pnutbutterdaffodillies
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2005 12 July :: 3.50am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: coldplay
my life
I've grown into a slump. a slump that is depressing. honestly, I don't know why it's depressing. maybe it's depressing because I'm not happy with myself at this moment of it. my job royally sucks my will to live. I used to be okie with hanging out by myself. I didn't care if I didn't go out that evening, although it would be nice, I didn't care if I ended up staying at home. now, I wouldn't say it has changed, but I guess I wish I did go out more. it just seems as though everything is changing. probably because everything is changing. I haven't been eating as much lately. I have been eating, I'm cutting back on eating junk food, which is a lot. I've been eating more fruits such as cantelope and watermelon. I am eating watermelon right now. I've been getting back into the habit of doing crunches, more and more regularly. I felt like having a good cry tonite. but did I? no. I was somewhat stressed after getting off work. my parents didn't drop off a car. it was my dad's birthday yesterday. there was a little cookout going on. I called my parents to come pick me up and took my dad thirty minutes to come get me. it doesn't take thirty minutes to go from the house to my job. I got a little teary eyed while waiting. by the time I got home, my parents said I looked as though I was about to cry. which I wanted to, but couldn't. I told them I was only tired. I haven't gotten much sleep these past few nites. now don't get me wrong, it's not because I've been down. it's because I was out all nite saturday and sunday I just wasn't tired. my eyes hurt because of a combination of a lack of sleep and the tears from just a few minutes ago. I have nearly 800 songs in iTunes and nothing to listen to. I want to thank sirus for coldplay. now I have something to listen to.
2 comments |
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phoenixnaito
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2005 11 July :: 11.55am
I've been sick for the last two weeks and counting. Fever, constant nausea, headaches, blah, blah, blah...so yeah.
Tony will be coming to visit this winter. Yay! No offense to his girlfriend...but I hope she doesn't come to. I mean, I like her, she's really nice, and I have nothing against her, but it would be a little weird having a girl follow me around...and she's attracted to me. I mean very attracted to me. She's bisexual.
Actually, you know what? That would be selfish of me not to let her come too. So, If she wants to, there's always a mind set for one more. Tony said we'll probably just hang out in the cemetery and he's going to monitor my living style for a while...he's going to try to get me healthy again. Although I'm only healthy in the winter months!
The heat of the summer makes me ill. I hate it!
Ah yes, can't forget us all wrapped up under a huge blanket in my room watching movies and spraying each other in the face with canned whipped cream. The simple pleasures.
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lil_bill06
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2005 2 July :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: annoyed
I wish that I could tell people how I really feel. How I really want to feel. I wish that I could trust people more than what I do. But everything that has been happening lately just makes it hard to do.
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pnutbutterdaffodillies
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2005 1 July :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: ashlee - autobiography
in sickness and in health
halo my loves. well I believe this is the extent of my woohu, with the appearance atleast. I believe I am going to let this journal be my more personal and more open one. so therefore, here it goes. it's lately been a hardspot for my family. this past January, my family was informed on one of my cousins having colon cancer. I believe my cousin will be 21 this coming August. for those of you who do not know, that is very unusual for such a young person to get colon cancer. the colon cancer which I then believe spread to the liver. my cousin was doing well and getting better, from what I understood. well the other week, we found out that the cancer spread to the lungs. from what I understand, that is no good. therefore my cousin will be up at duke hospital for roughly a month.
with that being said, the following must also be said: I regret (that is possibly too strong of a word, but it fits) not taking the time to get to know her better (same goes for certain other people, as well). she always seemed like a very cool and fun person to hang out with. I regret for this happening too late. there are sayings out there about not saying what you want to a person before it's too late. I hope this doesn't happen to me. I plan on taking time to write a letter and giving it to her. I'm not very good with verbal interaction, especially on emotional levels.
all my love
AEA...don't die wondering
La La
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lil_bill06
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2005 1 July :: 10.43pm
:: Mood: frustrated
Why ME?
What is wrong with me? What did I do to deserve the shitty life that I have?
I told you my deepest secret that I haven't told anyone and now you won't talk to me, What's up with that? I wish that you would just tell me what I did?
7 comments |
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pnutbutterdaffodillies
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2005 28 June :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: blah
new
hey you guys! I am so excited to have woohu back! I was silly not to keep it and I suffered majorly. give me some time to get this up and running properly, which wont take long at all.
AEA...don't die wondering
musically yours,
La La
4 comments |
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lil_bill06
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2005 22 June :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: pissed off
Lying
I hate people who lie. Am I that bad of a person to be lied to? Am I that bad of a person to be avoided? I don't get what's wrong with me. Why is it that everyone I love doesn't seem to feel the same way? I wish that people would tell me the truth. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I can't take it anymore. Should I give up on him? Some will know who I'm talking about.
