Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person.

As suburban children we floated at night in swimming pools the temperature of blood; pools the color of Earth as seen from outer space, We would skinny dip, my friends and me. . . We would float and be naked- pretending to be embryos, pretending to be fetuses- all of us silent save for the hum of the pool filter. I think the price we paid for our golden life was an inability to fully believe in love; instead we gained an irony that scorched everything it touched. And I wonder if this irony is the price we paid for the loss of God. But then I must remind myself we are living creatures--we have religious impulses--we must --and yet into what cracks do these impulses flow in a world without religion? It is something I think about every day. Sometimes I think it is the only thing I should be thinking about. Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person. I seriously question the road my life has taken and I endlessly rehash the compromises I have made in my life. I have an unsecure and vaguely crappy job with an amoral corporation so that I don't have to worry about money. I put up with halfway relationships so as not to have to worry about loneliness. I have lost the ability to recapture the purer feelings of my younger years in exchange for a streamlined narrow-mindedness that I assumed would propel me to "the top." What a joke. Compromise is said to be the way of the world and yet I find myself feeling sick trying to accept what it has done to me:the little yellow pills, the lost sleep. But I don't think this is anything new in the world. This is not to say my life is bad. I know it isn't...but my life is not what I expected it might have been when I was younger. Maybe you yourself deal with this issue better than me. Maybe you have been lucky enough to never have inner voices question you about your own path--or maybe you answered the questioning and came out on the other side. I don't feel sorry for myself in any way. I am merely coming to grips with what I know the world is truly like. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and merge with the foggy world of dreams and not return to this, our real world. Sometimes I look back on my life and am surprised at the lack of kind things I have done. Sometimes I just feel that there must be another road that can be walked--away from this became--either against my will or by default. Now--here is my secret: I tell it to you with the openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love. -Douglas Coupland, Life After God

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Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person.

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:: 2008 28 May :: 10.01am

Played a super long game of monopoly last night with Rueben, Gunny, and Zach. It was pretty alright.

This is the first day of my "weekend"...the two consecutive days that I get to myself before I have to go back to hell.

Now I remember why I hate her so much...I'm helping someone at the service desk, they need a lane open, so they call and say: Michelle needs to open on lane whatever, so, then, even if I'm still helping someone, they go and tell people to start putting their stuff at that lane, even though I"m not there yet. And....about half of the time, they have to wait about five minutes because I"m still dealing with that customer at the service desk, and then when I finally get to the lane after dealing with some fucker at the desk, the people at the lane are all nasty to me because they thought they'd get through fast and they had to wait five minutes.

That, and people from rockford are really stuck up and bitchy.

It must be nice to have thousands of dollars in credit card debt and live in a huge house that you owe more on that it's worth, and still treat people like shit because you want to feel good about yourself.

angst.

:: 2008 25 May :: 5.34pm

working, my life is my work, my life's work, i hate where i work...it doesn't make a difference except to the pockets of people i'll never meet that cut my hours and short me help for their bottom line.

so be it, capitalist system.

i watched part of the libertarian debate last night. mike gravel was there. he doesn't fit in with the libertarians at all. he's one of the best leftist political minds and activists that our country has had in the past fifty years and he's forced to run for the libertarian nomination under a platform that he doesn't fully accept nor stand for only because he doesn't fit in anywhere else. i don't fit in anywhere, too.

1 comment | critique me

:: 2008 15 May :: 7.31am

I was there when John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.

2 comments | critique me

:: 2008 14 May :: 11.10am

I'm sick. It's disappointing.

Went to the dentist yesterday. I have one cavity that will be filled on June 10. Went to Meijer yesterday. I have five shifts next week, starting on Sunday.

I want to go and see Barack, but I'm not sure if I'll feel well enough to be jammed into an arena with thousands of people screaming their heads off. I'm already nauseated as it is.

I got my books from Amazon to help me study for the GRE. My favorite is the verbal flash cards. So many words! Now, if I could just remember some of them...

I also got a guide to the English portion of the test, and a dictionary of literary terms and theories. I can feel my nerdiness multiplying exponentially!

In other news, I woke up to the sound of pouring rain this morning, and although I promptly hacked up a chunk of mucus...it was pleasant for a moment.

