My Own Little World

:: 2004 11 March :: 5.45pm
:: Mood: pessimistic

one disappointment just leads to another........did i see it coming? of course i did. maybe i should just give up because there is no point

:: 2004 11 March :: 12.46am

i told you i couldn't act

:: 2004 10 March :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: pessimistic

N E X T !!!!!
came home from callbacks and well, i got sent home early. i was one of several to be sent home after the "director's meeting" and let's just say....i'm looking forward to being disappointed. i'm not going to keep my hopes high at all because everytime i do, i end up being disappointed greatly. i want to make this show so badly though. that's why i'm already upset because i feel like i didn't give them what they wanted to see. just watch...i won't be cast. but that's ok...because i'm used to it. it's only happened to me..oh, i don't know....every time with the exception of last year's one acts and joseph. ::sigh:: just once i would like to be cast...i would like to see my name on the cast list next to a character name. not under "female ensemble" or "operators" or "extras"....but an actual character with lines. more than just "oh yes!" or "oh no!" yes i want to have something to memorize. i probably sound selfish to all y'all but i can't help it....i've had too many disappointments. because i can't act worth shit. i'm terrible.
waiting anxiously for the cast list to be posted...soon....
Always, Sandy
P.S. i shall update as soon as i find out whether i made it or not.

:: 2004 9 March :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: content

The Man Who Came To Dinner
so i made callbacks. woo!. i'm glad. i'm not nervous at all. i know i will be tomorrow night. i don't want to sound selfish or self absorbed....but i'm not as excited about making callbacks as i should be. like i am....and i'm very relieved....but i have this feeling that i'm not gonna make the cast. i did for joseph. and i think the only reason i did was because i can sing. i honestly don't think i'm not a very good actor. but that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try...because i'm gonna give it my all. it's just....i won't be surprised if i don't make it. i'm too used to it. but anywho....

late start tomorrow and i guess i'm going to breakfast. it'll be wierd considering i haven't hung out with these people in so long (except neil and nicki think). and yeah. it's all good...it'll be good.
well i'm gonna go do homework now. goodnight all.
Always, Sandy

:: 2004 9 March :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: inucbus

thing
want some entertainment?

E-Shrooms

yea.....its a party.....

:: 2004 8 March :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: sleepy

i should just stop
yeah i'm done. i've had enough disappointments today. well....they weren't major i guess....but it was still disappointing. hey guess what? i didn't make caberet because i'm not in choir! yeah how stupid is that? well i understand why she wouldn't let me be in it....but still....i was super pissed. like right when i got excited for it....i got turned down. and the only reason why i didn't make it was because i'm not in choir. but i'm having second thoughts about choir right now. OC told me that i have potential to make allstate...and that's super exciting. yeah, christine kim and caroline greico made allstate and that's because they're super good. ::sigh:: if i really do have a good chance in making allstate (like OC said) then i'll join choir. otherwise...no...i'll stick with my normal schedule. ::sigh:: i'm still thinking about it. and another...i won't write about in here...it's not a major disappointment me but it was kinda discouraging...but also at the same time an encouragement because i realized taht i really need to hurry.
i'll leave it at that.
Always, Sandy

:: 2004 8 March :: 1.57am
:: Mood: rushed

i'm screwed
once again, i have screwed myself over. i won't explain why. those of you who know what i'm talking, keep quiet. i really don't want to share with the world what's exactly on my mind. just one thing. ::S I G H:: i'm so hopeless.

spring play auditions are tomorrow. well also on tuesday but i'm going tomorrow. i like going on the first day. i don't like waiting up for the callback list to be posted for that night. i hate it. i like to spend a whole day forgetting about it which calms me down and i feel more relaxed during auditions. i also have a math test tomorrow which i should go study for right now since i'm not sure if i'm confident about or not. i mean...my quiz scores were totally awesome because of little tiny mistakes like i forgot a negative sign. i don't wanna totally bomb my test because of careless mistakes. so i'll go study for taht. first i'll go finish my spanish homework. it's almost one and i haven't finished all of my homework yet. what have i been doing all weekend? thinking. about what? everything. once again...if i look a little spacey...it's because i'm thinking about stuff. not just specific stuff but just stuff. about big things, little things. yeah taht's what the week off from theatre did to me....made me think about nonsense. alright i go now.
Always, Sandy

