only recently have i realised what a sweetheart he is...and how much he really cares about people around him...and for that, i have admired him.
he shows a certain support that no one else does.
and would sit with you in silence while you cried...just to be there.
here's proof:
This letter applies to people at Neil's
party that happened last weekend.
I am well aware of the fact that our anti-social
behavior might have caused some anger. I assume
that nobody's mad at me, but only because I'm
single and have no special someone to spend time
with. As for Neil, I believe he should have had his
priorities in order, and probably Spencer as well
(although it seems Jill wasn't too pissed
off...) she was occupied. My personal reason for sitting down and
playing video games for 11 straight hours is that I
already had had a pretty fun conversation, I drove
Benton's truck around the block, and got bored
playing guitar. There was honestly nothing else to
do, so I completely understand where you guys
were coming from if/when you talked about being
bored. I do look up to Neil, but I believe that he
should have played the part of host a little bit
better and tended to his guests before joining us
in playing a game- especially his girlfriend, who
it seemed everyone else noticed was a little bit
steamed (and quite a bit bored) except for him.
If you have not visited the forums lately, I
posted a similar comment to this already. (i'm
sending this out, in case nobody bothers to read it
anymore.)
It is one of my strongest opinions that hosts of
parties should never indulge in a single activity
with a stagnant group of people for the entire
occasion. Doing so alienates certain people. I
have been at parties where the hosts were so
involved entertaining one or two people that they were
unaware that some new guests had arrived. I try
to avoid this sort of behavior when I have people
over, party or otherwise. Before I go about
tooting my own horn, I'll stop myself.
funny...he still doesnt see that everyone else was bored....he keeps saying "there was nothing else to do"...but why were there other people doing nothing too...talking is not against all party rules.
::
2004 28 June :: 9.33am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: shower running through pipes over my head
horoscope
Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of June 28 through July 4
Chances for a meeting with someone special are there for you on Monday, when the Sun trines Uranus. If you have been feeling left out, and drowning in all the social responsibilities you have, then it is time to remedy the situation. You need some excitement and a chance to freak out once in a while. Being so perfect just isn't possible all the time. Venus in your house of career turns direct on Tuesday. Now you can make progress, and use your charm to help the process go even more smoothly.
::
2004 27 June :: 12.51am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: the fierce beating of my heart
fucking boys!
so neils party was today...and it was fun...until the guys started to play video games...
for like four straight hours~same spots, same game...same shit!
so...obviously not able to join the girls relocated...soon to be overtaken by more videogame whores (like gaz from Invader Zim)...jackie, hul and benton...they wanted to race...so we left...actually....i left. people were playing guitar...cant do that...and on the computer...can do that at home...flirting (when they arent supposed to) ....and what else? video gaming. i dont think patrice had very much fun near the end either...she askeed me to go for a walk...
what pissed me off too, is that melanie...remember...dangerous girl from a few months ago...gave him boxers...
i thought it was weird for girlfriends to give guys boxers...but she did...
then...after five hours or so of not talking to me...and after i had left several times to drop people off or just plain leave...he noticed i was gone...probably only cuz goli or melanie asked where i was.
so when i went back...still playing...still fucking playing...
"neil, i'm leaving"
and melanie asked for a ride...
and neil asked for a hug...
what the fuck!?!
yea...thats right...wtf!
after all that not-spending-time with anyone thing...you want a fucking hug?
so i took her home...she forgot her purse...may i allow myself to state that my fucking gas light is on!??!
so i take her back to neils...she gets the purse...and i take her home...
i get home
"i dont wanna go home..."
i go back to neils...im gonna tell him im mad.
i go in.
he comes out with me.
"you realise you didnt spend any time but a whole ten minutes with me?" (yea, of nine hours...wonderful boyfriend) "cuz you were playing video games....i tried to get you outside and i tried to get your attention cuz im bored as fuck" (goli and i carried him outside to play wrestle but low and behold...he went to play games, complaining about how he was winning....fucker)
"you're mad at me for trying to have fun?