:: 2008 13 May :: 9.38am
:: Mood: crushed

I think I'm getting sick. Both of my parents are sick and I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Parents.

I have some errands to run today. I have a dentist appointment at 12:50 where they are going to tell me I have cavities and need fillings. I had cavities last time and I haven't been to the dentist since. That was about a year ago.

The I'm going to shoot on down to Meijer to go talk to Pat about giving me hours for next week. Then I'm going to stop at Independent bank in Cedar and deposit a fundraising check and some random pop can money for the frat.

Then I'll probably go to Rueben's and hang out with him.

Boo. Sore throat.

In other news, the Sand Lake Library has a "Classics" section that has about 25 books in it. I have my huge long list (reference 4 entries ago), and the only books I could find were War and Peace, Hamlet, and The Sound and the Fury...and the only reason I found The Sound and the Fury is because it's on Oprah's book club.

So...that means I'm going to have to order them through the KDL website; but searching on there reveals that KDL only owns one or two copies of the most revered works in English i.e. Paradise Lost and Canterbury Tales. And no, I'm not counting books on tape or "re-written" classics. Ugh.

I bet they have more copies of Ana's Story by Jenna Bush than copies of The Divine Comedy by Dante.

:: 2008 12 May :: 10.05am

I just applied for a ten thousand dollar scholarship. Oh god, it would be wonderful...

