<marquee behavior=alternate>.:*Chubby*:.</marquee>

:: 2004 24 June :: 6.20pm

yay im finally free from that fagget thing calls grounding.. humm YES well i went out with meggy lizzy and kelsey and walked around n went to the train tracks and did stuff then got soo scared cuz we heard a train coming ran and my sandle fell off and i stepped right into this GROSS mud :( well i was sooo scared and my heart was racing and my hands were shaking lol im such a pussy...

well i think im going to sarahs tomorrow :) yayy i love her and i havent seen her in sooo long shes getting her puppy omg im like not gonna put it down lol

i am very tired and its only 6:27 humm what to do tonight.. call me if you wanna hang out

651 3618

xonixieox

:: 2004 24 June :: 10.34am
:: Mood: good i guess
:: Music: the fan?

at traci's
well right now im at tracis but shes still asleep so i decided to go on her computer!

well yesterday i hadda work (i gotta today too... but im off tomorrow) but traci and Lanaeya came to save me.. then we went to gymnastics and then visited Elijah!!! :)! i havnt seen him in so long..! then two guys that Lanaeya know came to pick us up and took us back to her house! we had fun!ok but anyways im wicked bored so thats all.. lizzys birthday is in 2 daYS! YYYYAAAYYY!!!

<3 NikkiE

:: 2004 23 June :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: high

Lizzy can go out tomorrow! :-)

Amanda is off grounding too tomorrow, yay

today was like my first day out this whole week.. me and meg went dt saw Jimmy and Ashley and Kimmy-haven't seen her since she got back from Bermuda.

Then we went and smoked out of baby, I haven't smoked in like 2 weeks

Then we went to the mall and I got Lizzy's present and a poster that says This Bud's For You and it's colorful and pretty :-) also met Bobby and his friends from Framingham.

>>Lizzy's birthday is in 3 days <<

:: 2004 23 June :: 5.12pm

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
You're coming back

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

:: 2004 22 June :: 9.29pm
:: Mood: in need of cigarette
:: Music: Do or Die ft. Twista-Do U

Grounding...

well here's the scoop:
-Meg is off tomorroww..
-Manda is off Thurs.
& Lizzy.. no one really knows, she has no computer. she got her cell back though I guess... so I txted her the other day n asked her whats up for this Sat. (her bday) and I guess her mom said she's not gonna b allowed out..
thats wicked gay this is the first birthday of Lizzy's that I would have spent with her and I cant even see her. ahh

if Lizzy's grounded for a whole month I swear I'll kill someone. Way to ruin a summer that's already fucked up huh ??

I haven't gotten high in so long ughhh

:: 2004 22 June :: 12.16pm
:: Mood: amused

bagels!

x3xtanyx3x: mmmm bagels
Auto response from krazykelc 1: dreaming about bagels:-)

P I M P e r 8 7: lol wtf
Auto response from krazykelc 1: dreaming about bagels:-)

fatforlife52: u like to stick ur penis in bagles
Auto response from krazykelc 1: dreaming about bagels:-)

x we4k inside: lol loser
Auto response from krazykelc 1: dreaming about bagels:-)

Vanished 1 2 2 0: nighty night
Auto response from krazykelc 1: dreaming about bagels:-)
Vanished 1 2 2 0: HJAHA
Vanished 1 2 2 0: i love you u fagget and a half

:: 2004 22 June :: 11.54am

i think to be in love it is to feel the best feeling in the world to knwo that someone is always watchign over your shoulder making sure your alright its the balance of security and happiness..love is about taking risks.. its about being willing to lose everything you had for one night of bliss.. for one night where emotions took ccontrol and you could never back down... i think that love is like a roller coaster.. you have to be able to deal with the slight bumps you face along the way in your teenage years with little petty relationships because it is getting you ready for the giant drop off when your older.. its like spinning and spinning and spinning helplessly in a feild of flowers and falling back without having to question that someone is there to catch you. someone more inthralled with making you happy...and you them..someone you think about all day...and all night... i think that love is something that we take all too lightly these days... and men and women toss it around stupidly thinking that love is anywhere related to sex.... love and sex have nothing in common and we have begun to associate love with sex far too often... and people get their hearts broken.. there is a difference between horemones and emotions.. u just have to look beyond what you want into what you really need...i think that love is something you cant search for.. if your searching youll never find it.. love comes as a surprise from where you least expect it to...i think that love does come to those who wait because there are a series of events going on this second on this day in this month planning out how you will meet.. there are reason why we shose certain paths in life.. why we meet certain ppl.. how the web of our life is strung so jaggedly because our life is built up of choices we have made and ppl we have met and through those people we meet new ppl and someday...you meet the right one.. and u shouldnt say oh hes teh right one automatically.. i think u have trials..we learn from our mistakes and never truly understand a person worth until weve lost them...

