Out of Season

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Out of Season

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:: 2008 3 June :: 3.03pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Sober - Tool

So last night was great. Kelly and I talked about things that needed to be talked about and I was put to ease on a few issues that bothered me. Then my friend Chubbs messaged me and asked if I wanted to go over to his house and play Scrabble - a game that I'm obsessed with. Also, something in which Kelly owes me four games of. We played a few games of that with Renkoski and then we went across the street to Chubbs' little persons house, Amber. They were having a *small* party and the three of us went to the living room and played Balderdash (another great game). After I kicked their asses on that one, we went outside and listened to music and watched drunk people which is highly entertaining. They slowly all passed out and we stayed up until four just listening to music and talking about stuff. Definitely a good time.
The only thing that sucked is that there was this couple and they were all lovey and mushy and making out and just talking and... ugh. It made me sad and I missed Kelly far too much.

But yeah, slept until like one this afternoon so... woops. But whatever, I had a great night.

:: 2008 1 June :: 6.10pm
:: Mood: nauseated

(Possibly boring) Recap
This weekend was friggin awesome. I just packed my shit up and went to Ashley's and stayed for the duration of the weekend. Anyway, we've been hanging out with Lacey and Jake a lot lately, which is cool, I like them both and get along with them great, as does Ashley.
Anyway, there's this cemetery around here and it's claimed to be haunted so we went and checked it out.
I'm reluctant to say that we saw actual things, but I know for sure I imagined I saw shit and it was scary. There were definitely undeniable noises that I can't reason away as birds or the wind. It was scary; it's amazing how psyched out you can get yourself. Anyway, we went to Concord (the cemetery) at 2 a.m. Saturday morning, finally left at around 5 a.m. We then decided we were hungry and went and ate at this little diner at 5:30 in the morning. There were actually people there. You should not be awake at that time, it's ridiculous.
Anyway, Jake goes home, as do Ash and I, at like 7:00. We tried to sneak in the house but grandma heard us and killed us for being out all night. We go upstairs, finish our movie that we were watching before Jake called us to go, and then sleep until 5 in the afternoon.
Didn't really do much for the rest of the day.
Later at around eight Dad came over to give Ashley a letter she got in the mail and asked if we wanted to go work on his truck with him. We said no for the off chance Jake would want to do something again. Then we felt like dicks, got ready, and went and surprised him and had a nice couple hours just hanging out with him.
As we were getting ready to leave at like midnight Jake calls me and wants to know if we wanted to do something. We end up going back out to Concord. I had a really really bad feeling about it, and we were in the actual cemetery for maybe ten minutes before we got too scared to be there anymore, and hopped in Ashley's car. We sat in it for an hour or so. We finally left when it sounded like something was walking up the back of the car onto the hood. Scariest thing ever. Especially when you have a fear of zombies. Then we went and hung out in Cassville for awhile. Ashley and I had church to go to, but we didn't want to blow Jake off and he was completely awake so we went back to Ashley's to watch a movie. It was the Departed and like 30 minutes into it I'm asleep. Ashley stayed awake for however long and then when she started to fall asleep Jake left.
I like died during church, and came home and slept from one until like 5:45.
It was a rather eventful weekend and definitely enjoyable. Ashley said that I should just pack all my shit up and stay at Grandma's during the weekends and I think I just might do that. Kelly leaves and goes to events so I like never talk to him until Sunday and I would come home after church anyway, so I would still have the ability to do just that so really there's not much that's holding me back.

On a different note, I'm sick. I've got an insanely horrible headache and I feel like I'm going to get sick. It's pretty fail..

:: 2008 29 May :: 4.58pm
:: Mood: listless
:: Music: That Green Gentleman - Panic At The Disco

I'm not sure how well this little summer escapade is going to blow over. Kelly doesn't have the money to come down here, and frankly I don't have the money to go up there. At least not right now. I won't go as far to say that I won't be up there at all this summer, but I'm also not going to say that it's looking in our favor atm. Life just seems to catch up with people at the worst of times.

My parents have this little car that I'll use for now until I get a chance to take out a loan on a better one -and have the money to make the monthly payments- and I'm going to fill out an application for EFCO which is this window like place, and see about working there with Renkoski. I'll also fill one out for Wal-Mart and work from like 10pm - 7am because that's pretty much the only shift that they're hiring for. I guess that's fine, I can't really be too picky right now anyway. I'm not opposed to two jobs, especially when I don't really have much else going during the summer. Once school starts I'll have to cut back, of course. The only thing to worry about is talking to Kell.