1 comment | critique me

:: 2008 2 May :: 12.32am

Things I have to read for the GRE. Note: I've read about 1/3 of these, but do I remember them?
Milton, John Paradise Lost 27 5
Chaucer, Geoffrey Canterbury Tales 22 7
Shakespeare, William King Lear 20 5
Pope, Alexander The Rape of the Lock 17 5
Anonymous Beowulf 13 6
Swift, Jonathan Gulliver's Travels 13 5
Shakespeare, William The Tempest 13 5
Marlowe, Christopher Doctor Faustus 12 5
Gray, Thomas Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard 11 4
Thoreau, Henry David Walden 11 5
Spenser, Edmund The Faerie Queene 11 3
Alighieri, Dante The Divine Comedy 10 3
Sophocles Oedipus Rex 10 4
Faulkner, William The Sound and the Fury 10 4
Shakespeare, William MacBeth 10 3
Arnold, Matthew Dover Beach 9 5
Dickens, Charles Great Expectations 9 3
Swift, Jonathan A Modest Proposal 9 3
Shaw, George Bernard Arms and the Man 8 5
Plato The Republic 8 5
Keats, John Ode on a Grecian Urn 8 4
Shakespeare, William Othello 8 4
Jonson, Ben Volpone 8 4
Homer The Iliad 8 1
Fielding, Henry Tom Jones 7 5
Tennyson, Alfred Lord Ulysses 7 4
Joyce, James Ulysses 7 4
Congreve, William The Way of the World 7 4
Bronte, Emily Wuthering Heights 7 4
Dryden, John All for Love 7 3
Fitzgerald, F. Scott The Great Gatsby 7 3
Shakespeare, William Hamlet 7 3
Forster, E.M. Howard's End 7 3
Milton, John Lycidas 7 3
Homer The Odyssey 7 3
Johnson, Samuel The Preface to Shakespeare 7 3
Byron, George Lord Don Juan 7 2
Milton, John Comus 6 4
Pope, Alexander An Essay on Criticism 6 4
Anonymous Everyman 6 5
Hardy, Thomas Jude the Obscure 6 4
Wordsworth, William Lyrical Ballads 6 4
Shelley, Percy Bysshe Ozymandius 6 4
Richardson, Samuel Pamela 6 4
Sheridan The Rivals 6 4
Sterne, Laurance Tristram Shandy 6 4
Tolstoy, Leo War and Peace 6 4
Eliot, T.S. The Waste Land 6 4
Shakespeare, William Henry IV, Part 1 6 3
Shakespeare, William As You Like It 6 3
Johnson, Samuel History of Rasselas, Prince of Abyssinia 6 3
Amis, Kingsley Lucky Jim 6 3
Melville, Herman Moby Dick 6 3
Malory, Sir Thomas Le Morte D'Arthur 6 3
Johnson, Samuel The Vanity of Human Wishes 6 3
Dickens, Charles Hard Times 6 2
Shelley, Percy Bysshe Ode to the West Wind 5 5
Forster, E.M. A Passage to India 5 4
Aristotle The Poetics 5 4
Goldsmith, Oliver She Stoops to Conquer 5 4
Anonymous Sir Gawain and the Green Knight 5 4
Eliot, T.S. Tradition and the Individual Talent 5 3
Chaucer, Geoffrey Troilus and Criseyde 5 3
Thackerey, William Vanity Fair 5 3
Spenser, Edmund The Shepheardes Calender 5 3
Shakespeare, William Romeo and Juliet 5 3
Faulkner, William A Rose for Emily 5 3
Spenser, Edmund Amoretti 5 3
Coleridge, S.T. Biographica Literaria 5 3
Dostoevsky Crime and Punishment 5 3
Dickens, Charles David Copperfield 5 3
Thomas, Dylan Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night 5 3
Webster, John The Duchess of Malfi 5 3
Pope, Alexander An Essay on Man 5 3
Steinbeck, John The Grapes of Wrath 5 2
Hemingway, Ernest Hills Like White Elephants 5 2
Johnson, Samuel Life of Cowley 5 2
Etherege, Sir George The Man of Mode 5 2
Browning, Robert My Last Duchess 5 2
Eliot, T.S. Journey of the Magi 5 1
Tennyson, Alfred Lord In Memoriam A.H.H. 4 4
Eliot, T.S. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock 4 4
Flaubert, Gustave Madame Bovary 4 4
Cervantes Don Quixote 4 4
Joyce, James Dubliners 4 3
Austen, Jane Emma 4 3
Shaw, George Bernard Major Barbara 4 3
Eliot, George Adam Bede 4 3
Melville, Herman Bartleby the Scrivener 4 3
Huxley, Aldous Brave New World 4 3
Milton, John Samson Agonistes 4 3
Wilde, Oscar The Importance of Being Earnest 4 3
Moliere Tartuffe 4 3
Boswell, James The Life of Samuel Johnson 4 3
O'Neill, Eugene Mourning Becomes Electra 4 3
Edwards, Jonathan Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God 4 3
Butler, Samuel The Way of All Flesh 4 3
Wright, Richard Native Son 4 2
Sophocles Antigone 4 2
Conrad, Joseph Heart of Darkness 4 2
Anonymous Sir Patrick Spens 4 2
Hawthorne, Nathanial The Scarlet Letter 4 2
Orwell, George Shooting an Elephant 4 2
Woolf, Virginia To the Lighthouse 4 2
Wycherley, William The Country Wife 4 2
Wilde, Oscar The Critic as Artist 4 2
Swift, Jonathan A Description of a City Shower 4 2
Frost, Robert Design 4 2
Villon, Francois/Rossetti The Ballad of the Dead Ladies 4 2
Mill, J.S. On Liberty 4 2
Marlowe, Christopher The Passionate Shepherd to His Love 4 2
Wilde, Oscar The Picture of Dorian Gray 4 2
Shakespeare, William Richard II 4 2
Fielding, Henry Joseph Andrews 4 2
Defoe, Daniel Moll Flanders 4 2
Twain, Mark Huckleberry Finn 4 2
Bruegel Icarus (painting) 4 1
Plath, Sylvia The Mirror 4 1
Raleigh, Sir Walter The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd 4 1
Keats, John Ode on Melancholy 4 1
Dickenson, Emily If I Could Stop 4 1
Holmes, Oliver Wendell The Chambered Nautilus 4 1
The Venerable Bede Historia Ecclesiastica Gentis Anglorum 4 1
Virgil The Aeneid 3 3 Burney,
Fanny Evelina 3 3 Thomas, Dylan Fern Hill 3 3
Keats, John Endymion 3 3
Milton, John Areopagitica 3 3
Voltaire Candide 3 3
Heller, Joseph Catch .22 3 3
Miller, Arthur The Crucible 3 2
Joyce, James The Dead 3 2
Boccaccio Decameron 3 2
Tolstoy, Leo Anna Karenina 3 2
Dickens, Charles Bleak House 3 2
Godwin, William Caleb Williams 3 2
Miller, Arthur All My Sons 3 2
Meredith, George The Egoist 3 2
Finch, Anne Adam Pos'd 3 1
Burns, Robert Ae Fond Kiss 3 1
Paine, Thomas The Age of Reason 3 1
Mencken, H.L. The American Language 3 1
Donne, John An Anatomy of the World 3 1
Fleming, William Arts and Ideas 3 1
Raleigh, Sir Walter The Author's Epitaph, Made by Himself 3 1
Wilde, Oscar The Ballad of Reading Gaol 3 1
Browning, Robert The Bishop Orders His Tomb 3 1
Cooper, James Fenimore The Deerslayer 3 1
Sidney, Sir Philip The Defense of Poesy 3 1
Yeats, William Butler The Dolls 3 1
Stevenson, Robert Louis Dr. Jekyll