love is not like a rose as they say love does not wilt and die with time.. fore if your "love" wilts and dies it was never truly love at all... merely infatuation...infatuation and wanting cause us so much greif and extra trials...you must be able to understand the difference between a want and a need and infatuation and love wnating somone by your side is for safety or just for the sake of not being a lone but if you need someone... you cant be away from them and constantly seek their presence... i dont know where im going with this im just rambling on and on... but this is what i feel just thought youd like to hear...

to your question of why people are afraid of love...well i think its because love is so perminent..or so we make it out to be.. and love finds you in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely of times...

when your willing to risk everything you have for someone...take the chance and dont let them get away...

- manda

you cannot try to keep love...you cannot try to cage it like wild bird unable to be atmed.. if you catch the wild bird and cage it.. it will not sing for you.. it will not be happy.. your love cannot put restrictions on the other person.. you cannot take a lion out of teh savannah and the miles and miles of free range beauty and put them in a cage... you cannot suffocate your lover..smothering their independance.. if you love someone allow them their space.. if it love you need not try... you need not hold them closer because they should already want to stay near you...leave some bird seed in the the window...and it will come back time to time singing the glorious song of nature...and happiness.. it will come back willingly and thats when you know its true.. because you havent chosen them theyve chosen you despite their freedom despite however many people their are...if youve let them go.. and they still come back you its real.. at least thats what i believe

5 .from you. | .to me.

:: 2004 22 June :: 11.25am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: dip it low - christina milian

death is but a question postponing time...

ok so heres something weird

when meggy and i were a weeeee bit messed up on thursday we had this really deep conversation about how everyone was gonna die and it kinda freaked us out and i wanted to write it down just so id know what i said years from now to see if it really comes true.. soo here goes

me - i think im gonna die from either getting strangeled or getting my throat slit

meg - i think megs gonna have a bad trip on either like shrooms or acid or something and is gonna kill herself

kelsey - i think she is gonna get hit by a car

Lizzy - i think lizzy is gonna be walking in a DARK alley and someone is gonna jump out and shes gonna faint/pass out and theyre gonna rape her and then kill her and throw her in the river..

ryan fogarty - i think that hes gonna die of a drug overdose

joe cice - i think joes gonna get shot crossing the border with weed and other ilegal narcotics lol

i said more.. but now i forget soooo ill update accordingly

soo in other news... i got my eyes checked saturday and i got green contacts and regular ones they should be coming wed. i think i cant wait!!

haha i hadnt been to the eye doctors in 4 YEARS my perscriptin went from -350 to -425

my eyes got sooo baddddddddddd

humm.. im off to go make some ramen and be lazy... fuck being grounded

:: 2004 21 June :: 9.08pm

unveil me and take me into a land of mystery
hold me and show me a land where we can be
i fall into your grasps
and theres no turning back
this is teh way it has to be

i just want for us to be
something in the dreams i see
pray on all teh stars above
that you could be my only love
id give all just to be
in love so perfectly
ill get down on my bended knee
to show you i care...

from teh first kiss i felt from your smooth lips
to the glance when you looked in my heart
when i felt so safe with you
eveyrthing was finally true

i just want for us to be
something in the dreams i see
pray on all teh stars above
that you could be my only love
id give all just to be
in love so perfectly
ill get down on my bended knee
to show you i care...

in teh darkest depths of my heart
you can see into every part
know when i am feeling blue
know that im in love with you

no matter what i say or do
just know that i love you
and teh kisses that flow from my lips
carressing your fingertips

i just want for us to be
something in the dreams i see
pray on all teh stars above
that you could be my only love
id give all just to be
in love so perfectly
ill get down on my bended knee
to show you i care...

