:: 2004 15 January :: 1.22 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: 98 mute

3 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 14 January :: 4.52 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: the sex pistols

Hates me

:: 2004 14 January :: 7.26 am
:: Mood: tired as fuck

dude....im so effin tired.....i swear i wish i wasnt such a fuckin insomniac so i could acctually get some SLEEP for once.....WHY do they have to start school so early??? tell me that....WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! i fuckin hate school....and you kno what else i don't feel like dealing with mrs. perna today either......GOD im so tired....and i feel like shit. I hope someone turned in my glasses. Well i gotta go or im gonna be late.....latter kiddies-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 13 January :: 5.09 pm
:: Mood: sad/confused

beSt friEndS
Ya kno i am so lucky that i have so many people i consider as best friends and so many regular friends, but lately i feel like im loosing a few of them. I dunno why, but as is, were not as close as we used to be. I really miss all the fun we had and all the crazy shit we got into trouble for....and just being with them every second of everyday. I especially miss over the summer because thats when we were all the closest....and now scince school started a few of them have gotten into fights (although they made up) and aren't as close as they used to be. I mean with all this other shit that i got going on it feels alot worse when you feel like your loosing someone, even if its not for good. Maybe they don't want to hang out with me as much anymore....i don't really know. All i know is i hate this....but maybe its all in my head, or maybe they feel the same way and i just don't notice.....either way, i just wanted to post this so maybe someone will read it and realize we gotta do SOMETHING.....well all i have left to say now its I MISS YOU GUYS AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE YOU ERIKA!!!!!!!! i love you guys.....

:: 2004 13 January :: 3.07 pm
:: Mood: awake

okay i feel bad now....i don't hate my dad he just pisses me off to the point were i do....lol but i DO hate mrs perna....dude we were taking midterms today (in related....NOT math) and when i finished she tried to tell me to do my math....i mean seriously WHY would i do MATH when number one its not even math class and number two i just finnished my fuckin midterms....plus i was tired so i went to sleep, so then she gave me my referal and told me to take it to my unit office (seriously...WHO trust a student to take their own referal to the office.....) but i just walked around instead. I hate school.....seriously....i think i did better than i thought i would on my midterms, though. THEN AT LUNCH I LOST MY FUCKIN GLASSES!!!!! I WAS SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO CRY (and did later) CUZ THEY WERE SO DAMN EXPENSIVE!!!!! I LOOKED FOR EM LIKE 18 TIMES AND COULDNT FIND THEM, SO OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE PICKED THEM UP....anyways i filled out a paper to have an announcement made....and i asked some people if they've seen them.....seriously tho they were like 300 dollars and the only reason i got em was cuz i needed em....NOW I DONT EVEN FUCKIN HAVE EM AND THATS 300 BUCKS GONE TO WAIST IF I DONT GET EM BACK!!!!!! we just dont have the money for that right now......but if i dont get em back i'll pay for em......and buy new ones.....seriously tho i hope someone didnt keep em or throw em away just to be mean....thats fucked up and if they did i swear if i find out who they are there gettin stabbed in the face 12 times......even if they're broken i want em back.....it just pisses me off that someone would pick them up and not even turn em in.........what good are they to them??? people are so fuckin stupid..........THATS WHY I FUCKIN HATE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 13 January :: 12.09 am

