lets sleep till the sun burns out

lets sleep till the sun burns out

:: 2004 11 July :: 9.20 am

people irritate me....

wooo... i get to skip church today... wooo... gretchens gonna kill me.... woo... arbys till 4... wooo cindys at 4:30.

*cries....

5 days until kings island.. i'll just keep telling that to myself..... its almost time for a break.. almost.... almost time to get away for awhile.

so yesterday at work.. hot man came in... i could have died.... he just really is the hottest guy i've ever seen. and get this... he told felicia to tell me he said hi and that i should go out there and TALK to him (*i know right!) but i didnt because i was wearing a hair net... and thats just not attractive. oh oh oh..... i dont know if i've shared my assumptions about my boss.. but i was thinking that she might be a lesbian.. its confirmed.. she is. i saw her girlfriend yesterday! ahhhh... lol. i KNEW IT!

beckys applying to arbys.. because she loves me... and she hates mcdonalds... and im hoping she'll get hired because everyone is quiting. *crosses fingers.

i may be making a huge mistake here.... (irrelevant... forget about it.)

becky spent the night last night, and we watched once upon a time in mexico... i just love that movie. and she STAYED AWAKE! lol.. just kidding jess! i picked becky up after work last night, and then we went back and met jessie at arbys because she got out a little later then me.. and we went and got ice cream and talked, it was so fun.... except for jess neglecting to read the exit sign! lol. so becky and i blaired outkast and milkshake all the way home. it was quite the fun time... except some car flashed its lights at me... i keep forgetting to turn my headlights on.. i hate them not being automatic.

*biggest gasp ever.... GUESS what shan and sara got me for my birthday.. just guess. because it is so wonderfull that i can barely tell you..... they got me a poster of johnny depp in the bathtub!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH...its SOOO hott. i love love love love love love love love it! * I LOVE YOU SARA!* so i must send them a ginormous thank you for that.

man i wish i could go to church today... they're gonna be so mad at me. gahhh. and next week i cant go because of kings island. that makes like over a month that i havent been to church.

oh well i guess.. what can ya do right?

please visit me at cindys. please please please please please. it gets so lonely there!

im gonna be off now.. i need to clean up and eat something.

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 10 July :: 11.30 am

pheww... it feels so nice to have taken a shower!

i had the weirdest dream last night... (as if im not going to tell you.. pshh)

all of a sudden out of nowhere i was pregnant.. but i couldnt remember how and then the culprit *wouldnt you like to know* was somebody that i had been so mad at it, and as far as i knew i was still mad.. but that couldnt be if i was pregnant by him... and so then my parents (yeah.. it wasnt my mom, and magically i had a dad too...) told his parents (which werent his real parents either) and they said that they told ______ (name) and he was upset and didnt know how to take it. and then i was talking to jess and im like.. how am i gonna fit into a prom dress next year?! and was just flipping out... and so anyways... this "person" turned into nick fahlen.. who i dont know at all, i think its cuz me and jess were talking earlier about how hot he dressed..... and then i was thinking... mwah ha.. now he's tied to me for life. lol. it was CRAZY! so then i had my babies.. lol.. girl and boy, and later the hospital was critisizing me for being so young and said that i didnt have any.. and im like.. yes i did. and they just wouldnt give my babies.... who then turned into fish... because all babies were fish in the end of my dream.. i just dont get it... lol. that was about all of it... but as far as weird dreams goes.. thats one of the weirdest.

i guess i'll get going... jess should be out of the shower about now. i feel funny upstairs all by my lonesomes...*nervously looks around. lol.

*yesterday was the first time i saw him in a long time... i couldnt help but laugh to myself as i fell apart inside.

