"She was who she once was, but not as I had known her."

 

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Life Is An Ever Changing Road

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skife

:: 2007 20 June :: 5.20pm

i see alot of animals at work i like keeping track of stuff i see.
so here is a list:

a whole buncha seagulls
almost a whole buncha turkey vultures
4 turkeys
1 gopher, i almost cought it
quite a few frogs/toads
1 woodchuck, its fate was a 12 gauge shotgun, 3 shots to the gun then throw into the road
1 water snake, i've never seen one before i was ventureing into this area where there was a pond and i kinda guessed that there was going to be snakes around, i look in the pond and this water snake is just swimming around, it was fast as shit too.


tomorrow i've got a doctors appointment at 2:30ish, i'm going to be in GR if anyone wants me to hang out, gimmie a ring or something
hopefully i'll get back on ritalin for my ADD and some anti-depressants.
if i do, i'll be a compleatly different person then i beilve.

also, i'm done partying for awhile, i know i never partied to much before, but it just isn't for me i guess. anywho, i'm off to the pool to sip margaritas and enjoy this beautiful day. HAR HAR HAR~~~!!!~~!!111eleven1111!!!!one

2 laughs | smile


angel_bob

:: 2007 20 June :: 4.23pm

Things I forgot about:
Read more..

smile


skife

:: 2007 19 June :: 10.51pm

dissapointment


oh well, shit happens.

1 laugh | smile


sugarjackj

:: 2007 19 June :: 11.59am

Bye bye baby.
Don't be long.
I'll worry about you while you're gone.
I'll think of you in my dreams.
You'll never know just what you mean to me.....

smile


skife

:: 2007 18 June :: 7.21pm

Tonight was just made 10 times better and nothing barely happened.
but i feel alot better.

2 laughs | smile


skife

:: 2007 17 June :: 8.40pm

i'm a little dissapointed i didn't get to hangout with the someone that i wanted to this weekend.

shit happens. :(

5 laughs | smile


skife

:: 2007 17 June :: 4.54pm

did some redecorating.



1 laugh | smile


sugarjackj

:: 2007 16 June :: 9.12pm

I'm sitting in McDonalds because Miranda is a douche.
But not really, I love her.
:)

1 laugh | smile


m&ms487

:: 2007 15 June :: 11.27pm

A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of the books have been lost.

A Presidential spokesperson said the President was devastated, as he had not quite finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.

3 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2007 15 June :: 10.59pm

Rueben and I rented a few documentaries today. One was called Maxed Out, and it was about how credit card debt, and debt in general, is ruining the country. Well, not the whole country, just the majority of the people who aren't millionaires.

Then we watched Jesus Camp. If you haven't watched this, you really need to. For the first time, I found myself, as an agnostic/atheistic liberal, as the enemy. It really makes you wonder about religion. It can be taken to so many extremes. This is about radical Christianity, in our own country. We are fighting radical Islam, killing in the name of freedom, when the Christian Evangelicals are on the same path, except they're predominately white, upper middle class, and are fighting in the name of a different God, one that most of Americans can claim some type of allegiance to.

They "love" the United States, but are attempting to dissolve the separation of Church and State, and take away anything that isn't set out in the Bible. Homosexuality? Wrong. Abortion? No way. Violence? well, they're training their children to be an "Army of God." I'll leave it at that.

To all of you out there that think you're better because you have "God in your Heart," I understand that you might not agree with hardly anything that the Evangelicals are preaching, but you have to at least agree that almost all religion, whether it be Islam, or Christianity, is almost like playing with fire. It can easily be taken to the extreme. Can you understand? Can you understand how dangerous it can be to believe in something so much that you're willing to kill for your cause? To secure a place in heaven? Don't even get me into if heaven really exists, or what heaven can be defined as, if there is such a thing. Can you understand the necessity of the Separation? Can you understand that anything to do with a great mass of people can be dangerous?

No, I don't believe that some God waved his hand and made up the earth and the trees and man (and woman for that matter). Neither do I believe that the world is held up on the shoulders of a really strong man (Greek and Roman) or that the world sprung up on the back of a turtle (Iroquois).

I believe that every person should go through the day trying not to hurt anyone else, and maybe even trying to make someone else's life a little better. I believe in respect, and I believe in the idea that everyone is equal, even if it doesn't happen that way. I truly believe that I am a good person if I follow these few simple guidelines, and I don't need someone telling me to live "for God". I'm living for me, because really, I don't believe that there is anything once I die. I could be proven wrong, but for the time being, I'd like to know that I'm using my life for something, because that's all there is. You are born, you live, you change a few things, for the better, hopefully, and then you die. That's it.