Hurray for jumping on the band wagon!
[ .. ] first name: Leah
[ .. ] middle name: Nicole
[ .. ] nickname(s): Barbra Jean, Fatass, fatty, whatever you wanna call me
[ .. ] birthday: july 21
[ .. ] gender: female
[ .. ] hair color: redisch
[ .. ] eye color: blue
[ .. ] do you wear glasses or contacts:glasses
[ .. ] do you have braces: yeah
[ .. ] is your hair long or short: short
[ .. ] where were you born: uhhh...
[ .. ] current location: ohio
[ .. ] zodiac sign: cancer
[ .. ] how many languages do you know: 1
[ .. ] bad habit: rolling my eyes at every little imperfection (lol tiff) and bein a bitch when im pissed
[ .. ] piercings: yeah
[ .. ] piercings you want: my lip again..
[ .. ] tattoos you have: none
[ .. ] tattoos you want: a bunch i have in mind
[ .. ] hair color you want: hmmm...next im goin red or something else...havent decided
[ .. ] skin color: white
: favorites :
[ .. ] numbers: 79 or 117
[ .. ] saying: kiSs yoUr goLdfiSh goOdbyE....that and a bunch of song lyrics
[ .. ] tv show: uhh
[ .. ] sport: skateboarding to watch....basketball to play
[ .. ] vegetable: ummm
[ .. ] fruit: dunno
[ .. ] candy: any but chocolate
[ .. ] gum: orbit... the light blue kind
[ .. ] candy bar: none
[ .. ] ice cream flavor: chocolate chip cookie dough or cotton candy
[ .. ] color: orange and green
[ .. ] season: dont care
[ .. ] type of music: punk, ska, emo, rock, ect
[ .. ] things in your room: guitar, cds, computer, bunch of shit
[ .. ] place to be: concerts
[ .. ] tv channel: comedy central
[ .. ] overall food: now we're talking...
[ .. ] store: none
[ .. ] fast food: subway
[ .. ] restaurant: subway
[ .. ] shape: super skinny...
[ .. ] time of day: night
[ .. ] mall: NONE
[ .. ] board game: dunno
[ .. ] car: the kind that drive
[ .. ] month: dunno
[ .. ] team: eh.......none
[ .. ] possession: my cds or my guitar....tough decision....
: what's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear :
[ .. ] eminem: candy
[ .. ] dog: chubs
[ .. ] sexy: Kris!!!
[ .. ] britney spears: fuck cheese
[ .. ] nsync: sounds like an acronym
[ .. ] real world: GAAAAAAAAAAAY
[ .. ] orange: jen
[ .. ] bisexual: it sounds funny when you say it outloud and put the emphasis on the x
[ .. ] black: color
[ .. ] insane clown posse: Jeremy
[ .. ] linkin park: rock
[ .. ] jack: shit
[ .. ] lifehouse: Im fallin even more inlove with you....letting go of all i heald on to....im standing here untill you make me move....im fallin even more in love with you.....yeah that songs the shiznit
[ .. ] bat: i kno someone who can turn into one....
[ .. ] whip: cream
[ .. ] volcano: hawaii
: private life :
[ .. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: nope
[ .. ] do you have a crush: not really
[ .. ] do you love anyone right now: sure i love alot of people
[ .. ] have you ever been in love: ummm
[ .. ] do you love more than one person: I would feel bad if mommy was loved and daddy wasn't
[ .. ] how many hearts of have you broken:
:( too many
[ .. ] how many people broke your heart: :( too many
[ .. ] do you have a picture of him/her: of who?
[ .. ] do you have a picture of yourself: no...i have none...i've gone through my WHOLE fuckin life without EVER taking a picture....[ .. ] do you go by looks or personality: personality...although good looks are a definate plus
: would you ever :
[ .. ] bungee jump: dude i have!!!
[ .. ] sky dive: HELL YEAH!!!!
[ .. ] swim with dolphins: sure
[ .. ] scuba dive: yeah that'db e awesome
[ .. ] go rock climbing: maybe....im kinda scared of heights unless im moving at a fast pace...ya kno??? but i probably would....hell i kno i would!!! lol
[ .. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: dude i'd eat shit for half that........
[ .. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: dude thats not kool....never.....
[ .. ] who's hot: Kris Roe...Joel (ericas man...lol)....my SeXiI ByTcHeS (im teasin....lol)
[ .. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: jesus christ leave me alone!!
[ .. ] lie to the police: I told him I didn't throw the rocks at ALL 13 cars that reported me.....and that i was "complectly un-drunik..." lol seriously....i did....
[ .. ] run from the police: yea I had to after that
[ .. ] lie to your parents: yeah everyday
[ .. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: sure...i have
: have you ever :
[ .. ] flashed someone: with like... a flashlight... oh yeah
[ .. ] told the person you liked how you felt: uh huh
[ .. ] been to Michigan: no
[ .. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: it wasn't that bad.
[ .. ] gone to jail or juvi: nope (takes skill...and im THAT good i tell you what....)
[ .. ] skinny dipped: =)
[ .. ] stolen anything: there has to be a law about that somewhere.
[ .. ] kicked someone's ass: your mom kept telling me to and I was like you're weird but whatever.
[ .. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: my cat was asking for it.