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 10 July :: 2.51 am

its sooo late... or early.... one of two.

im at jess's house, we just watched once upon a time in mexico... well... lol... i did anyways... she fell asleep... so i figured i'd get online for a few minutes before heading off to bed. i almost hit a kitty on the way here.... it was sad.... *cries.

tonight was fun... i didnt get here till about 10:00.. but i've missed jess... and its sooo good to talk to her!! *i love you jess!*

beckys back! my becky.. my hedgehog, bucky the beckaboo of all rouxis is finally back...... *smiles.

and whoooo did she call first? oh thats right... and whooooo did she call every night she was gone..... mmm hmmmmm. *loves her.

today after i got out of work i picked up shelby from her babysitters and brought her to the park where we met lisa and stacy.. that was nice cuz i havent seen them in forever. and then i dont know.. i guess i was just like... woooo go big sisters... because then i took shelbys to maynards for ice cream.. and then to the movie store and bought her brother bear and stuart little... i love that little girl.. even though sometimes i dont act like it. someday she's gonna be older and im gonna be her protector.. its good to know that she looks up to me, now and always. im blessed to be a sister... now, no matter what.. i'll never be alone.

"i here they have a master cooking class"
"we could be master bakers!"
"yeah, we could master bake together!"

- one of the funniest lines from will and grace i ever did see.

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 9 July :: 8.48 am

i've been listening to my depressed music again.. but i dont know if its because im sinking lower or if im just missing you. i drive by where you work quite often and it makes me break inside, knowing that you're in there. i hate where i am in my life right now, and i hate that you're not here for me.... but i would also hate it if you were. i used to see you everywhere.. and it was something of annoyance that i could laugh about to my friends, but that hasnt been happening lately... and now everything is just over. and its official.. and its final.. and i dont know if i like that.... but i'll move past this, because this is an uncertainty, and im tired of that crushed feeling i get when i think about you.

i have to work at arbys today. how fun.

next friday we leave for kings island (me and the beckers) i cant wait. i cant wait to just get away..... we hope to finish our smorgasboard, or at least get a good grip on it.... still... i seriously cant wait. im so excited.... me and my best friend.... well, and her dad, and brother, and sister... but lets just neglect that they're all gonna be there... (even though i love them).

we're getting back the 21st, and then the 22nd my mom and shelby and i are goin somewhere, but we dont know where. maybe sea world, maybe mackinaw... we just dont know..... (do any of you know somewheres fun to go within like 8 hours of here? comment if you do..)

then the 31st i leave for alaska.... and that excitement is on a whole new level that i cant even begin to explain. i hope that on this trip i can find myself again.. i was so close last time. i plan to soak up the mountains and spend my time serving god, because i havent been doing that lately.. havent had much time.

i think im fresh out of things to say..... nothing really happens in my life.

that reminds me, yesterday when i was at cindys i was working with these two rather "popular" girls.... (cindy wasnt even there, they're both gonna be seniors) and for like the first 2 hours i was just thinking in my head that i was SOOO gonna update woohu about how i hate popular stupid girls... and then they turned around and were really nice. it just goes to show that maybee first impressions arent always real.. maybee we create what we want them to be in our heads, and wait for them to fit the criteria. anyways... i stand corrected... they were really fun.

and if someone doesnt come visit me there.... im gonna be..... or.. im gonna... blah.. i just dont know. just please come get ice cream from me............... i work sunday at 4:30......

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 7 July :: 4.11 pm

how sad is this... im at the cedar library checking my email... but thats not the saddest part.... he never emailed me back.

i guess i was crazy to think that this HUGE fight could be resolved.. yeah, i caught you in a lie, and that turns around to be my fault... be stubborn, lose yet ANOTHER friend... you'll never change.

off to cindys..... god i hate my life.

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 7 July :: 9.23 am

noooo.. dont make me go. if i have to drop one more bun down the slicer i'm gonna scream, and no more wraps and sandwhiches, and for goodnesssakes people STOP ordering subs.. because i hate making them... BLEH.

*prays* please dont let cindy kill me tonight...

