Nothing Gold Can Stay

:: 2005 17 April :: 12.29am

i believe i am going to fly away

4 that's the tickets | put it in my butt

:: 2005 10 April :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: strokes

real tite
i had a good spring break. now under 50 days of high school left. oh yes oh yeah its gonna be alright im gonna be a freshman again. colllegeee. ive heard many adults say the next 4 years of my life will be the best years of my life. lets seeee about that one. oh yeah i met this girl that im gonna take to prom over spring break shes real cool/pretty, oh yeah i have to ask first

Salvador Dali is an amazing artist

:: 2005 13 March :: 8.37pm

why didnt i check the chapel first. i went into the youth center, back to the old desert theater room, then drove my car to the front of the church, went inside the front and finally found it. but i was to late. i left because im already having enough trouble right now dealing with my family to listen to my friends "have to talk to me later" and be pissed off at me. now why would i want to listen to that somewhere i go where i wish i could just hang out and be glad to see everyone again. but my kind aint wanted round dem parts....yeah thats the best way to say it, perfect. this only pertains to a couple of people, so dont assume im talking to you. happy to see me or ready to get on my case? because really i could care less to talk to you if its getting on my case.

im now leaving to yell somewhere in a really confined area

:: 2005 13 March :: 11.25am
:: Mood: sleepy

i have dreams with girls that i shouldn't be dreaming about

:: 2005 8 March :: 3.18pm

got to get you into my life

i swear the blinds were wavy, one thing ive learned this weekend is that you always need the straight kid. always.

:: 2005 25 February :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: sigur ros

let the weekend begin. tonight is a night of fun and more fun tomorrow is a work night. and sunday at 1pm i leave for downtown to attend state deca competition for 3 days. yah i get to miss school. well not really miss.......it. cuz i wont. have a good weekend everyone.

:: 2005 21 February :: 12.39am
:: Music: buffalo soldier

lights
i feel light, i feel hot, lights get brighter, cars pulsate, patterns on the ceiling, walls bending in and out, colors, neon brights everywhere, amazing

:: 2005 13 February :: 9.30pm

all in all it comes down to is that really, you are no better than the person standing right next to you.

:: 2005 10 February :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: weird

today has been a really really weird day. this mornign i was running late and so i parked up top (very very bad at my school). and the police caught me in the act. all i had to do was move my car to make the walk a lot further...but it caused me to be late. at school i gave blood after not eating anything all day. i felt a little light headed afterwards but it went away. i went to detention for being late for school. later on i locked my keys in my car at school and the time for me to go to work was coming fast. so my mom picked me up w/ my work clothes. when we arrived at my work i was so dazed that i couldnt even hear my mom talking to me anymore she kept talking but i couldnt listen to her. i began to feel reallly reallly dizzy like. my eyes were loosing focus and just before i felt myself slip into unconsciencousness, i put my head between my knees. i stayed awake and then i got extremely hot, so i took my shirt off. this was all going on with my mom sitting there freaking out, wondering what was wrong with me. i didnt make it to the backseat to get my work clothes, my mom went into my work and said i wouldnt be coming in. and since then ive been laying on the couch at home. that was crazy, id never felt anything like that before. so yeah. that was my story of the day. i feel weird

:: 2005 7 February :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: working

wow i really have nothing to write about, so im just going to list my motives. hell why not

my mind and my body play two different roles

my mind wants that perfect girl for me. my body wants...well.

someone whom i trust and believe in once told me that i have split personalities and that its really fucked up and yadaydadada. but maybe she was just trying to make me think im the problem??

something crazy that ive done, ive gone through all of high school, having just about everything i want (with some exceptions) out of it. and i remained a ghost for most of it. the way to stay sane when you feel insane. its fucked up, but im long past this stage in my life, like everyone else, i want more...

:: 2005 31 January :: 6.58pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: interpol

