:: 2005 5 May :: 1.59 pm

Why is it whenever me and dan are fairy-tale ish...theres always some other S*** that goes wrong?

Why wouldnt my family treat me like im stupid.
I am.

My mom is always on my case.. But i mean i couldnt be doing THAT much wrong. I dont have much to be compared to. [My brother]. My brother who does nothing but lay on his porky little butt all day long. Yeah. Whos 21 and has been an alchoholic since he was my 12. Thats my blood alright. I swear the only thing we have in common is our last name. Other then that its 2 strangers in the same house. Meh what'cha gon' do right???

Jeez. Yesterday was some hard work. I got home from school. Hung out for about a half hour. Went to work. got out early. Stopped at dans. WEnt home and SLEPT...oh it was the best night sleep too. Unfortunatly i was freezing because i slept on the couch but it was just too .... perfect.

So my dad called me yesterday somewhere in the mess of me coming home from school and leaving for work. I guess hes doing better with his cancer, but im still very upset with him. He confessed alot of stuff to me about why he was so aggressive and why he was so upsetting. No matter what, i'll love him. Even when he dies i still will...wanna know why? yeah..you tell me cos i have no clue. He doesnt deserve it. But i guess its cos hes my dad. I'll always love the old him...but the new him will change. Or i'll be gone.

Hello...all you bored people............
Ahem...
HellooooooooooooooooooooOOoooooOOOOOOo

Why are my friends drifting away again? lol
Yeah my friend chad is available again cos he dumped heather. Idk shes not really girlfriend material. Shes too...outgoing, to courageous, too much of a party animal. Yep thats her alright. Not that its bad. I love heather to death she will just..one day be ready to have a relationship but right now shes more concerned on having fun!


ATTENTION ASHLEY SONEGO::
WE NEED TO HANG OUT. Ok im done typing in caps but fer real. We need to hang out. Thanks for tha sucka today homie.

ATTENTION JENNA GILLETTE::
WE ALSO NEED TO HANG OUT! IM TIRED OF GETTING BLOWN OFF AND IM NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER :)

ATTENTION JORDAN PORTER::
YOUR MY GIRL DAWG! LOL i knew that would make you laugh. So i dont have plans for saturday. One of you three had better call me cos i wanna go bowling damn it!!!

So tonights oc night. Im very excited. I couldnt be more happy. I really dont think i could unless my mom fell off the face of the earth..That'd be nice. Also pie would be nice. mmmmmmmmmmm.



Yeah. Im still that tired and im talking about pie so i should probably exit stage left.


AdIoS aMiGo'S

4 <3 | Love

:: 2005 4 May :: 2.21 pm

My day just went from bad to worse in 10 minutes.


....



fdklsiofdjsklfjdskljfksldjflkdsjf8ioweurlkjdsklfjldsk!~

Love

:: 2005 4 May :: 1.59 pm
:: Mood: lonely

.
Trust. . .




is way over-rated.



Seriously think about it. How many of you out there can say that they trust 5 non family members with their life huh?
I just need friends. REAL friends that is. Aquaintances are great yeah but they ware off. You can tell who your real friends are…but if your not technically real friends yet..what do you do?

Jenna I really, really need to talk to you so when you read this please call me yeah blahdy blah I have work but I don’t care. You call my cell any freakin’ time you want.

Love

:: 2005 28 April :: 2.02 pm

I really, honestly , and truly hate it when we fight. Its like he picks his fights and just ….uses everything I do against me. Sometimes I cant take it.

ATTENTION JENNA::

you , me , and anyone else bowling..Saturday…rockford or Greenville, or Sparta,…we’ll figure it out but it will be a blast. GIRLS NIGHT. Its about time I think I earned one… Yeah. It shall be a jolly time.

Tonights oc night and Im thinking about spending it at work.. My choice by the way. But that will just cause more chaos.


Im afraid that ill always be broken. I wrote this poem cos im very...idk confused. Here it is.