BLEH.. thats all i can say... sums up my life right about now... i work, i sleep, i get online, i visit brandi at camp.... thats it.

oh oh oh though... i got a volunteer packet from there... i cant wait to start... so at least when im not working and "skipping" church i can be "serving the lord". lol. i really shouldnt have said it that way.. i actually am really excited about it.

i need to blow dry my hair... but i dont want to.. because im lazy... HOLY HELL.. i need to put my uniform in the dryer!!! *runs away...

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 7 July :: 12.12 am

why am i not sleeping.......

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 6 July :: 5.08 pm

i just got off the phone with becky....

i miss her!!!! *cries.

today i guess they went to times square and the mtv store, and they went and toured the SNL studio and they went to the virgin record store.... grrr.. i just want her here.. but im so happy because she's finally in "her place".... because we all know about the whole "becky-new york" thing!

(example.... go to her journal)

in other news.... WHY must he bother me so much. GAHHHH. stupid stupid stupid guys and their stupidness.

why do you suddenly party all the time when you always told me that you had all these morals. were they all lies? was i holding you back from your "true self"? because honestly.. i dont understand how morals can just "change". i guess its a good thing we broke up... if i was just keeping you from drinking and partying... thats what you really want isnt it... well now you've got it. im not gonna lie and say im not concerned... but fine, have fun screwing your life up. turn out like your sister... remember how much you "admired" her lifestyle? you didnt.. but HEY.. its just highschool right? HEY... church can wait... besides last night there was this kick ass party.. and im just to tired.. HEY my grades dont have to be good, just half ass so that i can pass.... HEY i'll just go on being a loser the rest of my life because thats all thats expected of me.

sorry.. i had to vent.... it just makes me sick. while im working my ass off, there are people out there who dont have to work for money, party all the time, completely waste their lives, and dont even appreciate what they do have.

anyways.....

i have a meeting tonight at work... something about "recent conflicts" that everyone has to know about or something.. i dont know. and then tomorrow is gonna be another work all day type of day. 11-4 at arbys, 4:30-10 at cindys. woooo.... my life is so fun. but wait... tonight i might make bannana bread... i mean comon... now THATS fun. ooooh yeah.. and i MIGHT even take a bath... i dont know.. relax? im not sure if i have time for that.. i mean comon... i could be scrubbing floors or something.

BLEH.. its so hot out.... and i havent gotten out of uniform yet because im to lazy. lazy or tired.. one of the 2.

im gonna go miss becky some more.. and to top that off im gonna think about how angry it makes me that i even think about him still.. and after that i'm gonna fume and wonder why he doesnt care enough to call and figure out what we're even fighting about, because i dont even remember.... then maybee i'll think about all my church friends who dont care anymore, and wonder what they have thats so important that they cant even be civil to me... then maybe i'll do some laundry... wait.. no.... meeting at work..... ok scratch all that... i'll just be generally depressed.......

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 6 July :: 10.08 am

i couldnt sleep last night... i hate having no control over that.

i have to work from 11-4. *woooooo

yesterday i came up with this sad realization that a part of me misses him... and im thinking.. what the fuck is wrong with you.. why would you think that? but maybee its just because im lonely... and he never let me feel that way. but im crazy.. and thats a crazy thought.. and im just praying that i forget all about it....... not to mention.. the person he's become.. isnt the person that i knew him as.... you cant miss a person you never knew right?

damn me having to work..... gahhhh.
well off i go i guess.....

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 5 July :: 6.20 pm

i was supposed to work today.. but am i working. noooooo... im a moron and thought that i had bootcamp.. so i told cindy that i couldnt work, because im sick to death of pissing all these random people at church off because i dont go to anything anymore... well it turns out i didnt have boot camp, i didnt work, it got all messed up.. this girl at work was an ass on the phone, and now im sitting here bored as hell with nothing to do.

i wanna spend the night somewhere.. but i dont know where, anywhere..... *SCREAMS... get me out of here!

i have so much that i wanna update about... but i just dont have the energy.............

