:: 2003 10 December :: 3.37 pm

I dont know why i'm updating. Its not like i have anything good to talk about. Life sucks. Its un fair. I hate it. I hate myself. End of story.

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 7 December :: 9.21 pm
:: Mood: bored

Well......this weekend was.....interesting i guess you could say. I went to the mall saturday with erika, dustin, and stacy. I didnt buy anything....i was just scoping everything out. Looking at different gifts i could get for everybody for Christmas. I think it will be quite the expensive Christmas too. But hey oh well.

But like i said.....things were interesting this weekend. And i guess i'm just gonna let them be. And hopefully everything gets figured out soon. I want to change the feelings. So everything fits together like a jig saw puzzle. Things are changing and i dont like it. But i think i'm gonna do what everybody is telling me to do......and that is just give it time. I'm sorry i dont want to say too much more. But to all of y ou that know what i am talking about.....thanks for being here for me and listeing to my complaints!

How does it feel?

:: 2003 6 December :: 9.43 pm
:: Mood: depressed

I cannot promise you that i will not change.
I cannot promise you that i will not have many different moods.
I cannot promise you that i will not hurt your feelings sometimes.
I cannot promise you that i will not be annoying.
I cannot promise you that i will always be strong.
I cannot promise you that my faults will not show.
But........
I do promise you that i will be supportive of you.
I do promise you that i will share all of my thoughts and feelings with you.
I do promise you that i will give you freedom to be yourself.
I do promise you that i will understand everything that you do.
I do promise you that i will be completely honest with you.
I do promise you that i will laugh and cry with you.
I do promise you that i will help you achieve your goals.

But......most of all.......I do promise you that i will love you.

I hope my point gets across to you. This is how i truely feel.

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 6 December :: 10.00 am
:: Mood: blank

I really dont know what to do anymore. My family is going insane over here. For 3 days in a row my family is yelling at each other back and forth about something. I just dont like how my life is turning out right now. And i'm just.....scared. I really have no clue whats going on with anything in my life. I dont know whats going to happen. And thats why i'm scared......i dont know whats gonna happen. Usually i know what things are gonna happen or what to expect, well i've got no fricken clue right now. I just wish i could go to somebody right now and break out with tears and tell them everything, and how i feel about everything. This is all just so depressing and stressful on me, and i really hate it. I guess i've got a long road ahead of me. And it will take a while to walk to the end. And that end wont come until everything gets figured out about everything. I think that god wants me to be happy. But the things that will make me happy, and turn my life around.....i'm not so sure if they are gonna happen. I dont really have a say in anything anymore, with the things going on with me. And thats why its gonna be a long road, cause they have to be figured out on their own. Why does life have to be so cruel, and painful, and hurtful, and depressing, and stressful, why is it so......unfair?


Kevin

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 3 December :: 9.34 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: 3 Doors Down

How does it feel?

:: 2003 29 November :: 11.15 pm
:: Mood: content

Ahh yes, i went and seen Gothika tonight. Great movie that is. I went with Stacy, Dustin, Brad, and Kelly. Yeah, we had a riot. Of course we can't forget about Burger King. That is always fun. Lol when me, brad, dustin, and stacy are at Burger King together, look out cause it spells T R O U B L E lol ! But yeah the movie was pretty good. It was't as scary as i thought it was gonna be. Its one of those movies where like you know whats gonna happen. And the fact of you getting scared is just when the part happends. Like you know something is gonna happen but it still scares you. Ya know? But yeah, over all it was a pretty good movie. I'd see it again. Anyways, i've ran out of things to say.

Kevin

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 29 November :: 1.23 am

I hate this shit. No matter what i do, i always find a reason to become sad again. I keep on finding new things more and more and i hate it. I dont know how it could have happened. How this person could really do this. Completely going behind my back. But what ever. I d ont give a fuck anymore. I hope that person got what they wanted. I hope their real fuckin happy now. To see me get all upset about it all the time. And have them saying to themselves "ha ha, look he's feeling like shit, he's hurt so bad, what a fucking loser!" And be able to do things so easily like everything was nothing. I was something, and now i'm a nothing. And i hate it. I used to have a life. But now i feel like a poor person who could care less if they walked into the path of a moving semi-truck.

Fuck.

6 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 29 November :: 12.29 am
:: Mood: blah

I really hate how people will just go ahead and assume things. If 1 person here's something from another person, they automatically think its true. Well i think thats bull shit. You shouldn't accept something until you know the truth, or unless that person tells you it. Just cause you heard it from someone....doesn't mean its true. Thats what i hate that people do. They jump way ahead and assume things and jump to conclusions. I hate it. Cause then it causes a huge confrentation. When more than half the time its a big misunderstanding cause its just somebody jumping to conclusions when they didnt hear the truth from the actual person. Lol and i dont know where this came from either. Its just something i've always hated that people do. But anywho, hope all of your Thanksgivings were great!

