and miranda richardson in her perfect role...rita skeeter...yay for her britishness

she always plays that person who you think is on the protaganists side, but then you realise she's not only on the bad guy's side, but usually behind the bad guy's tactics...perfect female manipulation, heheh

i nearly missed school again today...which is bad because i always miss tuesdays and thursdays, which happen to be the same class. i got up twenty minutes late, but of course, after eight o'clock, the trains only come every hour or so...so i had to drive...and then got there a half hour late...but the class is only 80 minutes in the first place...but its cheaper to park there...if i could just get there on time.

we have to do a project on mango street...anything we want based off of any question we pick off the forum...with a two page statement...due thursday...also, i have to read part of a midsummer nights dream...no big deal...plus learn some more japanese oh shit i have to get money for my book!

i have so much to do...likei have to fill out some financial aid form with my dad and help him at the shop tmro...but also babysit at seven...so maybe ill go back to the shop thursday while eveyrone else is at school...

thats sad...that means i cant hang out at all tmro.

that means not getting my brain cleared from this justin thing...although, in a strange way, my head is settled about it...just like...i feel its necessary to persist...i think that ive accepted what fatty told me...but i need to hear it from justin, which i have a feeling is actually going to end up causing more problems.

i havent seen patrice in a while and sandy even longer... it makes me sad...so as soon as i get a free moment, ama call them both.

i figured out that the more stressed i am, the more i wnat to clean...i was mad that i had to go to class today and work and help my dad because i wanted to clean my car and room. that's weird for me.

okie ama go get milk and then go to bed.

g'night

goose

:: 2005 26 September :: 7.13pm

boring survey, only read if your bored
These are supposedly 26 questions that no one would ever think to ask. Answer them, then REPOST the bulletin:

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? : my hair...is it so messy that i am forced to fix it or can i just leave it and get away with it?
2. How much cash do you have on you? : $20
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST": Pest
4. Favorite planet?: Pluto
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your MOBILE phone? : Mom
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?: Your Body is a wonderland
7. What shirt are you wearing?: Black hooded sweater
8. Do you "label" yourself?: Band Dork, Theatre Freak, Loser...yes
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?: im wearing striped socks. but normally i wear payless shoes i dont know what brand cuz it wore off because there the greatest shoes ever and i wear them almost everyday!
10. Bright or Dark Room? which do i prefer or which do i have? i have purple elephants on my walls covered up by many show posters, props, and picture frames with cool people in them. oh and an awesome cymbal :) so its technicolor...
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?: Keister Rocks!
12. Ever "spilled the beans"?: im not totally sure on that one
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?: eating truffles
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?: today was a long day
15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?: no, theyre annoying
16. What's a saying that you say a lot?: thats cute
17. Who told you they loved you last: Matt
18. Last furry thing you touched?: K.C.
19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past Three Days? just Levoxyl and thats perscription
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? like 4 and i got a digital camera 3 years ago so i dont even know whats on them
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 18
22. Your worst enemy?: school
23. What is your current desktop picture?: Mexico...blue water blue sky, palm trees and white sand. its pretty, i just changed it today
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?: I got excited when my mom brought me my pills. i think i said yay! thank you! (exciting right?
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?: million bucks...the things i regret i have learned to put past me and get over...so in okay right now
26. Do you love / like someone?: Yes! :)

:: 2005 25 October :: 4.33pm

i'm beginning my x-mas list...despite how early it is.

$231 to refill my bank account...woo...

The Soundtrack

Cirque du Soleil Tickets

Body Worlds; Toronto or Philidelphia

:: 2005 25 October :: 12.17pm

in seven and nip/tuck, they use bach's air from orchestral suite number 3 for scenes...in seven, when he's in the library, searching about the juwes, which is a code for the the seven deadly sins...its a movie in which people are killed and tortured quite viciously...and in nip/tuck, when they do a face lift on one of the surgeons mother in law.

Bach's tocatta and fugue in D is used in Dark Castle, a 1986-7 mac computer game that involves navigating your way through the mazes of the castle, within which there are bats, rats and soldiers whipping those who have done badly.

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 25 October :: 10.57am
:: Mood: confused

what's wrong with me. i should be more feeling than this...are people not sad when things dont go their way? when they cant have waht they want?

:: 2005 25 October :: 12.20am
:: Mood: morose

The tears I might have shed for your dark fate
Turn cold and turn to tears of hate.