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 5 July :: 1.40 pm

last night after i got out of work.. which wasnt bad at all... i voluntarily stayed till nine, it was nice talking to justin, and before jess left we were all having so much fun... i EVEN learned the fry station.. and shake machine... oooh yeah.............. but anyways.. on with my night...

when i got home brandi was already ready to go.. so i figure.. ok i guess we're gonna go.. lol. and i got all dressed and stuff... cuz ya know.. nakedness just doesnt suit me.. and so i take my hair out of my pony tail.. and i was running my fingers through it. and there was some sticky in it.. and im like what the heck is that.... so i pulled my hair around and smelled it and it was jamocia shake! im like.. what the heck! how it got there.. i have no idea..... but we just thought it was funny.. and i didnt have time to take a shower, so i just ran that part of my hair under the sink.. yanked a brush thorugh the mess on my head, straightend it (thank the good lord who ever invented the straightner... fuck whoever came up with spelling....) and i think i camoflauged my self pretty darn good considering i had only a half an hour...... giggles*

so then we get there around 10:30 and the first people we see are collin and logan, and there just fun, then we find jenna and jessie, and hung out with them all night, and that was fun, because they're so much fun! and yeah... i think "someone" just hates me, didnt even look at me... but seriously..... i didnt mean to walk right past you and ignore you... brandi said "theres ______ (your name here)" but i thought she said "theres dawn" and i cant stand dawn so i was like, "well lets just pretend we dont see" but i guess.. from what she said, i said that right when i walked by you, which i didnt know.. because when i finally found out it was you, it was 15 minutes later, and its only because brandi brought it up again.. which made me feel awfull, really it did. i wouldnt have purposly ignored you.. esp when im not even that mad anymore....... just dissapointed, so when we went over to jenna and jessie you didnt even acknoledge me.. and i wasnt about to be like.. HEYYYYY.

anyways.. enough with that... the fireworks were ok, not the greatest.. the four of us rode the spinny bears for free... and played a "fun" guessing game of how old the carnie was..... lol.

i got hit on by a couple of old men.. and then these scary druggy teenagers asked brandi and i as we walked past if we wanted to _____ (alien noise here.. seriously, i dont know what he was doing.. lol) and i was like, not really!

that was our night.. OH.. ALMOST our night.

we get back to the car.. and we made jenna and jessie walk with us because it was dark and scary.. and so we get there and this guy was like, theres something on your windshield.. IT WAS A PARKING VIOLATION! is it illegal to park on a curb..!!! lol.. cuz if it is.. we werent clued in on this.. and were werent even fully on the curb.. plus... how stupid.. theres no parking anywheres.. and the stupid sandlake police have nothing better to do then put violations during the FOURTH of july.. it just made me outraged! ask jenna, jessie, or brandi.. i was about to do something... something... *thinks... i dont know.. but something! lol.

so ok, THAT was our night.....

i have boot camp tnight, if id ont have to end up working at cindys.. which i might cuz its really nice out... and then church people will be all evil to me, because they tend to think they're better then everyone else... seriously.. some church goers just sicken me... they think they own the church... i GO dont i? when i can.. i have to work, ihave no control over my schedual... thats not anyones problem other then my own.. gahh.. sometimes i just want to scream at them.........!!

ok.. brandis getting on.. im taking a shower, and then i dont know.. but it'll be boring.. because theres nothing to do.. and this entry sucked.

alsdfkjasdl;kfjlasdk;vjiodfj;dklcvjasdlkfj

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 4 July :: 10.08 am

im so sad for you.. you dont realize how much you're screwing up your entire life do you?

i never knew you were like that...

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 4 July :: 12.59 am

mreh.....

i worked at cindys tonight... CURSE all you people who go to ice cream shops, order, wait in long lines, and then get angry with the girls inside.

