lifesuxsodanz
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2004 22 September :: 8.52pm
forgive me...
im so sorry woohu...: (
I don't want us to drift apart too
I feel like I don't even know certain people anymore it's so sad and NO it's not michelle she always thinks i'm talking about her.lol
School is upsetting everyone has beaten it to death I won't go into the details....but it truely is disheartening to actually try and care and still not excel...I mean as of now I think I have straight Bs except for As in english and dance....that's really not so bad but I am BUSTING my ass for those mediocre grades and it can really only go down from here. Last year I got Bs just from not doing anything and when I think of all the slacking off I did....man if I tried last year I woulda ha straight As it's ridiculous. But actually giving a shit does come with the stress and the obligation to do well...these days I will stay up until 2am and study even if I know it won't help....just so I can say I tried I feel guilty if I don't.
So i run on 3-4 hours of sleep and don't eat much during the day and typically don't get home until about 6:30 and it is having some major side effects. I keep slippin gback into that altered hormonal state of conciousness where I get these depressed breakdowns and rage outbursts I can't control it. I had one of my episodes while I was driving somewhere last weekend and ended up alone in some random parking lot in the middle of the night
in a kinda bad area just trying to calm the fuck down and get home. It was scary.
I really can't even think about guys right now...there is this one guy who seems nice but shy and I don't approach him unless people force me to. I'm not into persuing anything right now I just need a nice happy thought....when you get close to people you realize they are assholes at heart it's just a general rule.
maybe I'll find someone to get "close" with at Danielle party haha. I'm loving this fuck homecomming idea hopefully it will work out.
wow this was pretty depressing good thing no one pays attention to this journal anymore.
I missed you woohu
<3
5 Under the stars... |
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christini
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2004 18 September :: 12.34pm
it will be a miracle if i get all a's and b's this quarter.
i hate junior year,
but i love all the fun that has come out of it. i feel like im slowly letting go of my studies and that frightens me a bit.
my parents still think im striving for national merit scholarship and all that junk, when all i want is to do the bare minimum to get my behind into UF. cause frankly, i'm sick of working hard. but then on the other side, i dont know how i'd react to seeing a c on my report card. shrug. i wish it just came more easily to me like it does to some people.
have a nice weekend.
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spinoangel
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2004 17 September :: 6.45pm
:: Music: tech romance
dude crying is like... ugh. i dont know WHY i'm freaking crying. its not right. am i lonely, am i tired, am i frustrated? idk what the hell i am. i want for someone to just hold me for like hours but im too scared to ask my parents to take me down to boca when we're going north to eat dinner and probably see a movie. sniff. i dont know.
live just gets to ya sometimes.
=*(
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boricuababy
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2004 15 September :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: angel of mine
itz crazy how things like this just happen..
well it started off as a pretty good day..normal stuff..then brice told me what happened..yesterday his cousin and one of his closest friends got into a really bad car accident..it was two guys..koby and willy..koby died in the accident..he was just 19..willy got hurt so bad that his leg had to be amputated..so many people were affected by what happened..especially the football players..koby graduated last year from ATL..i didnt know him personally but i knew of him and knew some of his friends..today before cheer practice we went to the AV room with all the football players and some basketball players so Coach Bean and some other people could talk about what happened..we went out of respect u kno??..neways..it was really sad..Coach Bean was saying all these really nice things about koby and what a great person he was..and how motivated and determined he was too..and he just broke down crying..and with me i get emotional easily when it comes to things like that..so i got all teary eyed..after some coaches and teachers spoke football players spoke about him too..wagums got up there and said really nice things so did CJ and preston..and alot of other guys too..all the guys were in tears..it was sad..it really makes you think everything over..and realize what's truly important in life..it's true what they say "live life to the fullest" and "live every day like it's ur last"..because u never know what could happen..and unfortunately it takes something this tragic to realize it all
R.I.P Koby Pierre 1985-2004
1 Under the stars... |
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boricuababy
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2004 14 September :: 7.39pm
:: Mood: jumpyyy
:: Music: 99 problems
wow..itz definately been a whileeeeee...
sorry..havent updated in a while..errr...i been so busyyy lately tho..cheerleading..school in general..all that good stuff..well to pick up where i left off..damage to my house due to frances consisted of shingles flying off the roof..the screen blown out and no power..our power was out for like a week..but i spent that week at my dadz which was pure hell..but hey it was better than being without light or air..oh by the way..for those of u who dont kno yet..i made a live journal too..so i'll be going back n forth..it's waves_of_hope.so check it out if u get a chance..immma still write in here tho..x0x0
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playmate101
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2004 3 September :: 11.56pm
i haven't updated this journal very much.... s0o just a reminder, if you wanna read or find my life interesting... i use...
L I V E J O U R N A L !
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sameen
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2004 3 September :: 3.11pm
no one can make u feel inferior without your consent
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sameen
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2004 3 September :: 3.06pm
peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter wit a baseball bat
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sameen
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2004 2 September :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Old 80's/90's music
so damn hot but so youngg- ok that's not that 90's music lol
I think my houses is one of the few houses that the windows rn't boarded up lol. I think besides that, we're ready. My mom spent $80 just on candles- she's crazy. She loves candles and flowers- what girl doesn't, I guess? Everything in our house is falling apart neway lol, so I think my parents dont care at this point. But in all seriousness I hope everyone does stay safe and takes the right precautions.
I wonder where we will all be in two years from now ? I guess another chapter in the book of our lives. I really hope I keep in touch wit some of u ppl tho, cuz some of u totally rock. If u dont know how u r, somethin wrong witchu! Seriously, we all have so much potential. We CAN be the people who CHANGE THE FREAKIN WORLD, if we apply ourselves. Everything starts with an intention. And if ur intention is strong enough, God sees it through.