today was an okay day i mean really what can i say? the day was what it was but because i made it through doesnt make it any different then it does. im on a coarse of where i dont know to slow way to slow to make it there though im trying to ride out the storm to get ahead of the norm. step 1.
1.bonnaroo tickets purchased
2.IU acceptance
3.end of high school
steps one two and three is really all there is to me. love life friendship are 3 parts of me that i dont know what to make of. what if we were all produced love hormones. no not the stick in the pit but im talkin about a feeling. love life friendship are all important to me oh shit what happened i forgot my family. theres no trust anywhere you can find yourself in despair who knows who is who, one day ill walk on bye my brother or my sister and we wont say hi. its just the way we are i dont know why or when we/I will understand that everyone needs eachother to belong to remind themselves they exist. a hug a kiss, meeting eye to eye. that reassurance that you are still alive and that people can see whats in your eyes. fear, misunderstand, confusion, open your eyes child and look back at mine. you sit alone in the dark open field under a firey sky of blues and blacks, i want you to know, you live on and throughout this time. you are noticed. cared for and appreciated for what you bring into this world. live child, dont look back. For theres nothing more thats left behind so dont rewind, make a necklace out of grass blades, blow on a dandylion, climb a tree, cry in joy. theres too much beauty in this world for us to notice the waste. maybe i should hug a tree

:: 2005 19 January :: 2.26pm
:: Music: muse - hysteria

today
no more sister in house for how long i dont know. probably until after i leave for college. my family is all fucked up now. while the couselor sits there and tries to convince me that ive been affected by my past and my childhood growing up with my dad. i dont believe it, i choose not to because fuck him and fuck that. ive become so good at keeping myself out of the situation that i feel invincible at times. I guess what the counselor was trying to say is that shes impressed that im not one angry son of a bitch. ive put to much of my personal life on here already. tiger tiger woods yall. yeah its hurting me, its morphing me and forcing me to strive, to be endlessly caving in, and dreaming of my love. i want it now i want it now give me your heart and your soul im breaking out im breaking out thats when shell lose control

:: 2005 17 January :: 11.17pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: david bowie

yeah so
tomorrow is the begining of the end of high school. one semester left, really all i can do is sit here and think about what im going to do with that last semester. i think ill build a snowman. yes. thats exactly what i want to do, im going to build a snowman then name it zach. when im angry with myself ill just hit my snowman named zach in the stomach. ps. im a passive person. very passive. whats ahead of me i dont know but im here, and im gonna fight for it.

:: 2005 15 January :: 1.18pm
:: Music: moe

well, so much has been going on lately. my mom took my car and my cell phone because i had been partying. ill leave it at that. and now my dad tells me that im unaware of what my mom plans on doing to me. the thing is, im done partying. im tired of it. its old news in my mind. ive got better things to start getting accomplished. like the rest of my life ahead of me, im 18 now. now im not going to say im not gonna drink every once in a while, but nothing out of hand like the past. zachs life is different for now on

:: 2005 9 January :: 8.08pm

i slept in the car last night because i had to leave the house i was at in the middle of the night. so my friend and i made a trip to walmart at 3am to buy blankets. that was real fun. then we drove over to the comfort inn parking lot and went to sleep. right now im trying to decide if im going to do my review packets that i have due tomorrow morning. Im also trying to decide why danielle wont talk to me anymore. i try to talk to her but i get no response. maybe they were right, i shouldnt have fucked with her in the begining. i guess it was a good little fling, but i dont want a fling. really whats the point if this is just going to happen. all it does is make me sit here and wonder how her day went, knowing that she wont respond if i ask her anyways. the bonding of two individuals was never meant to be this difficult, people are just dumb.

:: 2005 9 January :: 9.57am
:: Mood: awake

i wonder why things work like they do.

:: 2004 30 December :: 12.39pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: pixies.where is my mind

where
i woke up and ate pancakes that evans brothers girlfriend made, i know one thing, i want my girlfriend to make me pancakes in the morning because then id love her. but thats just an example.i cant define love. because when it really comes down to it though, love is a lot of all we have in this world that we dont have to buy. winter break had been a blur

:: 2004 17 December :: 1.46pm

i never knew i would be going so many places. this year has been so sweet. i cant believe who just put their number in my phone

4 that's the tickets | put it in my butt

:: 2004 12 December :: 11.43am
:: Music: The Wall

none other than
so last night i had all these dreams and such and they were the greatest blah blah blah. but i hate waking up and realizing that they arent true, and that what you dreamed of would never happen. things are bad between danielle and i now. i dont even know how or why or anything just that they are bad. oh well. i knew it wasnt going to work out at all, i mean i knew from the start that i wasnt going to be with her, but at least be her friend and whatnot. wow i dont know if that quite worked out either. hey things go by times go on and ill end up where i belong.

:: 2004 9 December :: 10.24pm

who created the creator. if gods up there lookin down on us, who created him? who created all that electricity that created the complex life form homosapians. wait i know. its all part of the hendrix expierence.

so many questions, why not just live the life youve been given without askin all those questions. word