'Single For the Rest Of My Life' by Isyss
"Ho...oh...
Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah
Ooh, ooh
Oh, yeah, yeah

Sitting here
Daydreamin’ about you
Oh, everything we had
Wish I could get it back

‘Cause if it ain’t you, then I don’t want it
And if it ain’t you, then it ain’t for me
I can see your face whenever I be sleepin’
But it hurts when I realize I’m dreamin’

So if I can’t have you
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life (My life)
‘Cause you can’t be replaced by nobody else
I’ll go crazy if I can’t have you for myself (If I
can’t have you)

If I can’t have you (I’ll be)
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life
I’ve decided that nobody could compare to you (Nobody)
There’s nobody that can make me feel the way you do
(Oh)

There’ve been a few
Who’ve tried to take your place
I’ve been on many dates
Still it just ain’t the same

if its not a letter sent from you, then I don’t read it
If it’s not a gift sent from you, then I don’t need it
I’ve been longin’ just to find somebody like you
But nobody can just do it quite like you, if I

So if I can’t have you
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life
‘Cause you can’t be replaced by nobody else
I’ll go crazy if I can’t have you for myself (I’ll go crazy)

If I can’t have you
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life
I’ve decided that nobody could compare to you

There’s nobody that can make me feel the way you do

I took your pictures off the wall
That didn’t seem to help at all
So I’mma put it out there, I’mma let you know
If you need to rest your head you can come back home

I thought that I could live without your love, you
know I tried
But I feel incomplete when I don’t have you in my life
So I’mma put it out there, I’mma let you know (Let you
know)
If you need to rest your head you can come back home
(Come back home)

So if I can’t have you
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life
‘Cause you can’t be replaced by nobody else
I’ll go crazy if I can’t have you for myself

If I can’t have you
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life
I’ve decided that nobody could compare to you
There’s nobody that can make me feel the way you do

So if I can’t have you
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life
‘Cause you can’t be replaced by nobody else (Nobody)
I’ll go crazy if I can’t have you for myself (Oh, oh)

If I can’t have you (If I can’t have you)
I’ll just be single for the rest of my life (I’ll just
be single)
I’ve decided that nobody could compare to you
There’s nobody that can make me feel the way you do

Nobody can make me feel like you do
Oh, no, nobody
Can make me feel the way you do"

omg.. im so tired its not even funny.. i tried to go to sleep when i got home from skool but it didnt work cuz my dad came home and he cant be quite for nothing so yeah.. i was awake almost all nite last nite.. i slept for bout 5 hours all together last nite and this afternoon.. so yeah.. i cant do this.. if i dnt sleep to nite im going to be dead.. i feel a sleep in 2nd 3rd 6th and 7th period.. damn thats a lot.. but it was only like 10 mins in evry period maybe.. im not sure.. but still.. i to need sleep..

' Perfect' by Simple Plan
"Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to the plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect"

I wish that i would snow tonite and it doesnt stop till tomorrow afternoon so we dnt have skool so i can sleep in tomorrow.. i hope.. but it will never happen.. right?.. like i said yesterday no one cares bout me so yeah.. whatever.. but then again i think if we have any more snow days we will have to make them up at the end of the year.. so yeah.. i will just have to go to sleep early this friday..

' Raiiny Days ' by Mary J Blige and Ja Rule
[Ja]
Heh yeah
Rule baby, heh
Mary J. Blige
Murda INC
Smile...

[Mary]
It's just those rainy days
Spend a lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun come out and shines again
Smile for me, smile for me

[Ja]
All of those rainy days
Spend ya lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun shines and I see your face
Smile at me, smile at me

[Mary]
We were always livin so crazy and sexy and cool
And we began to love it (began to love it)
Watchin all of the heartache and pain of the world
And thinkin nothin of it (thinkin nothin of it)
And baby I got love for you
And I know that you got me, baby
But everytime the sun shines bright
It gets so cloudy

It's just those rainy days
Spend a lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun come out and shines again
Smile for me, smile for me

[Ja]
All of those rainy days
Spend ya lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun shines and I see your face
Smile at me, smile at me

[Mary] Nobody loves the rain
[Ja] Can't stand it
We know we've seen it before
[Mary] Baby, handle it
Baby, what did we tell ya before
About chasin those waterfalls
[Both] Yeah...
[Mary] Nobody loves the rain
[Ja] Can't stand it
We know we've seen it before
[Mary] Baby, handle it
Baby, what did we tell ya before
About chasin those waterfalls
[Both] Yeah...

