spud
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::
2008 13 February :: 12.33am
:: Music: the little river band
reminiscing
you know... not much has changed, in me anyway. i like to think that i've grown or improved in some way. but i haven't, really.
gangles was on american idol tonight, doing the same thing he's always done. granted, he was essentially booed off the stage. and i knew when i saw him drumming in the intro stuff that it wouldn't end well. i think he would have been much more successful with guitar. and honestly, i wished he would have gone on. which is probably sad.
but it got me wondering... why isn't some podunk town somewhere in an uproar because I'M on national television, making an ass of myself? why isn't it me out there, doing what i love to do? and i came to the conclusion that it's the very same reason that mike chose gangles instead of me. the same reason i was always overshadowed by him in the talent show.
because i'm not a dickweed. i wish i were, but the fact remains that i am not, and i haven't been in a long long time. there was a time when i was. and i enjoyed the privileges it afforded me - just as he enjoys the privileges it affords him. but ultimately, i made a choice growing up that i wouldn't be a dickweed; that i actually wanted a few close friends who liked me, instead of many distant acquaintances who liked me and close friends i pushed away.
but lately, i've been becoming more of a dickweed again. i've begun pushing away many of those close friends, and attracting a handful of distant acquaintances. however, this time the switch wasn't really a conscious choice. sure, i've always been jealous of the dickweeds in my life, since they got to do more and be more, and i just sat there and let them. but i don't think it's worth it to me to give up my close friends, just so i can do more and be more. i'd rather have them and live in squalor, than become big and have nobody there.
even still, i find myself continuing down the path to dickweed-dom. how do i stop it? can i stop it? do i want to stop it? i don't know. maybe. yes.
but i still have no idea where that puts me, or what the next thing i have to do to change it might be.
but hey, i did dishes tonight, worked on my fafsa, did some networking business for my school projects, and watched some T.V. so what am i complaining about? i can pretend to be a big rock star later. for now i'll just be the poor college student i'm supposed to be, and find some way to assimilate and be a happy part of the machine.
"shyah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!"
4 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
spud
|
::
2008 11 February :: 5.33pm
well, i got my script done. it's shitty. the dialogue is bad. i'm pretty sure it's formatted incorrectly. which is honestly no fault of mine, since he gave us a bunch of different examples, each of which was ambiguous, and different from the next. but at least it's done.
i'm pretty sure he's a terrible professor. good guy, knows a lot about film, but terrible at teaching. which is unfortunate.
here you go:
FADE IN:
INT – OFFICE – DAY
The office is brightly lit, but dark furnishings and wall coverings are ominous still. PHIL – the boss - sits, lost in thought examining paperwork, in a very imposing chair behind a large oak desk, with a large window behind showing the side of a neighboring skyscraper.
There is a KNOCK at the door.
PHIL
Come in.
JOHN enters, not timidly, but cautiously.
JOHN
You wanted to see me, sir?
PHIL
Yes, please sit down. I'll be with you in a moment.
JOHN obeys and sits in front of the desk, looking around the room, absently fidgeting with his clothes. PHIL continues to be absorbed in paperwork
PHIL (CONT'D)
Sorry to keep you waiting, but I really needed to finish that.
JOHN
Oh, it's no problem. So, you wanted to see me?
PHIL
Yes, John. I've been hearing some very disconcerting rumors regarding your conscientiousness and devotion to your work.
JOHN
(pause)... Is that so?
PHIL
Yes. I understand that you habitually leave early for and return late from your lunch breaks, but fix the numbers on the computer. You have also been known to use a hostile tone when speaking to customers. And you don't always file your reports on time. We're considering putting you on monitored probation.
JOHN
Probation!? I've been with this company for over ten years! And now you're threatening me? After all I've done for you....
PHIL
I'm sorry John, but we have standards to adhere to. And we have to ensure that all of our employees, even those who have been with us for a long time, are adhering to those standards.