I think i'm gonna go bowling tomorrow with my parents in Greenville. And after that i think me and a few other friends are gonna go see Gothica. Shall be fun. I hope it turns out to be a scary movie. If it isn't....i'm sueing!

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 28 November :: 12.16 am
:: Mood: Tired and happy!

Ahhh yes, Turkey Day! The Granny's house wasn't all that great. Just old people and food, not very exciting. But later on tonight was pretty fun! Great times we had, great times! But yeah anyways, just thought i'd let ya'll know i'm happy!

Kevin

7 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 25 November :: 4.51 pm
:: Mood: content

HEY! Well this is great that we have an extra 3 days of school off! Today was a pretty good day! For some reason i was just in a really good mood today!

Anyways......yeah this morning was awesome! Me and Stacy were just drivin down Simmons on the way to school. And i was slowing down coming up to a stop sign. And my brakes locked up like right away....and my car started sliding and we did a 180 right in the middle of the road! IT was awesome! The funny thing is that Stacy thought i meant to do that! lol And then i dropped off my brother at the middle school. I was going to pull out and my tires started spinning cause i was on the ice, so i was like moving into the road very slowly....then i hit the pavement and started to speed up ya know. Well t his truck came flyin over the hill and almost hit me. He followed me all the way to the high school, got out of his truck and started banging on my window bitching at me. So i opened up t he door and hit him with it. And he was like "you see the peddle on the left, thats the break peddle, use it next time, i almost hit your dumbass!" I was like "yeah whatever." But it was stupid cause if i were to use my brake peddle...i would have slid right into the road from the ice. And he's the one who should have used his brake.....he was on pavement and could have stopped easily, but no he blames it on me. I was so pissed, and stacy was just like ok wtf. But it was funny afterwards!

I hate driving on ice. It scares me. It really does. So yeah if i were to ever get in an accident....it would be from the icy roads and stuff. If i got in an accident....im sure you guys wouldn't miss me all that much anyways, right?! Yeah, off i go now.

6 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 23 November :: 8.45 pm
:: Mood: tired

I really wish i knew what was wrong with me. All i know is that there is alot wrong with me.

I know i'm not the best looking. I know i'm not super super hot. I know i'm not really attractive. I know sometimes i can be cruel and mean. I know i can be a jerk. I know i can be an asshole. I know i can hurt people's feelings. I know i'm not the best of friends sometimes. I know you can't always trust me. I know things about me just bug people. I know i'm not the sweetest of guys. I know i dont compair to the other guys cause i'm not like them. I know i'm not perfect. I know i'm not the smartest. I know i'm not the funniest..........but i am a guy who has alot of respect for my friends. Alot of you are really.....fragile to me. Like glass, i dont wanna break it. But i just want people to see me for who i am. All of those things i just listed....yeah they apply to me. And it kinda shows the kind of person i am. All i want people to do is accept me for who i am and how i am. People expect more out of me, and change. Some of it i'm just not capable of doing. And i feel bad cause it lets you down. I'm sorry that the person i am isn't the person you expected, or wanted. I've realized things, that are able to change with me. Things that aren't a big deal for me to change cause its for the best. I just wish i realized the changes sooner, so i could have made the changes sooner. But like i said, i just want people to accept me for who i am. Know what i'm capable of and what i'm not capable of. Know what to expect from me. But then again....i guess you would really have to know me inorder for you to figure those out. Not many people know me very well.

7 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 23 November :: 4.43 pm
:: Mood: bored

My weekend overall turned out ok.

Friday-went to Jesse's party. That was pretty fun. We had lots of good times there.

Saturday-i went and stayed the night at Randy's house. We watched a couple of movies and we were bored so we painted his bathroom. I didnt fall asleep until 4. So yeah i was pretty tired.

Sunday (today)-we just kinda hung out for a while, then we went bowing. I so kicked his ass! I bowled a 147 and a 148. He was lucky to break 100. And now i'm here. At home, very bored. So yeah, off i go i guess.

How does it feel?

:: 2003 21 November :: 11.43 pm
:: Mood: tired

I hate that life is never fair. I know it has its good times and bad times. But overall, i hate it cause its not fair, and its not easy.

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 19 November :: 10.09 pm

Ok, i'm just a little confused here. Why the hell is everyone pissed at me now. Telling me get over myself. Telling me to shut up and fuck you.....well thats just dandy news to hear. I dont really see what i did wrong. But hey i guess all of you do.

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 17 November :: 2.55 pm
:: Mood: bitchy

I'm just sick of this shit. I can't take it. I know i have to deal with it but i can't. Its impossible. My feelings are too strong for me to just drop everything. I'm a fucking nobody. Why do people even bother talking to me.......

6 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?