1 comment | critique me

:: 2008 23 April :: 10.02am

It's getting so close...the end of the semester, that is. Today is my day off...tomorrow I have KKY meetings and I get installed. I work Friday and Saturday. I have an exam on Monday morning, and two on Thursday.

Then I'm done. Well, I'll be up here for another week working...but then I'll be done. Then, back to living with the parents, going to the dentist for the first time in a year (I'm sure I have numerous cavities), getting my brakes checked out, settling in, maybe do some lounging. Who knows.

:: 2008 22 April :: 11.30am

It's bright and sunny outside, and a bit breezy, too.

I went and met with my academic advisor this morning. I am now signed for the Bachelor of Arts in English with a probable minor in political science.

Now I get start taking four semesters of French to fulfill the language requirement. Exciting.

I have a few things left to do for the semester; namely revising a few papers and finishing my notebook assignment. I can't believe I actually wrote about parallelism in discourse. What has become of me?!?

I just finished taking my last exam in human growth and development, and I have a quiz in North American Indian Cultures at 3:30, and a final in there next week. I already turned in my creative writing portfolio so i don't have to go to that horrible class again. I also have a concert tomorrow night, and then the final KKY meeting Friday where I will be sworn in as President and finish the meeting.

So many things...but there aren't. I'm putting off revising, which I should be doing now instead of updating, because I have to re-do a works cited which is perfect by MLA standards, but not so perfect by my crazy professor's standards. Whatever. MLA never said anything about an Upload or Download date...I know that much.

So...looking ahead to next semester:

FRN 101 : Beginning Level French
ENG 332: Cultural Literary Theory
CHM 131: Chemistry I
MTH 105: Algebra
MUS 186: Band

I'm in desperate need of summer vacation.

It would also be nice to win the lottery.

Michelle

:: 2008 19 April :: 12.16pm

About to go to work...again. I haven't had very many hours the past few weeks, but it seems like I've been more.

So, Thursday night I got elected President of Kappa Kappa Psi for next school year. I'm quite excited...but by now the giddiness has worn off and I'm spurting ideas through every possible orfice. gross.

Anyway, I'm trying to get enough financial aid for next year so that I won't have to work....well, I'm not exactly trying...I'm just waiting for Central to put together my financial aid package and I'm waiting for them to decide if a 3.93 is a high enough gpa to qualify me for a scholarship. hah.

Looks like it's going to be all A's this semester. Perhaps my name will be in the newspaper. That would be grand.

:: 2008 16 April :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: tired, hungry, etc.
:: Music: my professor

job hunting
::

i hate looking for jobs. i mean, i get excited about all of the opportunities. but i also get really depressed about how i feel like i'm not good at anything. and all the things i am good at, aren't interested in having me.

whether it's true or not, even partially, doesn't really matter. it still feels crappy.

then again, maybe i just need to eat.

and i feel guilty for not listening to the lecture today. but it's just review. so there.

spud	:: 2008 16 April :: 1.37pm i'm kind of a hard person to be friends with sometimes, i think. not all the time. and not in all respects. but there are a few areas where i'm definitely lacking. but that's okay, because i'm still not really that bad. 2 comments \| critique me

spud	:: 2008 15 April :: 7.16pm i walked out of class today because i was frustrated. probably not a good choice, but there you are. at least i made amends with my groupmates. that's the important part. 4 comments \| critique me

:: 2008 14 April :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: better
:: Music: radiohead - no surprises

::

i feel much better after today. i'm still kind of pissed about some stuff. and the wings lost. but at least, for whatever reason, i managed to evade the same sort of funkiness that's been haunting my shadows for the past week or two.

and there's nothing but good on the horizon. so, shut the fuck up, brain!

