home | profile | guestbook


i LoVeD dEePeR aNd I sPoKe SwEeTeR

recent entries | past entries

silentcriez

:: 2004 4 August :: 12.38am



RIP Gene White

Even though i didnt know you all too well, all of the times you drove us around and let us stay at your house and play video games and just hang out you were nothing but nice to me.. you were nothing but nice to everyone.. and nobody deserves to pass away at the age of 17... nobody deserves to miss out on the years you will never get a chance to live.. and the experiences of life and things that you will never get a chance to see.. i just want you to know that my deepest sympathy is with your family and you.. i love you


Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you. '
Cause you've flown away, so far away.

Never, Had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feelin' and knowing you hear me.
It keeps me alive. Alive!

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.

Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Picture a little scene from Heaven.

Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll
always look to a brighter day.

Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You'll always listen, as I pray!

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.

Sorry, I Never told you, all I wanted to say



i was so proud of amanda today.. for being able to stay there.. for being so strong.. reading genes letter from freshman year made me think about all of things that he will never get to do with his life... and all of the plans he had for himself that he will never be able to fulfill.. and it just kills me.. my heart aches for you...

- manda

4 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

krazykelc1

:: 2004 3 August :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: contemplating..
:: Music: Yellowcard-Only One

I Love You <3



Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

...SoMeWhErE...

cocopuff

:: 2004 3 August :: 12.20am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Jewel-"Foolish Games"

hmm

Here i go wiht another on of my random thoughts....

i was jsut thinkin.. sitting in my room bored outta my mined... that u cant base life on guessing games.. or wishis,... u cant life life thinking that what u wish on a star someday will come true... i can admit that sice i knew how till this day i wish on the first star i see in the sky and i make a wish.. and i wish soo hard it hurts.. i wish on everythign possable to wish on.. but i think i quit... im teired of not haveing my wishes come true... i wish soo badly that they would and if they did my life would b everyhtign i want it to b... but its not thats easy.. noting is ever easy.. and it sux... but if u think abotu it... just becasu u liek wish forsome to love u on a star or somehtin ther gloing to... what kind of love is that neway... lvoe u have to wish for... thats not right... love is somehting u both have to fell and u both have to wish for for ti to work... if only one of u is wishing on that star ur only half way there.. and thats y it never comes true... wishign on stars has been the basis of my life since i can remebr.. but since i can remember none of my wishes have come true... but idk y... i know its stupid to wish on a star if u think abotu it... but idk the little bit of hope left in me tells me maby that other person is wishing for u 2... and thats what keeps me going... my stars...

1 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

xonixieox

:: 2004 2 August :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: depressed

i cant believe it happened! its not fair.. he was so young.. im sitting here bawling my eyes out and poor amanda.. did anyone stop to think about her or her family... Gene was so young.. way to youung... i cant ewven write but this is what i want gene to here!

Gene,
you were like a brother to me... i used to tell you i wished you were my brother... becasue you treated me better than my own brother did. we even acted like a big family at your house with amanda and your mom! we would fight.. we would laugh.. and sometimes we would cry .. but we always loved eachother.. and there are SO many poeple who love oyu and miss you! i nkow you loved coming to your moms and i loved when you were there... especially when you got your liscence... that was awesome.. i remember emmes spoccer game when you drove me and becca around when you werent supposed to! i remember so many time we had so much fun.. even when you and amanda would hit eachother and then you would hit me.. and even those times will always be in my memory of how much i love you and miss you! so if you can hear or read this or whatever just know that i love you... and i just hope you are in a better place now! i love you so much Gene.. i really do!

Love, NikkiE
you

4 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 2 August :: 12.14am

ok call me a geek.. but like...do you ever watch buffy the vampire slayer??

well.. i dont ususally but like everytime i randomly do it just always happens to hbe the same exact episode...and the episode just happens to be the one that made me so scared when i was younger...

its like about these fairy tale monsters.. and they like come to the town and steal their voices.. so that they cant scream and these creepy guys like float they dont walk and they have these liek mental patients who kill ppl and like they have to get 7 hearts or something.. and no1 can talk or scream or anything

lol am i the only geek who sees this episode all teh time??

------------------

I wander your halls
question where youve been?
you been hanging your head
trying to hide..

but you cant run away from,
all this pain in your life
fairy tales
only go so far..
its you whose gotta get up tomorrow...

its you who has to make your choices
dont go trying
to blame anyone else
dont question what life has to offer
of the qualities of which youve been dealt

emptiness grows liek moss
much quicker now
enveloping a dark empty past
a new day will open
a new way of life
and a chance for me to walk away..

