I just keep likin' it more and more. Despite the paper that's due on Monday, which I have to bs my way through because it's suppossed to be 4-6 pages when there is reall only 1.5-2 pages worth of material. But oh well.

The band trip was fun. Besides a bunch of people getting totally smashed. Carrie did in our room. She started out with a small plastic cup of straight Vodka before we went to dinner, then she added to that another of the same sized glass of vodka and apple pucker mixed. Then on top of that she had Mike's. I've never seen someone go so fast. But it did lead us to other things. Tighe was so upset he was just tlaking to Nate, Atalie, Jen, and I about how that kind of stuff is. It was kind of refreshing and it made me realize by talking that the world doesn't seem like such a sinful place anymore. It's so much more than I thought it was, innocence, to a certain extent still reigns supreme, like i wish it did for me. It also made me draw parallels between my faith and Plato's "Allegory of the Cave." It made me realize that what my faith is is just much for show. Despite the fact that I don't show it very often. It's more to show myself than anyone, but I haven't been living it to the extent that I could. It kind of gives me a whole new out look on it. Well I've got to get some sleep. We talked until 1am Friday night, were back up at 6:30am to leave the hotel, rehearsal, game, 4 hour bus ride, the time now added to the fact that I have to be to work @7am. SO good night and God Bless.

This morning was so awesome. I've forgotten how awesome praying with other people is and how much it just completely lifts up my day and allows me to go out into the world. I got to school today and I noticed that I was walking with my head held high, taking longer strides, all around even more confident. Then I remember hwat Julie said one morning a few years back. We need to walk around with smiles on our faces so that everyone will ask what is different about us. And everytime that I get down I think about that and I can't help but smile. Just knowing that He is with me everyday seems like such a blessing and an enjoyment.

Not found to be in the best interests of Puritanical America
The "special commission" that John Winthrop and his followers believed that they had recieved was to become a divine example. This example was suppossed to be a "shining city on hill" for all of Christendom to look upon as an example in their worship of God. This commission was to be fulfilled by adhering to the Calvinistic viewpoints involving predestination. Following these viewpoints a person was to discover whether or not they were predestined as saved or damned, by their behavior within the community.

Due to their highly radical views on the purification of the Anglican Church, the Puritans faced difficulties in obtaining permission to settle a piece of the New World. Not only was there the problems of obtaingin permission, but also the issue of survival on the high seas. Once the original memebers of the Massachusetts Bay Company arrived in North America they faced many difficulties in locating a place to settle. Originally, Charlestown was founded as a center for the company. After the exploration of the bay the following spring, the center was moved to present day Salem where it was retained for two more winters. Then later, and permantently moved to Boston due to better land for farming. After becoming established in Boston, the colony faced other challenges, but none so as important as the influence of separtism. Since the Puritans themselves were a form of separtist (although they did not consider themselves as such) they frowned on further ideas of separatism. They even went as far as banishing those who disagreed with their doctorines such as Roger Williams and Anne Hutchinson. As many would think, it was not because they were too liberal for Puritanical society, but rather because they wished to push further from the Anglican Church and more towards a highly conservastive form of society.

AHHHHHHHH
I haven't been around here in a few days. I thought so much would change, when nothing really has. The drive to Allendale has gotten tiring already, but band camp is okay. The first day I was sort of optimistic, but that just went down the tubes after spending 7 hours out on the field and only going over attention, parade rest, left/right face, mark time, and roll step. Yes, for everyone in Cedar's Band, college is harder and they do things a little different, but it took us forever to learn just that little bit. Yesterday I was really depressed because we had auditions and I ended up 7 of 8, and the eighth person has only been marching tuba for one season and has to write the fingerings in. But I hit my second wind around 8 tonight. I figure if I can't be one of the best in music or marching like I was at Cedar, at least I'll show all these college kids that I can be the most intense person on that field, go me!

Now some personal notes:
Jessa, we all love you and care for you. Don't go that way, we're here for you whether you know it or not.
Shari: I'd be your bassist, but I'm going to be to busy and I can't hardly invision myself in a band with you, except that I once did.
To all those who wonder what my colors are now: here's you answer.

Whose the finest band in the land?
G V S U

goodnight and God bless.

I see Chrissy added me as a friend. Here's to my domination of the world> Cheers.

I finally get an off day Friday. It will be the first day that I haven't done anything, or have anything to do in the last 21 days. Thankfully I was able to trade my hours for Sunday with Shane so I don't have to work Easter.
I'm sick, but it's not as bad as yesterday. You know that feeling when you're not sure if you're sick or not, you just want to know? Well that's what I felt like yesterday and now I feel better even though I know I am sick because I know what I have to do to function. I guess I'm that kind of person who wants to know what he's up against. If I don't I get real panicky. Maybe I should go in for shock treatment. We're watching a video on it in psych and it's so cool. There was some lady on there complaining about how it was harmful and stuff like that. She said that when she came out of it she wasn't herself anymore. That's stupid because that is the purpose of it, to change the way you are because if you go in for it you are pretty close to or already have attempted suicide.