[Ja]
Yea baby
Sometimes the Rule don't mind the rain
It kinda feels like I'm drownin in the Lords pain
Until the sun comes out and shines again
Smile, and give me reason to keep believin
That everything ain't misleadin
And I, kiss the clouds on them rainy days
And, smile for you when ya skys are gray
Babe, cuz I'm a tear drop away from cryin
And a few shots away from dyin
Dear Lord, would you shower my pain
Let it rain, let it rain on me
While I cherish the air I breathe
I'm an angel, that can't soar, can't fly
And I, mastered it Lord knows why

[Mary]
It's just those rainy days
Spend a lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun come out and shines again
Smile for me, smile for me

[Ja]
All of those rainy days
Spend ya lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun shines and I see your face
Smile at me, smile at me

[Mary]
I feel like an angel
With my broken wings
So I can soar again
Lord let me in
Baby through all the passion the pain and the hurt
I feel like I'm fallin, yeah

Makin clothes for all of those that
Spread love
And for those who can't take it
Stand up
Baby, we gonna make it
In the words of Marvin Gaye
War is not the answer

Cuz nobody loves the rain
[Ja] Can't stand it
We know we've seen it before
[Mary] Baby, handle it
Baby, what did we tell ya before
About chasin those waterfalls
[Both] Yeah...
[Mary] Nobody loves the rain
[Ja] Can't stand it
We know we've seen it before
[Mary] Baby, handle it
Baby, what did we tell ya before
About chasin those waterfalls
[Both] Yeah...

[Mary]
It's just those rainy days
Spend a lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun come out and shines again
Smile for me, smile for me

[Ja]
All of those rainy days
Spend ya lifetime tryin to wash away
Until the sun shines and I see your face
Smile at me, smile at me

[Mary]
Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile
Til the sun shines
Just smile for me
Just smile for me, just smile at me
Know in your heart, that we are free
Free to believe, whatever we feel
So feel somethin real, baby
Hey-ey

okay.. i really dnt want to be single on the 14th.. i mean its going to suck if i am.. seeing every one around me with their boyfriends or with their girlfriends.. i mean yeah im happy for them but then im mad at them at the same time.. i wonder if i will be alone for the rest of my life.. prolly.. no one likes me.. no one cares for me.. no one loves me.. im hurting inside so much and no one even sees it.. every one just sees the smile that i put on and thats that.. they dnt think to look whats going on behide closed doors..

' Irresistable ' by Jessica Simpson
"[JD]
Uh-huh, ha, ha
Sing for me

[Jessica (JD)]
You know
I don't know what it is
(It's the remix)
But everything about you is so irresistible

[Lil Bow Wow]
Fa' sure (So So Def)
It's the 2k top dawg
Don't nobody want it
I got 10K on it, I'm the hottest thing out
If you look at me, you're lookin' at a kid with a plan
If you don't understand homie, check soundscan
So So Def to grain
You know our motto
In the street throwin' paper like we just won the lotto
Guest on the beat, like dubs hit on the six
Irresistible to all chicks
Listen to the remix

[Jessica (JD)]
Don't you try to tell me that he's not my type
To hide what I feel inside
When he makes me weak with desire
I know that I'm supposed to make him wait
Let him think I like the chase
But I can't stop fanning the fire
I know I'm meant to say no
(Uh, uh, handclap, oh)

[Jessica]
But he's irresistible
Up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
Irresistible to me

Oh I can hardly breathe, yeah
Don't you think I'm trying to tell my heart what's right
That I should really say goodnight
But I just can't stop myself
Maybe I'll tell him that I feel the same
That I don't want to play no game
Cause when I feel his arms hooked around me
I know I'm meant to say no (I'm meant to say no)
(Clap your hands)

[Jessica]
But he's irresistible
Up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
Irresistible to me

Can't you see
Whenever he's close to me
I really find it hard to breathe
He's so irresistible
Think you know
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
He's so irresistable
(You're so irresistable)
{Like that, oh}

[Jessica]
But he's irresistible
Up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
Irresistible to me"

well.. my mom just gave me this drink and EWW.. its so nasty.. any way.. as i was saying.. brie is back with ashes.. and thats kewl and all but.. i dnt kno.. snt mind me.. i have no clue what im talking about.. im hust typing.. im so tired... that i dnt even think i should be typing any thing.. any way.. i feel so horrible still bout the whole breaking up thing.. i mean.. damn i messed up so bad and im hurting for it and hes all fine about it.. prolly going out with sum one right now.. i mean he doesnt even come up here any more to chill.. so yeah.. in my mind that means that he dont like me any more.. not even a friend.. what do you think??.. well whatever.. i think that i should go get sum sleep.. what do you think??.. but the thing is when im ready to go to sleep i cant sleep.. how messed up is that.. really messed up.. i think i have like a sleeping problem.. do you?.. well i think im going to go and work on my page or sum thing.. more tomorrow.. or later.. it depends on what happenes.. if i dnt write tomorrow.. worry.. not that you will.. <3 amanda <3

?????????????????why do i do this to myself?????????????????
omg.. i dnt wanna be single on 2.14.04 but i will be coz no one wants me.. damn i hate it.. and shannon is all upset now coz of the whole 2-14-04 thing.. every one seems to have sum one specail..

