what a corrupt world, when one becomes what one hates.
Haiz n Daiz: goodbye is a word diffined as a sign of leaving, or taking away the presence of. i am saying goodbye to what i have dreamed to arise. i saw something in you, something that most ppl probably see. i saw it and i wanted to hold onto it. it was difference, strength... it was something that i thought i could get from you. you told me to trust you because you wernt like the rest so i did. i trusted you so much, more than visco (one of my best friends). you made me believe that you were different, you were something that i could trust in my life, you told me you wanted to be in my life... be with me. so i let you in, you took a look around.. and left. almost like going into a fishbowled room, taking in the smoke and leaving as soon as you get a taste. i thought youd stay.. but how could i have been so stupid, but i am as youve said.. stupid. i dont know what to tell you. you want to be in my life still, something, anything. a friend, a foe. you did what every girl before you did, hurt. and then i learn you did it because if you gave it a chance you might loose your skill to write. well now that im out of the picture, write. go enjoy what you love. i dont blame you, im not that mad at you. just do what you want but try and leave me outta it. pain just seems to find a place with me, so ill find a speacial place to hide... maybe my goodbye to you is something to write about in your book. maybe you can post more IM from me up. and maybe youll learn that you can write beautiful work when your happy, look at what i wrote when i was with you.. You have an angels voice, a philosiphers pen, and one of the most beautiful faces i have ever seen.. goodbye to you Amanda Maltz.
Haiz n Daiz signed off at 4:46:43 PM.


what a corrupt world, when one becomes what one hates. i strive so hard to be something im not.. to be something worth stopping on the street for, someone worth getting to know someone good enough to have a picture taken of.. someone whose writign is worth reading.. not just a waste of time, and a waste of space, and in doing this i have forgotten who i am who i was and what i honestly have strived for. i guess i cant talk my way out of this.. and use my philisophical ideas to weasel my way out of it.. this is my fault my issue.. my flaw, my problem i am the problem i have become what i hate, what i have tried not to be. why? why? why? why? i hate teh word goodbye i hate the word hello i hate me i hate my name i hate my face i hate every inch of my disgusting body and air and every ounce of english i speak. i ruin everything an di have succesfully hurt not only myslef but you i have hurt something i care about. i am teh hipocrite.. i advise everyone on how to live how to love how to care what to do and i dont even knwo how to handle myself? how am i supposed to save someone.. when i cant even save myself?

now i know that i am horrible.. i am teh villain i advise all of my friends to steer clear from.. i am not worthy of love, or of this, life. eveyrhting i have tried to be and to do is down teh drain. one thing i can confide in is this, writing and for this it has become my crutch, my life, and all of my love swallowing totally and completely until i begin to wither away into teh nothingness of this earth, this pain this sun, this moon this torture. i am heat i am cold i am love i am hate and everything that i wish i cpould be.. my heart is not enough to save me now..
not enough to be loved for..

my heart is cumbling and with that my life will soon fall

"There's no poetry between us"
Said the paper to the pen
Something's burning in her heart
That her tongue will not defend
the embers burning faster
without air these flames do feed
need for love and need for hate
off of pain these words do feed.
"There's no poetry between us"
Said the paper to the pen
"And I get nothing for my trouble
But the ink beneath my skin"
paint your eyes over
whipe the tears out of your eyes
my lines are growing blurred
and these tears wash out the lies
nothing left to hide behind
black ink dripping from my pours
eating away my insides
until you reach my core
"theres no poetry between us"
said the paper to the pen
your ink will sink into me
why must we continue to pretend
my ink grows more invisible
with each liquified fear
do not knock upon my wooden gate
theres nothing left thats real
read teh pages of my book
and you may try to understand
that when this happiness comes along
id give up everything i had, upon command
"theres no poetry between us"
said the paper to the pen
wrinkles hide the tears in white lined life
if not now, then when?
hidden inside letters
remains everything ive claimed to be
but what you have failed to notice
is that ive left out me
every inch of wasted paper
filled with pain and disregard
allows me to feel a bit better
when life makes love so hard
"There's no poetry between us"
Said the paper to the pen
"And I get nothing for my trouble
But the ink beneath my skin"

1 .from you. | .to me.