I know there's this huge deal about not having any regrets, but I do. My regret is not just saying fuck it and going to Ferris last August. I wouldn't have these problems now. I have so much guilt from that and it just weighs me down more and more. I feel like I've wasted so much of our relationship, of our life, just waiting to be together. I could have been there. We could have been together.
I think I'll always regret that.

:: 2008 22 May :: 3.06pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Time of Your Life - Green Day

I'm very sad and cry-ish atm. I'm not too sure why, but I'll blame it on the weather, for it is very cloudy and dreary and full of sad.

:: 2008 21 May :: 7.33am
:: Mood: Delirious

sleeplessness
I have yet to sleep. I've been up since 6:30 am yesterday morning. Last night Ashley brought a mutual friend, Jake, down, and we watched Disney movies like all friggin night. It was pretty badass. Ashley kind of likes him, he kind of likes her, but she's got Dustin (who isn't really her boyfriend at all) and he has a girlfriend. So, probably nothing will come of that, though he far outshines Dustin imho.
Anyway, they left around 11:30, and then Jacob called and was like, "Omg we should totally go hang out with Richard while he works." So, I go do that. I just got home and took a shower. I should be asleep, but my friend Doug text me and said something about needing to talk so... yeah. Here I am.

Anyway, I'm eatting Lucky Charms. I hate the feel of the marshmallows on my teeth when I eat them though. It just like gives me cold chills. However, I effing love Lucky Charms because they're, yeah, you know, so magically delicious. Therefore, I must consume them. It's weird, I never eat breakfast unless I'm up really early. Or unless I'm at Kelly's because his mom is awesome.

That being said, I hate bugs. They fucking freak me out. Spiders are even worse though. And -awesome story- yesterday morning I woke up and dangling from the ceiling was this horrifying spider and I like scream and then roll off my bed into the floor. It hurt, but omg.
And, there's this new movie coming out called Strangers. Fuck no. Fuck that shit. That looks far too scary for words. I hate scary movies. And all my friends are douche nozzels and are like "ooh Rachel let's go watch that LAWL" and I'm like "... wow, you guys are fucking douche nozzels." Then I walk away after punching them in the vag.

:: 2008 19 May :: 3.56pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: Suit Life of Zach and Cody theme song... yeah

Sweetness.
I went to get online a little after eleven only to come to the realization that dad didn't pay the internet bill. I don't really get too annoyed, they send him and mom an email, and neither are ever on here to check it, so they just don't realize it's time to do it. Anyway, I call and have it renewed at exactly 11:30. The guy that answered the phone said that the person to hook it up was at lunch, she would be back at 12:00 and just a few minutes after noon it should be up and I would be ready to go.
Four hours go by, and at 3:30 I still can't connect. I finally call back and inquire why not. Robert (the dude that took my first call) flips out and checks everything and turns out someone didn't ... do something in one area that they should have. He apologizes profusely and gives us a free month of teh internetz.

I was super excited. I am still super excited. However, this little blunder did make it impossible to talk to Kelly while he was at work, which is what was on my agenda. That made me sad, but... oh well. I'll just have to tomorrow if I'm able.

I've avoided Jacob for awhile. He's just... different. Or I am, whatever. I just kind of get annoyed with him now. He takes things way too far and doesn't know when to stop and that's always been one of my main pet peeves. Whatever though, we'll possibly have a huge fight and then watch Beaches and drink blue slushies to make up, or I'll ignore it.

Mom is making effing lasagna tonight. I'm so excited. Friggin love it.
<3

:: 2008 16 May :: 5.58pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Even Angels Fall - Jessica Riddle

I had a crappy day. I woke up to Taylor screaming - the horse got out. So, I had to go catch him, tie him to a tree, and proceed to find where the fence was down and mend it. No fun task, I assure you. While doing this, I tripped over a branch and fell. My left hip is really screwed up now and I can barely walk.
Then I was changing Shakespeare's bedding when Freckles, Ashley's stupid dog that I hate, managed to trip me and I fell, dropped the cage, and shattered it. So, I'm out 20 bucks to replace it, which pisses me off. I know I didn't get all of the glass slivers swept up off my floor, so I'm just fully anticipating getting them stabbed into my feet. Can't wait for that one.
Other than that, I've just been kind of bummed today. I don't know why, just have.
Renkoski's... well he should be home now, but I don't know if he is or not, but we're going out tonight I guess. I'm kind of not in the mood to do anything other than curl up on my bed and watch sad movies. Preferrably with chocolates. We'll see though. I imagine I'll be drug away whether I want to be or not, because everyone's down - Tylor, KC, Hughes, and Chubbs.
The only thing that sucks is the last three are really into drinking and smoking pot all the time, so... I don't really have much in common with them anymore. Whatever.

