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2004 17 February :: 10.47 pm
man, i am a job whore.....i have held 3 different jobs in the last 3 weeks...but my current one i want to stick with for a while. i basically get paid to sit on my butt and talk to friends.....oh yeah, and give them all free food. what else could you want? i mean, when it's busy i work, but it's not usually, so i don't...<>.
i am graduating soon...which means i have to start planning out my life. do i want to wait a yar before hitting the big..COMMUNITY college...or start this summer when there are smaller class sizes and shorter semesters? or do i stay home or move out? who do i bring to prom? how am i going to be able to aford prom? arg, i'm on overdrive. HALLA
2 hallas |
halla back |
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2004 15 February :: 7.00 pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: starting line(poppy i know)
hmmm....
i enjoy the finer things in life.....such as burger king chicken tenders, cotton candy, walking around barefoot on the mushy golfcourse ground.....i also LOVE midnight milkyways...yummmm and the groggy feeling when you're not really awake yet but your still conscious... and i love it when my friends call me randomly just to tell me they miss me or need me... i am going to start enjoying more things
2 hallas |
halla back |
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2004 13 February :: 5.51 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: finger 11
i am getting sick of hiding behind happy eyes
2 hallas |
halla back |
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2004 11 February :: 10.35 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: watching the idiot box instead...BOY MEETS WORLD
instant message with brookieface
HopeGetsYouDown: we all take our shit differently
HopeGetsYouDown: my way is to act like it doesn't bother me
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: ya i know.. i didnt cry and i didnt flip on him.. as of right now im sure hes oblivious.. i didnt make it obvious..
HopeGetsYouDown: yeah
HopeGetsYouDown: but if you feel it, then tell him
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: your a chick steph and ur freakin 17 years old.. u CAN get emotional somtimes.. its OK to cry and its OK to get upset over stupid things.
HopeGetsYouDown: i wish it were that easy for me
HopeGetsYouDown: i just dont know how to turn myself on
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: but it is..its really not healthy to keep everything so hidden and bottled up
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: ill turn u on baby ;-)
HopeGetsYouDown: it's just the healthiest thing i know how to do you know
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: i just dont understand it
HopeGetsYouDown: me either
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: ACT UR AGEEEEE BEE 17!!!
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: like u do act 17
DaNcEr 4 LiFe 37: but wen it comes to opening up and being emotional u dont
HopeGetsYouDown: welcome to my life lol
1 halla |
halla back |
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2004 10 February :: 9.24 pm
:: Mood: bummed
:: Music: the used....thanks brooke
singles awareness day is comming up...
"you'll die alone and unloved"........it was a line peter pan said to hook in the final battle scene. (what a good movie). well that kind of got to me.
for the longest time that was my biggest fear in life, thinking i didn't deserve to be loved,(thanks dad) so i didn't think it would ever happen to me,.....
1 halla |
halla back |
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2004 8 February :: 9.06 pm
:: Mood: insecure
:: Music: mtv nothign but rock videos
i wonder where you are now?
father of mine
tell me where have you been
you know i just closed my eyes
my whole world disappeared
father of mine
take me back to the day
when i was still your golden boy
back before you went away
i remember blue skies
walking the block
i loved it when you held me high
i loved to hear you talk
you would take me to the movie
you would take me to the beach
you would take me to a place inside
that is so hard to reach
father of mine
tell me where did you go
you had the world inside your hand
but you did not seem to know
father of mine
tell me what do you see
when you look back at your wasted life
and you don't see me
i was ten years old
doing all that i could
it wasn't easy for me
to be a scared white boy
in a black neighborhood
sometimes you would send me a birthday card
with a five dollar bill
i never understood you then
and i guess i never will
daddy gave me a name
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
father of mine
tell me where have you been
i just closed my eyes
and the world disappeared
father of mine
tell me how do you sleep
with the children you abandoned
and the wife i saw you beat
i will never be safe
i will never be sane
i will always be weird inside
i will always be lame
now i'm a grown man
with a child of my own
and i swear that i'm not going to let her know
all the pain i have known
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
halla back |
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2004 21 January :: 10.21 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: finch
have you ever wanted someone to say something to you, like you had this whole layout in your mind of what they're part of the conversation will be like.....and then they say the complete oposite? man, that's such a bummer.
