:: 2003 29 October :: 9.31 pm
:: Mood: tired

yea i havent updated for a while so here's some random pieces of my life for now:

1.) i took my ACT's again last saturday - really hard...but i really need a 24

2.) i took an IQ test in psych and i found out im dumb (no big surprise) - i gotta 128.

3.) i just took one floodlight practice to recall that mrs wilson is a bitch.

4.) manda got her senior pics back but i havent stopped by yet to see them (melissa L.'s senior pics are frickin sweet!)

5.) our family pics came back...they're ok i guess - we all share a common trait - we arent photogenic.

6.) i wrote my keller paper the hour before it was due and its not that bad...

7.) i found out htat i gotta be on my tb meds for at least another 3 months...so yea i still cant eat yeast, alcohol, certain cheeses, and yogurt

8.) why are males so obsessed with females' anatomy?

9.) i was thinking - its gotta be really hard to be a parent, at any age. and it got me thinking - what if melissa got pregnant from that bastard raping her? how drastic would her life change. because unlike pam, cindy and amber - it wouldnt be her fault for having a child. she would have had no lesson to learn from it. she would never choose to abort it - she told me that much. i mean, im sure alice would take care of the baby but still...itd be difficult. just one of my random thoughts for the day...

10.) i haveta retake my sanocki test cuz i kinda sucked at it and got a 67. (i forgot what the fall of rome was and decided to bs my way through and talked about how rome didnt 'technically' fall considering it's still a thriving city today - yea he didnt buy it).

im cold and tired tho so i think im goin to bed. or maybe not. i just realized that i missed like the entire OC. i think aut taped it tho - so its all good. bah. i like the ppl at school - i jus dont like the classes...is that a bad thing? sometimes i jus wanna quit. but how can u quit if u've worked so hard and ur so close to attaining ur goal? bah. im going to bed. ive had this like massive headache all day and after 1500mg of extra strength tylenol, it still hasnt subsided. yeah none of this probly makes any sense. but yea im out. cya.


**hey wouldnt it be fun to throw brooks out a window? defenestration :D...i would seriously pay to see that...

2 people love life. | do u love life?

:: 2003 20 October :: 8.25 pm

What's Your Flirting Style?



Femme Fatale

Making him laugh, sitting on his lap, telling him how hot he is — you have all the flirting tricks down! Guys practically fall at your feet, and just one of your heart-melting stares is all it takes to turn boy into boyfriend. You seem to have dated most of the guys you know, or at least hooked up with them once or twice, and although you're still friends, you really prefer spending your down time with other girls — it's much less work! Make sure that you keep some of your friendships platonic, as guys can be great fun to hang out with, too. You can only have one boyfriend, but think of all those hotties you could hang out with... .



***im really not that much of a flirt - i swear.***

2 people love life. | do u love life?

:: 2003 20 October :: 7.57 pm
:: Mood: cold

if i had one million dollars, i would donate a protion to the school for the heating system. this is not only beneficial to the school but also to the students as well. (the kids wont catch pneumonia and therefore wont sue the school, thus saving the school from a lawsuit).

1 people love life | do u love life?

:: 2003 19 October :: 10.55 pm

random thoughts
"the creator of spongebob mustve done lsd. i mean, who would look at a sponge and think it could possibly live in a pineapple if they werent stoned?" ~my dad~

mom thinks i could have some kind of ADHD. cuz i was attempting to study the reading section for my ACTs (i had originally scored a 1 - meaning that 1% of all who had taken it scored at or below my level.) and i was really struggling. like id read a sentence and totally forget what i just read. and it isnt the first time this has happened either. i.e. summer reading a couple of years ago, i would pick the book up and have to back track a few chapters cuz i couldnt remember any of the characters. so yea i dunno. maybe ive just lost the short term memory brain cells - is that possible?

i learned how to make terriaki shrimp tonite.

ive had the "stacey's mom" song stuck in my head for the past several days. its either that or "who lives in a pinapple under the sea? spongebob squarepants!"...ahh...

oyea another advantage to being short: short ppl can hide behind stumps :D

my mother is a procrastinator, almost as bad as me. she knows she has to study so she gets on the phone and talks for an hour. now she wants to check her mail. its almost 11 - and her test is tomorrow...i dont know how she manages to get the highest grade in her class (well, both for that matter...). but yea im getting kicked off. later.

1 people love life | do u love life?