I just want to talk to my man I think, and that's making me cranky because I know I can't. I'm sure he's rather busy getting moved in... which is something else I'm bummed about.
/sigh

:: 2008 15 May :: 12.01pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Pretty Baby - Spin Doctors

Effing Life =)
DONE WITH SCHOOL. BITCHES.

I apologize for the caps (kind of) but I'm super excited!! I need to take a test to score into the math course I want to take so I don't have to take all the "dumb" math classes because that will take FOREVER, and I don't have forever, I have 2 semesters. It's not that I'm bad at math, I can do the shit, but I cannot make myself remember those damn formulas. There's no reason for me to, unless I'm trying to get into a "smart" math class. So, when doing the test, I get chopped into pieces. If I knew what the formula was, I could effing do it.
I don't know if that shit made sense. I don't care. I'm pissed about that.

Anyway, I think I might have ended up with two B's which is a load of fail for me. I'm pretty upset with myself for letting that happen, but whatever. Shit happens.
Speaking of shit happening, GG @ kelly for killing his damn car.

I brought the cat, Sadie, home with me this morning. She... is lost. Somewhere in my house. I figure she's gotta come out sometime to eat and drink though, so we're good. I'll just man the food and water dishes until that time comes.

Also, Renkoski comes home tomorrow. I'm ecstatic about that. I haven't seen him in like... some months >.>
I hope he and Kell get along, because srsly, 2 out of the 4 most important guys in my life. The other two are my fasha and my baby brother. They seem to get along fairly well anyway, but irl is somewhat different. Makes me a little nervous, but hopefully it won't be a big deal.

I love Kelly. Incase you guys didn't know =)

THE END.

:: 2008 13 May :: 9.24am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Rose - Westlife

I stopped taking my allergy medicine because we didn't have cats any more, but ever since I started babysitting I've been dying. I need to start taking my medicine again but I keep forgetting to and therefore I die every single day.
Apparently we're getting the cat that they have, as well, because they can't take it with them for some reason. Therefore, medicine startes full time again. I'm excited about having another cat though, and it's a cool cat. It's name is Sadie, which I don't exactly like, but it's too late to change it now. It's a tortise shell cat, which is what Roxy (late cat) was, so that actually really depresses me, but Sadie has more white than Roxy did.
Aaaaaanyway. I'm cold. Ashley's here.... again. I love her to death, but omfg. I'm used to the house by myself. She won't let me turn on any lights and she just curls up on the couch with blankets and doesn't clean up after herself = me hiring Slayer to take care of this mess.

I have my Biology final tonight. I'm so fucking worried about it too. I also have my English final, but fuck that shit, I have to get up and play a song, and say why I chose it, and why it's "special" to me. Gag. I did think it would be amusing if I did "Rose" by Westlife, and learned the little hand motion thing from Napoleon Dynamite. That would have fucking cracked me up. However, I did not. Unfortunately.... shit, the more I think about it, the more I want too though, so I might change this, and do it afterall.

We're supposed to get some more tonados and shit, which is just fucking grand. We got lucky the first time and didn't get anything more than a shit ton of rain, some hail, and some crazy wind that killed a few trees in the back yard. We got way lucky imho. Far too many people I know lost their houses and a few lost their lives, and that's effing scary. I'm pretty much done with storms, so they can just go away now plz. kthx.

I will be so happy when this week is over with. I'm way too tired, and I need to sleep in but I can't. At least not until finals are over and I'm done babysitting, and that won't be over with until either Thursday or Friday morning, depending on if Adam (the father) gets Friday off.

