Darkness covers me...

Darkness covers me...

:: 2003 11 May :: 12.02 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: My Goddess "the exies"

I dont know why but today i am extremely depressed, and i dont know why. this week has been pretty good, but all the sudden its started to suck royaly. i had a talk with ari, she seems to be rubbing it in my face that shes turning into a slut. It is starting to hurt again, there was this girl i liked a while back, ive had feeling for her for a while now, but i never felt there was anything back, she was a great friend and a big help to me, all the things friends are, but beyond that i dont think there was anything.

Well a while back i had found out she got a bf, i was thinking well thats good for her, but after a while, i see her with him, and i dont know what comes over me, sometimes id just like to walk away, out of her life forever, forget all the pain, just walk away. But it doesnt work like that, i cant just walk away, so now i have to learn to live with the pain.

Don't anyone jump to conclusions of who it is, only 3 people know, i dont think anyone else could have a single clue twards who it is.

Im falling into this groove again, i feel i need someone to share my life with, im not just feeling well a gf would be cool, its taking over to much of my life. I have to stop because i know that i dont need anyone, it would be nice but i can do without. but the feeling are still there, and i dont know if there going to go away....

-pain sucks-

7 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 7 May :: 4.00 pm
:: Mood: moooooo

arg
everyone went to there chicago trip or whatever, and yeah i got stuck with school.... oh well. so yeah, ive been looking around for a girl i like, and there is one, but i dont know if she has a bf or not, so yeah ill find out. wish me luck

3 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 1 May :: 6.20 pm
:: Music: "hold me down" T.L.

life
Life been getting better, less painfull, slowly..very slowly, but at least im going in the right direction, heh i guess the next step is looking for a girl. i bet right now after that ray is laughing....go suck a lemon! lol, anyway yeah, there was one girl i liked but not its looking like that wont happen...but its ok, lately ive been feeling alot more like i can live on my own for once.

once again just thanks for your help guys & girls!!!

7 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 30 April :: 10.02 pm
:: Mood: depressed

only a glance of happyness
lately ive been hurting really bad, i though it was coming to an end, but something today recindled the sadness and dispair in my life, im keeping my promise but now i dont know how to release whats inside, pressure is building and i dont know what to do. my life is spiraling down, im falling down a hole that i cant see the end to. Im just glad i have people i can trust and i feel lately ive been putting way to much stress on everyone else...

im sorry, everyone ive pulled into this.

and if i die before i wake, i pray the lord my soul he take.... goodnight

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 29 April :: 8.19 pm

a thing of the past
today i made one of my close friends cry... it hurt worse than anything else ive ever felt before, so i made a promise, that i would never make her cry again, i would never inflict injuries on myself again. and it was tested later that day....

i passed :)

ps: thanks u 3 (u know who you are)

4 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 26 April :: 9.14 pm
:: Mood: relaxed

fun stufff
yesterday we went to chucky cheese!!! wooo!!! i won 221 tickets with $1.25 in tokens, but jess got me to give them up, what is it about girls....meh.... then yeah we went to a hottub place and just yeah had fun, i though it was ganna be embarassing but only one person made a crack at me and he will remain nameless........ ohh what the heck RAY MARTENS!!!!! evil person.....but yeah we rag on each other all the time, we joke around alot. lol at points i was the only guy in a hottub full of girls....lol make it sound dirty when in actuality if i touched either of them id be dead LOL! anyway, had fun hope we do it again some day.

signing out

-star wars communicator sound-

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 7 April :: 1.08 pm
:: Mood: evil

i cant believe myself
last night i was talking to some friends, and one i had meet for the first time, and by the end of the night talking to him and one other inparticular, i was upset, i had actualy though of doing something to corrupt the individual, i can believe i even thought of it!!! It fills me with rage, but i have to learn to controll it i just want what my friend wants... but at the same time, believeing that eats me up inside, its a dagger to my heart every time his name is brought up. Pain and aggony have run through my life many times, but this....this is diffrent, ive never felt the pain this bad before. still im confident, i have to make it through this i cant just let this eat up my whole life...

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 29 March :: 9.41 pm
:: Mood: somthings wrong...
:: Music: one last breath ( creed )

i dont know what...

im getting this weird feeling tonight, something catastrofic is goiong to happen, i can feel somthings not right, wether it happens to me or someone close, its not right, this is seriously freaky, its like i feel pain that someone is going through and yet nothings wrong with me, my head is throbing my whole body is aching... something going to happen, i know it... but what it is, ill have to soon find out

may god have mercy...

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 29 March :: 11.13 am
:: Mood: weird

fuzzy

halo is such a gooood game, well meh, im feeling kinda funky but its like not a bad feeling, its kinda fuzzy O.o i know it sounds weird. but its all fun stuff, i hope everyone out there has a great day!!!!!!

halo halo halo!! stupid grunts why wont u die!!! ahhhh gernade!!! run, fire, attack, mayle his ass!!! ohhh nooo hunter -die-

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 26 March :: 3.37 pm
:: Mood: angry

Matt you know what you did, and know this you will pay! you dont know when you dont know where but believe me it WILL BE SWIFT AND FAIR!

4 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 24 March :: 3.21 pm
:: Mood: drained

bah
tieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrddddddd

lol i find it funny about how protective matt is of ambrosia, and suposable hes " over her" uhh huuu, i know whats going on here! :P

matt i know u could come back and say sumn hurtful about me here but be warned if you do you will pay, a fine, of $5 and if u dont pay....you will suffer the conciquences

mooooo

3 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 19 March :: 3.21 pm
:: Mood: like im in a room with a moose
:: Music: stuff that sounds like stuff

questions
1. why do kamakazi piolits wear helmates???

2. are there corpses that have decomposed in jessica's locker???

3. will matt ever get out those coke stains

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 17 March :: 3.54 pm
:: Mood: hurt

the pain of simply living

you think it would be easier to live your life, that god would let you life go easily, but instead he fills it with evil pits with spikes and then a big block that falls down on u then comes up then falls again then comes up and they fill the hole with cement then they take it out chizel it and shatter your only self worth and send u on your way, then it happens again and again, until the end of the world comes to claim your soul...

-if you cant tell im extremely depressed, and a little messed up in the head-

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 17 March :: 3.54 pm
:: Mood: hurt

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2003 15 March :: 1.22 pm
:: Mood: amused

invaders zim
i was looking at matts picture and it amuses me, i could see matt going all weird and trying to concor the world with a little moronic but funny assistant...

11 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...