:: 2004 6 March :: 6.53pm
:: Mood: blank

"...nursie will raise the window shade high..."
i'll post a real entry later....but a quick update:
i found out that i got a 1 on both of my solos which made me feel so relieved once i found out because my flute solo sucked. holy hell i'd never played so poorly before. i almost walked out of the room once i was done in tears. it was awful. i was so upset and my mom didn't say anything to me which meant that she also thought i sucked. it was terrible. but melanie told me that she checked out my scores and told me that i got a 1 on both my flute and vocal solo. vocal i wasn't too worried about because i thought i did relatively well except when i mixed a couple words but i was like eh, screw it and kept going. and OC watched me which was wierd...she came in, sat down and watched me sing...i was like um, whoa? what's OC doing here? it was funny cuz my mom was like who is that? oh, she's the choir director. my mom's face showed confusion liek "how would she know you if you're in band?"

anywho...i don't feel like doing anything....but i'm still going out. i don't wanna stay at home but i do wanna stay because, i don't know, i feel wierd. and i was smart and slept with my contacts in and now my eyes feel all yucky and dry. (i took a nap after solo and ensemble)

alright i'm gonna go.

::SIGH::
Always, Sandy

3 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 4 March :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: tru calling (i really like this show)

so i was searching for a picture of an eye...and i found these....

this site looks awesome...its a game thats going to come out...and the images are amazing...i love the dark twist on alice in wonderland...
Little Beast

Blue Eye

:: 2004 4 March :: 6.54pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "it's a beautiful morning..."

joseph pictures...
so we did "joseph and the amazing technicolour dreamcoat" and if youd like to see the pictures. the sheep trix and jill and jen and jackie and i made...the scarab (the big green thing that looks like a guitar...its supposed ot be a modern symbol...for elvis...if you know the show you understand) was made by sarah, blair, stephanie, shay and i did a little bit. The cacti were sarahs, stephanies and lauras...the palm trees were also sarahs...with random people...but jen did most of the corn...and the gold coins. thanks to chris for the lights and spencer for the sound (but you cant really see it) and to sandy and goli for being in the picutres lol...i odnt know what else to thank you guys for...lol thanks for your wonderful voices...!

adios...thas all folks! ::dun dun dun dunn duuuun::

2 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 3 March :: 11.08pm
:: Music: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

^hm...guess what thats about...
yea so guess what song jen and i listened to today...lol....its in my head...

sorry i never updated about theatre fest....or the concert...didnt even talk about joseph......or the act....probably cuz i havent been on....id love to complain...cept it doesnt bother me that much until someone goes...you have to do this by this date...specially if its before march twenty fourth, seeing as i have six projects due by then, two of which are due tmro. woo...two down! this kid is such a moron. im working with him in spanish...first he doesnt let me help, then he cant even spell sun (sol) and for god sakes wont fucking believe me when i tell him the hurricane is one so the verb will be singular...but oh well...i have my prose analysis presentation tmro eighth period. i shall die. i hate presentations...at least in spanish i have a partner....

today jen and i went to mcdonalds and shopping with charlie...hes funny as hell...i love him to death...not like that...but anyone who thinks charlies an ass needs a life cuz i think hes awesome. he can get obnoxious but i think anyone can, and you learn not to take him seriously...