:: 2003 17 October :: 11.14 pm

well catholic beat hesperia 47-7...no surprise there. oyea, i had my first enconter with a deer tonite. it was a massive doe standing right at the base of the hill. of course i was forced to slam on my brakes. and what did it do? it looked my way and then slowly wandered off into a field. lovely, jus lovely.

do u love life?

:: 2003 16 October :: 10.44 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

yea so tonite utterly sucked. i took my lil sibs to see the movie Casablanca cuz it was playing at the Dogwood Centre. yea it tediously boring - and between aut playing with a balloon and gabe asking what was going on, if i would buy him food, and if it was over yet - i was forced to stay awake. the last 20 minutes were ok tho.

o yea and tonite was conferences. nick's mom kinda forwarned me about keller. and sure enough, my parents walk in and she's like "autumn is fabulous, but jill...." my dad said that she used the word "defiant" more than 10 times...(he quit counting). shes out to get me. for example, she thinks that it is unacceptable to prop my feet up on a chair. well, i only learn when im comfortable. my parents pay thousands of dollars to send me to a private school, so by being comfortable, i am exercising my full potential and i also notice that i get better grades in the classes in which im more comfy. bah. i think its crap. and then shes teaching us shit like what an apostrophe is. umm we're not in 3rd grade. my parents pay money for me to broaden my knowledge, not to relearn things i was taught when i was 8. it pisses me off. and then im the one who gets the "respect ur elders" speech. oyea, and my mom, my own mother, was like "just look at it as an easy A". she had the audacity to tell me that! well im sry if i want to learn. english class has always been my favorite subject and the highlight of my day - now its just tedious and i always get yelled at. bah humbug. it pisses me off. what bothers me even more is that she told nick's parents that both of us screw around in class...no, we're just prohibiting ourselves from dying of boredom. and if its distracting others - then send us down to shepich...i havent been down there in a while...and at least he has comfy chairs...

1 people love life | do u love life?

:: 2003 15 October :: 7.24 pm
:: Mood: depressed

i kinda always thought that i knew what my "downfalls" were. (example: im brutally honest and opinionated). but ive realized something else that is much worse than the above: i give into peer pressure way too easily. i say no countless times and then i just get tired of saying no, or it gets too repetitive or something so i give in. why do i give in so fast? is it because i dont have the patience or the will-power to stand up for myself? i dont get it. and i dont know how to cure myself of this. because it will continue to cause more and more problems if i dont do somehting about it...:(

1 people love life | do u love life?

:: 2003 13 October :: 10.41 pm
:: Mood: thoughtful

i seem to have fallen into a rut. its not like a bad rut or anything - but its jus getting kinda old. no offense to jami and manda and anyone else i may offend, but i have this void in me. i hang out with the same people on the weekends, do the same dumb things...not that its bad or anything - its just kinda repetitive. jami says we need boyfriends but i dunno. sometimes it seems like it would bring more excitement into my life. but when i refer to excitement, i mean like new things...ahh i dunno.

1 people love life | do u love life?

:: 2003 13 October :: 7.04 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

i stumbled upon an entry that made me stop and think. i read it over a few times, because it was so true. he told of how he was forced to deal with a lot of shit in his life. he also made several very good points. when we talk to someone, most of the time we judge them solely on their appearance. we dont take the time to get to know them. its not fair to us or to them. this world would be a much better place if we all took a moment out of our hectic lives to understand people. but do we? no. we dont know the kinda shit that people go through. we dont know the extensive pain and brutality that they were forced to endure. i never usually set personal goals for myself cuz i know they probly wont get kept. but im gunna try this time - im going to attempt to get to know someone that doesnt seem to have a ton of friends and im gonna get to know them. and perhaps this will be the beginning of another friendship or maybe i can help them out in some way. regardless, im gunna try cuz hey - u never know...

1 people love life | do u love life?

:: 2003 13 October :: 6.24 pm
:: Mood: blah

our family went and got pics this past saturday. one word: eww.

i went with manda to get her senior pics yesterday, cuz she could bring friend. the guy doing them was really cool. then weezer tells me that im getting in on some of them. i looked like trash. lovely. jus lovely. it was a ton of fun tho. after that was done, we played on the rocks on the pier in ludington. we got drenched but its all good tho - we had a blast.

ugh. i dont know whats wrong with me. itd be misleading to say that i am getting sick because i dont htink i am. my body is just achy all over and im light-headed and incredibly nauseated. loud noise hurts my head too. i went 24 hours before my dad forced me to eat some mac'n'cheese. but everytime i go to eat i just feel like im gonna throw up. and i hate throwing up - so its just easier to not eat - and im not getting hunger pains or anything. its worse in the morning, tho, like by 1:30, im feeling somewhat better. driving to school was a killer. i fought this immense exhaustion the entire way to school. blah - i dont know what it is. i jus dont feel good.

chemistry sux ass.

do u love life?

