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m&ms487
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2006 29 November :: 9.42am
I was late for my computer class today. I woke up about six minutes after it started [why is this starting to be the trend for me? I don't like waking up and shouting 'fuck!' and running out the door].
So i get into class [a huge lecture hall] and I start my way down the aisle and choose the fourth row back [i normall sit in the first row]. The prof notices me, and stops lecturing and says, "you can come and sit down in the front."
I explain, "I had a rough morning."
"It's understandable, my oatmeal was hot this morning. It was rough."
And he continues his lecture.
After class the girl who sits next to me tells me that the professor waited [in a class of 120] five minutes to start class becuase I wasn't there.
I don't think he even knows my name.
College is strange.
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2006 28 November :: 4.28pm
Sooooo my roommate is leaving in half an hour and I don't know if I'll ever see her again. Yesterday she had a panic attack and had to go to the ER. She's been pretty sick for a couple weeks now. So today she's flying to New York to stay with her uncle and decide if she's gonna stick it out or go back to Korea. I'll miss her like the dickens.
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m&ms487
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2006 28 November :: 12.49pm
Jenny:
I miss you! We NEED to get together over Christmas break!
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angel_bob
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2006 27 November :: 10.49pm
omg there are only like ten days of this semester left before exams and then like omg i m totally going to france!!!!111oneone1!!one!1
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m&ms487
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2006 27 November :: 9.59pm
So I slipped and fell this morning while dressing in the dark. Bruise on shoulder, a constant reminder. Sweatshirt smells like it's been locked up all its life. Exam tomorrow. What do I know of Snarl words and Allness? Index cards transformed into flash cards with a few marks that make up words of a transient language. Silence, Social Clocks, Haptics. These words mean something to someone, but not me, not yet. In a few hours sleep will knowingly approach, and the day at an end, and what have a I got? Weary eyes, tuition bills, and words. Words that I will forget after the impending exam, because these words mean something to someone, but not to me, not yet, and not for very long.
Michelle
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angel_bob
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2006 26 November :: 11.35pm
doppelganger
My friend has a doppelganger.
Read more..
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m&ms487
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2006 26 November :: 8.26pm
Driving home brought so many thoughts into my head. I have an immense fear of those around me dying. That's probably my biggest fear. Some nights I lie in bed and think about things as if someone was dead. What would I do? What would I feel? It always makes me start crying in the end, and I feel like I've committed some sin, as if thinking about that persons death is equated with me wanting them dead. How would I feel if I thought about them dying tonight, and then they did die tomorrow. Then all I'm left with is guilt, and all I have done is lie in bed before sleep overcomes me.
I've been lucky. No one close to me has died. I know it will happen soon enough. I don't wish for it, but the truth is, no matter how much I or anyone else wants to deny it, is that we all secede to death. It's our final end, an end we have little control over. I thought I had control over it once. It had control over me.
My grandparents are old and frail. They act with dignity, but they are slowly realizing death will come soon. They are planning the rest of their life for their death.
Do I plan my life for death? Do any of us? Do we wake up in the morning, watching the sunrise, or falling out of bed, or dreading another monotonous normal day and think of death? Should we? Would that circumvent the reason, whatever that reason may be, why we are living?
If we thought of death everyday, could we enjoy life? Are we meant to enjoy life?
Are we suppose to be "grieveing the sun" on it's final journy to the horizon? Or are we suppose to ignore the inevitable, find some shallow work to busy ourselves with, and only recognize the end when it comes knocking at the door to your [trailer, suburban two story, houseboat, yacht, mansion, cardboard box] home?
I am reminded of death when I look at my grandparents, the leafless trees, the brown grass, and deer splattered along the roadway.
Perhaps we are never meant to come to terms with death, only await it's inevitability. Freedom from our imperfect bodies may be our biggest birthday present. I once thought it was.
Michelle
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2006 25 November :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: bored
siiiiiigh.....I will return to central without seeing any of my old chums probably. I'll have to try harder over christmas.
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1010101
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2006 24 November :: 1.49pm
Hey! Everyone here! I'm trying to get everyone together at my house since we pretty much almost never get together these days, but so far, thanks to a shortage of numbers and a severe lack of people PICKING UP THE BLOODY PHONE (!!!!! O_O) I have only managed to get ahold of Katie. Soooooo, if anyone would like to join me in doing whatever the hell we wind up doing (movie, games, food, skipping naked through the streets beneath the moonlight screaming showtunes, virgin sacrifice, mass orgy, sitting on a couch groaning about how much our respective college experiences suck, any combination of the above and maybe more...? (and damn I write massive statements in my paranthesis)), just give me a call at home.
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m&ms487
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2006 24 November :: 12.30pm
Thanksgiving.
Work.
Feet hurt.
Loverly.
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angel_bob
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2006 24 November :: 2.47am
I haven't even left the country and I already lost my passport.
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sike-a-delic_grasshopper
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2006 22 November :: 12.36pm
:: Music: Choctaw Bingo- James McMurtry
I am coming home today. I have no plans other than not eating turkey with the family tomorrow so y'all better call me. I have a paper due in about an hour and i can't figure out how to finish it. Joy.
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angel_bob
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2006 21 November :: 10.30pm
Things that I never knew were awesome:
The Decemberists
I think I'm a hipster/indie kid. I want the glasses and cool outfits.
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m&ms487
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2006 21 November :: 1.35pm
I will be home at approximately ten p.m. for all of those who wanted to know.
Jessie: I expect a romp with you within just a few days of my return.
Michelle
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