robbingnovember
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2004 22 September :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: envious
i had to find you, tell you i need you, tell you i set you apart
It is hard for me to explain and have anyone understand what i mean. I'm in love with someone who is in love with someone else. I loved him since the first time i saw him.. and he has no clue why i think he is so great. He has someone else who he writes songs about and cares incredibly about. And i sit here and write my entries about him and how he changed me. I love that we can just be total losers and laugh together at everything. I bet she doesn't give him as hard of a time as i do. But i know my place. He is with her and he is happy and who am i to interrupt that. Why does he even find it necessary to still talk to me? I'm nothing but trouble.. he should know that. i know he knows that. Im that other girl who he used to waste his long distance phone calls on while he should have been calling her. I'm the girl he never mentions that he has a girlfriend to.. even though he goes on about it to everyone and everthing else. She is so damn lucky. She is always so jealous of these girls who like him too.. but she has no idea how lucky she is.. she should be so happy because she is the one who has him.. she has him. They are so carefree. I wish i could just let this slide away. I want him to need me like i need him. But he doesnt need anyone.. not really. I want to be able to encourage him and look into his eyes and just smile or cry for joy because those are the eyes i would love to look into every day of my life. To see those eyes staring back at me with love.. only a dream. I thought i saw it once.. i was obviously mistaken. I want to be his babydoll again and i want to know im not inventing these wonderful notions about him. Sometimes i think if only i had done something.. but i know that it was a lost cause from the beginning. the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of those glorious summer days when we laughed and i had him, the true him. yeah, that was something. If only there was a way to capture that again. i would do it in a second. im just rambling. just know there isnt a day that goes by that i dont wish to see that smirk and those eyes and know that they are all mine
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robbingnovember
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2004 1 September :: 6.01pm
i know.. i know i shouldn't care about this so much. What has it been a week. but i keep thinking that is has all been a misunderstanding.. it isnt right for me to want someone/something so badly. everything is pain. i just want things to be okay again and to be content with him. pleaseeeee talk to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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adiosesposito
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2004 6 July :: 1.47am
:: Music: The KLF
Hello,
No one goes on Woohu anymore. Hell, I don't. But just in case there are any lurkers of this journal who want to know info about my life, here's the deal. I post on my livejournal, and I don't really give a shit about giving my name out. Just check Oh_That_Clergy on it if you really give a damn. I don't think anyone is reading this, save Amanda( you are a trooper.)
It's been a long time, and I guess I should check in. My computer died out two weeks ago, and I just got it back to speed, somewhat. So much has happened, and yet, those of you who rely on this tool to learn of it, have been sadly deprived. So it's my time to shine right now.
My junior year ended, and I finished with 4 A's and 3 b's for semester grades. Not bad, I guess. I have been writing recollections on my typewriter late at night about this year, and the people I've come to know. Perhaps I'll post it for the shock and awe of the public. I took the SATS again, and did pretty good, 1350. Now that you have these statistics, you can reevaluate my use to you as a friend.
I garnered a summer job at Quizno's subery, on Linton Boulevard and Federal Highway, Delray Beach, Florida 33483. If any of you want to come in and give me some salutations, I'll respect you for that. It's a pretty good job, working with 21% my friend group, taking orders from a lady with a penis haircut, shooting dice with the next-door Chinese restaurant's owner behind the store on my break. And man, I've made enough money in a month to buy at least two DVD's(Not box-sets, of course)!
I've been watching a lot of My So-Called Life on the N. Krakow is such a fuck-up.
I've actually had a pretty good time this summer, social-wise. I have had a lot of fun, with an assorted group of kids. Too much underwear parties. Too much of Andrew getting naked. Too much Risk. Too many memorable moments.
However, there a great deal of kids who I haven't seen really at all this summer, and that is a disappointment( Ian, I want to watch you blow something up soon). But to everyone I have not seen or talked to much, I sincerly hope all of your summers are going well.