:: 2003 8 October :: 10.56 pm

random thoughts
brrr im cold...its like 70 degrees in here . . . *shivers*

yea i was thinking about the whole thing we gotta do for brooks and how we haveta find examples of discrimination - do u think she would mark me down if i use american pie2 or not another teen movie? cuz they present 2 very good depictions of discrimination against blacks and women.

report cards came today - 4.0 :D jus not for long tho...

we presented our papers today in adv writing - i think i did ok...(oyea - our group got a 96% on our group test in world studies:D)

amanda's getting her senior pics done this sunday. i might go with her - i really need to get those done. i hate pictures tho - our family pics are scheduled for this saturday. ick!

i dunno things have gotten kinda weird lately. in the past two days i was told i should work at the odessey (a local strip club). umm yea i need the money but no i wouldnt strip - and the scary thing: they were dead serious. whats wrong with these ppl god.

oyea i found out that there are farms in austin...

well i gotsta get up in like 6 1/2 hours so im im out. nite!

3 people love life. | do u love life?

:: 2003 6 October :: 8.45 pm

ahhh it was so nice today. the weather was perfect. me and gabe played tackle football outside in tank tops and sweats. of course i kicked his ass. :P

oyea i think i have straight A's for this marking period. woohoo - go me.

i gotta call somebody...i'll be back later.

oyea - justin - rumor has it that the bell sisters have gone back to virginia - is that true?

3 people love life. | do u love life?