[ .. ] broke a beer bottle: on purpose?
[ .. ] flipped someone off: rhetorical right?
[ .. ] gone on a road trip: sure
[ .. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: heh...once
[ .. ] been to a concert: yeah
[ .. ] been to another country: nope
[ .. ] talked back to an adult: sure, why not.
[ .. ] got in a car accident: yeah it scared me too...
[ .. ] broke a law: maybe but I was really sorry and I put it back together before my parents saw it. (dude seriously...WHO hasnt...)
[ .. ] given money to a homeless person: if I knew them maybe
[ .. ] tried to kill yourself: thats kinda personal
[ .. ] cried to get out of trouble: i dont need to
[ .. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: no
[ .. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: dude they have no friends....
[ .. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways: close....my cat licked it
: opinions :
[ .. ] about boy bands: DDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::secretly singing mmmmbop:: ............
[ .. ] about flag burning: rednecks. that really didn't need to go to the supreme court, but you still suck if youd o
[ .. ] of the war on terrorists: I hear nuclear winters are nice this time of year.
[ .. ] about suicide: we should all be happy
[ .. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: just a form of debate, oh I love it. ( hence, i AM one of them.....)
[ .. ] about abortion: Thats fucked up....thats murder
[ .. ] about rock/metal music: Rock is awesome. metals okay
[ .. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: im hopping.....
[ .. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: my friends.
: the last :
[ .. ] thing you ate: popsicle
[ .. ] thing you drank: black cherry pop
[ .. ] thing you wore: my clothes
[ .. ] place you went: school
[ .. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: lip peirced but took it out....
[ .. ] person you saw: dad
[ .. ] person you hugged: dad
[ .. ] person you talked to: My mom online and tiff on the phone
[ .. ] song you heard: uhhh shit whats it called.....DAMN FUCKIN BITCH i NEVER forget this shit.....ARGG it goes "i hope my words will get thru cuz now i cant forget you, i want to tell you if only i could reach you, and make you feel this way, cuz you said you cant change the way you feel (i could never do that i could never do that) but you cant tell me this aint real (cuz this is real)....blah blah blah....
[ .. ] what are you eating: your mom
[ .. ] what are you drinking: your mom's almost there
[ .. ] what are you wearing: looks like it's gonna be your mom with the way things are going.
[ .. ] any shoes on: you've inspired me to take them off
[ .. ] hair: man I should really wash it
[ .. ] listening to: the heater turning on
[ .. ] talking to anyone: it's 2:15 am, even if I had friends, they wouldn't be insomniacs like me, unless they were having a session in which case I wouldn't be invited so here we are. such is life.
: yes or no :
[ .. ] are you a vegetarian: what the hell are you smoking to ask me a thing like that?
[ .. ] do you like cows: nice save. bloody as hell
[ .. ] are you a bitch: only when i need to be....
[ .. ] are you artistic: eh, in some ways
[ .. ] do you write poetry: songs, not poetry
[ .. ] can you ski: sure....i guess
[ .. ] are you british: dont think so.....
[ .. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: yes, then I had to give her surgery... then I melted her face off with a treadmill.
[ .. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: mac and cheese will be the inevitable downfall of society.
[ .. ] are you straight: I'd hope so
[ .. ] are you short: yeah
[ .. ] are you tall: are you dumb?
[ .. ] are you a typical teenager: hardly.
[ .. ] do you shop at hot topic: no....FUCKIN SWEAT SHOP (uhh...) BUYER-FROMERS!!!!!
: random questions :
[ .. ] if you could be any animal, what would you be: simba
[ .. ] if you had to eat and drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be: does that mean it has to be something that can be put in liquid form? how about steak?
[ .. ] do you remember any of your dreams: I kill people a lot.
[ .. ] do you dream in color or black and white: color.
[ .. ] do you admit when you need help with a problem: what problem?
[ .. ] can people read you like a book?: nope
[ .. ] what's your biggest fear: besides the heights??? love can be a scary thing, my friend.
[ .. ] do you talk a lot: never give me coffee again.....
[ .. ] are you afraid of clowns: no, but I'm starting to think you are.
[ .. ] do you like spiders: yeah!!
[ .. ] how about grape kool-aid: how about no.
[ .. ] do you drive: you could say that.
[ .. ] are you spoiled: no, I appreciate what I have.
[ .. ] are you anti-social: sometimes
[ .. ] now that this is over, what are you going to do?: make some noodles orrrr go to bed orrrr i dunno go cry in a corner or something
[ .. ] do you love yourself: nah