I am leaving for Washington D.C. with my father tomorrow to check out some colleges I won't get accepted into. It should be actually fun, since I'm interested in checking out the district, and then we are meeting up with my dad's buddies from his "New Left" days at college. To paraphrase Musical Youth, the dutchie may be passed from the left hand-side.
About the only hole in my life right now is my love-life. I'll admit, I wish I had a girl right now, to discuss the positives of late-70's Ambient and mid-80's Detroit Techno with, to play Yahtzee with, someone who thinks Inspectah Deck is underrated, fuck, any girl who listens to Wu-Tang earnestly. I'm not even that horny. I just fucking miss the companionship, and the feeling that I'm the only rising high-school senior who isn't feeling any boobs( save Krystal's) makes me feel pathetic.
I have had a good time this summer, in particular this last week, and I love my friends. Truly. And I have had some nice first-time conversations with strangers who are nice. And OMG, I got these hot pair of tight jeans today at the mall!
So if I die or something, I just want you to know that I hope all of you have a good life, and I'll see you in St. Louis when you expire.
Love,
Drew R.
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robbingnovember
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2004 5 July :: 11.46am
:: Mood: oy
:: Music: straylight run
i was scared to death of eternity
I need to write in this. I need to get something out. Ive had dreams about him night after night. Want to know what hurts/ disturbs me.. in those myspace pictures.. in those comments .. he is not who i remember. He is not the same person. And they are coming the 8th.. "the sarah's have my number" fuck. yeah like i want to call him for info. but he isnt who i remember him.. i don't even know who he is anymore. i hate forgetting i hate this.. i want to see him and have him be the same person.. please. i want it all to be nice.. i want to say goodbye and mean it. i want him to get the fuck out of my state. i know i claim indifference.. but i'll confess, i can't stop caring. in my own way.. i care. i still hurt. i don't know what it is i feel anymore. he is an ass. i wish we could have one perfect day and leave it at that. or maybe two. and then i will go about forgetting him. i don't even know.. i need sara to come back please.
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bocaheath05
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2004 28 June :: 8.11pm
more love, less handle
woohu is good for venting when i don't really want anyone to know about my situation. i mean i know some people read this but i think the people i don't want reading my journal read my livejournal...well at least i think.
i'm still completely upset about the current situation. i mean he loves her. love is so....big. it's like "i love you. marry me!" i am just so fucking angry. why can't he love me? oh right, because i am just the girl he has feelings for, can't be the one he loves. but you know what? maybe it is good he doesn't love me. cause like i said, it's love.
ok. i take that back. i totally want him to love me.
i want to hate him, but the more i want to hate the more i think about him and, as weird as it is, like him.
i am going up north on thursday so hopefully i will start to forget all the conversations we had. all the times i dreamt about him. the past days of crying. it's just, depressing.
when i'm gone IM me cause i'll have all my IMs forwarded to my phone.
<3
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bocaheath05
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2004 26 June :: 1.34pm
i don't understand it.
he knows how much i care for him, how strong it is. he loves her.
do these things only happen to me?
last night i didn't know what to do. up till quarter of 1. most of it laying in bed or sitting on the floor in the bathroom to not make any noise.
i can't handle it. i can't tell anyone. i need to tell my feelings. i need someone.