And no, I don't go around telling people that they should become agnostics or atheists like a lot of others go around trying to recruit others to their religion. You know why? Because what I've choosen is right for me. And no one can talk me out of it. No one can scare me out of it. If I have to die for my right not to believe, to die with the knowledge that I don't have a eternal life, or eternal hope, I'm okay with that. Just as long as I don't kill others because they don't believe the same things as me. Just as long as I don't hurt anyone else, because in my mind, that's what good human beings do. They help, not harm.

5 laughs | smile


angel_bob

:: 2007 14 June :: 2.18am

I feel kind of bad because everyone else is reverse culture shocking it up and wants to go back to France.

But then I think about it and it is okay that everyone else loved France and wants to go back.

I am more happy here than I have been since maybe November or before whenever leaving for France became real.

They can have all the France they want.

Because it sucked and I hated it.

I seriously am surprised when men don't yell at me, check me out or honk at me when they drive by. And that is not a good thing to be surprised about.

For clarification, when I was in the airport in France waiting for my plane wearing khakis that I'd slept in and an old comfy shirt, airport security guards clicked at me. It's this thing that French guys did. They clicked at girls like you would click at a cat or dog to make it come to you. When I was in Texas and wearing a shirt white dress with a tennis skirt that snapped in the front, a guy looked at me and moved on. Like a normal person.

I am so glad to be home.

Plus there are stores open later than 7 at night. And I understand everything people say.

Seriously, this is the best country in the world. And you know how I hate this country.

I just wish I had my car and my job.

I love you all and I am so happy to be home. Beyond happy.

2 laughs | smile


rayray

:: 2007 13 June :: 8.25pm

This has been a rough week.
I've been battling a headache for 2.5 days.
The heat is really getting to me.
The forcast shows 94 for like Monday.
With rain.
How fucking retarded.

I wish every day could be like my birthday, and the night leading into my birthday.
They were the best couple of days.

smile


m&ms487

:: 2007 13 June :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Delila - Plan White T's

The summer is catching up on me. And I just realized it. I've been home for about a month and a half, and I'm still readjusting...in little ways, but readjusting nonetheless.

After a long, horrible night of work, I got home at eleven thirty last night to a letter sitting on my bed. It informed me that I had been awarded a $1000 scholarship from the GR community foundation. I'm relieved. I'm definitely in a safe spot with my financials for next year right now, and there is even a bit of a surplus.

Lately, it seems like I'm biding my time, just waiting to get to the real "life," the one where I'm suppose to do something meaningful, where I enjoy what I do. The life when I come home from a day on the job and I can say to myself, "I made a difference."

The only difference I've been making lately is on the stains on the tile floor behind the service desk.

I've been doing announcements lately, over the PA at Meijer. Just for stupid crap, like the credit card..."Attention Meijer guests, Would you like to save 10% off your entire order today...." and "Currently we have patio sets for 15-33% off thier original price in the garden center..."

A few people have told me that I should be a radio DJ. That got me thinking. I would like to do something with my voice. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be the voice of an animated character in a movie or on a tv show. I think it would be really fun to do something like that. If only...

Well, I have to go to work now, unfortunately. I get to work with Phil tonight, so that should be fun. I like working with people who are very laid back, because I'm really uptight, and I need that reassurance that everything isn't as bad as it seems.

All for now.
Michelle

smile


sugarjackj

:: 2007 12 June :: 8.14am

Ach, ich fühl's, es ist verschwunden. Ewig hin der Liebe Glück!

2 laughs | smile


1010101

:: 2007 11 June :: 1.45am

Hmm, So I've finally started writing again it seems. Quite slowly, but surely (well, more the former and less the latter), both in this journal, and in my story. For those of you who haven't received frequent updates on the status of my story, and who care, I've pretty much decided for sure about what I'm going to write. I even kind of have a rough framework drawn up and whatnot. Now I just need to go through the tedious and almost painful process of filling in that framework. Tonight I actually managed to get the better part of a page completed. Though that might not sound like much, trust me, that page has taken at least a month to emerge in it's current form.

So, aside from my story and a few random happenings with friends and whatnot, my life is pretty damn similar to how it probably was about a year ago. I'm still working at meijer, mostly because I couldn't get another job. I'm not pushing carts, but instead running around fixing registers and telling computer-illiterate people how to resize windows and cut/copy/paste files. Yeah, it's uh, fun >_>.
Oh, though one of our servers did catch fire a week or two ago. Granted neither I nor anyone from my department was there to witness it, but I still found it funny that one of the computers there caught fire after all the jokes I've made about registers spontaneously combusting.