-me

:: 2004 21 June :: 4.18pm
:: Mood: shook
:: Music: Freddy Krueger Song!

Freddy vs. Jason

1 2 Freddy's comin for you
3 4 better lock your door
5 6 grab a crucifix
7 8 better stay up late
9 10 never sleep again

3 .from you. | .to me.

:: 2004 21 June :: 11.03am

Vanished 1 2 2 0: dude i went to the hospital saturday night
Qteekate 88: r u serious
Qteekate 88: y
Vanished 1 2 2 0: my ear was all swollen like 3 times teh size it should have been and i had these splotchy red bumps all over me that itched insanely they were on my neck, chin, ear, cheek, legs, arm and my hands
Vanished 1 2 2 0: and i went to the hospital at like 1:30 am
Vanished 1 2 2 0: and they said that i had anb allergic reaction to something
Qteekate 88: omg thats scary
Qteekate 88: is it all better now
Vanished 1 2 2 0: no i have to take pills for 2 weeks
Vanished 1 2 2 0: the doctor was like "this looks liek its going to get worse before it gets better.. you have 2 options to take a steroid shot or take pills"
Vanished 1 2 2 0: and i was like umm pills! i HATE shots
Vanished 1 2 2 0: so i have to take 6 steroid pills a day... to keep the swelling and imflamation down
Qteekate 88: wow
Qteekate 88: thats scary
Qteekate 88: what do u think it was from?
Vanished 1 2 2 0: i think i got a spider bite
Vanished 1 2 2 0: on my ear
Vanished 1 2 2 0: cuz teh swelling is starting to come down and i see a bump where i could have been bitten and i was outside in teh woods on friday..
Vanished 1 2 2 0: i mean thursday*
Qteekate 88: eww
Qteekate 88: thats so grosss
Qteekate 88: wat if it was tick
Vanished 1 2 2 0: and when i was little i got a spider bite and my whole arm swelled up and i went to teh doctors and they thought it was lime disease cuz my arm swelled up soo bad

:: 2004 20 June :: 11.17pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: perfect - the smashing pumpkins

i love this song

I know we�re just like old friends
We just can�t pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can�t help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you�re just like me
Next time I promise we�ll be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was...

Angel, you know it�s not the end
We�ll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You�ll see, I promise we�ll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we meet

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we�re so free
We promised that we�d be
Perfect

:: 2004 20 June :: 5.17pm

Fill it out in a comment :-)

What Would You Do If
-I cried:
-I asked you to help:
-I was becoming suicidal:
-I killed myself:
-I died from natural causes:
-I said I liked you:
-I kissed you:
-I started smoking:
-I stole something:
-I was hospitalized:
-I ran away from home:
-I got in a fight and you were there:
-I got dumped:
-I pissed you off:

What Do You Think About My
-Personality:
-Eyes:
-Face:
-Hair:
-Clothes:
-Voice:
-Humor:
-Choice of music:
-Mannerisms:
-Family:

Would You...?
-Be my friend:
-Tell me the truth no matter what:
-Lie to make me feel better:
-Spread rumors about me:
-Keep a secret if I told you one:
-Loan me some cash:
-Hold my hand:
-Take a bullet for me:
-Keep in touch:
-Try and solve my problems:
-Love me:
-Ditch me:
-Use me:
-Date me:
-Rape me:
-Beat me up:

3 .from you. | .to me.

:: 2004 20 June :: 5.08pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Fat Joe/Remy Martin-Lean Back

New Background.. :o)

woah I am BORED.....

its less than a week into the Summer and half my friends are already grounded...

SuMmEr 'o4 not too exciting yet.......

well since I've been sitting on my ass most of this week I've come up with some goals for this Summer haha
-get my hair dyed/fixed
-get a JOB
-work out... get my old figure back, I'm getting chubby
-quit smoking by August :-\
-meet new people
-do something other than go downtown, sit at Johnson and get high

I will add to this.

It was the summertime
Heaven shined on us it was the summertime
Baby there is nothing like the summertime
Summertime

I Miss You 8*9*03