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robbingnovember
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2004 22 June :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: destroyed
There are some things you can't fake I guess that it's typical To cling to memories you'll never get back again
I'm sorry i couldn't get over this. I can't help but wait for his phone call. How long classifies as later.. 2 days? fuck. i don't care about anyone else. i don't fucking care. i only care about him. every fucking second i care and i try so hard to not. I know he isn't thinking about me. my heart hurts. I'm forgetting him and that even hurts. ive given jeph every chance in the world. ive lost myself. i wanted to be a strong women. im just not.i just want him to call or contact me .. he hasnt apologized. I hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this!!!!!!!!!! im not over this and i don't know when i will be
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robbingnovember
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2004 20 June :: 3.52am
:: Mood: ahhhhhh
has your heart ever been so overloaded with love that you can't think straight? god i can't go to bed right now<33333333
GAhHHH
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bocaheath05
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2004 20 June :: 12.34am
funny how things work out
iluvBITP: i miss you alex. yes i haven't seen you in 2 years, but i still miss you
HandOfDoom21: i miss you to heather
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robbingnovember
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2004 18 June :: 5.22pm
this isn't for the better
GAH!!! have you ever just hated something so much you wanted to kill everything in your path? yeah.. so im crazy. She is ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so fucking fake and rich and tan and blonde and fucking everything i fight against every fucking day. Is that original? She is a fucking fat barbie. God damn it. Ugh. Don't claim to be so fucking great when you can fall for THAT! her. Why can't being me ever pay off. No matter where i go or who i meet i always lose to the same type of girls. I don't want to be anything like her. She is gross. She makes me want to kill all of her kind. She is against everything i work for. Strong women.. not tiffany buying slaves. NO NO NO.. if he could love her.. he isnt who i thought he was.
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plainmornings
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2004 16 June :: 7.18pm
blah.. finally cut my friends list down, getting rid of the people who didn't pay to keep their journals and the people who i have not talked to in over a year. Its funny, it seems as if the only two people who still regularly write in their journals are Lauren and Amanda.
i need college to be here now :0/
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robbingnovember
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2004 15 June :: 10.23am
:: Mood: blah
Do you really know what it feels like to lose
i bet i could honestly sit in my room and mope for... years. I'll just sit at the computer, eat, listen to sad music, and look at myspace.com. Oh and once in awhile i'll check my phone to see if anyone left any messages. I'm so lame. My only savior is that tonight I have the dashboard concert.. <3 ohhh. Ok yeah i mean i can comfort myself and say "he is across the country, who knows if he even recieved my texts, who knows how messed up his peice of crap phone is." I know that this is all bullshit. Fuck whatever connection i thought we had. He is off hooking up with some abercrombie model i'm sure. I hate this. I thought he was fucking special. i thought he cared. I'm supposed to be some sort of genius and i CAN't figure this out for my life. There you go. I can't wait for the day i can stop thinking about him. He isn't my baby. He is my curse. Every inch of me wishes i am wrong. I just want him in my arms again. damn
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robbingnovember
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2004 14 June :: 11.13am
:: Mood: lonely
we were better then
I knew he wasn't going to call. I mean i bet he met someone else already. I bet he meets someone else everyday. I bet he is calling his someone else now while i sit here moping. It is hard to understand this.. or explain this. I didn't just like that he was the lead singer of a band. I liked the way that he laughed and the way he smiled all the time and his curly sideburns and his conspiracy theories and his skin and his smell and his voice. I liked it all. Who know a guy could come into boca and just turn my life upside down. I'm a different person.. and i'm happy about that.. this person is better, happier, cooler. But this person is still without you. It is hard to spend so much time with people and the have to give them up. I must be on withdrawal. I loved them all.. for their own things.
Andre- chillest ever.
Dave- fashionable best friend. oh so sweet.
ethan- cute as hell. koala. awesome kid. cute guys are approachable
jamie- doesn't give a shit. Will wear whatever. it is so rad.
Jeph- made me want to me myself "since we met jeph we have become complete assholes
Matt- ha! love this kid. so cool. aqua teen hunger force. sometimes it is okay to be just stupid and funny.
yeah.. maybe im fooling myself in thinking i had a connection with him. sucks.
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bocaheath05
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2004 9 June :: 9.14pm
ok, normally woohu is shitty, i find it amazing that earlier. oh like, 20 minutes ago, livejournal was being shitty.
i didn't do much today. my mom made me go to yoga with her. fun stuff, let me tell ya!
then we came home, ate lunch and kinda hung out, then we picked up amy, went to wal-mart, target and looked at model homes up in saturnia isles for the hell of it.
dropped amy off, went to my grandparents house in pompano for a little.
now i'm here. bored out of my mind, but i'm styaing in tonight. <3
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orfwashere
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2004 9 June :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: aggravated
I think I wasted $2.
Wait. I did waste $2.
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