I've also resumed my hobby of looking for poorly named products at meijer. Thus far the best ones I've found have been: Mount Gay rum (I guess it's from barbados or something...), and then Worm Blower, which I found in the fishing aisle between the Rod Holder, and the Mouth Spreader.

Hm, so what else is there...
...I guess I beat Final Fantasy XII a while ago. It took me 106 hours and I still only got through 2/3 of the side-quests. For those of you who may happen to be playing the game, or who are even thinking of playing the game, DON'T SPEND TIME ON THE DAMN SIDE-QUESTS. They are completely worthless wastes of time in which you run for about a half hour to get to some dumb monster, defeat said dumb monster, and then run back to the dumb person that asked you to kill the dumb monster to get a really dumb reward. Nothing is added to the plot, none of the characters are developed, and just about nothing of interest happens during them.

Yeah though, that's about all I can think of right now. Adios amigos...

5 laughs | smile


skife

:: 2007 10 June :: 11.35pm

tonight was a really good night.

2 laughs | smile


rayray

:: 2007 9 June :: 9.03pm

I went with my mom and my aunt to take my grandma some of her things at the adult care home.
The guy told us that while we were gone, she kept asking if he could call one of her daughters because her appointment was over.
It was extremely sad.
And then when we walked in, she kept asking when we were going to take her home.
And she'd start crying as soon as we told her that she had to stay.
She'd ask us why a dozen times.
It was so hard having her ask me that.
Her dimensia is getting worse.
She thinks that she fell this friday, and not last friday.
And doesn't understand why she's in the adult care.

It was seriously heartbreaking.
And then I come home to things out of place, my front door wide open.
I guess Im just frustrated.

7 laughs | smile


sugarjackj

:: 2007 9 June :: 8.56pm



Do you ever feel invisible?

smile


angel_bob

:: 2007 9 June :: 8.49pm

Buddy and I found a ribbon generator:




1 laugh | smile


rayray

:: 2007 9 June :: 1.57pm

I had a very good birthday.
Plans changed a little bit, but it was still a very good day.
I went to the movies last night and saw Knocked up.
I thought it was pretty funny.
I didn't get to go to B-Dubs like I had anticipated, but what can ya do.
I'm not going to make a big deal of it.

My grandmother was put in an adult care facility.
Her house is going to be put up for sale.
And my uncle cut his finger off yesterday.

I don't know if I can deal with my grandma being in a place like that.
I don't know if I can go through that again.
I watched my grandma vanzoest in an adult care/nursing home facility, and it broke my heart.
It was horrible.

smile


skife

:: 2007 8 June :: 5.30pm

MOTHER FUCKER!

3 laughs | smile


sugarjackj

:: 2007 8 June :: 12.27pm

Guess what I'm listening to? The new QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE CD!!!!!
It's amazing. Go check it out here QOTSA

It's orgasmic.

smile


joeydomina

:: 2007 8 June :: 12.11pm

swimming today at the community pool so if anyone calls i'll probably be there..... take care all peace

smile


rayray

:: 2007 8 June :: 1.49am

Right now I am using my new birthday gift.
I like my birthday.
My birthday gift from Michael was a wireless keyboard, mouse and speaker set.
It's fancy.
I love him!
He told me that he was going to get me the monitor I have been wanting for like ever now, but they didn't have the one I wanted.
He came home from work at like 11:30.
I don't know if it was because he had a lack of sleep today or if it's because it's my birthday.
I had a little birthday party at work.
I got a barbie cake. Its the one with the barbie in the middle and then the dress is the cake.
It was sweet.
I got an inflatable monkey.
A fuzzy pink tiara.
A fuzzy blue fan.
Scented bubbles. (Mint, Chocolate and Strawberry).
This will be one of the most memorable birthdays!
And I'm only twenty.
God, I feel really damn old. hahaha

Anyway it is time for me to go to bed so that I can get up really early and get the stuff done that I need to get done.
It's my birthday bitches!

3 laughs | smile


m&ms487

:: 2007 7 June :: 7.11pm

I've been sitting back lately, letting the world pass by in a sense. I got a letter from CMU congratulating me on making the Dean's List, again...


And somehow, I know it doesn't matter. It doesn't get me more money to go to school, and it just maybe could help me get some job somewhere that I don't want, or get into a second choice graduate school.