-------


In this room I hear the echoes of a recent battle. Lost and wounded as the faded cries begin to settle for the night. The echoless room begins to fill with feared emotions, petrified sensations, they envelope me. Although I am alone in here, I am not deserted. I can feel eyes, piercing my skin. This deafening silence forces me to my knees. As my delicate toes diligently creek the floorboards, thoughts swirl through this brain of mine. No rhythm to the twirling thoughts just meaningless expression of how I feel. These walls seem to be closing in on me. Alone physically and mentally. My mind becomes more paranoid by the minute. Pacing faster now, around this desolate house. Blank, vacant, and lonely, each piece of furniture sits waiting to be used. Abandoned, this house waits, engulfed with beauty hidden beneath sheets of dust. Coughing lightly to dispel the years of loneliness from my lungs. I breath, taking in every emotion felt, every smile shown, each tear drop fallen to the ground, without a soul to catch it. I am swamped by emotions, this whirlpool of fear drains away. Leaving me once again alone, in this exiled home. Everything that might have been, could have been, and should have been, wallows deep within the belly of this house. And I am struck with a blow from the back of a fist, I am completely and utterly alone.

-me

cruel intentions
sealed with a kiss
untold stories
of a love just liek this
one lover bleeds
and another lies dead
the sweat is till salty
in the sheets of his bed
memories of you and i
flashing quickly by
the feeling of you
when you were inside
connected
this love once so sweet
now so bitter
and full of deciet
liek the petals of a rose
this bud has wilted and begun to die
burning this image
in my brain of you and i
your flawfully perfect
upon my knee
kiss my lips
and tell me you need me
disaster
striking with the back of its fist
cremating the image
of our first kiss
like the lick of the flame
this heart is put out
smother me
i wont dare shout
take this ecstacy
i tell you im feeling
and strip it dry
angony beyond healing
project this faux happiness
i pretend is bliss
examine this vision
of our final kiss
drive your car
down to the end of the road
what unfathomable secrets
these somber waters hold
cruel intentions
sealed with a kiss
untold stories
of a love just liek this
one lover bleeds
and another lies dead
the sweat is till salty
in the sheets of his bed

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 1 August :: 3.36pm

i believe i am getting sick to my stomach with this life im living right now. this routine life that never changes. and when it does it is always for the worse. im trying to think of something good thats happened lately. trying to convince myself that others do have it worse. but i just can't. not with things the way they are right now. i think im ultimately upset with just the fact that life has thrown me a major curve and i DONT know how to handle it. and i just want to be deeply and truly loved by someone. i want that someone to love every ounce of me and not care what i dress like or if i wear my hair weird one day. i want them to not care at all what im wearing or how i wear it- becasue they would love me, and that would mean they would love my style and how i talk, how i move, how i smile, my presence, the way i smell- nothing about me would ever get old to them. and i want the same for me. i want to love someone with that much passion. that nothing ever grows old. even though time passes so quickly and i grow old msyelf. i want change. i need change. but the changes that have been occuring lately are not very good. i dont know if i can handle it any longer...i cried so hard last night. i stopped. but it wasnt becasue i was done crying- it's because i made myself stop crying. i had a breakdown. probably the worst breakdown i've ever had. and i can gradually feel myself breaking. is that possible? can a heart really ache? is it true that when you figure out every thing there is to know about life you die? i guess sometimes i've felt invisible. and then at other times i feel im in the spotlight...and dont know what to do about either one. so either way- it's uncomfortable. im not a miserable person. im usually happy. i dont want others to be sympathetic for me. i just want to know they care. and i believe there are people who care for me. im not some hopeless depressed person. but sometimes- you forget. you forget how much you're loved and how many friends you really have and you convince yourself somehow that you've just become invisible. and sometimes you just need a reminder to come along, tap you on your shoulder, and bring you back to life again. that is what i need. that is what a lot of people need.

- lindseyethatsme-

...SoMeWhErE...

cocopuff

:: 2004 1 August :: 3.11pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: All American Rejects-"One More Sad Song"

hola


Purple Rain

I never meant 2 cause U any sorrow
I never meant 2 cause U any pain
I only wanted one time 2 see U laughing
I only wanted 2 see U laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only wanted 2 see U bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted 2 be your weekend lover
I only wanted 2 be some kind of friend, hey
Baby, I could never steal U from another
It's such a shame our friendship had 2 end

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only wanted 2 see U underneath the purple rain

Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin'
It's time we all reach out 4 something new, that means U 2
U say U want a leader, but U can't seem 2 make up your mind
I think U better close it and let me guide U 2 the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
If U know what I'm singin' about up here, come on raise your hand
Purple rain, purple rain
I only want 2 see U, only want 2 see U in the purple rain


la la la!! u know i was just thinking... u know i dont regret nehting iv evendone cuz when i did it i wanted to and y would i regret somehting i wanted to do?? but if the world was commign to an end i would regret somehting... i would regret doing all the things that i passed up... not nehtign i had done.. what i didnt do but could have... lol idk i guess it kinda goes wiht the point that life is to shoert soo u gotta do what u can when u have the chance... u never know what ur really missing.. yea thats my random thougth of the day....

im excited it looks like its gonna rain today!! i love rain sooo much!! idk what it is but i love each and every drop of the rain... lol so im excited....

its 3 oclock and i got up liek an housr ago
lol its great to sleep all day.. excpt fior the fact that i get home from going otu at 10 and thne i stay up till liek 3 am and im bored outta my minde sitting online talkgint o ppl abotu basicly nothign lol....but hey im goann keep up the tridtion and go get ready to go out...


im off to see the wizard....
the wonderful wizard of Oz....