you know it really makes me wonder...i dont care who reads this...but when lisa decided "i think ill throw a fit now to see how many people side with me about something so incredibly stupid that happened three months ago" she said ", i really dont even care about whatever happens with me/jorie. i would have cared a few months ago, but now, im used to not liking her, so it really doesn't make a difference. its just amazing how long it took her." and i wondered...how the fuck can anyone tell that youre mad at them if you walk around, saying hi in the fakest high pitched voice as if youre sad as fuck but acting happy...but noticably? she was quick to point out how she hated when i corrected peoples english, how jill and kyle didnt like my comments on looking younger in the dress for HC and for saying he needs a haircut, and how im "dilusional". She also mentioned how i never listen to anyone and basically dont deserve to have any friends...and then suddenly shes all nice to me as if the "war" either never happened or was solved. the cause of it all was because i wrote her a very nice email, possibly too nice, asking her to please clean up her mess when she comes over, because i dont like doing it, nor do my parents. and so, suddenly she was mad at shaina cuz "shaina sided with jorie instead of me" "she may have gotten shaina". oh lord....honestly...i didnt even care...the girl called me a bitch, so i kindly told her i could read...ooh lets start a one-sided arguement and convince ourselves we're losing...woo...but recently...this is what bothers me.
i dont mind that people are her friends (cuz everyone needs friends)...but i find it slightly pathetic to say "this is a shout out to all yall out there who think you're my friend. just wondering how many of you there are. so leave me a comment, k?" feeling abandoned is okie...asking for support is another...but three entries spent on "guys support me i feel friendless today!"...arrg...because you know shes just searching for pity...and whats worse is that people complain and complain about her...about how she does this...and thne the moment comes when she does it...and "oh im sorry lisa ::hug::"...are we no longer aware of the word hypocritical...?

if any of you disagree thats your perogitive...thats my thoughts, this is my journal...if you have any thoughts...put them...but i dont need to recieve hate mail because i wont respond...and its very pointless.

in other thoughts...im tired as fuck. i want to sleep...two presentations tmro...did i already say that? oh yes...thats right. my back really hurts. auditions are next monday. its wednesday. ::sigh::

i want to audition but not make it. i want to do crew but i want to know if the possibility is there. yea. i finally made callbacks for razzle and one acts so i know that they have started to like me...whether my acting or just cuz they feel bad. i should do all my papers this week and not have anything to worry about for the rest of the month. yea...right...okie i have to go finish my spanish outline so i can start memorizing...sweet dreams

:: 2004 3 March :: 6.53pm
:: Mood: confused

my immortal (yes again)
ah i need to organize my thoughts...i'm really nervous...about what? i don't know....you fill in the blank...if you think you know...you probably don't. marina, i know you know because we had that long talk the other night....i just wanna scream and be like ahhh i'm right here!! i'm very confused about myself at the moment and so if you see me space out....just assume that i'm in deep thought about something and it's not necessarily because i'm tired...even though that's usually the case....like today for example i can't say how many times i zoned out because i was deep in concentration....

well i'm gonna go finish my homework so i don't stay up late tonight....i'll update later.
Always, Sandy

sweetyas

:: 2004 3 March :: 12.53am
:: Mood: Dadaaaaaaaaaad
:: Music: that beat mentioned above

Thoughts
ok i have to write this down cuz i have to ok ready: in this journal i wish to capture the raw emotions of myself, when im pissed off. But i cant, cuz i write things in here adn then i regret what i wrote (abotu family adn friends) an then delete the entry.

Ok, thats all, i know u like the whole RAW emotion stuff. Im sry ive been so moody lately, i have no idea why, i jsut am, and i am not pmsing or any of that junk ( i had my period the week before) i ll try to be better :) so bare with me. Adios amigas, write in ur journas, you are my entertainment! :) la la al ok im either in a really bad mood or i am EXTREMELY energetic and happy. LA LA LA ok bye. i will leave thsi time, watch. Ha im gone, wait no, hold on ill leave NOW...

:: 2004 2 March :: 7.19pm
:: Mood: uneasy

rewind
whatever i said in the last entry i take back...it was less than a one week thing...more like a 3 day thing where i was questioning myself....please no questions i'm very confused myself...let me go organize my thoughts....
Always, Sandy