:: 2003 5 October :: 9.58 pm
:: Mood: frustrated

y must ppl be so frickin stubborn?
life has its fill of ups and downs. everyone has to deal with them. everyone has problems. but its sad when ppl feel the need to resort to uh dire methods because they feel that their life is pointless. i mean, at 18 - they have their entire life ahead of them. sure they've had a few setbacks - but it can change. so pessimistic tho - self-fulfilling prophecy. i try and try to convince them but to no avail. and its just because of a frickin football game.
_______: i feel like quittin life
unbleached blond: it wont do u any good
_______: i dont wanna do anything im so so depressed
unbleached blond: dont be depressed
unbleached blond: this may sound harsh, but its just a game
unbleached blond: u have so much ahead of u
_______: no it feels like i worked all that time for nothing
unbleached blond: ur gonna be awesome at whatever branch of law u choose to pursue
_______: and nothing is infront of me
unbleached blond: that is where ur wrong
_______: college is a year away
unbleached blond: football has taught u endurance
_______: ive got a year of nothing
_______: nothing
unbleached blond: no
_______: why try
unbleached blond: because
unbleached blond: if u dont try then that is when it would be nothing
unbleached blond: becuase u will know that u didnt try
unbleached blond: whereas if u know u worked ur ass off, then u will know that
_______: if u try and fail u feel worse than not tryin
unbleached blond: no
_______: and the same result
unbleached blond: no
unbleached blond: its not
_______: yes
_______: you quit and lose
_______: u fight and lose
unbleached blond: if u try and fail - u know that u actually attempted
_______: ut still lose
unbleached blond: so losing sux
_______: but u still lose
_______: yeah it does
unbleached blond: we all lose at some point in our lives
unbleached blond: ur jus so used to winning
_______: and i will never get homecoming back agian
_______: ever
unbleached blond: think about schools like crestwood - where they bust their asses and they never win
unbleached blond: they suck but it still doesnt mean they dont try
_______: well yeah i play for mcc
unbleached blond: jus because something pushes u back a step doesnt mean u need to let it ruin ur life
unbleached blond: and mcc is NOT perfect
unbleached blond: u cant win them all
_______: i not use to goin 3-3
_______: and losing homecoming
_______: and maybee not makin playoffs
_______: yeah after football im gunna be empty
_______: yes u can
unbleached blond: no u cant
unbleached blond: there will always be somebody better than u
unbleached blond: and no ur not gunna be empty
_______: yeah i am
_______: there is gunna be no purpose after football
_______: i got nothin to work for
unbleached blond: so are u saying that ur life is totally devoted to football and nothing else?
unbleached blond: dont u wanna go into law tho?
_______: yeah but there is no way to improve my law skills now
_______: not untill college
unbleached blond: there has got to be somthing to make ur life more fulfilling
_______: high school is pointless and my time in it is gunna suck
_______: nope
unbleached blond: yes it will suck
unbleached blond: if u keep that attitude it will
_______: so im just gunna become a drunk untill college
_______: that way it will go faster
unbleached blond: no it wont
unbleached blond: itll screw ur life up
_______: no it'll make me feel beter
unbleached blond: u need to find somehting to do to take up time but drinking wont help
_______: yeah it will
unbleached blond: find something else to do
unbleached blond: no
_______: i found something drink
unbleached blond: hell join a diff sport or club or play or somehting
unbleached blond: no drinking wont help u
_______: how about i take a drinking class
_______: how to make drinks
_______: then drink them
unbleached blond: god
unbleached blond: damn it ______ listen to me - drinking will not solve ur problems
_______: no but it will make me feel better
unbleached blond: itll just make u more depressed and then ull drink more
_______: ok
unbleached blond: itll land u into a downward spiral and when u hit bottom ull realize that all the shit uve been doing doesnt help
unbleached blond: and then it is so much harder to maintain life agian
unbleached blond: and i dont want to see that happen to u
_______: but ill feel better
_______: it will cuz ive lost all my drive in life
unbleached blond: so plz just find somehting else to do other than drinking
unbleached blond: no if u try to drink away all ur problems, then ull lose ur drive in life
unbleached blond: ur only 18 - u got a good 80years
unbleached blond: u dont wanna screw it up so soon
_______: its already gone so at least ill feel good drinkin rather than sober
unbleached blond: thats where ur wrong
_______: my life is screwed up
unbleached blond: no its not
_______: no life sucks right now
unbleached blond: u think its screwed up jus cuz of football
_______: its all downhill
unbleached blond: get over it
_______: and is only gunna get worse
unbleached blond: its a frickin game
unbleached blond: there is so much more that u havent experienced
_______: its not just football nothin is goin right for me
unbleached blond: life has so much more to offer
_______: nothing
unbleached blond: like what?
_______: anything
_______: ive done nothing right
unbleached blond: like...
_______: football hunting school
_______: i even got dissed by a girl
_______: so ya my life is at bottom
_______: rock bottom
_______: this is a sign that i should quit life
_______: my life has no meaning anymore i just keep feelin worse
unbleached blond: ok weve already thoroughly discussed football; hunting - its only bow season. u got nov 30th to kill a deer. school - if u bust ur ass, ull do good. the whole "gettin dissed by a girl" - cmon we all deal wiht that
unbleached blond: believe me - ur life is far from rock bottom
_______: my life sucks
_______: nobody would want to be me im a loser
_______: life sucks
_______: my life sucks
unbleached blond: everyone's life sux occasionally - u just need to learn to get over it and make the most of life - we all have problems...we just need to learn to overcome them
_______: i quit

________ signed off at 9:47:31 PM

maybe i was to hard on him. but i tried but im just not good when it comes to convincing people to not give up on life. he wont answer his cell but i think he'll be ok. i wish i were trained to be a shrink...

2 people love life. | do u love life?

:: 2003 4 October :: 10.07 pm
:: Mood: ok i guess

homecoming kinda sucked. we lost the football game and as for the dance, i dunno, i jus couldt get into it (i cant dance anywaz but i dunno). there was jus sumthing bothering me. aut had fun tho. she found herself a group of friends. so that is definately a positive thing that happened last nite.

i really need to talk to somebody but i keep putting it off...ive always been good at procrastination.

i dont feel good tho. mom thinks im coming down with the flu. my head hurts and im nausaus. ive eaten a handful of m&ms and some pasta and i still dont feel good.

im out tho. nite.

2 people love life. | do u love life?

:: 2003 1 October :: 3.23 pm
:: Mood: irritated

what happens in the past should stay in the past. we all make mistakes, but we really cant regret them, cuz what good will that do? we just learn from them. but when ppl continuously bring them up time and time again it bothers me. i try not to let it show - but it really bothers me. what am i supposed to do? they dont listen to me. and then one of them says that im the one who brings it up. uh no. why would i want to bring it up? so then this person gets "disgruntled" with me for so called "bringing" this shit up. ahhh i had to get that out.

plz disregard the last post.

oyea - its snowing.

2 people love life. | do u love life?