"whatever...bye."
no hug for the noo noo...
no kiss for the noo noo...:-D
i realise its sorta dumb...but being a host to the party, you cant just forget half you guests.
whatever...::Sigh::
its wonderful the mother isnt home...free reign.
no gas tho...anyone know where a citgo is around here? its the only card i have.
me"why'd you stay?"
him"because if i went home, id just worry if you were ok. i didnt want to think of you crying and wish i was here helping you stop."
fight with mother
she started asking neil when hes going to canada to start his cruise to alaska...
in two weeks she wants to send me on the same flight to canada so i can spend time with the relatives which ive been dying to do.
only thing is...ive been promised soo much...that i give up on believing her...and so i told her so
and neil told me it seems like i pick my fights with her...
so i explained to him how hard it is to have patience with her...
because she doesnt remember and she repeats and shes slow and she hates people for no reason and gets pissed off so easily....and the whole bit....with examples...
and i had to do laundry
so i got up...and she was sitting on the stairs...
that pissed me off...
that is horrible disrespect.
and neil calmed me down...because hes a sweetheart...
but i asked if it bothers him when i talk about my family and stuff...cuz i told him how jealous i am of his perfect family and family outings and kind mother who cleans his room and shit...
and he said "it bothers me when you upset yourself"
for some reason
my heart dropped
and it hurt
i dont understand. why did it hurt when i heard that?
maybe i dont want to hurt him...
or maybe because i realised i just spent twenty minutes of his time making him hate me.
maybe thats why...
im not sleeping for a while...
i dont want my eyes to be puffy in the morning...
i talked to 'shonsky:
im cold-hearted and horrible.
him hey
me hi
how are u
am okie nad you
ehh i've been better but otherwise ok
why
I"m jsut getting sick of ppl
oh yea?
who
jsut ppl overall
like not everyone but ppl
lol
yea....right....you're lying
no i'm not...i'm sick of Disrespect from ppl
no one respects me..
i know
have you ever thought of soem disrespect you show them as well tho?
yea i know i do 2
an egotistical, overpowering image you have...everyone thinks you see yourself as better as they are
but i'm ont
no matter how confident you really are...thats how you appear and sound
you're teling me you're not...but im telling you why you arent respected
you should listen to me rather than deny
no no ...i don't think of myself better than tohers
am friends with the people you work iwth everyday mike....
lol
yea
you dont understand...im not saying you really do
im telling you how you appear
how people want to treat you because they feel like you treat them like they are all beneath you
when most of them have been in theatre longer than you
there is only one person i don't respect or think of as an older brother.....and that is Chris...i have no respect for Q and Stunkel at all..otherwise i love them all like ppl i ahve respect for
battlestarre: why dont you respect Q and stunkel
Q shows my no respect from square on.....he yelled at me cause he was 3 hours late for a rental...and stunkel...hes a great guy but i jsut can't take him seriously...i came home with a headache today..
but Chris, wender, Hul, Spencer, I lvoe them..the are like my father.without them i would know notihng.....i have no disrespect for them at all....i have more respect for them then i do for a lot of ppl......i just try to fit in with them...fit in with everyone..
stunkel....hes tough to understand...he is one who was never really taught how to be pissed off....either that or grew up in a place where he saw so much hurt and pain that he only wants to make the world happier.....same reason i dont get down that much
Q......
this is the reason he disrespects you
honestly, just like a good amount of us
hes jealous
waht
your parents would do ANYTHING for you
jealous
listen to me
just fucking listen
ok
both him and stunkel live in apartments
his parents are divorced
his mother hates him....tells him so....tells him everyday how much of a disgrace he is...how she wishes he was never born....
he goes to his dads and gets the shit beat out of him
tehy dont give a shit about his theatre
his accomplishments
you
you have money
you have people who love you in your house
no matter how much they say to you about your weight
they care because that is your health
they call teachers to tell them taht you deserve better
obviously because they truely believe it
mike...Q......he....he is struggling to get his hours sheet signed.
you see?
its tough man
and you were talking about you new car and you twenty dollar allowence
thats tough to take
not only that
when you began.....and youve gotten better but still do this
you acted like you had years under your belt
and knew exactly what you were doing
and as a result of that....are better than everyone else
because you know more
that pisses EVERYONE off
it always has
and i totally understand
if all your life you havent been respected by your peers
because i never was either
theres a certain point where you need to gain their trust
the fact that you try to fit in
let me point out how horrible this is
you should not do this so much as be yourself
i know youve heard it a thousand times
but doing what you're told...asking questions if you really dont know
being among friends rather than being among children
do you understand waht i mean?
............yes.....
really or are you just saying so?
no...i jsut never new this
i know
i'm crying
but can you honestly tell me that if someone tried to tell you you would listen?
all i wanted to do was to fit in..but instead all i did was make it worse
or would you think they were trying to be horribly mean?
exactly
but people give you loads of chances
if you work on it
ill tell everyone to chill
really
like i sorta see where youre coming from because your parents seem like control freaks....which would result in such
sorry i dont wanna make you cry.
but the truth hurts.