"‘Cause if it ain’t you, then I don’t want it
And if it ain’t you, then it ain’t for me
I can see your face whenever I be sleepin’
But it hurts when I realize I’m dreamin’"

Damn.. this song makes me so sad.. i dnt kno why but it does.. then again i keep listening to it over and over again.. of course that is so like me.. right??

"I took your pictures off the wall
That didn’t seem to help at all
So I’mma put it out there, I’mma let you know
If you need to rest your head you can come back home"

okay.. no its over.. i cant stand being single any more but the problem is.. my heart wants the one person that i can never have.. thats why this song makes me cry cuz it is how i feel.. so much.. yeah.. i cant be single on 2-14-04.. i would just die.. im so glad that i never felt this way before.. well really i dnt cuz it is good feeling at points but i mean.. at nite when im tryin got go sleep and in skool tryin to work all i think about is him.. you kno how bad that is?? well it is cuz i makes me cry when i think about how i screwed things up..

"if its not a letter sent from you, then I don’t read it
If it’s not a gift sent from you, then I don’t need it
I’ve been longin’ just to find somebody like you
But nobody can just do it quite like you, if I"

omg.. okay.. i need to stop sing this song.. i have no clue what to do.. okay.. i dnt want to turn it off but it making me cry and i cant stand cry while im in the open of my house.. i like to be in my room where its dark and quite.. and laying in bed and just cry.. my room is the best place to be when i cry cuz no one really cares where im at and they dnt care that im crying but i cant stand it when people see you crying they act like they care.. do u kno what i mean??.. prolly not.. no one knows how i feel.. cept me..

"Sitting here
Daydreamin’ about you
Oh, everything we had
Wish I could get it back"

The song things are out of order.. when i feel like putting it in i do and its all out of order.. i really dnt care any more.. i mean.. i think that i really love him.. but im afrid to tell him.. cuz i have a feeling that he dont like me.. and i dnt need my heart broken even more then it is now.. i mean.. i always wonder if he thinks about me and if he likes me.. but i will never find out.. will i?? no coz i fucking screwed every thing up.. im a waste of time.. a waste of sperm.. i should have never been born.. all my friends that kno him are like hes the one for you.. but it dnt seem that way.. i mean.. of all the years i knew him i likes him but still.. i mean that dnt mean shyt.. they always say that if i can still like him after all the shyt that we went through that he is the one im supposed to be with.. do u think so??.. i dnt.. cuz if it was tru.. when every thing went down that day he would have came and asked me and he didnt.. he just fucking broke up woth me.. god i dnt kno why i do this to myself.. do you??

"I thought that I could live without your love, you
know I tried
But I feel incomplete when I don’t have you in my life
So I’mma put it out there, I’mma let you know (Let you
know)
If you need to rest your head you can come back home
(Come back home)"

i kno i sure dnt.. thats one reason why i keep talking about it.. fuck it.. i cant say that so never mind.. i mean i always say 'fuck him his not worth it' and then about 5 secs. later ' but i love him to much to forget about him' i know that i will get older and there will be more guys in my life but i dnt want there to be any more guys in my life.. i want him and no one else.. every one always wants me to get with brothers or couzins or friends.. and i dnt kno what to say.. i mean i kno that i should give other people a try but i just cant.. my heart is stuck on him and i cant stop loving him.. if its even love.. do u think it is??.. im not sure.. so im not sure what to do... i think that i need to write in here every day and try to work out how i feel.. i mean.. that day that every thing went down between us i was so upset.. and i told brittany that my mom and dad said that hes not worth it and i can do better.. and he told me the same thing.. and the worst thing was that every thing was a joke at first then every one started to put lies in to it.. i never said half off the thing that was said.. i mean i was in tears the whole time people were telling me that he didnt want to go outwith me any more.. i never did that with any one. cept david.. and i was only in 4th grade so every thing that was going on wasnt real.. but i kno that this is real.. i dnt kno how to explain it.. i mean.. every time im with him it just feels right and nothing matters.. i mean.. if i really wanted to. i would have already done sum thing wif him.. you kno what im talkin bout.. right??.. and i told my mom that i wouldnt do any thing like that till i was older but i would do it wiht him and i would regret it.. but then again he wouldnt take it that way.. he would just do it and then leave me right??.. how the hell can i be talking bout this in here.. omg.. i really lost it.. i cant stand this any more.. i think i need to talk to sum one bout all this.. im for real.. im so upset right now its not even funny.. i think im going to have to cry myself to sleep to nite.. cuz i got myself thinking bout him.. god what the hell was i thinkin that day.. that day was so fucked up i dnt even think i should be thinking bout it.. okay..i think that this thing is going to be long.. but i dnt care any more.. i just need to vent.. and this is the best place rite know.. cuz there isnt any body around me and no one outside my house cares enough for me to come hang out with me.. i swear im going to be lonely for the rest of my life.. once summer comes i dnt kno what im going to do i mean.. i dnt have any friends any more.. no one likes me.. and no care bout me.. so why should i go outside??.. so im just going to sit in side all summer and cry.. well im going to go outside and get a sun tan but thats it.. and that doesnt deal with any one talk to me.. so thats alright..