Hates me

:: 2004 12 January :: 11.51 pm
:: Mood: grilkestyiporghinetrecy

'Complete Psycho' PLEASE VOTE!!!


What Type of Lunatic are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla


lol woah...im havin fun with these things!!!

Hates me

:: 2004 12 January :: 11.37 pm
:: Mood: pralisticanchirewtical
:: Music: screamer

Hates me

:: 2004 12 January :: 11.30 pm
:: Mood: frixilateridetic
:: Music: the click

Hates me

:: 2004 12 January :: 11.11 pm
:: Mood: weird/elated (for once)
:: Music: east coast anthem

Hates me

:: 2004 12 January :: 7.34 pm
:: Mood: boredizzle

Three things that scare me:
1: heights
2: under the bed (seriously...i jump like three feet out of it when i get out at night)
3: loneliness (too much time spent in my own mind)
Three people who make me laugh:
1: TIFFANY
2: ERICA
3: Mike
Three Things I love:
1: MUSIC
2: My friends
3: really sweet, funny, AWESOME guys
Three Things I hate:
1: liars
2: Annoying people (even myself at times)
3: bitches
Three things I don't understand:
1: calculus
2: people (mom especially)
3: love
Three things on my desk:
1: computer
2: 7 empty pop cans
3: a bowl with old ramen noodles in it
Three things I'm doing right now:
1: talking to Tiffany
2: updating my journal
3: listening to the Ataris
Three things I want to do before I die:
1: Kris, Joel (sorry erica....:( well id let you have him first...deal???) lol
2: get really good at my guitar
3: do what i want to do with my life
Three things I can do:
1: sing
2: talk...ALOT
3: make people happy (and piss them off....either way)
Three ways to describe my personality:
1: weird
2: apathetic
3: cynical
Three things I can't do:
1: School
2: pee standing up
3: get my mom to love me and take me back (un-disown me...whatever you wanna call it)

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 12 January :: 6.47 pm
:: Mood: apathetic

today was so gay....seriously.....all i did at school was sleep and now we got gay ass midterms all week....i fuckin hate school so much.....I wish i was 16 so i could quit. Anyways.....dude with all this shit going on im so confused, like not only does my whole fuckin family hate me, but im not quite sure what i want to do with my life either, and its really bugging me. I mean i dont want some gay job i dont even like, but i dont want to have some stupid job like working in a call center or whatever....ya kno just working just because you HAVE to, i want it to be something i want to do, and i KNO what i want to do i just dont kno how to get there....and i can't do it alone. Also, im having trouble with some of my friends....see one of them is pissed because for the past few days i've been hanging out with some of my other friends....and she was like," well i tried to call you yesterday(which i kno she didnt because i was home all fuckin day...) but you werent there....you were probably with ::name goes here:: !!!!" so i was just like "what the fuck?!?! i've been home ALL FUCKIN WEEKEND you NEVER called, and just because i go somewhere with some other friends don't mean you gotta jump down my throat....you go places without me ALL the time!!!" and seriously the thing is whenever i am with them they always ignore me, that and they make plans without me, so why the fuck would i stick around??? i mean dont get me wrong they're still some of my best friends....i just don't like how they expect me to only hang out with them when they dont even invite me to do whatever they're doing...not only that but act like im not even there.....thats just fucked up and theres no way in hell im gonna let someone push me around like that!!! never have....NEVER WILL......and as far as ::name goes here:: being "really upseat" because "i never talk to her anymore" well thats fuckin retarded to...i fuckin called her 3 times last week and once over the weekend, SHE NEVER ANSWERES HER FUCKIN PHONE!!!!!! and on top of that SHE never calles ME!!!!!!!!! im always the one calling her and when i do she dont answere then gets upseat and says shit like "you never talk to me anymore" well thats BULL SHIT. I SWEAR I FUCKIN HATE PEOPLE......I HATE MY SO CALLED "FAMILY"........I FUCKIN HATE MRS. PERNA.............AND I FUCKIN HATE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude if i knew someone with a car who was willing to take me, i'd be outa here. I cant stand this place. I wish i was dead.

3 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 11.51 pm
:: Mood: sad/depressed/hopeless

The Hero Dies In This One

As I leave here today, apartment 108
I'll always keep you in my heart.
Anderson is cold tonight,
The leaves are scattered on the ground.
I miss the seasons,
And the comfort of your smile.

Sometimes this all feels like a dream.
I'm waiting for someone to just wake me up,
From this life.

As I look out at these fairgrounds,
I remember how our family split apart.
I don't think I ever told you,
But I know you always did your best.
And the hard times,
They only made us stronger.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm suppose to carry on when you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you,
I love you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

Do you ever feel like crying?
Do you ever feel like giving up?
I raise my hands up towards the sky,
I say this prayer for you tonight,
Because nothing is impossible.

