butterfly
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2007 24 September :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Teenagers - My Chimical Romance
Most fucking awful day EVER.
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butterfly
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2007 23 September :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" - Fall Out Boy
It was the first day of Fall, which makes me happy. It's my favorite season, and it's so pretty. I love the smell of the leaves.
I've been sick all weekend so I kept holed up in my room watching the marathon of "So You Think You Can Dance" on tv. Also, I slept a lot. I enjoyed it; I love sleep.
The only bad thing about sleeping away my weekend was not getting to talk to Kelly. I wouldn't have been too much of a delight to talk to though, so he'll thank me later.
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butterfly
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2007 20 September :: 11.08pm
I've gotten into this weird habit where I'll write and write and write on here, and then when I'm finished I delete it.
It makes me feel better without letting everyone know how fucked up my life has become.
In high school I was forced to be the peppy girl that kept everyone elses spirts up.
When I am happy, holy shit, I am happy. And usually it's accompanied by extreme hyperness, but I'm not happy a lot.
I'm more often than not in a stuck feeling of what I like to call "blah."
I don't like it here anymore. I've associated my home as a place that's keeping me from where I want to be. My family as people doing their best to hold me back. My friends... they're pretty much non-existant anymore. That just plays right into the hands of the cliche "you find out who your friends are."
Jacob... there will always be Jacob. That's a given. He and Kelly are my best friends and I don't see that ever changing.
I think there is also going to always be a Tessi, though that I'm less thrilled about. I hate that I pretended to like her. Everything about her drives me insane, but we have mutual acquantinces so I can't just be like "wow, hey, I actually didn't like you in high school, and I sure as hell don't like you now, so ... goodbye."
That's mean.
I like to think of myself as, though not entirely a nice person, but a fair person.
I'll be rude to someone if they're being rude to me, but I don't tend to go up and start shit. That's just irresponsible to me.
There's also Kandace. She's great. She drinks a lot though, and so when I hang out with her, that's what we do. And we drink until we're passed out drunk.
Now, that's my problem 100% that I go along with it and drink with her, but I don't understand why I do; I don't even enjoy being in that state. She does it all the time, and it works for her, so whatever. I'm glad she enjoys herself. I just hate that we never hang out and do anything else. School was great, we made up stories all the time.
Kelly, you think I'm weird alone, wait until we hang out with Kandace present.
I have fun while drinking with her though, I do. I enjoy drinking. Just not to the point where I wake up and wonder where I am and how I got there.
Johanna... You know the movies where two friends meet up after 20 years and it's like nothing even changed? That's Jo and I. She's my oldest friend, but she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend Matt that we never hang out anymore.
Not that I help that, I never demand a girls night out, I'd rather sit in my pajamas and talk to Kelly.... So I understand completely, and we're still great friends so it works.
I feel like I'm going to be severely punished for taking for granted all the good things in my life, and merely focusing on the bad.
It's hard to be thankful though, when nothing's working out like you planned and you're scared everything that is good is going to come crashing down around you.
Maybe that's what's wrong with me lately. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose the one thing that's keeping me going that I try to flood my mind with all the shit that's messed up and it's just depressing.
I don't know. I need to knock it off.
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eddy
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2007 18 September :: 11.37am
:: Music: HIM
Venus Doom
Just for Tonight,
We'll keep on dancing, and the city won't tell a soul.
Just for tonight the lights are shining, and our secret stays untold.....
Venus Doom is out today!! YAY!
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butterfly
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2007 17 September :: 8.17pm
I had just gotten out of class and was sitting in the computer lab writing essays and then this woman, Robin, that works at the school came in and was like "You can't leave, there's a situation outside, all the doors are locked. Stay here."
I was like woah wtf, but she wouldn't say what was going on, but this girl came running in and was like "Someone has a gun!" and so then I go over to the lab Ashley was in, and someone said there was no gun so who knows on that.
Anyway, the lock down was for like two hours. It just got lifted, but no one is saying anything still so I have no idea what exactly went on.
