Ariana

Ariana

liz	:: 2005 12 October :: 2.04pm quote of the fucking day. the long tired, sleepy have yet to work on paper that is due tomorrow day. "gold and woman... WHOAH" thank you professor cid. Leave a Red Hair

liz

:: 2005 12 October :: 10.04am

I dont work until seven. I have a paper due tomorrow. and some math homework, for right now though, sweet sleep and gilmore girls. not that id be nearly as tired if someone didnt call me at 545 in the morning. grr.
things are okay though. i almost lost your class ring and then i found it, i was worried cuz i know you want it back. and i have to get your stuff around here soon and its going to be hard and im not yet prepared to give you up. but i need to. i hate knowing whats best for me and then actually doing it. i fucking hate liz. fuck you liz.

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liz

:: 2005 12 October :: 12.11am

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkk

why is this happening.
im so fucking fucked up.
i fucking love you, but please please fucking please try to understand me,
this could take months, a massive amount of time.

Here is the best explanation that i can come up with.

I am always meeting guys and wondering what if?
It has nothing to do with you, it is never that i dont love you, it is that i am 18 years old and worried about never experiencing my life to the fullest and no that does not mean fucking interesting people.
The only way i can do that is to break from you.
It we are meant to be we are meant to be, it will happen, as for right now, step back, get over me and move on.
because until i am completely content and absolutely sure that you are the best person for me then i am not willing to jump back into that relationship.

Im sorry to put it all so bluntly but right now i need to be selfish and make sure that everything is right.

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bigty623

:: 2005 11 October :: 8.31pm

GAH!
fuck that kid, damn. thats all i here _____ this and ________ that. i hope he'd fall off the face of the earth

Leave a Red Hair

liz	:: 2005 11 October :: 12.34pm "I love how you neglect to care that you have a roomate and a friend sleeping on your kitchen floor" Leave a Red Hair

liz	:: 2005 11 October :: 12.33pm "Sounds like you guys were throwing fucking water balloons back and forth, Jesus" Leave a Red Hair

liz

:: 2005 10 October :: 9.45pm

Your Birthdate: February 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene.

The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher.

You are very responsible and capable.

This is an attractive and an attracting influence.

You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it.

You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research.

You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes.

This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup.

You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

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liz	:: 2005 10 October :: 8.46pm my life has become an alternation of cigerettes, sad music, and walmart. wtf is going on. i feel like puking again. yuckness. where is my roomate? 3 Red Hairs Left \| Leave a Red Hair

liz

:: 2005 10 October :: 2.22am

There are so many asinine things that became unasinine. Im going to try and list them, so many came to me when I was driving, im sure they will all be gone. Ill try to remember the important ones okay.
I hate nazi'ing the ketchup, and then your swearing at me for it.
I hate you swearing at me in general.
I hate being on top.
I hate that you get up right away as if it were a game and as soon as you win its done, i always wanted you to just lie there and stay with me a little. it never felt meaningful.
I hate that you get pissy about sleeping on the inside of the bed.
I hate that you always face away from me when your about to go to sleep.
I hate that you push me away when i want to lay with you.
I hate that you were always up right away playing video games when I slept.
I hate how you bitch about burger king and arbys
i hate that you paid 60 dollars for a watch that ive never seen you wear.
I hate that you lied to me.
i hate worse that I lied to you.
I hate college and you not being around when i needed you most. not that you knew i needed you because I lied and hid what i felt.
I hate that you didnt know anyway.
I hate athletic shorts. so much.
I love that you got new shorts and wore them when I was around though.
I love the way you used to email me or call me just to say you love me.
I hate that its been about 6 months since youve done it.
i love/hate that your jealous.
i hate it that you dont really like matt that much and that he likes you just as much.
I wish you would call me sweetheart.
I wish you would open doors for me.
I wish that randomly you would offer to pay for something, even though you don't have the money, you know i would refuse anyway.
i hate that you arent going to usher at brittany and andys wedding.
I hate that you keep pushing me and making me feel guilty for the way i feel, as if I didnt contemplate for days ways to make it work, as if you arent the most important thing in my life and the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.
I hate myself mostly for needing the time and for hurting you and for everything else that I cant explain and shouldnt have to.
I love you anyway but right now. well you know. i need the space and the time and the indepenence.

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shannonw55

:: 2005 9 October :: 10.30pm
:: Mood: Apathetic... (ahahah)
:: Music: Postal Service

How did you like Homecoming?

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liz

:: 2005 9 October :: 7.14am

this is the earliest Ive been up in awhile. bah.
I am so wiped out. I couldnt sleep at all last night. I got up a bunch of times. Now I have a headache. I had my phone next to me all night because my friend was having some girlfriend issues and thought that he might need a way out. Being that he is carless and lives with her. Anyway he wanted me to keep my phone close in case he needed me and that kept me awake too. As if I don't have my own issues right now. shit. I really need some pop though. I am so thirsty. my eyes are burning. I took out my contacts a couple of days ago and now my eyes are wierd. shit, shit, shit. I just don't know what to do with myself.

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liz	:: 2005 8 October :: 10.35pm its time for sleep. Leave a Red Hair

liz

:: 2005 8 October :: 10.28pm

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Its safe to say that the entire thing is bullshit.
this entire everything is bullshit.

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liz

:: 2005 8 October :: 9.28pm

today was quite the day. I made it through. day one. in a long line of days filled with self resentment and regret.
that remains to be life.
and life sucks.
i hung out with ray.
why? because I honestly couldnt be by myself and I had to hang out with someone who is an unbiased party. he was there.
it was okay. we went to the mall. I couldnt stand to be here either. the mall pretty much sucks.
i bought two new pairs of pants, cuz they were buy one get one for $1.
then I bought a pair of shoes that Id been wanting. they were $8.
He keeps my mind off of you.
talking and laughing and listening.
I hate myself and will for awhile.
oh and I got a green canvas belt for 3.99.
good deals. I missed you though. its not the same. I didnt go into eb games. for like the first time ever. im sorry you miss me but that would be expected right?
my parents are going ot buy me a computer.
i hate that. you know it. im going to pay them back. they are good to me.
theyll miss you too.
im still sorry okay.
you know that.
I know how i usually end this part, but i cant say it because its another staple in the book of pain that is still wide open.

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liz

:: 2005 8 October :: 1.09pm

yeah i probably dont care, that would explain, the screaming and the crying and my pounding head from crying, the calling into work because I cant go 10 minutes without realizing what ive done and breaking down, the jones soda bottle i broke when I threw it at my door. not to mention the gash I go from forgetting it was there and stepping on it. everything we had, nothing to me, just time well wasted.
but yeah i dont care at all.
as if you dont know how much i love you.
and if you loved me as much as you claim you would just give me the space i need

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