ITS HARD WORK! tonight we had like a zillion orders and there was only 3 of us, and this crazy man ordered a hot fudge sunday... but he wanted it made with strawberry flaverburst ice cream, and he wanted not just hot fudge, but strawberrys on it too, and whip cream and cherry, but no nuts.... that is JUST the sunday from hell... ORDER NORMAL! gahhhhh... so our flavorburst is all soft and when i put more in the cup for the top it got all tipsy and leaned all over onto the side of the sunday dish... which made it impossible to not make a mess putting more hot fudge and strawberrys on.... so after all this rotten stupid work i brought it to the guy who had been watching me by sticking his fat ugly head through the window and telling me "his ice cream was gonna melt" he looked at it as i told him our flavorburst is soft and im sorry that it was tipsy... and then he has the nerve to say "well i would have thought you would have done it differently, but sure ok"..... SCREW you ugly ice cream man! *growls obscenities.......

and this girl that i work with is all like... ooohh, im pretty, look at me swish my blonde pony tail and whispy bangs...... and then she makes me feel like a moron constantly.. because i dont know.. she just does... and *cries...* tonight sucked. i made a sandwhich there and i DIDNT even get to finish it. we were to busy doing our *jobs*. it was just sad.. and i just thought that i would vent.

and at arbys yesterday while this old impatient woman with a crazy hand was watching me make a marketfresh, i cut it in half, pulled the knife out of the sandwhich, and in turn.. pulled the sandwhich with it.. right onto the floor..... STUPID people and their going to arbys.. we were all busy there yesterday too. there ARE other places to get greasy food in cedar you know... ok so its not greasy... but gahhhh...

and gahhhh.. i forgot to wash my arbys uniform which i need for tomorrow, which i dont have time to wash tomorrow because im gonna be working at cindys, which means i must go downstairs, retrieve it, walk ALL the way back upstairs, and remember to dry it tomorrow. *whines...... I DONT WANT TO WORK EVER........

and my hotmail wont work, because this computer sucks....

and you irritate me with your antics that i dont understand and your grey, black and whitish that i dont understand... and your "I HATE YOU" attitude that you give me spiratically... but you dont, but WHY must you do that thing that you do that i dont even know what you're doing how you do it when you're doing it..... GAHHHHH.

tomorrows the 4th.. everyone seems excited, i dont really care. fireworks, YAY. how fun and exciting... last year becky and i watched them in disney world, now this year i am at a lack of beckyness.. and a lack of "the happiest place on earth" and a lack of all other random words that i could place in this sentence, and all i see tomorrow as is another day of work, another day of stress, another day of lackage of sleepage, and still im stuck on the whole... WHAT THE FUCK... why are you smoking pot you fucking moron... you make me so ANGRY, you and your smoking of the pot.......

what am i talking about.. i just dont know. i need sleep....

AND I CANT WATCH ANY SOAPS.. and this greatly affects me.. because i work during the day, and we DONT get soapnet.. what crazy tv is this.. that doesnt get soap net.... i need my GH to live.. i mean.. i am just ALL lost on the whole sam thing.. and sonny and carly.. whats going on.. i just dont know....

oooohhh friends is on.. thats fun.

poor phoebe.. she just lost her "sexy flem" and most likely none of you know what im talking about.. only loyal friends fans will reckognize that episode... or maybe not.. i dooonnnnt knoooowww.

i cant go to church tomorrow because... i get tired of talking about it, so im just not.. and assume you know what dreadfull place im going to.......... and my missions trip is in like... soon. and random church goers make me angry because they get angry with me missing it, and im just DOING the best i can with this awful schedual that i have........ *prays....

see.. i can still do it.

amen.. see there... i remember.

im not all awful yet.... i ________ (place rest of sentence there.. im just to tired to think up something witty)

and why havent you called me... i guess theres my answer......... i guess i was right.

and WHO called me twice today on my cell phone.. because it didnt ring up a number.. and im pretty sure you hung up on me, and that irritates me. blehhh.

i dont wanna wash my face.. that involves effort. eeewwww im lazy...