I remember the days
of living in fear
It's all coming back
the feeling is near

I cant think strait
and i cant sleep at night
I do something "wrong"
which then stirres up a fight

tears fall down
i've been down this road before
I'll soon be shipwrecked
and searching for the shore

Maybe its allitle of you
but mostly its me
This is how i am
my fate: i can finally see

In order to change
You have to want to
Want to do whatever it takes
Just to get to you

Ive gone this far
with you by my side
I've cut off my friends
now theres nowhere to hide

Leave some love im desperate lol

2 <3 | Love

:: 2005 27 April :: 1.35 pm

This is going to be a whiney entry so beware:


It all started this weekend. It was just. aweful. It was supposed to be this perfectly planned weekend for me and heather to spend time together and me and dan to spend time together but blah. Me and dan hung out friday but we were supposed to hang out saturday too but I went to jordans brothers wedding *which by the way was awesome jorda*. after that we had brenton come and get us and brought us bowling where we met up with dan, danny, and some other girl. It was alright. Then sunday was just...horrible. I bought this watch for dan and i lost it. I cant find it anywhere! and he keeps asking about it and ...ugh ive looked everywhere. Oh well.

Last night... My mom turned off my minutes to prove a point to me that i need to start listening to f***** miss scott.. pfff. she yelled at me cos i wore a short skirt. Mr a seen it and didnt say one word to me. She told me to change it and of course me and my cocky self said ok yeah let me just go home for lunch to get clothes and get detentions for that instead miss scott. I told dan what happened and he totally wigged out. First he was upset cos i wore a short skirt. THen he got upset cos i told him he cant tell me what to wear. Then he got upset cos i am disrespectful to my authority figures. Then he got mad at me...and just stayed mad. So i tried to go to bed. at quarter to one this morning dan called me and hes like what are you doing i said doing my hair * cos I really was* and then hes like well why and i told him cos i couldnt sleep cos hes pissed off at me for no reason what so ever and he apologized to me and blahdy blah. Damn. Sometimes i really, really get frustrated with him more than anyone will ever know...

I really love him...dont get me wrong. I couldnt imagine my life without you. But there has got to be some changes. He gets upset when i talk to those guys that i guess "want me"...chea, right. Anyways... its a 2 way street. I dont want him in constant contact with all these icky girls calling him 24/7. I am a very , very territorial person. Whats mine is mine and i dont have to share what i dont want to. Its almost like i have to fight to keep him. I really cant stand it. I cant handle the fact that something better and taller and skinnyier could walk past him any fricken' time of the day and snatch him away from me. . .

Im pathetic.

Beyond pathetic.
I just want...i want what is in movies. What that feeling is when they look into each others eyes and they are so lost in conversation talking about anything and everything. I want to be lost in a conversation. I want to be held and kissed and caressed with love. I want that feeling. Not just words. I couldnt help myself from crying monday and it really scared me. Dan was over and i just started bawling. I couldnt explain it. But i knew it was a red flag.

I couldnt explain how i felt about him. WIth other guys it was like...this is how i feel about you and this is why i like you and this is why i want to be with you and this is how you make me feel. The only thing i can say about dan is that i feel complete. I dont know why im so involved with him, but i just am. I cant...explain into any words just how i feel about him and it really, really scares me ya know?


So my friends, once again are changing right in front of my eyes. I hate the fact that people can change just like that. In the blink of an eye somebody changes. Its unrealistic.

Jordan, i really, really wanted you to know just how much you mean to me. We've been through so much its unbelievable... And me and you hangin out like it. It was the most fun ive had in a really long time.

Jenna, once again im really sorry if that was about me you dont have to say anything if it really was, but i just want you to know that i miss talkin [ well online i guess ] but we need to hang out this saturday okay? please save saturday for me!?! Lots of love

Ashley i have that poster board in my locker--

ASHLEY, ashley, AsHlEy.. lol ashley understands this and only ashley. lol


Im tired of pittying myself so im off .


I love you more then you'll ever know.

5 <3 | Love

:: 2005 21 April :: 2.19 pm

I'm so tired. Work was ok i guess. I got 5 leads... Yipee.

Then i got home. Dan called. I laid down and waited for him to come over. 11:15 rolls around. I called him he was with Richie. Ugh. I was so much. but i was more tired.


School. 3rd hour. Josh. Your the an absolute idiot.


Well as the day darkens it just *MIGHT* get better.



People say that when you love someone you gotta let them go...
What does that mean?

5 <3 | Love

:: 2005 20 April :: 2.12 pm

Work last night, went fabulous. NOt to be mean or anything. but i work with this guy his name is corey. Hes gay. but hes the nicest gay person ive ever met. He always makes me laugh and i got an appointment last night so i get a bonus on my check!!! im so excited. and i get my phone back today...yesss.