JOHN
(increasingly upset) Standards, eh? The way I see it, the standards of this company went out the door the moment they let you start running the show! You're more concerned about keeping up appearances, and a healthy bottom line for the stockholders, than you are about taking care of the very people who take care of you! What would you do without people like me, Phil? We work hard every single day, doing all of the menial, mundane, thankless tasks, which – if gone undone – would bring this operation to the ground. And you don't even give us a long enough lunch to go across the street for a bagel!
PHIL
We have a cafeteria he...
JOHN
(cuts him off, yelling) I don't care if there's some shitty cafeteria in this fucking building! I want options! I want freedom: I want to be able to choose to go to Joe's café for a coffee and a bagel on my lunch break, and not get fired for it. I want to be able to stop what I'm doing for five minutes, so I can take a piss, without having it docked from my pay.
JOHN stands up and BANGS his fist on the desk, angrily.
JOHN (CONT'D)
I'm sick and goddamn tired of spending every day dreading coming into work, because I know I'll spend it looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We would honestly get more work done, in a shorter amount of time, if we were provided a more relaxed work environment. But instead we're all just quaking in our little cubicles, waiting for your minions to waltz up to our desk and tell us to box up our stuff because we used a No. 2 pencil instead of blue or black ink on our latest efficiency progress report!
PHIL
(Very long pause) Well....
JOHN sits, somewhat awkwardly; anticlimactic.
PHIL (CONT'D)
... It's clear you're upset with the way things are run around here, and that you're intimately familiar with the needs and desires of our employees. It's also evident that you're not afraid to share your feelings and opinions on important matters with me. I'm creating a new position on my staff, "Employee Liaison/Advisor," and these capacities make you the perfect candidate. What do you say? Would you like to join my cabinet?
JOHN
(pause) May I have some time to decide?
PHIL
Absolutely
INT – CAFÉ – NIGHT
JOHN sits alone at a table next to a window, with a bagel and coffee, and his laptop open beside them. He is composing an email, addressed to PHIL, stating simply "I'm in".
JOHN
(to self) What are you doing? Can you even trust this guy? Well, I suppose he trusts you well enough.
He exhales deeply, just before CLICKING "Send". He closes the laptop, packing it in his bag, finishes eating the bagel, grabs the coffee, and walks out of the shop.
FADE OUT
2 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
spud
|
::
2008 11 February :: 1.37pm
they say that sleeping over-abundantly is a sign of depression. but i disagree. i say it's just a sign that you're fucking tired and want to sleep.
then again, it could simply be that you just can't summon up the strength to rise and face the world in yet another pointless day, in which you scurry around doing pointless things until you're tired enough to fall asleep again.
...
naaaaa, you're just fucking tired, that's all there is to it.
4 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
rayray
|
::
2008 10 February :: 6.00am
Its currently 6 am.
No one is online and i feel like talking.
I can't sleep because there is far too much on my mind.
I've done a lot of thinking lately about where my life is at right now, if i like it, and if im happy, and where i want it to continue to go.
And tonight just added more to my plate to think about.
Ugh! What to do what to do..
Oh, and i was watching vh1 today, it was 100 best one hit wonders.. and Los Del Rio or whoever sang the Macarena was number 1.. and they were showing clips of people doing the dance, and they showed Barack Obama on there, and of course Al Gore and Bill Clinton.
Step on my dreams
|
skife
|
::
2008 10 February :: 4.16am
a little bit of tagging done by everyone in #rabid-duck
Step on my dreams
|
jayzulla
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::
2008 7 February :: 6.38pm
So my mom is doing her crossword like normal. She asks me a question about one "Star Wars Letters" and she has an s and d in but cant get the last letter. Instantly i think of star destoryer and see if i can go from there. I say to her well theres a ship called a star destroyer but.... and my dads goes a shit called a star destroyer?! made me laugh pretty hard.
3 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
skife
|
::
2008 5 February :: 6.49pm
The darkside
I've jumped over to the dark side.
4 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
jayzulla
|
::
2008 5 February :: 2.56pm
So Giants win, and Pats didnt. Makes me happy.