I'll make Ashley dig around and ask, she knows like every single person here. I don't talk to anyone.
People creep me out.
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butterfly
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2007 17 September :: 4.08pm
Class.... always class....
Fuck
No Kelly, all day. WTF.
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butterfly
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2007 17 September :: 3.05am
:: Mood: annoyed
Holy fuck balls.
I'm kind of allergic to cats, which I tend to ignore because I love my cat uber amounts.
However, she just decided to climb up on my chest and rub her entire body all along my face.
Now I can't quit sneezing and my eyes itch/burn like a mother fucker and so I think I'm going to go take Benedryll and go to bed.
No more holding Roxy late at night.
Gah.
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butterfly
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2007 17 September :: 2.45am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Blades of Glory - Bo Bice
Caffine O.D.
Yeah. It's freaking 2 in the morning. I might be feeling an all nighter. Haven't pulled one in awhile. It definitely wouldn't be intelligent though. I do have class and homework to do.
Plus I have to make sure I'm awake for The O.C. and Gilmore Girls.
I swear those are the most fucking amazing shows ever.
I actually feel like I've got a buzz right now. It's totally cool. Thank you sleep deprivation and two pots of coffee.
Kelly left. A long time ago too. I left after he did, but then I started drinking coffee and things got too wild for my bedroom so I had to get back on here.
A few minutes ago Jacob got on and was talking about his friend Gabby and how amazing she was. I'm not stupid enough to pretend I'm not jealous. He's my best friend. And he's gone. And he's hanging out with Gabby at 2 in the morning. I used to be Gabby. Now I'm the one that gets a "wtf are you doing online at 2am?? dumbass, go to bed."
I wanna be Gabby again. So unfair.
But then wtf is wrong with me? Of course he's going to go find other friends.
Blah is how I feel about that.
The other night I had a dream about Kelly and I and we were like married and shit. It was weird. The dream wasn't weird, just dreaming it was weird. We've never even really talked about that, which ... whatever. I don't know. We've been together a year, and we're 18 and 20. Obviously I hope we stay together, I love him, he loves me, I'm moving to Michigan for fucks sake. But over the internet? Probably not the most ideal place to talk about that.
I felt like a creep for dreaming about it, and I feel like an even bigger creep talking about it now. To myself. On Woohu.
Kelly's probably going to read this and be like "What... the... fuck..." and I'll laugh and be like "Oh, yeah... it was 2:30 in the morning and I'd had about 12 cups of coffee lawl."
Then he'll say something that I don't understand and when I question it he'll go "gah Rachel... fail -_-" and we'll pretend to fight.
I wonder how annoying it gets when I say I love him all the time?
I don't even care. I love him. He is simply fantabulous.
I've decided I need to buy any and every Bo Bice album. I don't think I'd ever really listened to anything he sang until I watched Blades of Glory. He has an incredible voice and rocks that pianos ass. I want to play the piano so bad. You don't even know.
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butterfly
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2007 14 September :: 7.25pm
Kelly and I's one year anniversary....
He's working and I'm having a hectic day.
God I love him though.
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eddy
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2007 13 September :: 7.04pm
Fuck you, life.
Fuck you.
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pjlmaster
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2007 13 September :: 5.35pm
1994 Ford Taurus SHO 150k miles
-loss of reverse
1991 Ford Taurus SHO+ 143k miles
-A-wal differential pin through the case on the highway
1999 Ford Contour 97k miles
-Unknown Transmission problem, cost to replace 1400-2200 dollars + "X" for the cost of fixing brakes again (been 3 months, dont break hard or anything, rotors warping again)
well, ford can lick my balls, now i need to pray i can get a 1500-2200 dollar loan from a bank or something since the contour gets worse daily so i can buy a fucking reliable car. IE, a Honda. cheaper on gas and insurance anyways.
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butterfly
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2007 12 September :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: When It Comes - Incubus
MSN is currently being a douche and making me download the latest version before I can sign in. I hate that it does that. I'm perfectly fine with the version I have, kthxbai.