1 Under the stars... |
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boricuababy
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2004 1 September :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Go0dies-Ciara
THE HURRICANE'S COMINGG!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!..lol..everybody is definately freaking out with francis..pat is boarding up the house too..lol..seriouslyyyy..paranoid people man..lol..neways..no school friday..half day tomoro..i might not even come to skoo 2moro..they're thinkin of leaving to tampa earlier than we had planned..so yupp..by the way a livejournal is under construction for me..my user name is waves_of_hope..just thot i shudd share
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spinoangel
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2004 31 August :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: cary brothers - "blue eyes"
i cry get upset for absolutely the weirdest things.
or for nothing at all!
mothereffing heart isnt functioning right.
1 Under the stars... |
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boricuababy
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2004 31 August :: 8.33pm
:: Mood: in pain
:: Music: Sunshine
ouchiez
i was definately dropped today from a stunt at practice..it was on accident but dayumm that shit hurt..imma be all bruised up now..:(
2 Under the stars... |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 29 August :: 2.39am
:: Mood: nostalgic
walk down memory lane....
well i already updated lj for the night so here i am again....i am being such a journal slut.
but anyway just had the most random conversation with john he hasn't tlked to me that much since school started and he IMs me out of nowhere tonight and starts getting all nostalgic and talking about things in the past that i don't think he even admitted to me back then...it was weird lol he eventually informed me he had been drinking and it all made sense.
i got over john a long time ago but i liked that we were still able to maintain some kind of friendship...we really had a lot of fun times together haloween...playing in the fountains at cityplace....hema's party....the back of danielle's dad's truck.... going to the movies....kicking nick out of the car lol....all of the stories i used to write him and the odd random text messages that would like brighten my day, he was the only one i managed to stay in contact with while i was grounded last yr it saved my sanity really...lol the day i took him shopping and we went on our adventure to publix and the "lake" by my house and the bookstore because i really am kinda smart lol...so many inside jokes it was just nice to look back and to know that he hasn't forgotten all of the good times. He's really happy with kassie now though and i really am happy for him because when you get down to it he's a pretty good guy.
wow this entry was so like upbeat and positive idk where that came from. i'm gunna have to be such a bitch to him nxt time we tlk to make up for it lol
<3
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boricuababy
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2004 27 August :: 6.20pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: This Love-Maroone 5
re-cap of the week..
Monday: umm can't remember that far back but i kno i had practice..lol
Tuesday: lol..me n sam had fun in math..we took our test..n we were just our crazy selves..lol..saw wagums before driver's ed..and he gave me a really big hug..:)..lol..had practice after school..paid for new uniforms that are gonna be soo cute!! can't wait!!
Wednesday: had my lil incident occur..alwaysss me..lol..practice was canceled for whatever reason..???..went to key club...everyyyy body was there..lol..sameen made his lil remark.."u shudd be able to hear with them big ass ears of urs!!"..lmao..wow sameen..it's definately flapping ears!!..played that weird game.."where u at??-IN MY PANTS!!"
Thursday: frickin DBQ in first hour..i seriously had NO clue what i was writing about..but it was a good day in general..i had practice..we started stretchin on the football field where the band ppl were..saw sam n rachel doing there thing..at colorgaurd..lol..then we moved to the other field cuz it was blazing hot!!..so we practiced with the football players..lol..that was funny..niche got hit wid a football and flipped out..lol..the flipping out was the funny part..then i saw wagums and him tracey and preston came over and started cheering with us..that was funny too..after i got home wagums called me up..we talked for about 2 hours!!..about everything..just catching up..that was a good day
Friday: today was a funny day..people had a great time crackin on me..i was in my uniform for cheerleading all day..we did the announcements..i personally think we looked so stupid!!..sam said i had one of those smiles that takes up my entire face..lol..i hadda be spirited!!..lol..so i missed the end of history which was great..me maryellen and amara committed suicide and died in bio..lol..that was hilarious!! u had to be there..u kno how the bio lab tables have those sockets??..we were soo bored...so maryellen was being funny and shoved her pen into the socket..amara thot it was funny and did it in hers..so i was in the middle..and got the "shock" too..lol..yea..that's us for u..lol..in spanish..nothing too exciting happened..failed the verbs quiz..but i dont care..lol..what else is new??..lol..i so hate that class..but sam keeps me sane..lol..lunch nothing too much happened..english..woo..definately went delirious in there no lie..my new word is kumquat!!..lol..sp??..oh well..i love that word!!..i got the we dont approve talk on the bus..lol..i need to work on that..and i finally sent that text message!!
all in all it was a FANTABOLOUS week..another new word..hehe..now i got a shit load of homework to do..lol..err..IB..lol
AMY: i'm gonna go back to my bullying days and kick his ass for you!!..lol..dont worry we all hate him and have ur back..love u!!
4 Under the stars... |
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 22 August :: 7.07pm
:: Mood: content
weekend...
*sigh* i've been too busy playing with livejournal to update this one. actually i have been too busy updating in general that is always a bad sign. Whenever im fucking around on these things are times i should eithe rbe doing homework or pretending that i actually have a life of some kind.
went to the movies last nite slept thru friday night and then my grandparents came over today. After they left i took the money they gave me and went out in search of the garden state soundtrack. i found it NOWHERE. but i did get to take the car and drive around even if i did stay within 15 minutes of my house. i love having the car to myself and i was actually fine. well...minus one near fiasco in a certain parking lot. no one woulda been hurt just a car but eh....ha i think i will keep that one my little secret. lol my god women really can't drive i wish i could do a study on it.
oh yeah psych test tomorrow and a whole assload of other stuff to get done. i better stop with this. love to all...
~Jess~
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