So I'm spoiled & I'm rotten in a sinister way

:: 2014 29 November :: 1.27pm

I wish I was an extrovert

:: 2014 28 November :: 7.41am
:: Mood: enraged

what is it about thanksgiving that makes every ass hole I ever slept with and admitted feeling for feel the need to try and contact me again?

please, call me a cunt for not sleeping with you. I really, really love that. especially when you choose to do this at 2 AM after calling me while I'm still drunk from my family celebration. that is the quickest way into my pooter don't ya know?

now, this aside, I reeeeeeally want revenge. I really want to inflict some pain somehow. but I'm not sure how I would accomplish it. I'm just a fat warm hole for which pleasure can be derived, just like a million other stupid girls out there. I have no real power in the situation, and unfortunately I'm not entirely sure how to generate power at this stage in the game.

what I really need is a mentor. a man eater who is accomplished and has her skills honed to a fine and deadly point.

but where do you find them?

:: 2014 27 November :: 9.54am

I dreamt about my grandpa last night...

i miss him so much..

:: 2014 24 November :: 4.53pm

you start a band and suddenly everyone wants to join!

auditioning zoe and myself as lead singer (zoe will probably win hahaha)

i am up to 3 chords now! D A and E!! I'm feeling pretty awesome! My fingers are getting tougher. Soon I will be LORD OF THE AX!!

I'm just psyched that this is really happening. it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. and to not smoke so much when i get home.

i am so jazzed.

:: 2014 20 November :: 5.29am

Does it make you nervous
When you hear my bones
Animate my body
Without my soul?

I swear every time I listen to silversun pick ups I fall even more in love with them.

:: 2014 19 November :: 5.01pm

I bet I could teach jackie chan a thing or two.....

:: 2014 18 November :: 9.12pm

today has been quite a roller coaster

:: 2014 16 November :: 10.57am

GWAR has been hands down my favorite concert I've ever been to.

and now the fire in me to start a band has grown to a raging inferno.

TOTAL DOMINATION

:: 2014 13 November :: 9.29am

my growing pains are always from growing apart.

I don't even know what to do. should I do anything? when is it right to fight for something and when isn't it?

I suppose these answers are all inside me. I just need to try and find them.

:: 2014 12 November :: 7.33am

sometimes you just need a reminder that there are still racist fucks in the world.

damn that guy was fucking creepy.

1 ooh* | no she didn't!

:: 2014 7 November :: 9.57pm

God I'm fucking lame.

:: 2014 6 November :: 6.31am

we got processing the Sus saga.

I wear a lot of my emotions on my sleeve, but the feelings that Sus envokes are much more private. I'm not sure why I can only cry about it when I'm alone. I'm not sure why I need to put on a brave face.

the final section we will process is me, 24 to current. not a whole lot in the past two years. hopefully we'll be done soon :) haha yea right

:: 2014 4 November :: 11.09am

i cannot wait until i'm done with college.

these fuck faces are trying to say i plagiarized a paper. i would never do something like that. EVER.

so i call my academic adviser and he says that it's probably that i didn't cite something properly. i have been writing papers and turning them into these stupid fucking robots for two years and have never once had an issue with this. i know how fucking APA guidelines work. I know how to properly cite my sources.

fuck you, ashford university. fuck you constellation. fuck you turn it in. fuck you grand canyon university. fuck online schools. fuck plagiarizing assfucks that made this all possible.

fuck "higher" education. what a fucking joke.

:: 2014 3 November :: 2.33pm

I'd have to say the party was a success, most people canceled, but the ones who came were the most important anyway <3 and I didn't even want a big party, so I got my wish without having to cancel.

i wanna say more, but I don't really want to type right meow, so.. more to come later!

:: 2014 30 October :: 9.38pm

I just want to be held and told it'll all be okay.

I feel so alone. and disgusting.

:: 2014 28 October :: 8.02pm

sometimes everything just feels so blah, you find yourself in bed at 730, texting people who are not on the same page as you, feeling bleh about them.

it's just so much bleh, blah, meh, eh... who cares?

19 credits left at school. work is slowing down (I'm almost catch up). ospe time is soon. so not into that this year.

this weekend needs to be over right stay now

1 ooh* | no she didn't!

:: 2014 25 October :: 6.34pm

I really miss drugs

:: 2014 23 October :: 10.37am

canceled my hair cut yesterday since it was it was my last opportunity to be alone before Mike gets here. I'm already exhausted just thinking about all the social interaction I'll be having while he's here.

then I think about the rest of my life, and wonder if maybe I should try to be more social or risk regretting these years as wasted since I'm young and free currently.

and then I think "fuck it" and remain antisocial, because a lot of the time being alone is just so fantastic. I think the part I love the most is nobody expects me to talk. it's just so nice, not feeling pressured to participate in a conversation. not needing to think of something interesting or relevant to say. not worrying whether I'm being boring or sounding stupid or something. I really hate talking. I like listening. hate talking.

I'm not even sure why I hate it so much. I haven't had a negative experience involving me talking in quite a while, so what makes me dread it so much? no clue. but here's to hoping someday it goes away!

3 ooh* | no she didn't!

:: 2014 20 October :: 11.43am

I don't think its really as bad as all that.

when it rains it pours though.

and right now I feel like I might get caught in the undertow