:: 2008 12 May :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Everybody - Keith Urban

I feel like something in my life is off... some small little piece, or even a large part. I don't know, it's very disconcerting though.
Honestly, I could just be psyching myself out about going to Michigan. I always do this. I did it with Karl... I did it when I was going to start school at Ferris, when I was going to move up after Christmas. I just... I'm scared. And that's hard for me to admit because I don't like to admit weakness, but honestly I am scared to death. I'm scared that anything and everything can go wrong, and I'm not going to go into details because there are far too many.
It's not that I don't think myself ready for this; I love Kelly and I am ready to start my life with him. I'm tired of being away from him, it's hard too hard and it's thoroughly depressing.
However, I am scared to leave here. This is the only place I've ever known. All of my family is here, and as much as we fight, we're close. Ashley is my best friend and as ready as I am to leave, I don't want to leave her. Or Taylor, or Trevor, or my dad or even my psychotic, bipolar mother. Or my grandparents. I mean, I will, obviously, I love Kelly too much to back out of this, but... I just hope he understands how hard this is for me. It's not that I'm wanting outright awe and praise, I just want him to understand that it's not that I'm reluctant to be with him, I'm simply reluctant to leave all of my family and friends behind. People who have been with me through everything.
I kind of feel like he's moving on and I'm getting stuck behind. I'm not convinced it's anything he's doing per say, but he and pJ and Mandie are moving out, getting an apartment, getting furniture and appliances and stuff, and I'm not there to help out and pick stuff out, and be excited about it. I want to be there. I want to be a part of it, but because I'm not there I'm not. We're living two completely seperate lives and that fact is really getting to me lately. I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do about it either; I just have to live with it. Only it's not really something I'm comfortable living with, but I don't see a way around it.
All of my friends are getting married, moving in together, planning their lives, and I'm not. I'm here and though I have a boyfriend, I don't get to hear his voice every night, feel his touch, and just be with him. It's hard to be happy for any reason when that weighs on my mind so often.
I know it's coming, I'll be up there this summer for awhile, and then either he'll come here for Christmas or I'll go up there if we have the money, which fortunately we do always seem to find a way, and then another semester and I'll be done with school and up there.
Confusingly, it's just as exciting to think about as it is daunting.

:: 2008 8 May :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden

Happiness!
I used to have this pretty intense affair with the computer in which I am currently on at school because it had Windows Live Messenger on it. I basically wanted to hump it like crazy.
However, I have now ended the affair because it never works anymore. It refuses to let me on WLM and for that I am very disappointed in it. Therefore, Meebo is my friend again during my time at school. I guess I should have always loved Meebo, because it is always there for me. It was there for me during high school... it's here for me now... Pretty damn good thing imo.

Anyway, I have the following shit to get done:
Study.

Yeah, that's about it. I have a take home final to complete for Personal Finance this weekend, a final for english and biology on Tuesday, and then the remainder of my final for literature on Wednesday. After that, I am effing done with this place until next fall.
I don't know if I'm going to get my 4.0 gpa, however, because I kind of slacked off in my finance class. It was ridiculous time consuming work and at the time I was just like "omg eff this." Now I'm kind of regretting that. Hopefully I do AMAZINGLY well on the final, I mean, I do have my book for it and everything, so that really shouldn't be an issue.
Keep your fingers crossed for me on that one. kthx.

Other than that, I've talked to Kelly and I'm ecstatic about that shit. I love him. He is like the funniest man I've ever known, along with the cutest, and sweetest. Plus... he's got quite possibly the cutest ass ever. Just sayin...

Apparently he, pJ, and Slayer are planning on moving out next weekend. I wish I was there to get settled in the place with them. I'm actually really upset about that. Like.... REALLY. I want to just up and move now, but I don't have a car or the money to do such a daring deed. However, if I were to rob a bank, I would so do it. I would be like "eff my stuff" and just leave all my amazing books and movies (huge parts of my life fyi) and just cram as many clothes in my suitcases as humanly possible, jump on a plane and be fucking GONE.
Enter reality... probably not happening. Plus, I want Kell to meet my family. It's far beyond time he does that. They're not the greatest in the world, but they're part of me and an astronomical part of my life. As much as I complain about them, I love them all. Plus, I enjoyed meeting his family more than he'll ever know. They treated me wonderfully and I love all of them as though they were my own. I even love the hell out of Gus and I'm not even a dog person. It's craziness what love can do to you. But oh how I love him =]

:: 2008 7 May :: 2.52pm

Gah!
>.<

:: 2008 3 May :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: 'Til Kingdom Come - Coldplay