I'm being pessimistic, but I always am. I've been dwelling on my 'lives'- the 'who I am' depending on who I'm with. When I'm at work, I'm usually very bouncy, optimistic, and smiley. When I'm with friends, I usually take the role of the 'dumb girl', and honestly, I don't get a lot of things that are said. I don't try to be dumb, it's just like my brain gets turned off when I'm around them. When I'm with Rueben I'm usually silly or crying, or any spectrum inbetween. I have the most variation when I'm with him. When I'm in an academic setting, like a class, I'm usually stuck up, and I deplore people who waste my time or say stupid things. I especially hate when others come up with a point that I was on the verge of thinking.

...but that doesn't compare to who I am with myself. This is the one I've been thinking about. I suppose this journal reflects it more than anything, since these words depict the inner workings of the mush enclosed in my skull. As I look back, I find I'm witty-usually horribly sarcastic. I find that I'm usually pessimitic, but find a way to leave off with some optimistic note. I find that I'm frustrated a lot. I get frustrated if I'm too early or late, or if there isn't a plan, or if the plan gets changed at the last minute. I get frustrated by the menial, the every day. I'm frustrated by normalcy, when I really crave to be normal. I find that I don't know how to say what I want, but somehow it comes out perfectly.

I feel like I lead a double, or even triple life. I can't combine these 'personalities'. Perhaps I don't want to. It just leaves me fairly confused to the issue of identity. That's a big thing. How can you live with yourself if you don't know who you are?

I know, or at least hope, that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

"We wear the mask that grins and lies..."

It's very windy outside, and the first day of my yard sale was fairly disappointing. I did make eight dollars, though. It averages out to about a dollar an hour.

It's still better than a day at Meijer.

1 laugh | smile


skife

:: 2007 6 June :: 3.31am

i keep having this dream about a girl with black hair and a red dress...

no clue who she is. weird huh?

1 laugh | smile


kandy

:: 2007 4 June :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: anxious

thoughts
so i'm sitting here in the hospital with my best friend mary. her water's been broken and the contractions are finally starting. i'm excited for her. i get to be aunt connie to baby kailyn. i can't wait. but while i'm here i'm just thinking about my life. no more serious relationships for now.. even tho all i want is a family. i want a child bad. but at the same time i'm actually single and enjoy the freedom. there is someone i like, someone i used to care alot about. bran is being a jerk. he wants me but he keeps running hot and cold. its just not even fair. but the problem w/the guy i like... he's seeing someone. that's just so hard. ..... well... i dunno.. i'm taking off for now... adios!

smile


joeydomina

:: 2007 4 June :: 7.16pm

Moved
well all I have officially moved out on my own so if anyone wants to hang out with me my address is 994 4 mile rd nw apt 1a, grand rapids michigan 49544.

I leave for kentucky tonight so if anyone wants to hang out wednesday will be the best day for this week so hit me up. k peace out everyone. oh yeah the apartment is on alpine :p

616-516-1331
Joey

4 laughs | smile


rayray

:: 2007 4 June :: 4.04pm

Stupid jeans.
I tell ya what.
I'm going to stop wearing them all together.
2 pairs of jeans ruined in 2 days.
Yesterday I noticed that my new jeans, that I have only worn twice mind you, have tears in the top inside corners of the back pockets.
Today Christine was being hooker trash and decided that she'd be funny and tap this oil thing on the pin machine while I was reaching up to fill the pin tub, and she got oil all over my hand, and my jeans.
So now I have this big huge yellow oil stain.
Oh well.
I have the one pair soaked in SHOUT right now. Hopefully that will do the trick.
Otherwise, I'm making that fat bitch buy me a new pair of jeans.
I'm crabby if you haven't noticed.
I have friday off of work.
And if you're smart, you'll know why.
I'm not sure if Carley and I are still on for Red Lobster or not.
I'll be too poor, considering I'll only have a 3 days check this week because my lazy ass never got up friday morning.
Well I did, but it wasn't to my alarm.
It was to Mike saying "what the fuck are you still doing here?"
Yep. So I spent the day in bed with him because I'm a lazy fuck.
And that is pretty much where I spent most of my weekend.
Other than saturday afternoon when I was at the ER with my grandmother.
She fell and broke her left arm just below her shoulder.
Has a black eye.
And is in pretty rough shape.

9 laughs | smile


sugarjackj

:: 2007 4 June :: 8.29am

I got this e-mail from my english professer yesterday. There was a lot more, but this was just the end.

"...I am going to see if I and my eternal fiancee can afford, didn't know if you were aware there was a real opera in Det this summer or not, or if you were interested, but when I got this, I thought of you. Nice having you in my class, your culture and intelligence cancelled out the obnoxious rednecks behind you (no names!), Thanks, Clint Burhans"

It made me laugh. For some reason my professers really like me (except my piano teacher). It made my day.

smile

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