LSKDJL:kfjaldksfjasldfjk uniform.. damn it. i dont want to.. come over here and do my laundry.

STACY AND LISA... you need to materialate yourselves (i dont know what that means either) because i miss you... and i miss us being stupid like i so plainly am still capable of doing... i love you guys..... *tears up.

why do i use these stupid stars (*) so stupid much. *laughs *cries *tears up *hugs......... MREH... look at me, im a loser who expresses actions online.... i dont care.. its fun.... errmm yes.

try saying mreh.. it sounds funny.. comon say it.. MR-EH..... *says it.

beckys sleeping, and then shes going.. and that makes me sad. I LURVE you becky lee.

ok, enough of that.

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 3 July :: 12.14 am

tonight was a good night. after i got out of work i came home and quickly got "freshend" up.. which.. how are you supposed to clean up quickly after working 8 hours in a fast food resturant.. THANK YOU. anyways.. so then we got there around 9, and we're walking around.. knowing NOBODY.... and then we come around the corner and see like, cedar alley... lol. ok that was gay.. but really.. it was just everyone form cedar. we saw jenna, and jess, and dan, and courtney, and other people.. but i think those are the only ones who matter... lol.

I LOVE YOU JESS
I LOVE YOU JENNA
i dont know you courtney... but what the heck.. I LOVE YOU TOO!
I LOVE YOU BRANDI!
and dan... SURE, I LOVE YOU TOO!

i just love... mmm hmmm. man im tired.. and stupid... and ya know.. i never have to get drunk... i can just wait until 2 in the morning.. or in this case 12:10 (wow, im such and old woman. its like... is it 9 ALREADY! *giggles)

so tonight was so much fun.. i got asked for my number... and that was kind of neat... its like... oh yeah, i've still got it. well ok, maybee it doesnt quite count since this person always asks me for my number and i've dated him 3 times.. BUT STILL!

i have to work at cindys tomorrow.. im gonna be so worn out... now i have my schedual up till July 11th.. and i work so far.. every day up until then.. and thats only cuz thats the farthest i have my scheduals till. its to much! lots of days i work double shifts.. one at cindys, one at arbys.. and today i just had a LONG shift at arbys....

not to mention noone visits me at either place... come to cindys and buy ice cream! i can see you.. and be like.. awww.. you love me... and why deny me of such a special moment?

i think im gonna go... mac n cheese... *rubs belly.

lol.. belly.... ahhhh, too fun.

beckys leaving me... what am i gonna do....

im already suffering from withdrawl.... *naws off hand.

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 1 July :: 8.24 pm

i just got home, and my mom isnt here.. and that really irritates me for some reason.. yet im not sure why......

today at work i got the whole "great job erika, you're doing great" thing about a thousand times, and i wont lie... it felt gooooooooood.

tomorrow i work at arbys for 7 and 1/2 hours... thats a long day. and saturday i work at cindys 11-4:30 and at arbys 5-8:30....... im so exhausted all the time.... but hopefully i'll get payed, and then i'll get a car.. well. i WILL get payed.. *laughs. awwwwhmmm i amuse myself when im tired.

i spent the night at beckabooboppers last night, and we stayed up late watching will and grace.. until my twitchings overcame me, and then there was that whole.... "im gonna go to sleep" and my bodys all like... "im gonna violently shake you awake" and then there was the whole... whoooaaaa did you feel that? so that was fun...

and then today, OH today... what a today it was too.... we just got so much accomplished.. im proud. really i am. *tears up.

our schmorgesboard is gonna be SO groovular.. yes, i said groovular.... yeaaah, yeeaaaaah... what, what.

*becky... come save me from my own moronicness.......

is that a word? *ponders.

no, i dont think it is.

