LOSERxDORK
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2004 16 February :: 9.59am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: nothingface
last night was fun. we went to drop my sisters off at my dads girlfriends house and then we went to wantagh to pick sherri up. after that amy,sherri,and i went to the witches brew and had some espresso and DAMN that shit was good and it made me pee so fuckin badly, haha. we hung around there and called some people to see who we could hang out with. we wanted to hang out with roberto but he was tired and he had to go to work at 3 so he said no.
i saw yoni and he was staring at me and kept talking to his friend about me and it was getting me really mad and everything. i wanted to fuckin punch him in the face.
so we get in the car with my mom and we drive to the wantagh bowling alley and we were waiting till 9:30 for allison,dave,and sam to come and it was like only 8:30 so we walked to wendys and then hung around in there and then went back to the bowling alley then met up with the people and they played a game and then we went back to allisons house. OK? yea.
i<3richieandod
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 15 February :: 1.15pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: hoobastank
well, i have nothing to write here besides the fact that i changed the look of my journal around :) i got a new background,cursor, and perdy colors and all that shizzle. well, i hope that you like it so leave comments about the sexy changes to my sexy journal.
i.wuv.richie.and.od.<3`
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 15 February :: 12.45pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: hoobastank
which groupmember are you?
well, last night i went to sportime in bethpage to this wrestling thing with amy, my mom,my sisters,her friend,and the kid he mentors. it was pretty fun. one wrestler before he went on came into the audience stood on the bleacher right next to me and was spitting beer all over the place. UGH i got it on my jacket and all in my hair. ew i reeked of budweiser and my hair got fucked up. blah oh well. today i dont know exactly what im doing but all i know is that tonight sherri is coming over and hopefully we're going to go to the witches brew and yeah. february 20th i want to go to the glen cove bowling alley and hopefully i will be able to.
i.heart.richie.and.od.<3`
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silentcriez
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2004 15 February :: 12.36pm
:: Mood: STUPID
:: Music: i miss you - blink 182
rant*
hello
this is not amanda i say hello im writing in her jourbnal becuz shes sitting here next to me zand i decided to write in her joutrnAl becuz im random
manda is being a sapzz.... if only you had the pricvlage of seeing uit well we r gonna go shower.. together... and then were gonna gho hang with teh flaky one kelsey
we love her
p.s. HUPA FO LIFE BIOTCH
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 13 February :: 9.21am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: nice to meet ya ma-bow wow
well, im in school and bored as fuck. my first period teacher isn't here and only me and one other person was in my 2nd period class so were not doing anything. well, hopefully today goes pretty quick. its the last day of school before vacation!
iheartrichieandod<3`
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 12 February :: 7.57pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: led zepplin
|Last|
movie you bought = save the last dance
song you listened to = maps...ignition- rkelly, haha
song that was stuck in your head = this love- maroon5
cd you listened to = les miserables..lol
person you've called = OD
tv show you've watched = friends
person you were thinking of = richie
|Do|
you have a crush on someone = yup<3
you wish you could live somewhere else= anywhere but erock
you think about suicide = i have
you believe in online dating = no but long distance relationships
others find you attractive = some
you want more piercings = eh kinda
you like cleaning = I HATE IT
you like roller coasters = nah
you write in cursive or print = a combination
|For|Or|Against|
long distance relaships= for
using someone= against
suicide = against
teenage smoking = as ciara would say - whatever bakes your cookies
driving drunk = against
soap operas = against
|Have|You|
ever cried over a someone of the opposite sex = yeah...
ever lied to someone = yes
ever been in a fist fight = yeah
ever been arrested = almost
|What|
shampoo do you use = herbal essances
shoes do you wear = silver and white etnies
|Number|
of times I have had my heart broken = three times
of hearts I have broken = a couple? maybe none..
of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends = about 10
of times my name has appeared in the newspaper = 3 or 4
of scars on my body = like 1
of things in my past that I regret= almost about everything i've done
|Do|You|Think|You're|
funny - sometimes
hot - eh
friendly - ocassionally
amusing - sure why not?
loveable - to some people
caring - very
sweet - yes
dorky - haha YEAH
|Favorite|
5 letter word: bitch
Cartoon: rocket power
Cereal: life-cinnamon
Chewing gum: winterfresh
Color(s):black red
Day of week: saturday
Least fav day: monday
Special skills/talents: idk
Summer/Winter: summer
Trampolines or swimming pools: both!