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lil_bill06
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2005 18 June :: 10.57pm
Quiz
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
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phoenixnaito
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2005 18 June :: 9.58am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Rosetta Stone - Adrenaline
I have my internet back! Woo! I'm happy...no I'm not.
I still miss all of you.
1 comment |
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lil_bill06
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2005 17 June :: 10.40pm
Life In General
I don't know what's happening. I've been hanging out with Joey and it makes me really happy and it feels so nice, but I think that what I told him on saturday pissed him off or something. It seems life he's avoiding me or something. It makes me sad, cuz I want to hang out with him but he's always gone, or has more important things to do. I wish that we could hang out sometime soon. I wish that I could spend the night at his house again, it was so much fun. I'm so in love with him and I don't think that he really knows it. I need to spend the rest of my life with him and I hope that he feels the same way. Well all for now. Joey get a hold of me.
13 comments |
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phoenixnaito
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2005 14 June :: 12.22pm
Grrr...I've been working my ass off and been at the library all week because my mother cut through the cable cord with a shovel...hehe. Anyway, umm...I miss you all and I should have my internet back this weekend so I can talk to you again.
Farewell for now.
4 comments |
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PhoenixNaito
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2005 10 June :: 1.34pm
I have found a band that is amazing. Their music is beautiful. www.zeritas.de go to Hörproben to hear some of their songs.
I love it! You probably will too.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 7 June :: 3.38pm
I'm unpacking...
We're not moving!!!
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phoenixnaito
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2005 10 May :: 3.19pm
Heh, erm...yeah, I'm in a better mood.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 9 May :: 10.59pm
The concert was horrible...what else is new? I have not been in a very good mood today for several reasons, but the main is, I'm simply tired and bored.
I fell off of my chair earlier while attempting the two leg, wooden recliner position. I stayed there for several minutes before deciding I should get up.
After arriving and sitting for a matter of 2 hours waiting for the other choirs to finish up, we finally had our turn. Standing for 45 minutes in and eighty degree auditorium, with bright lights shining on us...believe me, we held each other up. Let alone that I have low blood pressure, and nearly passed out while standing. But, hey, doesn't matter.
I have people after me from all sides because I am contantly in the school clinic. I have problems with my heart. Damn people, give me a break. It doesn't just *poof* and disappear, okay?
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phoenixnaito
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2005 9 May :: 6.27am
:: Mood: awake
I have a choir concert tonight (We're one of the best choirs in Ohio...and I think we suck!) So I'll be leaving around seven, maybe a little earlier, but I shall still attempt to be online...and not take things so seriously.
::EDIT:: 4:53 pm
I am so bored, and sitting for two hours in an auditorium while listening to really bad choirs isn't going to help. Did absolutely nothing today during school except take a bunch of stupid online quizzes during Mr. Fetrow's lecturing. I would like to stay home and continue to talk to sirus all night. But, of course, this is one of those "Go or fail." type of occassions.
Care to know how bored I am? I doubt it but you get to know anyway. :) (I'm so great aren't I?...wow, that was arrogant)
I noticed that I can sit in a reclined position on a wooden chair, on only two legs...heh. Yeah, anyone care to try?
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phoenixnaito
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2005 8 May :: 1.14pm
No, I did not draw/paint this. I'm not that capable. But I did edit it to look like so. Oh yeah, I'm that good.
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PhoenixNaito
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2005 6 May :: 3.54pm
"How could I have been so stubborn to let it go? Why would I walk away from my one opportunity to run? What would have happened if I had not stopped? Who would be here now?
Questions I do not wish to seek an answer for. It was long ago that I dared to leave every thing behind. Now I have too much to stay for."
It is still not official as to what times exactly I shall be gone, nor if Chelsea will be joining me on my quest to avoid a social situation in a very social place. I'm sorry but I can not stand people...well, most people. I simply cannot put up with the stupidity of northeastern Ohio. It's mainly emo, people who think it is cool to see how many times they can get someone, or be pregnant before the age of eighteen. It's sick! And the girls are like Energizer Bunnies!!! They go on and on, and they never shut up. It's "like" every other word! In all honesty, I would not be surprised if I am the only person in this city who is still a virgin...hell I haven't even kissed anyone. Oh well, I'd rather never know, than know with the wrong person. I doubt you cared to know that but I felt like mentioning it anyway. Erm...yeah.
I'm going to go back to wandering in my mind until someone gets online.
Someone actually told me that they could see my mind being a maze, in which, someone could wander aimlessly forever, becoming lost around every corner. Heh.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 6 May :: 6.18am
:: Music: Guess...
Cold, sick, tired, worried, tense,...wishing. I shall update later before I leave. I'll be here from 3 to 7:30 pm so if anyone would like to talk, I'll make time between those hours. It is possible that I may be returning home in the early morning for sleep, I doubt I'll actually be asleep. So I may be on between 2 and 9 am as well, but as of the moment I can not promise anything of those hours. Anyway, as previously said I'll be on from 3 to 7:30 pm. I'll update later.