I got home from work last night to dan in my driveway. It was very cute. :)


Jenna~ i understand that your not open to everyone. But im just letting you know that whenever you chose to open up...that i wanna be top...meh 3 i suppose. Your right. We need to stop not talking at school. Just cos we have no classes and we dont have the same lunch doesnt mean we cant go out of our way to find each other ! lol. Your such a doll and youve got to be the sweetest person ive ever met!!!
It really makes me happy that you said that about me and dan. Its just sometimes i feel like a really big jerk. We didnt plan on gettin together he really was my best friend..well he still is but it was just a ..spurr of the moment. I just cant wait until your as happy as you can be!

I'll work on my self esteem just for you Jenna my love.

Ive got work tonight, however why dont we talk more tomorrow * its oc night * i mean lol i have youth group. lol long story i told my boss i had youth group on thursdays so i wouldnt miss the oc. haha im pathetic but obsessed!


All my love,
Breezey*

6 <3 | Love

:: 2005 19 April :: 1.46 pm

Last night, was probably the worst. Ever.


I really am not starting to understand why im so blessed. Why I have a mom who would give ANYTHING in the world to make me happy, and a dad (who is a jerk) but still loves me with all he is. Even if its not very much. Why im not living in africa in a dumpster or ...even worse nothing. Why i have a decent amount of clothing to change into ever day and clean water to bathe myself. And a boyfriend..who is great. Sometimes i just dont feel important anymore. I dont feel important around my family, my friends, and even dan. Pretty pathetic huh?

Its just...its all very complicated. And sometimes the one person who can make me smile...cant do it. Thats when i know somethings wrong. I dont quite know WHAT it may be, but there is indeed something wrong with me. Could it be that my self esteem is very, very low? or is it that im just not a "perfect person" in any way shape or form???Im such a drama queen.

Anyways..how do you know if someone is getting bored of you? I think about it all the time. ALL THE TIME. and... i really get nervous. Dan...i honeslty think he could do so much better than me and I guess i just dont understand why hes not chosing to do so. Some help in this area would be swell.


Oh yeah i have a job. Im a telemarketer. but dont worry i cant call anyone in michigan. Im assigned to california. 8.50 an hour...yay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SAMANTHA GOULD YOU ARE GORGEOUS AND DONT LET ANYONE EVER, EVER TELL YOU OTHERWISE!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

just so thats out of the air: Jenna, I know you dont like people prying but im just telling you im ALWAYS here. No matter how little the situation may be. Or no matter what time it is, im always a phone call away. Im always here to help. Its so weird. because i know at first we didnt "kick it off" on the right foot, im not sure why but there was just soemthing wrong the first time we tried talking like this, but now i couldnt be more thankful. You help me ( my little internet pal) in more ways then alot of people cant. Im telling you right here, right now just how important you are to me and i hope its always like this cos now i cant imagine life without ya. I love u Jenna!!

Wow. that was alot of confessing. what else to say. Ah yes.

Jorda- Me and you, you and me. We've lived life. Yes indeed. We might not show it as much as we used to, however i still love you more then you'll ever know.

Ashely, i think the statement above applies to you too. Your..Your just great. We have so much to catch up on and i cant wait until we do. Love you.


THis is turning into a memorial for all of my friends and my new friends. Fantastic. To all of my newest friends, Samantha, Ally, and EVERYONE ELSE ( sorry im in tears right now) cant really think ....i love you all and im always here to help.



ALL MY LOVE,

Brianna

2 <3 | Love

:: 2005 15 April :: 1.39 pm
:: Mood: flirty
:: Music: Making memories of us

6 <3 | Love

:: 2005 13 April :: 1.32 pm

What a looong spring break. After almost splitting up with dan numerous times, i can gladly say that we are doing alright now. Everything has to be alright...right? Ehh. Im kinda freaking out cos my brother told me that one of my guy friends is in "love " with me. Which really scares me. I talked to him for a while last night but hes just a friend. I want to ask him but im seriously freaking out. I told dan and he just laughed. I...Im done talking about this.

So yesterday i decided to go to school with no contacts. Reaaaal smart. I got in trouble for alot of things. Like in babbits class for not taking notes and looking out the window instead of at the over head. I couldnt tell which was which. Im an idiot.

Fuzzy logic has a concert on friday at 7. You all should be there or be square. haha. i crack myself up.


Lots of Love,
Brie

8 <3 | Love