:: 2008 9 April :: 11.05am

I just got asked to attend one of my Professor's graduate classes next wednesday for a discussion on George Elliot's Middlemarch with a special guest!!!

So, I am at the library checking out the novel so that I can read it!!!

YAY!

1 comment | critique me

spud	:: 2008 8 April :: 1.39am it kind of reminds me of that episode of pete and pete where they tried to stay awake for like three days straight. or something. i think it's bedtime. 5 comments \| critique me

:: 2008 7 April :: 5.17am
:: Music: 311 - don't tread on me

i like how at some point it transitions in conceptualization from a very late night, to a very early morning. and yet, the task of nabbing down precisely where that transition occurs is nigh-on impossible.

my guess is that it's right around the time when the birds start chirping.

...

yep, i hear 'em.

:: 2008 7 April :: 2.41am

wow. it's gonna be a long stretch to exams.

and an early morning tomorrow. i'll be ready to crash once i get done at the scientists meeting tomorrow night. but that'll be fun, at least. the events leading up to it, not so much.

although, filming went reasonably well today. and i got some free food out of the deal. and i met a guy who wants to record me on drums. and i got to play drums at that party last night, which also had some free food and was a lot of fun. and i got to play drums and hear dad's new band on friday, and have some free food after that as well. so, the themes for this weekend were : party, free food, and drums.

not too bad. except that i got nothing accomplished and slept way too late this morning. but it all worked out, i guess.

:: 2008 2 April :: 11.43pm

This semester is almost done: there's only four weeks and exam week left. I can't say that I'm not excited for a break, but going home and working isn't my idea of a fun summer. At least I'll be living at the lake, since that's where my parents moved.

I have a few goals for this summer:
1. Practice at least one hour every day.
I really want to get good again, like really good, so that I can audition for a top band. University band is alright, but it's at the level of eighth graders most of the time. There are four bands at Central, University Band being number four. I'm sure I could get a top chair in the third band, or a low one in the second if I really get up on my scales and prepare some technical pieces. I need it anyway, I miss practicing, but it's one of those things I need to make time for or else it won't happen.

2. Write a literary article/criticism for publication
I think I might have found a few books that fit the bill: They are post-modern (1989, 1993), are by an American author, and can be analyzed in terms of gender and gender roles. It's weird how the author makes all of his characters lawyers with wives who are brilliant and beautiful, but lack motivation.

3. Keep working out
I'll be up at the lake, so this shouldn't be too much of a problem. I can lift weights in the base, run outside on the circle driveway in the park (about five laps equal a mile and there a few hills), and our living room is big enough to do some work out tapes. My parents work 7 to 4pm, and I should be working mid and second shift, so this should work out well for waking up and working out.

Anyway, those are a few of my goals and I'm announcing them to the world so I have to be accountable for them. We'll see what happens.

1 comment | critique me

:: 2008 3 April :: 12.23am

you know. sometimes i just don't understand.

most times, in fact.

i just wonder where the fuck i went so wrong. when it all looked so promising. and then there are those other times when i wonder how in the hell it worked out so perfectly, when i thought it would be shit. and either way, i was fucking wrong, and didn't get a chance to appreciate it, because i was so busy being wrong.

and then i failed college. or at least pissed a bunch of people off for being stupid. and pissed myself off even more.

i've been ridiculously angry all day today, and i don't understand it. i really need to blow off some steam.

7 comments | critique me

:: 2008 26 March :: 10.50pm

I got so warm during ritual I almost passed out.

Ugh.

They will be brothers on Sunday! I'm so excited.

I know...I'm lame because I participate in extracurriculars in college.