Oh and Broke Lesnar is stupid and doesnt know how to fight for shit and tapped out in like the first 2 minutes of his fight. Regardless someone will say he was rocking Frank Mir. Truth be told, Brock sucks. Watch the fight and look at his stance, and how he seems like hes not sure what he should be doing. Hes probley still getting used to actually hitting someone.
Step on my dreams
|
skife
|
::
2008 3 February :: 8.41pm
so, i think i found my car, '84 mustang 3door v6, automatic :(
pretty solid car, needs a rear main seal.
$400 :D
3 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
skife
|
::
2008 28 January :: 11.50am
http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230217363407&fromMakeTrack=true
I want.
fucking chris got me stuck on turbo ford's
it probably wouldn't take much to get that car running, just a complete motor swap because the douche probably burned that motor up, its just an N/a motor with a turbo on it, can handle like 5psi max :(
Step on my dreams
|
skife
|
::
2008 27 January :: 11.58pm
:: Music: clutch - live at the googleplex
did you guy sknow the googlepelx isn't a real venue?
interesting huh?
i've had about 5 beers bhy now, i'm kind adrunk, let me be i'm a light weight.
need to sell some stuff, texas april 25th, gonna be fun.
don't know what else to say right now. heh.
rache is going to be an aunt, becca is knocked up. kinda cool.
i'm boreed.
thank you unlce george killian for your irish red beer. :D
9 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
rayray
|
::
2008 27 January :: 8.46pm
I'm going to be an aunt!
2 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
skife
|
::
2008 26 January :: 3.44pm
irc.rabid-duck.net
#rabid-duck
WIN!
1 Bastard |
Step on my dreams
|
Atman
|
::
2008 24 January :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: I don't need anymore friends
Love these genes
Gotta love these genes. My mom's over-analyzing powers, and my dad's anger and limited patience. I'm so glad I got these traits, because it makes doing anything thats new next to impossible. I've already tried to play the guitar some more, but I can't because it feels like its out of tune and my fingers won't work right, so I can't do a damn thing about it. I'll have to go spend an awkward day with my uncle to even get chords, which makes me feel pretty damn stupid.
I went to Physics for the first time today, setting a new record for missing the first day up to a certain point. The first two times weren't my fault, but the others have been, so its just a meh situation for me. Professor Bacon was cool about it, showed me what I needed to do, and set me on the right path, which is more than I can say for the guys back at central. Though walking in today not touching physics since high school where I got one of my lowest grades ever was a bad idea. I don't think "88 mph" was how fast that ball was falling in the problem, but I saw it in back to the future, so who knows.
Another fun thing I did while cleaning up my room was I found an old John Meyer disc and got really pissed, and destroyed it. Bonus points if you know why! Also, I'm beginning to think that I am really messed up in the head, and could use some therapy or something.
I'm off to go make or buy dinner, I haven't decided, so later kids.
3 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
spud
|
::
2008 24 January :: 4.18pm
:: Mood: frustrated
i had a bunch of weird dreams last night. the one that sticks out to me in particular is the one where i was with emily, (i can't remember what we were doing) and i got a loose tooth. but we were running around, trying to get shit done, and all of a sudden i pulled it out. it didn't hurt, but it was absolutely MAMMOTH, and it left a bunch of chunks in my mouth, which i then had to spit out, which struck me as odd. but apparently nobody else found it bizarre that a 21 year old had just lost his tooth, and so the dream just kept right on cruising.
i ran into a bunch of problems with my film project yesterday. i'm kinda pissed, but i'll get over it. hopefully i finish in time.
and i resolved to call up on my W-2s and see where the hell they're at, like a responsible person, and the people all said that i wouldn't have them until the first week of february. fuckers. way to wait until the last possible second.
so then i was like, "well, i'll do as much of the fafsa as i can without my tax info," but noooo, the fafsa website had to go and crash on me too.
i swear to god. it's like a sign telling me that i'm supposed to give up. because every time i try, i get pushed aside or yelled at or in some way usurped, and i'm just fucking tired of it. i'm losing sleep, having weird dreams, freaking out on people that don't deserve it.
and now i can barely keep my eyes open.
5 Bastards stepped on my dreams |
Step on my dreams
|
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