Farewell for now.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 5 May :: 10.31pm
Excuse me in advance....FUCK!!!! I got left at the mall! I was hoping to make it home early in the situation someone might be online that wanted to talk. But nooo, I had to get left in the middle of Niles while my father was off being an ass elsewhere. Eric nearly crushed me. I am pissed off, excuse me if I seem as though I may be pissed at someone. I am not...no one. Today, practically sucked in most aspects. Now I have to go back to Niles for 23 hours tomorrow night! Damnit!
I'll shut up, my sincerest apologies.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 5 May :: 3.31pm
:: Music: Katatonia - Omerta (You were expecting something else?)
I have one hell of a migraine and I have to go out to the mall to see a guy who cares nothing for me, and be in a store with loud, shitty music, annoying people, and bright lights....I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm not good with genetics...so I just slept through Biology. Oh well, I'll pick it up tomorrow.
::EDIT:: 6:24 P.M.
Migraine is gone, I'm not so stressed about going to see Eric, even though he does like to see how long I can avoid him without jumping on him and crushing him (he's only 115 120 lbs. I'm 160). He does not care much for my company though. Although he is working, even if there is no one else in the store or immediate area, he'll find something to busy himself away from me....he was "kind" enough to let my mother know he was thinking about me while I was in a manic depressive state of mind last week.
Chelsea may be coming along over the weekend so I suppose it won't be so bad. We'll probably be sitting around from about 11 pm to 3 am because no one ever comes out between those hours.
I hope to talk to you all soon.
Farewell for now.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 4 May :: 4.08pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Katatonia - Omerta
Today kind of sucked. I had a sudden drop in blood pressure and nearly passed out in Biology. Luckily that was the last class for the day. I was running late...again. But I did have an opportunity to take a few new photos. Oh how dearly I'd love to go for a really long walk, but sunset is so much later and that is usually when I get chased down with cars. And I despise sunlight. My eyes are much too sensitive to light and I'd pretty much be blind while walking. Eh, I'll just stay online for a while, then I'll go watch 13 Ghosts. :)
Also, just a heads up for this weekend, I shall be gone between the hours of 8 P.M. on Friday, until 6 P.M. on Saturday to help out my mother at the "Relay For Life" thing going on. I get to work the night shift on Friday...YES!
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phoenixnaito
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2005 3 May :: 7.14am
When it comes to procrastinating, I am very good at it. Although half the time I forget about assignments and they end up late or getting a zero...Stupid, stupid, stupid!
I am quite proud of the fact that I am gradually bringing my grades up. I am looking forward to the next school year. I shall be taking a Biotechnology class! Woo! Mainly because I plan on persuing a career in forensic medicine. IF of course I can manage to stop procrastinating.
Well, yeah, I'm going to be late for class!
Farewell for now.
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phoenixnaito
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2005 2 May :: 7.29pm
Hello again.
It has been a while, I can not say that the time I have spent away has been easy. So many things have changed. I recieved a rather shocking surprise a little earlier, but I'm glad I did. My sincerest apologies to all for all that I have done in the past. I do sincerely hope that things get better as time passes. However quickly or slowly.
Farewell for now.
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Steffie-x-schaukelt
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2005 22 April :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: chipper
I took some new pictures of Carley - my sister (acidtears) - a few days ago.
linkage, yo!
eins, zwei, drei, vier.
thanks goes to sye for helping me with the links
i like comments..
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lil_bill06
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2005 8 April :: 5.12pm
:: Mood: neutral
I'm so bored. I want to go golfing. I wish I had somebody to go with. I want to hang out with Joey. I wish that he would get ahold of me. I want to go somewhere. I wish that somebody would get a hold of me. JOEY.
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Steffie-x-schaukelt
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2005 4 April :: 6.51pm
:: Mood: chipper
holy freaking crap
chewing gum is not my forte
(flicks tongue)
but i spelled tongue right.
that's a first in a lifetime occurance for me but something half of you will never master.
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Steffie-x-schaukelt
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2005 29 March :: 6.50am
:: Mood: cranky
BEFORE SCHOOL
i hate you, books.
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lil_bill06
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2005 26 March :: 3.03pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: rollin on the river
boys
Boys suck. They have no clue how a girls mind works. All guys think about it sex and alcohol. Why can't they appreciate what we girls do. I sure wish that Addison would. We're starting to work things out but not very well. I wish that things were better then they are. I wish that i could just run away. I wish that I understood what Addison thinks about. I wish I could understand the logic that Addison uses. I wish that Addison does the things he says he does. I wish that my life was perfect. I wish that I had everything I want. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
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