:: 2008 25 March :: 5.46pm
:: Music: temple of the dog

i had a dream last night that i played hockey with the red wings. i was really bad. but they still liked having me on the team, for whatever reason. it was one of those dreams where it's really frustrating, because you can't move as fast as you know that you can. and you keep trying to will your body to do stuff, but it won't. before that i was driving in a car with my sister. which i think was a continuation of a previous dream i'd had.

did the in-class shoot today. it kinda sucked balls, but whatever.

robby had to cancel today. which i guess is okay. i just wish he would have told me ahead of time so i wouldn't have had to go and reserve the recorder and have dad bring the mics out and all of that happy horseshit. but i suppose it was for the best. it gave me time to get more accustomed to the machine and think through exactly how i want to set it up when he actually can record.

also, i couldn't talk to the financial aid people today. but i made an appointment for next wednesday. and i might be able to do walk-ins before the appointment. i'm debating on how urgent my need is. well, i need $2000 by april 25, if at all possible. so pretty urgent, i suppose.

then again, i won't be able to give them anything if i can't register for the class, which i also have to wait on. i talked to the lady in the school of com office today, and she said that the names hadn't been cleared yet, and to try again next monday. and if they're not up by next monday, i'll just have to wait longer.

and the honors college still hasn't cleared me for WRT 305 yet, either.

so all around, a whole bunch of waiting for people to get their shit together. which is frustrating. but there's nothing i can do about it, other than wait, so i might as well just relax and enjoy.

there's a free trade concert tonight that i'm helping out at. the scientists are running the pa and recorder for the show. should be fun. i enjoy doing that stuff, and they're good people. always a good time.

:: 2008 24 March :: 11.23pm

dear god,

if i go deaf because i'm the first person to ever be diagnosed with a "skull infection" i am going to be pissed at you until further notice.

sincerely,
Chris

actually, my nose is getting a lot better. but now my left ear is all messed up. it's happened two or three times now where i go to blow my nose, and then i blow too hard or something, and my ear pops, and then it rings and feels all funky, occasionally making more popping/swelling sounds, until eventually it goes away. but the entire time it's like that, i can't hear shit. i know it's something to do with my eardrum. but that doesn't make me feel any better. i kind of need my eardrum if i want to work in a recording studio. motherfucker.

i feel good though. i got a lot of shit done today. and i have lots more to do tomorrow. should be cool though. i'm definitely getting somewhere with stuff and things. always gratifying.

5 comments | critique me

:: 2008 24 March :: 8.36pm

I just went to my national society of collegiate scholars informational meeting. It was exciting.

Actually, I was quite relieved to find out that I don't have to be an active member next year; I can choose if I want to be the year after that, too.

And...all you have to do to be an active member is attend one social event, one fundraiser, and one community service event for the year/semester (not sure which). Either way, it should be fairly easy.

I think I have a cavity on my back molar.

The polish is also chipping off my nails at an alarming rate and it keeps catching everything.

:: 2008 21 March :: 1.15pm
:: Mood: unintelligent

yay!

thanks andy!

here you go:

*names have been changed, for fun and profit*

so, i'm a little slow sometimes. we all know this to be true.

i got an email awhile back from FRED, saying something along the lines of "i was listening to music on xxxxxxx.com, and it made me think/feel some of our conversation a while back. you should check it out." so, i was like 'okay. don't recall having any conversation of this sort with FRED. but hey, i forget things all the time.' so, life went on. a little while later i actually went and checked out the site. it was sweet, so i sent him a note saying it was awesome, and he replied with a couple of bands to check out. so i did. and i thought, 'wow, FRED's taste has changed a bit. i guess that's to be expected. and i like it. it's cool. but it seems different for him.' but it wasn't really that far of a stretch, so i didn't question it. life went on. then i made a project for my media II class, using FRED's music, and i sent FRED an email requesting permission to use it. and he replied saying it was fine, using what i understood to be some quote from the liner notes. only, when i checked the liner notes, i couldn't find anything remotely resembling the quote anywhere on them. huh. that's odd. so, i sent FRED a message today, saying that i had finished the project and, if he was interested, i could get a copy to him on DVD. he messaged me back with his address, so i could mail it to him. but why would i need to mail it to him, when FRED lives right in town? i could just drop it off at his apartment.