|Person|Who|Last|
Called you: frankie
IMed you: amy
Slept in your bed: me
Saw you cry: amy
Made you cry: my mom
Yelled at you: mommy
Said they love you: richie
Hugged you: eddie
Kissed you: idk
|Have|You|Ever|
Said "I love you" and meant it: yeahh
Gone out in public in your pajamas: haha yeah
Kept a secret from everyone: no, at least one person ALWAYS knew
Cried during a movie: yeah
Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block stuff: nope
Planned your week based on the TV Guide: not at all
Been on stage: yeahhh
Been to New York: yeah, i live here dumbasses
Been to California: yes
Hawaii: nope
Canada: yeahhhhh
Europe: nopessss
Wished you were the opposite sex: occasionally
|Random|
Apples or bananas: bananas
Blue or red: red
Walmart or target: Target
Spring or Fall: fall
What are you gonna do after you finish this: put it in my woohu
High school or college: im in high school...
Are you bored: yes, very
Last noise you heard: me typing
Last smell you sniffed: lemon sherbet
Last time you went out of state/province: veterans day weekend (salem mass)
|Friendship|Love|
Do you believe in love at first sight: not really
Do you want children one day & if so, how many: i want like 2 or 3
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: trust,honesty
What does love mean to you: uhhh
Do you love somebody?: yes, i do.
|Other|Info|
Criminal record: nahh
Do you speak any other languages: nopes
Last book you read: some book in school
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom: my computer
Thing you dislike about yourself the most: a ton of things
Worst feeling in the world: having someone close to you pass away <3
Who are you in love with: FUCK YOU
Who do you miss: od and richie
|Me|
Nickname(s): riss,rissa,rissy,mariss,marizzle,rizzle,riss-ma
Initials: MF
How old do you look: umm depending on who your asking
How old do you act: my age
Glasses/Contacts: nope
Do you have any pets: a cat
You get embarrassed: yeahh
What makes you happy: my friends,diet peach snapple
What upsets you: i dont know...
|Finish|The Sentence|
I Love to - go to concerts
I Miss - richie and OD
I Wish - he was here<3
I Hope - one day i will find someone to love me
I'm Annoyed by - my sisters
I Am - ugly
I Want to Be - with him<3
I Would Never - make someone cry on purpose
I'd Rather - be having fun
I Am Tired of - being so cliche
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 12 February :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: maroon5
valentines day comes with...
depression, when you dont have a boyfriend or someone to spend the day with :-/
well, whats new? depression?, thats nothing new thats just something that i have to deal with but whatever. today is thursday and i have one more day to go before vacation..
school was ok today we had a party for joan (my principal) for her birthday. at lunch denise asked me to go outside and asked if i wanted a cigarette, i accepted. i went outside and smoked with denise,laura,ciara, kendall,danielle and cj. it was aright i guess?
kendall asked me if i smoked weed and i said no and then he asked me if i did e and i said i used to and then he told me he could get me a pill for 5 and im like 'haha its not worth it i could get it cheaper' and hes like 'you can?' and im like, 'yeah, my ex boyfriend sells and he can give me for free' haha school is fun as hell. i had 2 periods off because my teacher was out so all we did was watch part of a movie and listen to music. i love school, i can see myself getting out of highschool with REALLY good grades and im excited that maybe i can get into a better college than i thought i could.
iheartrichieandod<3
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silentcriez
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2004 12 February :: 3.10pm
:: Mood: cant stop these tears...
:: Music: everything - b2k
wow.. what a load of bullshit
Dear Amanda
my love and thoughts of you are with you each and everyday of your life! i may not be there "physicall" but youre in my heart and your voice is on my lips always.
i believe that someday you will find a way to forgive me and to move forward withour love as mother and very precious daughter.
love, Mom
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what a fucking load of shit..