"I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore"

okay.. NEW song now.. lol.. its been playing for a min. or so.. but whatever.. this song makes me cry to.. i dnt kno why.. i want the dashboard confessional cds.. but i dnt have any money..

if im single on 2-14-03 im going to just die.. i mean every one i kno has sum one.. cept shannon and christa.. amanda had billy.. brie has ashes and dizzo.. desi had josh.. im so sad.. and i dnt think that i can go on any more.. i kno that is not the end of the world but still i feel like it is.. well dnt act like you care please.. coz i kno that you dnt.. thats why no one ever comments on any thing.. noone does.. i mean.. just look at this.. i mean.. i spend time to wirte in here and no prolly even reads it.. so yea.. whatever.. at least i can vent in here and talk for as long as i want with aout any one saying 'fuck you, i dnt want to listen to your problems i have enough if my own' then they go and listen to sum one else complain about sum thing.. i have no one that cares bout me.. i need sum one to hold me and love me and care for me.. and i thought that i had people but it truned out that i dnt.. i bet no one even cares.. wait i kno that no one does.. people tell me that they do but hey are just saying that to make me fell better.. they dnt care.. no one knows how much i hurt.. i just put on that happy face when people are around so no one knows.. i mean.. cuz they dnt care and i dnt want the attention.. well whatever.. i mean.. i thought that my best friends would see how i feel behide that smile that i put on when around them.. i think that im going to lose all my tears before im 18.. and thats not that far away..

"Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to the plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along"

so yeah.. im listen to the two songs that make me cry and writing about sum thing that makes me cry.. i hope that every one knows who im talking about in here.. i mean.. brie, christa, stefani, shannon, and ricky should kno.. and of course that person.. im not going to type the name cuz it would make me even more upset then i all ready am.. and am crying to much to type correctly to start with.. so i need to cry even more

"We were always livin so crazy and sexy and cool
And we began to love it (began to love it)
Watchin all of the heartache and pain of the world
And thinkin nothin of it (thinkin nothin of it)
And baby I got love for you
And I know that you got me, baby
But everytime the sun shines bright
It gets so cloudy"

yeah.. okay.. this songs is better it dnt make me cry but after to nite it will cuz it will make think of tonite.. so yeah.. i guess i shouldnt listen to it.. hoo cares right??.. no one does..

"Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile
Til the sun shines
Just smile for me
Just smile for me, just smile at me
Know in your heart, that we are free
Free to believe, whatever we feel
So feel somethin real, baby
Hey-ey"

i guess i should smile kno huh??.. well i dnt think i can.. i mean.. yeah.. any way.. i think i should get going.. its getting late.. 10:03.. i think i wrote enough.. huh??.. well bye.. i will write tomorrow but how fucked up my life is.. if i dnt write.. WORRY.. not that you fucking will.. bye.. amanda

GO PATRIOTS!!!
okay.. i wrote in here earlier but it didnt work.. it did update.. so i have to write every thing again.. and im tryin to watch the game and write in here and clean my room and talk to my friends.. yeah thats alot huh??.. i think it is.. well any way..