EXAMPLE: i started this conversation with a guy about the difference between liking a girl enough to date her or just to hook up with her. and i was HOPING he would say, "like you....i like you enough to date, so i could never hook up with you"...well complete oposite. TOTALY OPOSITE. he ended up saying, i could hook up with you but i can't picture me dating you. OUCH'
see, the thing is...feelings towards dating and hooking up are COMPLETE different feelings. like, i would never hook up with a guy that i wanted to go out with-i'd be too afraid of ruining it. i hook up with guys that i am physically attracted to, but could never hook up with one that i REALLY REALLY like. i know this sounds crazy, but there is a point behind the madness. the reason is that(to me-maybe not every girl) if feelings get built up for just a lust buddy, then you just get hurt b/c you know it won't amount to anything more.
i am sick of not getting anything more. tired of jsut settleing for hooking up. for the past year that's all i've done. i'm ready for the real deal. V day is coming up and this year is going to suck b/c i have no valentine. :(. lol oh~well, maybe next year.
the thing is, i say i want a relationship, but right now, i have two prefectly great guys who want that with me...but i don't want them that way. they're cute and sweet and all, but for some reason i just don't like them. i hate how you never like the guys who you should...i hate how you can't control matters of the heart, and the more you do...the more it takes over. so it's not that i can't get anyone, just nobody i want.
2 hallas |
halla back |
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2004 4 January :: 1.24 am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: something bitter
finally in the angry stage...
ARGGGGG!!!! sorry i havn't written in so long, but my computer won't allow me to look at websites so i can't ever get on. well, i am finally sick of putting of with GC's shit, i finally realized that the whole situation is unfair to me and i feel like i am being taken advantage of.
it's not fair b/c no matter what, he wins. he has three girls hanging from a thread tied to his fingers. we're all waiting to be tugged. and a few nights ago, i finally cut my string. now everytime i talk to him or see him, i just feel like screaming FUCK YOUUUU!!!!why is it that he gets to be so lucky that he has me and his two ex's waiting for him to choose. i think he must like it, it's like he gets to play God with our hearts.
i feel like i am being taken advantage of b/c he only wants to hang out when he isnt with teh guys or anything like that, liek HE chooses when we hang out. well fuck that, i'm not the whipped one anymore.
the thing is i used to never tell him when he pissed me off b/c i feared the confrontation thinking he would just leave me for tyler. i always felt like i was in a competition. well, now that i dont care (she can have him) i dont mind telling him EVERY little thing he does to piss me off. man i must come off as such a bitch. i am so proud of myself.
2 hallas |
halla back |
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2003 29 December :: 9.36 pm
:: Mood: hyper
MY COMPUTER IS BROKEN SO I HAVN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET ON IN A WHILE. HI JULIA!
currently there is a baltimore boy screaming in my ear...i met these 3 guys on christmas at work and we're hanging out now, they seem pretty cool.......they're in a band called never the machine forever.....in a month check out the site. just add a www.neverthemachineforever.com and ull be kay.
halla back |
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2003 14 December :: 7.31 pm
man, up until about am hour ago, i thought everything was great. last night was the first time you were the same sweet, protective, old self since my sister's party. i loved it.....then aftet i just got off the phone with you, i realized.....maybe it was too good to be true and i just scared you off....fuck my life!
halla back |
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2003 11 December :: 11.23 pm
bummed
At work tonight, this homeless lady walked in and asked to use our bathroom. all of us hostesses were just like, yeah sure it's straight back-thinking nothing of it. then my manager came up to us saying we had to go kick her out b/c she would shower in the bathrooom and the customers wouldn't like that. i had to go in the bathroom and check on her....i felt like a dirty spy. well, it ended up that she wasnt showering, just going ot the bathroom.