why does she bother with stupid cards on meaningless holidays? and ehr gifts? does she think that will rectify everything she has done to me? what a fucking dumbass. as if everything will be fine.. she doesnt even see that what she did was wrong. and expects me to forgive her. how the hell can i? i never will.. im sure when the wounds have healed i may eventually talk to her.. not now and never will i forgive her. forgive her for walking out on me when i needed her most. leaving me with my dad.. with kaitlin leaving me next year i wont be able to survive. i cant take it. i cant talk to anyone and anything i see that reminds me of her makes me cry uncontrolably..she doesnt know me.. she will never know me at all. becuz i am a totally different person abusing drugs to numb my sorrow. trying to find some escape from the pain hoping that someday shell come back... but she wont.. shes never coming back and i cant handle that thought. i just like to put it in the back of my head and not think a bout her. becuz to me its still not real it still hasnt completely hit me. that shes really gone... which is also why i would never be able to visit her in florida becuz seeing that... seeing her life... seeing that shes happy there... happy living without me... happy giving up everything she had here.. ebczu she didnt have enuff love for me to stay... becuz she felt the need to leave me for someone who couldnt give a damn about me. i will never speak to that coward of a man. who can tear a mother away from their kids liek that.. showing no regard for how i feel. it takes a selfish woman like herself to leave her children at the hardest points in their life. me my first year of highschool.. going through depression.. my sister leaving for college...how the hell am i sposed to do this.. i cant do it anymore.. i just wish i could shrivle up and die...and not have to deal with all this shit
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silentcriez
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2004 11 February :: 7.58pm
it feels like im fading away.. and everything ive held onto is slowly going with it. every moral i have set for myself has crumbled beneath my feet... but whose glass doesnt crack under pressure. everything that i believe in slowly is bursting into thin air...
oh yeah speaking of thin...
im on som pill for my protein n crap and it makes me sick everytime i eat or drink...
i guess that i wont be eating too much....
arg
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xonixieox
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2004 11 February :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: ski market comercial... lol
lalalalallala
lalalalala im so bored... practice was.... gay.... today! like 30 ppl werent there so we had to change the whole entire halftime for our last game tomorrow:( tear tear!!! omg...i realized that whatever happens happens between them.... she can have him and i can have her... i care to much about my friends to even think about it!! i made 2 new friends today!!!
People who choose their boyfriends over their REAL friends suck... it makes me sooooo sad to so one of my bestest friends hurt like that! its not even fucken funny!! its rather bull shit in fact!!!
Lizzy sweety dont cry anymore... but just think about it this way... look at how many friends you have gained over this expirience!! and i love you more than 100 people ever could! we we have had smgt over the fucken past years... we got scared shitless... we made oscar cry... we "played" in the house at jonson... we had a 3some with darien... i mean so many fucken good times lol!! you are MY valentine!!!
M E A N D A M A N D A A R E T H E S A M E F U C K E N P E R S O N ! ! ! ! !
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 11 February :: 6.16am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: story of the year
well, school yesterday was nothing special. i went to school and went through the day like always then i took the bus back to east rockaway high school and then from there walked to the train with my mom. thennn we took the train to island park and went to pick up the lincoln (which was in an accident and had to be repaired) and we found out it was about 4400 in damage...wow. well, after that we went to pick up some papers that my mom had to fill out,drove to the diner,then my mom drove back to my aunts to pick my sisters up and then we took them back to my dads house. my mom and my dad left the house for like an hour and a half and i had to babysit for them. ugh.
well, after that my mom and i went to CVS to pick up my pictures that i had left there.
one question:
does it make sense that one hour photo is cheaper than overnight? and if so- why would people want overnight printing? ...
im really confused about that but yeah whatever it doesn't really matter, blahhhh
iheartrichie<3
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silentcriez
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2004 10 February :: 9.11pm
“My love is boundless”
To you my love is given, bound in this heart-shaped box. Torn and tangled up inside it, rotting from previous experiences. I give to you the key to my soul, the passage to all of me. This emotion I feel is interminable... Nurse my wounded heart, and save me from myself. My devotion has no borders, it feels no restraints. It pays no attention to yielding or one-way signs, but continues on to seek the one I love. Don’t bother with the barricades; my compassion will knock them down. You may laugh in the face of my heartache, and my silver plated emotions. Just watch this love once blossoming, like a flower blooming from seed. From something so minute, exploding into something so magnificent, into beauty. My love is one to observed closely, it doesn’t follow any rules. Will not follow any precedent but learns from its mistakes. In this world of trial and error, my love shows no sign of fear, or of failure. When trapped inside this wooden box, bound by pink ribbon, it shows no sign of growing weary. The cover to this box embroidered with burgundy string the words which move my soul. Which tingle down my spine, the words which I base my life upon. The backbone of effortlessly who I am. “You have not lived, if never loved”. Enticing all of me, your body speaks to mine naturally sweeping me off my feet; it is to you I fall tranquil, to you I am but a baby with a pacifier. With you I may enjoy life; fore I have lived because I love infinitely.