Last nite i went to the mall with stefani.. i got 4 new shirts, a phone book thing, and a white outfit.. and omg what fun it was.. me and stef were following this boy around.. stef liked him.. eww.. i thought he was ugly.. but whatever.. any way.. he went in to hot topic and we were standing outside and she was like go ask for his number.. i was like no you.. and then josh and chris walked by and i was like ask josh to.. well she did and he said yes and he went up to him and was like 'that babe over there wants to holla at you'.. the boys was like 'i got a girl' and josh was like 'i said no too'.. me and chris just looked at each other.. it was funny.. then josh went out there and told her that and stef started chaseing him around the mall.. it was so funny.. then the 3rd time we were in hot topic this girl comes up and askes stef if she is in to girls.. omg.. that was so funny.. stef was like umm no.. and it was so funny.. the look on stefs face.. any way.. i saw desi there and she was all pissed off at this little girl that she didnt even kno and she was goin to kill her.. god shes crazy.. lol.

omg.. i want to patriots to win so bad.. i hate the panthers.. i dnt kno why.. any way.. i have to go clean my room when im done.. well its almost done but i have to change my sheets and stuff..

i went to the mall again today and got another shirt.. lol.. i got a grey bam shirt.. its hot.. lol.. and i also got the lilu perfume.. its smells so good.. lol.. well okay.. umm.. i dnt kno what to write now.. lol..

okay its 10 to 14 right now.. patriots are wnning at the time.. so yeah.. i hope they win.. christa wants the panthers to win.. i dnt kno hoo ricky wants to win.. i should ask him huh?? but i dnt feel like it.. and andrew from skool wants the patriots to win.. so yeah.. i think ima go.. well ttyl.. i will right more later.. so umm yeah check back later..
<3 for now.. amanda <3

my mind is saying no but my heart just wont stop.
alright. today is going to be a good day. if stefani doesnt call soon then im going to have to call her. i really want to go to the mall. i hope that stefani calls soon. i really need to get out of the house soon. i have been been in here for to long. last night ricky was online and he was asking if him and tim can go to the mall with me and stef.. *umm*. well i dnt really mind if ricky goes but i dnt kno bout tim. i dnt really like tim. even though i dnt kno him. but still he is the reason me and andrew broke up. yeah. so i really dnt want to be near him. that whole story is fucked up and im not even going to try to tell it. i will start cryin and all that. and i should be thinkin bout it. o0o well. but if he wants to go then he better get a ride up there coz stefani moms aint going to want to drive them.

any way. this morning i woke up to this annoy beeping sound. at like 8:30. so i get up and im walking around tryin to find out what it is. i cant find so i decide im just going to try to go back to sleep. i go in to my room and my cat is in there. and she wont leave so i have to leave my door open and my other cat comes in and he wont be quite. he just keeps meowing. its so annoying. its not like they are going to stavre. they are the fattest cats ever. well maybe not ever. but whatever,

well im being told to get off so yeah. i will right more later if i have time. i mite be going over to my mommoms house with my mom. so i need to call stefani and see when we are going to the mall. it better be soon coz i really want to go to my mommoms house. well i could go tomorrow but the game is on so i dnt want to be there then. well i gots to get going. more later. maybe
<3 amanda <3

i want to go to slee[
omg.. i cant winter so much.. im so cold and im tired.. i woke up this morning to my dad yelling at me.. so i told him to get the fuck out of my room and i slamed the door on his face.. yeah.. but i really didnt mean to.. what ever.. i didnt get in trouble.. any way.. im so bored.. there isnt any thing to do.. and i have this picture thing now.. and it wont let me upload any pics... well it does and then it doesnt.. o0o well.. im bout to get off and go to bed.. im so tired.. im bout to fall asleep.. and i keep spelling things wrong and i have to go back and fix them which is going to take me longer to type this.. well any way.. let me tell you bout my day