My speech went over well, everyone seemed to like it. I was still told to talk slower though. Also they said that I sounded as though I were about to burst into tears at any given moment. Sweet.
So, I have to work in controlling my voice and relaxing. Lawl, yeah right, I'm in front of a room full of people.
Next week we have to give the speech for a grade though. Blah.
I am so boring. It makes me upset. I was never boring. In high school, I was the one of the "Class Clowns". You cannot be a Class Clown and boring at the same time. It does not work.
I need fixed. I need something more interesting to talk about than MSN being an ass face and my speech giving abilities.
Fuck.
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butterfly
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2007 11 September :: 11.45pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
I have survived my first college test.
Passed? Very doubtful.
It was in Political Science. I'm just going to have to read the entire book I think. He gives us power point lectures over stuff that he informs us isn't going to be on the test -- and none of it was on this test, so the statement is bound to hold true.
I don't get it, it's just a stupid class.
Tomorrow night I have Speech. I was really stressed out about it, I didn't want to get up in front of everyone and deliver mine, but right now I'm not anxious at all, even though I've only just now finished it. I feel like I could give it to anyone at the moment.
I'm a little short on the time, so I'm going to have to read a lot slower than I normally would, but other than that I think it will be alright.
Last Saturday was my final Orientation class, so now I've got that day back to do homework and talk to Kelly. Exciting? I thought so.
I have to do one last assignment for the class though, and turn it in sometime this week.
It looks easy enough.
I want to paint my room, but any color I pick out mom is like "oh, you can't use that color, it's too dark, your room will look like a dungeon."
or "that's way too bright rachel, you'll always have a headache."
It's really annoying. She's never in my room, what does she care?At the moment my room is a tannish color because we just never painted it after Trevor was in there, and he had everything navy with tan walls. It looked good then, but not so much with my pink, purple, and orange stuff.... Yikes.
I can't figure out what color I want it anyways, I change my mind about every day.
Anyway, that's all. Nothing really interesting. Nothing ever is in my life.
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pjlmaster
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2007 9 September :: 8.57pm
zomg update
so, its been a while again, figured i was due.
got a job, absolutely love LOVE it! i work mon-friday 6am-2pm, pretty much the greatest hours ever, in a place im already familiar with(for example, i've worked there 3 weeks, known my boss for 14 years) making 8.50 an hour to start doing something i fucking love! just that would be great in and of itself...BUT wait! theres more!!! after my 3 months probationary shit, i can start health, dental and life insurance, as well as my 401k, and this i wont use, but i can get a membership to champion fitness for like 20 bucks a month, like they pick up 75% of the cost or somethin like that. oh...and i get a 20% discount at all MC stores, which is also cool.
anyways, what i do is drive around on a hi-lo for most of the day "picking" orders for all of our various stores, its simple as shit, you can DEFINATELY tell your making some progress, which is why i like it so much i think, like...a fucking monkey could do this. you look at a pick ticket with an asston of stickers on it, you just go find whats on the stickers, put it on a pallet, put the sticker on it and your done. however some of the pick ticket sheets are taller then i am ahah. oh, and we do ALLL the heavy stuff at my warehouse, like treadmills, weight racks, pool tables (fucking expensive ones), trampolines, etc, if MC has it and its more then a couple hundred pounds and you bought it, i probably picked it.
stuff outside of work:
being lonely is a bitch
me and my car arent quite on speaking terms since its a homo faggot if i go any farther then home to work and from work to home.
i decided today i hate new cars, because just to change my headlight bulbs i had to take the entire lens out and the grill off to get at them, and then i find out i gotta buy new lenses anyways...thank god for ebay though, got a pair of new ones for the price of ONE new one from a normal internet store.
i think thats it though, hope everyones doin great! i havent been this "me" in a long ass time, like since me and lizzy first started dating, now thats back in the fuckin day right there
OH!
also, eden got karma'd, ROFLROFLROFLROFL at them!
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