As I sit here all alone,
I wonder how I'm suppose to carry on when you're gone.
I'll never be the same without you,
I love you more then you will ever know.
So maybe now you finally know.
Sometimes we're helpless and alone,
But you can let it keep you weighted down.
You must go on.

(The hardest part isn't finding who we need to be, it's being content with who you are.)

Stay who you are.
You must go on.
Stay who you are. [x4]

-Dedicated-

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 11.45 pm
:: Mood: sad/depressed/hopeless
:: Music: the Ataris

Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 11.28 pm
:: Mood: depressed

I wish someone would just fuckin kill me.......

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 10.44 pm
:: Mood: sad/hurt/confused

Dude....i just got an email from my mom, she said all this stuff about me being a bad person and that my only intentions are to "hurt people as bad as i can", and that i don't care about anyone but myself. I know none of that is true, and if it were anyone else saying it i wouldn't give a fuck, but this is my MOM....and then for some reason she brought up the argument we got into a few weeks ago saying that she "didn't lie" and "its none of my buisness anyways" (funny, considering it was about me...) and that she "made that desicion long before her and steve even thought about being together" (THE BIGGEST LIE SHES EVER TOLD, considering my brother was born in JANUARY, meaning she would have had to got pregnant with him ((by steve)) in APRIL, TWO FUCKIN MONTHS BEFORE HER AND MY DAD BROKE UP.....) shes the biggest liar i've ever met.....and yeah, now im sitting here in tears not knowing what else to do (i emaild her back and said alot of stuff too, but ended it saying never talk to me again) I don't know why she hates me, but im jsut not gonna worry about it. (one thing she said was kinda funny, "you can wrap yourself up in your everything-sucks-and-i-hate-the-world music" blah blah blah....yeah i just find that funny considering i'd hate the world ALOT more if it werent for them....but anyways.....i dunno im just so sick of her being like this. I fuckin hate her soooo much....yet at the same time i love her. I wish someone would just kill me....seriously.....

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 8.30 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: the Ataris

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 3.12 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: AFI- The Art Of Drowning

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 11 January :: 12.37 am

Hooligan Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


yep thats me

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 10 January :: 8.12 pm
:: Mood: pissed off

Woah i fell asleep last night and didn't even mean to....it was crazy, i just woke up and was asleep!!! ( i mean....didn't wake up and was asleep....i woke up and then was awake from bein asleep....yeah.......) Anyways after that i didn't do anything except get subway and come back here were i fell asleep on the floor. Yesterday nothing excting happend (cept when Tiffany kicked a hole in the wall.....) but this one band called Defining the moment (AWESOME) was playing there again and the guitarist asked some girl out on stage....lol it was so cute!!! and then he pointed to me and said "you come here" and i was like why....and he started talking to me, but before i realized what he said some fat hoe walked up there...and she ended up getting to play his guitar or something....stupid bitch. but anyways.... I swear i fuckin hate people tho......everyone.....i wish everyone would just die, seriously they all deserve to have their fuckin heads blown off. latter kiddies-
Leah

4 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 9 January :: 7.02 pm
:: Mood: Emo
:: Music: Warped Tour Comp.

Hates me

:: 2004 8 January :: 11.42 pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: smile empty soul

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 8 January :: 6.55 pm
:: Mood: Boredizzle
:: Music: Smile Empty Soul

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 8 January :: 10.10 am
:: Mood: tired

10:10 AM.....just woke up, unwillingly, because i have a stupid orthodontist appt. I swear i wan't these fuckin things OFF!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!! im gettin em off early even if i have to rip em the fuck off my teeth myself....anyways.....i didn't go to sleep last night till like 5, so im tired as fuck....thats why i didn't go to school and just waited till after my appt. to go. I still don't want to, i just wanna sleep. Anyways....im gonna go ahead and go. Latter kiddies-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 8 January :: 1.52 am
:: Mood: depressed

Well, im sittin here at 2 in the morning, and i just got done reading an article in Revovler about Korn....i swear i fuckin hate Johanthon Davis.....i don't kno why but every time i read something about them or see his picture my butthole starts to itch.....IM SERIOUS!!! And its right on that spot that you can't quite reach unless you shoved a pen or something up your butt....weird i know, but its even weirder that you can hate someone so much your butthole itches when you think about them.....hmmm.....im tired, so im gettin ready to go to bed, i just thought i'd post real quick because im fat like that. Anyways.....i love you guys (some of you) even tho no one reads this......:-P latter kiddies-
Leah

2 fuckers | Hates me