this morning i get woke up by my dad and he yelling at me coz im still sleeping. its like 6 in the morning. whatever. so i get up and i yell him and tell him to get the fuck out of my room and i slam the door on his face. then he tells me that im grounded. yeah rite. i get ready and me and feesha would have missed the bus if i toke any longer then i did. i was running so late this morning. my mind has been on other things latly. any way. i get to skool and i go to my locker and whatever. then i go down to the art room where im supposed to go for first period(no more computers.) any way. then i go walking around the skool. boring. there isnt really any one there. well the bell rings so i make my way down back to the art class. i get there and im hang out with alyssa and jen. amanda never showed up. im so mad at her. lol. okay i go to math for 2nd period and i totally forgot that i had a test. damn. i think that i failed. and i couldnt cheat off mark coz he was to far away and he failed it any way. lol. well.. after 2nd period i go to english.. well that was fine. then LUNCH.. omg.. brie spilled strawberry milk all over the place.. and she wouldnt clean it up. then the teachers are yelling at me coz they thought it was mine. i told them that its not mine so im not cleaning it up. why should i? any way. then i go to gym.. omg.. what a convo we had.. lol.. tammie, rockell, hunter, brinna, brie ashley and me are so bad when we are together.. lol.. any way.. jeans mom died. i feel so bad for her. i was happy that she was out till we were told why. then every one was all sad and every thing. okay.. now.. after gym i went to socail studies.. damn it.. i dnt feel like doing that project lol.. well any way.. i had to sit trough like 6 projects.. louie looked so cute up there.. lol.. he sits behide me and yeah.. lol.. i felt lonly coz amanda wasnt there and neither was pitzo.. it was so quite. coz its so funny when pitzo is there coz him and louie make fun of taylor. and its so funny. lol. plus they are both sexi.. lol. okay then at the end of the period my friend shannon tells me hoo she likes.. aww.. any way.. i cant write it in here coz yeah its a secret.. lol.. any way.. then she tells me that greg, john and brian were smoking in 5th period.. which is their freashman sem. class with galio.. which is also my english teacher.. i dnt kno if they got in to trouble but john is in my 7th period.. any way.. back to my day.. well in 7th period we were doing this lab thing.. yesterday we were doing the same thing and she said that if we didnt get the paper signed then we coulddnt do it today.. well.. she lied.. we had to do it today and we didnt have the paper signed.. that made me so mad.. lol.. any way in 8th period i fell asleep.. and so did mark.. lol.. it was to quite in there.. i slept most of the period i think im not sure.. any way.. pitzo is usally in there and he wasnt there today so yeah it was quite.. and bobby jo is in there now.. yeah its going to be kewl in there.. lol.. then i come home and i sit on here and watch tv get in a shower and all that.

yea that was my day. fun huh?.. not really. its like the same thing every day. well any way i was going to go to the mall but stefani didnt call me til after 7 and her mom said that we should go tomorrow instead of tonite so we said okay.. well that didnt bother me coz i wanted to sleep any way. even though i didnt even sleep. im bout to go in and go to bed. once im done on here. no ones talking to me at the time so i dnt think they are going to miss me much

i cant wait till tomorrow. im going to get some new clothes and bobby gave me money to buy a present for myself. he is always givin me money to buy things.. lol.. hes so nice to me.. lol.. thats why i call him my brother.. or my babys daddy.. depends.. lol. yeah sounds werid huh? well uyou would ever understand.. no ever does.. so im not even going to try to explain it.. well im going to get going. i will write in here tomorrow and tell you what i bought and all that.. if i even go. lol. i hope that i do.

<3 amanda <3
i love andrew aaf

i hate any thing that deals with skool.
i swear.. i cant stand teachers and their stupid ass projects and homework.. i cant believe this shyt.. i cant find any thing on him and im supposed to have a poster to show on thursday.. i have been looking for info all weekend.. i cant do this.. how am i going to do this.. and my mom aint much help.. she says 'just write what i told you to write'.. *umm*.. hello that dnt give me any information on any thing.. i have been looking for info on this guy for to long.. i cant stand this any more.. any one want to kill me?? god.. i would rather do a poster on a country or sum thing.. i cant do this any more.. and i have to finish it by thrusday... *umm*.. i cant ever find any pictures.. besides the map and the flag.. *cries*.. i cant do this.. i cant i cant i cant.. i cant take it.. god.. and its worth 75 points.. damn it.. why me??.. i have no clue.. brb.. gonna see if i can find any thing.. AGAIN
..........8:25.........
no fucking luck.. what the hell im a i supposed to do??.. i cant find any thing so i cant do any thing.. what the fuck.. why does this have to happen to me??.. o0o yeah every one hates me.. and i cant stand not hanging out with andrew.. i mean.. i havnt hung out with him in forever and i think its coz the whole scott thing.. i didnt lie to feesha.. i swear.. i didnt.. ricky said that to me and i told feesha at the bus stop what he said on line the nite before.. and my mom knew coz she was helping me with sum thing when he said it.. so yeah.. what ever.. amanda... get ur fucking mind on the damn project.. i cant do this.. i cant find any thing and its making me mad.. god damn it.. i cant stand this shyt.. fucking bitch.. damn it.. god im pissed off.. cant you tell.. im prolly gonna get in trouble for writting this... well i think i better get going and try to figure out what im going to do for this project.. well ttyl <3 amanda <3