so, after working out the fact - and coming to terms with the embarrassment - that i'd been talking to the wrong FRED for about a year, i then realized that i'd roped myself into sending a dvd, having nothing to do with FRED (not to be confused with FRED) - or his music - all the way to fucking san francisco. that, and i still don't technically have permission from FRED to use the music that i'm sending to FRED.

all because i'm an idiot.

so, long story longer, no matter how many problems and snafus you encounter with all of your dealings today, whether at work, or at home, or with other bullshit, at least take solace in the fact that you're not quite as moronic as me.

sincerely,

FRITZ (a tribute to any dr. seuss fans in the crowd)

:: 2008 17 March :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: the fucking spin cycle. it's a squeaky bastard.

sick

this is a pretty typical conversation for us, i'd say:

me: yo
H: hey
just heading off
feeling better?
me: nope
H: huh
funny how that works
I suggest amputation
me: tie a tourniquet around my neck to stop the bleeding?
H: wrong head
me: no, that would only make it harder.
H: or turn blue and fall off
me: no, it does that on its own. it's a defense mechanism....
H: hmm
either way
register for classes tomorrow
me: yepper
H: I'm sunk
hst 300 - writing history and my capstone
plus the honors project
me: nice
H: boned
me: aren't we all...
H: you probably are
me: not tonight.
H: sucker
me: nope, not that either.
H: even worse
me: yeah
H: alright, I'm out
see you around
me: bye
-------------------------------------------
i like that it doesn't have to make sense to make sense.

alright, sheep-man. what's the next move? and how do i make this cold go away?

pretty please!

3 comments | critique me

:: 2008 13 March :: 9.31am

The Changing Time

They come FLOODING out of the Buildings: It is time.
I.
I see the small people Scramble
Hating the cold burning the Inside of their Noses,
Hating their own body for turning against them.
I need a tissue, please!
My nose is spurting inappropriate mucus!

II.

There goes one, Huddling inside his hood,
Like a turtle, afraid the air, the atmosphere
Will endanger him.
Perhaps he's right.
With the smoke stack only a few hundred feet away,
And a thousand [probably more, I'm bad at estimations]
Cars; Rolling into the parking lot
Who would want to breathe this air?
It's not a choice.

Maybe gas masks will become
As popular, as fashionable,
As carting around 16 ounces of water
In dispensable plastic bottles.
I firmly believe:
We make our own Destiny.

III.

There, Another,
Her pants are screamingly PINK!
I'm sure I can almost make out a shirt that SHOUTS:
KISS ME I'M IRISH!
When I bet she's more French than anything,
She can't even hold her own beer.

IV.

Now just a few Remain,
Wandering, Aimlessly,
But with Direction in Mind.

V.

Now, all are gone; They've scurried themselves
To their destination: to their destiny.

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:: 2008 11 March :: 11.58pm
:: Music: metallica

strongbow on tap

it was a lot of fun going out tonight, and we got to see professor eick and stuff. he seriously gets more and more cool every time we hang out with him.

i didn't get anything done today, unless you count cleaning the bathroom floor. hopefully that will alleviate our ant situation.

but yeah. not very productive today. that's alright though. that's why we have tomorrow.

and the day after that...

and the day after that....

:: 2008 11 March :: 1.55am

i think i just fell in love with four finger five.

i MUST see them next time they're at founders. which i believe is april 19.

i should go to bed.

but damn. this is the shit. it's just such a solid, soulful groove. right in the pocket. amazing.

1 comment | critique me

:: 2008 10 March :: 9.38am

Class in a few minutes. Then on to filling out scholarship applications. Money.

Why is it that we feel it's necessary to have the largest budget deficit ever to kill people, but we can't spend that same money on, oh, say, education, or converting every single coal plant into using biofuel?

Spring Break was last week. I didn't do much except work forty hours. Cranky people. Why is everyone so cranky?

The sun stays out until eight now. That should help me adjust my sleeping schedule. I was beginning to miss the sun.

Waves of nostalgia.

I had fresh out-of-the-oven brownies with french vanilla ice cream on top last night. It was like heaven.

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