<3Lizzy

...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 1 August :: 1.20am





Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
CategoryYour Score Average
Self-Lovin'65%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh		 65.1%
Shamelessness64.3%
It takes a couple of drinks		 79.4%
Sex Drive 78.9%
The Pope is envious		77.7%
Straightness35.7%
Done the nasty, but not creatively		 44.9%
Gayness 92.9%
Repressed, are we?		 83.7%
Fucking Sick87.6%
Refreshingly normal		 90%
You are 71.36% pure
Average Score: 72.7%




Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won't bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
You never shut-up
Yeah I can hear that

But what if I'm a mermaid
in these jeans of his
with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These Years

So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best praya that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven
Where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker
Do you think it's enough
To get us there

Cause what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With our name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it's been here
Silent All These...

Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds
Raining in head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we're too easy Easy Easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby don't look up
The sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them

But what if I'm a mermaid
in these jeans of his
with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice [x3]

And it's been here
Silent All These Years
I've been here
Silent All These Years



and again...
fucking im all alone
all alone..
again im all alone
broken bleeding
hiding at home
but still im all alone
bleed this blood
crimson and clover
break my heart over and over
smash my mirror
break my face
but still im all alone
cold and lonely
break my bones
still you leave me all alone
wanting out
of this pointless life
writing lyrics
to a song ill never sing
and still im all alone
i can hear you
hear them
they never shut up
tlaking about me
and still im all alone
cracked
and bruised
swollen cuts
rivers of tears overflow
and still im all alone
i think some thoughts
which sink me below
this deep dark lake
and still im all alone
and again...
fucking im all alone
all alone..
again im all alone
do you hear me
angels have given me a voice
wings
to show you who i am
and still im all alone
years go by
and i choke myself again
theres nothing left
because im all alone
and again...
fucking im all alone
all alone..
again im all alone



--

revised


(chorus)
again im all alone
sitting by the fone
again im all alone
waiting for your call

again im all alone
just wished youd come back home
again im alone
waiting for you here

you break my heart
into a million peices
tore me up
and appart
left me defeated

i cared just for you
you told me youd be true
i fell for you too
but now im just...

(chorus)

you ripped out my heart
and put it the blender
you gave it all away
after i surrendered

waited for me to
give it all to you
i gave you everything
and now im just..

(chorus)

im crying here
dying here with open arms
gave up everything
ive seen all you are
waited for the time
when what was yours was mine
just when i felt safe
you threw it away...

(chorus)

im bleeding here for you
wont you kiss me sweetly
is it just a game
you just wanted to beat me?

waited for me to
give it all to you
i gave you everything
and now im just..

(chorus)

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 31 July :: 1.21pm

get out a sheet of paper and write down..

Hello my name is (blank) and i am a really cool kid. Whats your name? Would you like to go get some icecream on the beach?

and sign your name in cursive
then write your name in cursive

1. Are your Us and Ws rounded on their bottoms? You're sensitive and maybe poetic.
2. Do you cross your Ts in the middle or at the top? The lower you cross your T, the less ambition you have.
3. Do you loop your Cs at the top? Then, to quote Carly Simon, you're so vain.
4. Are your As and Os tightly closed? Perhaps you're hiding something.
5. Do your letters slant every which way? If so, then yikes. Only 10 percent of the general population has a wobbly slant--compared with 70 to 80 percent of convicted felons.
6. Do you have the "felon's claw"? It's another hallmark of the criminal, and it occurs when you bring a letter straight down, then attach a claw-shaped curve to its end--say when you're writing the lowercase y.
7. Is your signature different from your regular handwriting? Then perhaps you're putting on an act.
8. Do the connecting swoops between your letters droop? Maybe you have a martyr complex, and are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
9. Is your handwriting spiky and angular? Relax. There's no need to be so tense.
10. Are your letters a bit squatty? If they're biggest in the middle zone, and don't extend much up or below the baseline, then you're perhaps a bit childish. The Disney logo, based on Walt Disney's

4 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

silentcriez

:: 2004 30 July :: 11.38pm

so..

gay gay gay gay gay

\no offense to homosexuals...

s'just shits been gay lately.. my heads fucked up and i feel like eveyrhting is just crashing down on me..and everythings fucked up...

idk i went to robbies tonight and watched training day.. it was weird.. i was with katie lizzy robbie and cozzy KELSEYS BACK yay :-)

well.. my tummy hurts i must go..

bye

2 ...iTs 5 O'cLoCk... | ...SoMeWhErE...

Woohu.com | Random Journal