This is about the time, when things start to calm down when I feel very alone. I feel bad about not having someone and at some of the failed attempts of past infatuations. It was worse when I had a thing for Brenda because I thought I knew what I wanted but now I don't have a want for anyone, just someone. Betsy was talking about cuddling with someone you really care about at the cast party Saturday night and she was right. It feels really good to cuddle with that special someone. Not in a sexual way either. How desparate am I really? I feel almost pathetic sometimes because of my sappiness.

Well I've got to go for JV softball pictures. Yay, I'm going to be in the paper, not. Oh well.

Well I certainly have been busy the past few days. Not enough time to get on the net so it is apparent I haven't written in my journal. I go away for three days and I end up with 46 new email messages, 16 asking me if I want to lower my mortgage rate. I don't even have a mortgage. I think they should pass that new bill going through Congress making most spamming illegal because I really don't want to add 1-3 inches to my penis.

Why is everyone so uptight when someone talks about something sexual? Last night I gave Katie a compliment on how nice her breasts looked. Honestly I don't know what is wrong with that. You know everybody is thinking it so why not say something, especially, well at least in my case, when you're not sexually attracted to the person. I'm glad that at least someone (Dani) isn't afraid to let me touch them. For some reason girls think I'm some big hairy scary guy. Seems like they think I'm goign to try to rape them or something, but I prefer to think of myself as a gentle, yet comical, giant.

War is no good. All this with the Arabs and the Jews blow the crap out of each other is stupid. There is nothing we can do to stop it, we (the US) will never be able to bring peace to that region. I'm afraid one ethnicity will have to be completely be wiped out in order for any peace to take place. Even then it would seem like a hollow peace.

As you can tell I am a little scatter brained right now. I hope that next week calms down a lot. I guess it will have to because the musical will be over :( and so will quintet. Then all I have to worry about is softball practice. Nothing new to report in my life other than complete self-validation and confidence in myself. I feel good about what I know and who I am and I hope that continues.
Thank you to all those who distributed those survival kits earlier this week. People may not have wanted to take them, but I am sure that we have made an impact on our school. All I know is that I have been looking for a New Testament/Psalms Proverbs for a long time and I've finally got one that I can carry around with me.

I'm just slightly annoyed because someone took our gym time at Cedar View. I was really looking forward to practice tonight because cuts would be all done and we would finally have our team. I know people are going to be upset because coach cut sophomores to make room for a couple of freshman, but in order to build a program, it had to be done.

I really don't think I can be in three places at once Saturday afternoon so I guess something has got to give.

No one is really looking forward to spending time in the pit, but it will be fun and it will give me a chance to read Heart of Darkness. I'm glad Ms. Eilola didn't make a big deal aobut that journal assignment. Prayers out to Lisa that her car and all that crap will be alright. I have an idea it will because I hurt my car really bad and it's turned out to be not a big deal except for the intial let down, but there isn't any damage to her car.

I hope all those college people out there will give me a chance. I may not compare to others as far as academics and I stopped competing long ago. I just realized that it's not how I compare to other people that defines who I am. It used to be, throughout all of Middle School, I wasn't happy unless I was the best. Now I want to be the best for my own personal satisfaction, not just to show them that I can be. I know there are a lot of people out there that are definitely academically superior to me, but I don't care. I'm a good student and I know it, I don't need to be the best because I am good at somethings. I'm the best tuba player. I'm probably one of the better bass players in our school. That and I'm different and I feel good about that. So much for this rant about myself, but I really don't care who reads this.
I see woohu as a way for me to vent and for all of us, as a community to support each other through our lives. Beyond that it's simply theraputic.

My mind is young,
My soul is old.
My body is un-aged,
My spirit is ancient.

It's the pressures of life pushing and pulling from all different directions. The wanting to go to my roots where I know I belong, but yet the feeling that I should be educated and destined for something greater. Stuck between wanting to belong to two different worlds, but knowing you will never be truly accepted in either. I listen to bluegrass music and it just makes me want to poor my soul out, and the people are so friendly, but they are what everyone calls trash. I don't want to be that because I feel that I could be so much better. College degrees and a wel paying job is what I feel like I want, but it also feels like that in order to have that I am going to have to give up what my nature tells me I am. To feel like this long before the time when it must occur may be ridiculous, but it bugs me. I'm not a city-slicker, but I want that type of job, but I'm not a hick, but I want the country pickin' lifestyle. I'm not sure both is possible.

Musical practice starts in earnest next week and I hope I can stay caught up on my sleep. I definitely will miss part of Monday's rehearsal for practice because coach is doing cuts ( I feel really bad we have to but we can't give everyone playing time). Then we have to decide as a quintet if we are going to state competition because I have to work Saturday and I have to know. I don't really care one way or another but I don't think that we are good enough to be able to play at a I level at state. We probably could have right after districts, but our sound has gone down the tubes since we haven't been practicing.

Time to sleep and look forward to another busy, but hopefully interesting week.