after she left, i remembered. she was the same lady a few friends and i talked to for like four hours three years ago. after youth group one night we all went to the movies and saw her there......instead of seeing the movie we got rapped up in her life story, it was amazing. and, three years later, still in the same boat. it really got me down knowing that she is still really bad off after so much time. why don't people help her? why doens't she seek help? arg it's so depressing.
after i getting off work, i walked to my car and as i pulled out, i noticed her at the bus stop. i had my favorite(pecan crusted chicken salad), and i felt bad b/c i have more food at home, and i'm not outside on this cold night.....so i pulled over and told her that someone ordered it and never came to get it, so here......she was really nice.
when i am older, i want to be REALLY rich. not for myself-i want a small house and nothing flashy....but the only way to really make a difference is to have money to support your ideas. i want to open an orphanage in india, and a homeless shelter. but not just a regular gross one, but a huge hotel-liek one. every family owuld have their own room, but in exchange, have to help keep up the grounds and clean and cook and stuff. i think that sounds liek a really good idea. now i just have to become a millionaire.
2 hallas |
halla back |
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2003 10 December :: 3.58 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: the Anti-Floyd sampler
this song was meant for my feelings....
You and me
We used to be together
Every day together always
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real,
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
CHORUS
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me
I can see us dying ... are we?
CHORUS
halla back |
::
2003 8 December :: 10.32 pm
dumb quiz
[ series 1 ]
Name: ....
Birthday: 9-28
Birthplace: ft. lauderdale
Current Location: boca
Eye Color: brownish
Hair Color: dark brown
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: libra
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
Music: everything from oldies to punk
Color: yellow
Car: oo man, don't get me started- 67' ford
fastback
TV Show: One Tree Hill, Viva La Bam
Song at the Moment: clumbsy-our lady peace
Language: english
Food & Beverage:espetti and coke
Subject in School: history, it shows how
dumb people can be
Weekend Activity: hanging out with the crew
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 3 - what is ]
Your most overused phrase: jerkf
First feature you notice of opposite sex: style, eyes, smile
Wussiest Sport: baseball
Your best feature: my legs?
Your greatest fear: dieing w/ an unfulfilled
life.
Your greatest accomplishment: staying
capt. "V"
Your most missed memory: my dad
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonald's or Burger King: BK
Single or Group Dates: single
Adidas or Nike: nike
Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers: finger
Dogs or Cats: dogs
Rugrats or Doug: both
Single or Taken: taken, don't remember how
that feels though
Monica or Brandy: brandy
Tupac or Jay-Z: i <3 TUPACCCCC
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes: shania rox
Chocolate or Vanilla:vanilla
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 5 - do you ]
Shower everyday: yes
Have a crush: more than that
Think you've been in love: nope...wonder if
i ever will
Want to go to college: yes
Like high school: no
Want to get married: yes
Have any piercings? Where: ear
Get motion sickness: naw
Think you're a health freak: naw
Get along with your parents: sometimes
Like thunderstorms: yes, actually
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 6 - the future ]
Age your plan to be married: by 26
Number of children: 4ish
Where will you be at age 20: in college for
education
Dream wedding: beach, barefoot
How do you want to die: dying for God
Dream job: owning a orphanage in India
Country you'd like to visit: australia
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
Best eye color: green
Best hair color: darkkkkk
Short or long hair: ruggish
Best height:like 6'
Best weight: dont care
Best clothes: skaters or punks
Best first date location: something spontanious
Best first kiss location: in the pouring rain(hasnt happened yet)
1 halla |
halla back |
::
2003 8 December :: 10.29 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: my mom screaming in the backround..
i just figureed out how to add these quiz things.....
Take the test, by Emily. |
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