I miss him...
Holy fuck. I've been gone for approximately 37 years, which sucks, and I'm not really slowing down too much in the next week. Like, we had a garage sale this week, along with some huge projects to get done for school and mom was home all week so that just made it busier because she's like crazy.
Anyway, this week I have the whole babysitting deal as previously mentioned, so I'll be gone like during the nights, but I should be home during the day and I can talk to Kelly while he's at work if he aint too busy.
I honestly feel like a sack of shit for just like up and vanishing. Like... I don't know, I don't think he would be mad at me, but it probably bothers him. If we swapped roles and he had been really busy and never gotten on to talk to me, I would be seriously bummed out. I don't know though, maybe he's been really busy as well. I don't even know what his life has been like lately, which makes me feel worse.
I just ... I don't know, I can't wait for this nonsense to be done with and he and I together permanently.
Seriously, if I'm sad and depressed I just think of him and it usually makes me feel better, and I love that. I love just thinking of dumb little things we say to each other like him mouthing me about the Hooka Lounge chick. Or like the time he had this ridiculously huge sugar craving and we went to the grocery store and bought junk food. He bought me gummy worms and they were like old and tough so he gave me his Life Saver gummies... You just have to love a man who's willing to share his gummies.
I just fucking love him.
I love you, Kelly, and I hope you know how much I miss you, and how much it kills me when we don't get to talk.

Mandie mentioned Michigan was her home... I want that. I want to be with Kelly and feel like I'm home.
I need that.
Hell, I deserve that, and so does Kelly.
The more we see each other, the harder this becomes. I know we'll get through it, we've been through too much not too, but I'm more than ready for it to be over with.
I need him for good; I need hugs when I'm feeling down, and kisses just because, and I need his arms around me as I sleep, and I know I'm being unforgivably sappy, but I don't even care. I'm pretty sure there's at least one person who understands what I'm going through, and that's all that matters.

:: 2008 29 April :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: cheerful

And... stuff.
I've had a fairly well birthday so far... not too shabby, not too shabby (obviously you're supposed to say that with a REALLY friggin weird accent or it just doesn't work).

Anywhores, I'm getting ready to go present my powerpoint in front of about 20 people, kind of nervous about that. I'm wearing heels so I hope I don't like... die in them.... or stuff.
<.<;;
Then off to Biology!!!

I want to insert another comment about dying, but Kelly would hurt me probably because he took away my right to die... so mean.

Anyway, thanks to all who told me happy birthday, I love you all far too much to attempt to put into words.
<33!

:: 2008 28 April :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Me - Paula Cole

fucking unacceptable.
*horrified face*

http://www.aboutcolonblank.com/pics/2340567141_ae4c7769c0_b.jpg

Anyway, I've been doing homework all day and I'll be doing homework all night. Here's the list I have to accomplish:
(By tomorrow night)
+Write a 5 page report on The Trail of Tears.
+Finish a Power Point and make connections between The Wire Road, Jesse James, Bloody Bill Anderson, The Pony Express, The Trail of Tears, weapons, and Missouri.
+Some bs worksheets for Biology.
(By Wednesday)
+Read an entire book
+Write a report about the book, and explain how it can help me in my life.
+Complete a 10 page take home test (not as easy as it sounds, no matter that I can use my book. That shit is hard.)
+Do some fun fun book work.
+Study up on Hamlet
(By Thursday)
+Another take home test
+More bs worksheets
+A three page report on Malaria

...yeah. I fucking hate school. I hate when finals are coming up and instead of giving us a list of what we need to study for, they tack on more things to throw on the test.
I just want to curl up and die.

:: 2008 26 April :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: So Far Away - Crossfade

Shit.
I've realized that for some reason I talk/write like I'm 12 years old and that's probably really fucking annoying. I don't know why I've not been murdered for it yet.
I swear I'm not as retarded as I make myself sound.

Anyway, for reasons unknown I'm really just pissed off. Like, I would fucking kill a punching bag right now. It's pretty weird, usually I don't get really mad, like I'm not an angry person. I don't think so anyway. I get frustrated, yeah, who the fuck doesn't? Whatever, I might be persieved as angry, who knows; I don't really concern myself with how people view me anymore, to be honest. There are certain people that I want to like me, but for the most part I've decided I don't give a shit. It's too hard to go out of your way to make sure everyone likes you.