follow your heart and you will find your one and only.
omg.. i cant believe that we had to go to skool to day.. well any way.. we got sent home early.. YAY.. lol.. but i didnt have my lunch money so i couldnt eat any thing.. but shannon give me a bag of cookies.. thanks shannon... lol.. any way.. brie was eatting a little to much today.. lol.. i wanna call her miss piggy.. lol.. any way.. i have to babysit brook today.. i dnt kno when.. coz we got early and i dnt kno if im still watchin her when she gets home or if her brother is till he goes to work.. im not sure.. o0o well.. i dnt really feel like watching her but i want some money.. so yeah.. stefani wants to go to the mall today or tomorrow.. i mite just say lets go on the week end.. so i can get some money.. i get paid on friday.. so yeah.. my mom mite be getting me a job at her work.. o0o yeah.. lol.. not really.. i just want the money and i cant work any where i want till im 16.. damn.. that sucks.. i want to work a clairs or rave so i can get a discount on the stuff from there.. o0o yeah.. lol.. well any way.. im really cold.. shyt.. i keep spelling things wrong coz im shaking.. lol.. any way.. i want to have off tomorrow so i dnt have to wake up.. and yeah.. but its kewl if we have skool... never mind no its not.. i still have to do my project.. i dnt feel like doing it.. lol.. any way.. i have to get going i will write morw later.. i think.. im mite not.. but then again i mite.. lol.. well g2g
<3 amanda <3

when i said tru friends i mean tru friends
okay.. today was a good day.. i got this morning and there was no skool.. YAY.. i hope we have off again tomorrow.. prolly not.. any way i didnt get to see andrew yet today but i mite.. well any way when i was taking a bath.. relaxing my ankle.. brooklynns mom called.. when i got out i called her back.. and she asked me if i wanted to watch brooklynn coz matt had to go to work.. i said yes.. well brook came over and we cleaned up my mess in my room.. thank god she helped.. lol.. i hate going through things.. lol.. any way.. then we watched harry potter.. the frist one.. and looked at pictures.. then we got online and my dad came up and said that he was going outside to shovel snow.. well brook wanted to go help.. she dragged me along with her.. well we went out and did that and then went over to her house and shoveled her walk way.. then we went and knocked up for christa.. she was doing her skool work.. then we started hanging out with jaleesa.. that was really fun.. we went out bac and wrote stuff in the snow.. yea i wrote amanda loves andrew.. lol.. and brook wrote that she loves marty.. and jaleesa wrote who she likes.. and then i wrote amanda and brooklynn and jaleesa bffl.. hopfully thats tru.. well brook was actin like she was a dyke.. lol.. its funny but in a weird way.. well we just pushed her off us.. then we got cold so we came back to my house and chilled in my room.. we watched rugrats and hey aronld.. then jaleesa left and 330 and brook just left.. any way.. that is 2 friends that i thought hated me.. and they really dnt.. well at least for today.. hopfully they are still going to be friends with me.. i dnt kno what i would do if i lost them as friends.. i hope toya is still friends with me.. and that little marty, mario, lou, big marty, and everyone else is.. i mean.. in a way i still wanna be friends with brittany.. i really cant explain it.. its really hard to explain.. and i dnt think any one would be able to understand.. well whatever... i want to watch viva la bam.. rite now.. i fell a sleep watchin his show last nite.. lol.. i really did though.. i was so tired.. o0o well.. well i have no idea what to do.. i will write more later.. hopfully andrew will come down.. and i have to go work on my project.. o0o yeah.. my mom worked on it more then i did..well i g2g.. eat, draw, rest, work, and everything else i have to do.. lol.. <3 amanda -i-love-****** *****-

i hate that i love you even after all this shyt
omg.. this weekend as been like the worst weekend in the world.. first of all i was over at my mommoms and i was told that my uncle stole her ring.. damn.. okay yea i love him and all but still.. why did he do that.. my cousin was over there to and he is grounded coz he did sum thing to his moms car.. o0o man.. thats bad.. lol.. any way.. i got my mom sick.. that sucks but whatever.. yesterday i went to the mall and i seen bobby there and he bought me this really cute ty dog for a earlt valentines present.. aww.. its so cute.. im like a little kid.. i was yelling at him and telling him to give me my present now.. i was supposed to get on the day before or sum thing.. but i got it yesterday.. lol.. its so cute and i love it.. its name is cupid.. yeah.. its a valentines ty.. lol.. any way.. i ran in to greg at my mommoms.. he was shovling snow.. ha ha.. lol.. he looked so hot.. i better stop now.. no more talking bout greg.. aww... my baby cousin is coming down for easter.. aww.. he is so cute.. lol.. its a long time to wait but yeah.. its going to be fine.. lol.. im so bored.. there is nothing to do.. and its supposed to snow.. god.. i hate when it snows.. its to cold for me to go outside when it snows.. so i have to sit in the house.. stefani wanted me to go to the mall today.. yeah rite.. i was ready to go last nite.. and yeah.. my mom couldnt drive and her mom wouldnt drive both ways.. she never does.. but yeah.. whatever.. i cant go next weekend i think.. since my uncles been in prison thats i all i want to do.. is go and see him.. i dnt care if i have to walk there i will get there sooner or later.. we were going to go today but my mom is sick and she doesnt want to go any where.. i dnt like this.. any way.. ricky is so werid.. lol.. he is pissing me off coz he keeps saying that he never said that andrew wanted to fite scott.. i can still member him "typing" not "saying" that "andrew wants to fite him before he moves".. he didnt come to my house and say that.. we were on line.. my mom even remembers it.. but o0o well.. let him say that im lying.. coz im not and i kno that.. im sry but i dnt lie.. well to my parents sum times.. not really a lot.. i havnt lied to them in like months.. yeah.. im getting to be a goody good. o0o well.. i still am being me... lol.. i dnt wanna go to skool tomorrow.. thats the only reason why i want it to snow.. that is the only reason.. my dad has to work out in it so in a way i dnt want it to snow but if it gets me out of skool.. then i dnt mind.. my dad could stay home if he wants to.. im cold.. well i will write more later coz im going to go and do sum thing for this stupid project for social studies.. eww.. i hate this shyt.. lol.. well i will write more later.. <3 amanda