-me
im still in you
running through your veins
into everything you are
i look so longingly into your deep brown eyes
all i have are drugs tonight
it remains that of which takes the pain
drowns the pain
until the pain surfaces once more
as the water begins to drain away
then i shall die and wither away
like teh flower in teh snow storm
freezing over, and dying
but freezing only to be reborn in sring
hybernating, waiting, thinking, until warmth comes
only to be stepped on
crushed and thrown away
but only if interupted by human kind
maybe hung upside down on a wall
so that some child may watch the beauty
as it completely dies out
but if dried
then never will it die
on display
for all to cirtique
so that people will know that once
my blood flowed like a water fall
only to be caught like the butterfly
trapped in closed hands
held tihgtly by teh antagonist
with on quick movement could end the graceful beings life
if never hurting one more soul
then you will not hurt your own
your soul condemed to pain and suffering
tortured by self hate
you will never hurt if you let your butterfly go
nothing is happy in captivity
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silentcriez
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2004 10 February :: 7.42pm
i think its sad... people shouldnt leave the people who actually care about them for someone who appears to.. because you know what it doesnt work... ever.. and i know... making one person the center of your world is not a good thing... its not good to forget who was always there for you and whose here for you now that u changed for them,.. ahem
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cocopuff
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2004 10 February :: 5.36pm
:: Music: The Darkness-"I believe in a thing called love"
Touching you, touching me
Lol well today all i did was sit on my ass cuz i felt like shit.... i think it had to d with me not being able to go to bed till like 4 and then wakign up at 6 wiht the WORST head ake! soo i jsut stayed homw and slept all day.. then i watched mtv and i heard this song and i fell inlove with it!! Download it its soo good!
The Darkness
I believe in a thing called love
Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my hart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everything is A.OK!
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my hart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! Guitar!
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my hart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 10 February :: 12.11am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: hold on- good charlotte
school today was...
fine.
ok, here's the day in a pretty long nutshell, haha.
bus ride to boces saw leanne. the cosmetology students were having a competition so all of them came in for the morning and the afternoon. i <3 leanne, haha.
bus ride to pace sat by myself today
1st period-BBA figured out that i've DEFINITLY taken this class and its the one that east rockaway is trying to deny me credit in...BLAHHH
2nd period-social studies new kid in the class named matt. now our class has 4 people [me,ciara(sp?),cherie(sp?),and matt]
3rd period-studio art started my project on mondrian and mrs. lengel said it is coming out good (im almost done with it)
4th period-english started an essay on bullying and should the state take it into there own hands instead of letting schools take charge of bullying. eddie told me that evan likes me, ok?
5th period math started working on assignment 5 and yeah thats really it
6th period-lunch well, i sat in our 'cafeteria' which is also the studio art, intro to occ,and health room. i sat with ciara, cj,matt,paul,and karen
7th period-earth science watched a little lesson on the board and then watched some of october skys (good ass movie)
8th period-freesat in the only available classroom with everyone else who had a free period and i talked to joan about taking me out of BBA because i already took the class and i have to talk to her tomorrow
9th period-economics talked to denise and read on some guy adam smith who started laissez-faire economics...yeahh
bus ride to boces relaxed..yupp
bus ride to erock slept really, watched an almost fight,and just chilled
when i got home i just hung around really, i went to pick up my pictures and there not going to be ready until tomorrow so we shopped around alittle in CVS and yeah bought a couple of things, school tomorrow and i gotta wake up at 5 to take a shower. should be fun but after that we only have 4 days left of school until vaction. i have a far away valentine, richie<3 but yeah its better than nothing, right? well, friday i think we are having a surprise party for joan in school so friday should be a even faster day then all the regular days, ahh. the temptations to smoke a cigarette are hard to resist but to my pleasure im doing very well. well, there really is nothing else to write but i will update tomorrow probably - bye.
iheartrichie<3
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