::hug::
you just gotta work on it okie?
:i know exactly waht to do
okie good
just dont hurt yourself okie?
ok...
i dont know if the mood word realy works....but it sounds smooth with a bump [the p] and ends with a snap...like my day!
neil was sweet
i wasnt feeling well...and he got me water and i told him not to kiss me so he didnt get sick and he didnt and then wehn i was leaving he told me to go to sleep early and not stay out til like midnight so you can get better...:)
::
2004 21 June :: 3.20pm
:: Music: "Lightning Crashes"~Live
i forgot to say i played in the rain today!!!
neil burned me a whole bunch of songs
heres one of them
"Lightning Crashes"
lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door
lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall
oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.
lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored eyes,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide
::
2004 21 June :: 2.40pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Take My Picture"~Filter
last night i cried.
i cried because neils leaving...but also because of what he said to me
it made me so happy
i asked him if he thinks its possible we'll get married and he said he was thinking about it a lot too
"You're the kind of girl I want to come home to. Melanie and Sandy and all them are lots of fun to be around but you would make the house warm. Like if i came home from a long day at work and you'd be sitting the on the couch watching tv or soemthing and hearing your voice ask how my day was."
it made me cry. i feel soo loved by him.
i was thinking about my childhood and realised how horrendously forgotten i was...but i was so happy by myself being independent i didnt even notice til now.
Roseprincess1826: just so you know, im not trying to steal neil from you, believe me, i would never want to hurt you like that! its just, im going away for the whole summer, and when i get back, hes going to be going away, so i dont know if ill get to see him again so i wanted to spend time with him. in my jounal i wasnt trying to mock you, im sry if you got that impression... i felt really bad for you.... i mean, u hadnt seen him in a while.... i am going to try my hardest to not be as flirty with him, if thats what you want... i really dont want to go away with you so upset with me like this, cause im not sure if ill have the best time at camp or not knowing that when i come home, ill have someone pist at me.... so please, could we try to start things all over again, try to make it all better?
Auto response from battlestarre: C H I C K E N ! ! !
Roseprincess1826: i wouldnt even want to go out with neil, hes more of the best friend type for me.... a big brother, my cousin... whatever you want to think of it as... hes just a lot of fun to be around, i have a good time when he's around... i dont know... i just dont want you to think that my goal in life is to take him away from you
Currently Watching
Everybody Loves Raymond - The Complete First Season
By Ray Romano
see related
nothings wrong with my ear! thats always a good thing for me! Im so glad that im leaving now! get away from all the shiz that is going on here! there are just too many people that are either pist at me or pissing me off. blair- i know i cant run and hide forever, but the whole summer is a long time for people to calm down! woo hoo only 3 days left till i get to go to my most favoritest place in the world, OSRUI!!
yeah, so today i went to the movies to see the terminal. that was a good movie, it was just sooo long!!! but still good. afterwards i went over to blairs for a bit with her, jen, shroom, and campy. there we ate frosting... yummy and waved at cars passing by.... then we were going to go to neils house to hang out... cept i wasnt invited, and it wasnt neil who said no... it was jorie.... o well, she can calm the freak down while im at camp! get the hell over whatever her problem is with me!
o well, i really have to go and get packing!! happiness and kisses to all (or at least most people).
Posted 6/18/2004 at 7:01 PM - email it
Give eProps or Post a Comment
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Comment this is me
alright you want to know the issue...
you see, i havent been around to notice...which is half the issue...but the other half is that you seem to be obsessed with neil
and i honestly dont hate you or dislike you or anything of the sort...in fact...i expected you to come over...it was jen who said dont.
now i dont really care if you like neil or all that...believe me ive had this issue before...but this time its not neil im worried about.
it's you.
yea...i dont sugar-coat things.
like i said i dont dislike you...but it seems like you are trying to steal neil from me.
whether you are or not...it seems like it...
and that bothers me.
especially with you spending more time with him than me...
and reading your journal...it sounds like youre mocking my being upset that night at the park
i dont know...thats what i feel...whether you accept it or not...
just keep in mind...ive been going out with him for a year...stacey wanted him...jackie wanted him...goli seemed a threat...as did melanie at one time...and you see, you are the fifth...and most likely not the last.
i pray of you...please do not overdo your closeness with him.
if i wanted all this indented...i could....its a B.L.O.C.K.Q.U.O.T.E. and using this you could type in long ass quotes like in papers .....you know the ones that are more than three lines long....yay....