:: 2008 26 April :: 12.13am
:: Mood: cold

So this afternoon I decided to go hang out with mah mum cause I was bored and didn't want to do my homework (which totally needs to be done). Ashley shows up and we're just all goofing off doing whatever, following mom around as she works. Then Tessi calls and wants to know if I wanted to watch Baby's Mama with her, and I agree and tell her that Ashley's going to come too. Then Ashley decided that her friend Sam had to go. I barely know Sam, Sam and Tessi don't know each other at all, and Ashley and Tessi don't really know each other too well. Full of awkward funness.
Anyway, the movie was totally great, completely hilarious, highly recommend it to anyone. After it was over we decided to go to Wal-Mart, but Tessi had to go home because she had work in the morning.
Ashley's like totally stalking this guy, Justin, who works there and it was amazingly fun assisting in the stalking. He totally caught us though, as it's kind of hard to miss when three girls keep walking by your register giggling. Plus I kind of kept loudly whispering his name because it was totally embarrassing Ash.
I guess he's good looking, totally not my type though.
Then we was looking at nailpolish because I decided I wanted a purple color, and the woman working in that department was a super huge vagina and threatened to kick us out if we didn't knock "it" off, whatever "it" was. We were laughing and Ashley pushed me over onto my ass. I didn't break anything or even knock anything over.
She was obviously just a whore. Whatever though.

Theeeeen when we were dropping Sam off, I didn't want her to feel like an ass for having the front seat again, because she said she felt like one when she first got in, so I waited until Ashley drove away and then I climbed over the seats, only Ashley decided to be a dick and slam on her breaks so I like fly over the seats. My head is where my feet should be and ... ugh. It was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to get myself situated and she just kept breaking and I died.
But yeah, super fun night, though I obviously missed my chance to talk to Kelly until Sunday night and only then if I'm lucky, which is completely depressing.

:: 2008 24 April :: 2.14pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: Rock N Roll Lifestyle - Cake

So, this family I go to church with is moving to Texas because of a job transfer/promotion and on May 4-8 Kim, the mother, is going to be gone to get things fixed up at their new house or whatever, so they asked if I would mind coming over after my classes and stay the night and then get the kids up and ready for school and stuff Monday through Thursday because Adam, the dad, goes to work at like 3 in the morning. So, I agreed to do it. I'm going to be at their house from like 10:00-8:00 each day, I'm only dealing with the kids for about an hour, and the rest of the time I'm like sleeping, and I'm getting 50 bucks a day = fucking sweetness.
There's Brandon who's like... 11 maybe, Josh - 8 and Bethany - 5 or 6.
The only thing that's worrisome is that I think the kids are evil satan worshipers. Seriously. Especially Bethany. She terrifies me.
Plus I'll be alone with Adam sometimes and he just creeps me out.
Whatever though, being scared of them is so worth $200.

:: 2008 23 April :: 9.32pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Invincible - Crossfade

Random Things
1.Taylor used my sacred purple pen for nonsense and now it is dead.
2. I got out of my class in a record time of 30 minutes due to the storm going on atm. All the roads were horribly flooded by the time I got to class, and it just kept raining, so the flooding was getting worse.
3. I keep getting disconnected due to said storm and this is upsetting so I think I'll just call it a night and go to bed.
4.Kelly, you are currently set to "Busy" so I shall assume you're playing CoD4 or something. I love you and I will talk to you (probably) tomorrow. <3 x a billion.
5. Trevor and I were having an "I love you" war, in which he said he loved me more than I loved him, and then I was like, "no I love you more" blah blah blah, and then finally he got frustrated and was like, "you know what? Let's just say it's equal. Rachel, I love you an equal amount to how much you love me." It was probably the cutest/funniest things that he has said in awhile. <3 that little man.

I memorized all the words for you
But if you only knew
How much that's just not like me
I wait up late every night
Just to hear your voice
But you don't know that's nothing like me

You know I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time I've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I want to make sure everything is perfect for you
If you only knew
That's not like me to follow through
Maybe even give up all these dead end dreams
Just to be with you
But you don't know that's nothing like me

Hey yeah I wonder how you already figured out
All these things that I try to hide
All this time I've been hoping you don't find out
All these things that I hide on the inside

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

Now I'm waking up
I've finally had enough of this wreck of a lifetime
I never thought I'd survive it
Now I'm taking back
All I gave up for that
Leave my pain behind
Wash these stains from my life

Just when I thought all was lost
You came and made it all okay

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I can't be held responsible
This is all so new to me
Just when I think I'm invincible
You come and happen to me

I memorized all the words for you
If you only knew
How much that's just not like me

<3

:: 2008 20 April :: 9.07pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Better Man - Pearl Jam

I just decided that Better Man by Pearl Jam is one of the most depressing songs ever.
However, I love it oh so much, as I do nearly all of their songs.

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