Hearts werent ment to be played with.
okay.. omg.. im so tired.. i didnt get any sleep.. lol.. i never do.. and thank god today is friday.. i think im going to ask stefani if she wants to go to the mall coz i dnt want to stay home to nite.. you kno.. o0o well.. i have a test today in 3rd period.. english.. and i didnt study.. and i have to do a social studies project.. which im going to do this week end.. and get it over with.. you kno.. well i dnt feel good.. i wanted to stay home but i couldnt coz then i wouldnt be able to go outside or go the mall or to the movies.. so yeah.. im here... in skool.. bored.. tired.. hungry.. and sick.. of course.. im going home and going to bed.. well i hope that i can.. well today is my last day in this class so i wont be writting in here in the morning any more.. any way.. i forgot to tell you some things yesterday.. brie.. omg brie.. she shaved the back of her head and she put her hair that was left in all these rubber bands and they stick out of her head.. its so kewl.. but its really werid at the same time.. lol.. well any way.. its almost time to go.. after this period i have to go to math.. ... .. .. .. ... i hate math.. its takes for ever for the bell to ring.. its so slow.. and i hate the teacher.. well any way.. i gots to go. much love to you.. billy.. LET ME CLEAN UNDER MY BED.. lol.. tell you more later.. maybe.............

my life is completely over.
okay.. this is my new jorunal.. i mite forget and write in my old one every now and then if i even live past to nite.. so much is going wrong.. my uncle got locked up and he wont talk to me coz he doesnt want me to get hurt by the this he says.. god i miss him so much.. and ricky isnt helpin much.. bobby is pissed at me and he tried to kill him self last week.. and my cozin shannon tried to kill her self last nite in front of her sister desi.. i dnt kno what to do any more and of course i cant help them coz im going through the same thing.. but i never get the time alone.. my mom is up all nite and i have skool all day.. and when i do have time alone i dnt have any thing to do it with.. i cant stand it any more.. i just want to die.. i just want to get away from this life.. i cant stand this shyt.. omg.. i want to go away.. every living thing hates me and i cant stand it any more.. god.. fuck it.. i cant live any more.. im going to go insane.. if i havnt went insane already.. god.. i cant stand it any more.. and there isnt any one who can help me.. the only person i really ever trusted was my uncle and now he went and got him self locked up and wont take my calls.. i wonder if he would be able to go to my funeral.. prolly not.. he will be in there for a while.. only my close friends can tell how bad im hurting and of course i dnt have any.. i mean.. really.. how can i.. im a FUCKING bitch.. and every one tells me i lie.. but i dnt.. it that they jus dnt want to say that every thing i say is true.. you know what i mean rite?.. any way.. i dnt even kno where i can go to hide.. i mean.. where ever i go people find me.. i cant stand it any more.. and i swear to god.. if ricky asks me one more fucking time why i lied to felicia im going to flip.. i never fucking lied to her.. every thing i fucking said is true.. he just dnt remember it.. see last nite he asked me if i saw scott... and i was like scott?.. and he told me the last name.. i said no and he was like o0o and i was like y and was like andrew wants to fight him before he moves.. i dnt kno what that means.. well thats what was said.. DID I FUCKING LIE.. no.. whatever.. like i said every one hates me.. well i think i best be going now.. GOD I CANT FUCKING STAND THIS WORLD ANY MORE... im going to go insane by the time summer comes... GOOD BYE