EALKdjf;alsdkjfl;asdkjf... i need to shower.
and eat bannanas with johnny depps penis... hmmmmm.

*giggles.

*becky* "hello mr. weckerly........ "

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 29 June :: 10.11 am

CORRECTION TO MY LAST UPDATE
ok, in my last update, i said the only good part about that day was watching GH.. BUT.. i stand sadly mistaken.....

the BEST part of my day was seeing my dear dear best friend Rouxi after a week went by.. WITHOUT US SEEING EACHOTHER!

*gasp.. is that even possible?

i think it is.. because it happend.... but damn it.... why.. whyyyyy must we do this to our selves..... *bangs head against wall.

so in regards to my last entry... Becky dear.. you were right, and you WERE the best part of my day.

*cries
*hugs you

*FYI- my hotmail and msn dont work on this computer for some odd reason.. so i cant get on anything except AOL... if you have AOL and care to chat with me, my screen name is soul confinement. (im not just avoiding you all... although, not a bad idea.... te he he.. JK.)

CORRECTION TO BECKABOOS LAST UPDATE: IN HER LAST UPDATE SHE STATED THAT I LOVE JOHNNY ALMOST AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. NOW DEAR, YOU ARE MISTAKEN.... sadly MISTAKEN. WE LOVE HIM EQUAL, AND SOME DAY, WE WILL HAVE HIS BABYS (at the same time.... *giggles)

1 ..chose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 28 June :: 4.22 pm

now you know that you cant walk all over me like other people let you... if you like me, then you treat me exactly how I want you to.. and if you dare lie to me, or tell me that im the one whos misunderstood again... then fuck you. you're the one who cant keep your lies straight to everyone... and leave MY friends alone... just because you dwell on "getting people going" doesnt mean they want any part of it.

im tired.
im in a bad mood.
i JUST got home from arbys.
now i have to go to cindys.

*cries.
the only good part about today was watching GH inbetween jobs... what would i do without my soaps.... *doesnt know.

"friends let you use their phone, BEST friends let you wear their underwear."

lol.. i thought it was funny.

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 27 June :: 7.01 pm
:: Music: dashboard

i havent gotten a chance to update at all.. and i have SOO much to update about. so if you dont want a minute by minute account of my life, dont read this entry.

ok. so the yearbook thing. more fun then i've had in such a long time! it was so great. we all had to meet at the school at like 5:45 thursday morning... and then we went to yipsilanti which is about 2 1/2 hours away. it was me, jenna, anthony, chad, and mr. stark. i dont think we could have had a funner group of people.. considering we were the school with the least ammount of people. anyways, so we get there (to the hotel where the convention is being held) and its so nice. it has conference rooms everywhere... its just awesome. and we have this big intro meeting in the main room, this room had like 4 HUGE chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. and they gave us free breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and GUESS who's parents and sister headed up the ENTIRE convention? BACHELOR BOB!!! from the ABC show... the bachelor. lol.. obviously. and maybe you dont know.. but im obsessed with EVERY season.. and bob was my favorite. i loved him when he was on Tristas bachelorett, and then when he was on his own. so that was exciting. we went to two classes that his dad was teaching! and friday morning his mom came up to me and jenna to say good morning, and she looked at me and was like... " you have the prettiest smile, you're just always smiling." and i was all like... *gasp... that was bobs mom! lol. but anyways.. thursday night bob put on a free concert... and we knew about that from earlier that day, which put us in a frenzy alone, but i didnt have a camera. so we went out to the van and mr. stark was gonna bring us to find one, but the battery was dead... so me and jenna walked down to the entrance of the hotel, across the highway and down this huge hill.. which is exactly where this guy told us to go. when we got down the hill there was like nothing around but car dealerships.. and occasional scary cars who couldnt do anything but stare at us.. and to make matters worse... it started raining. lol. AND there wasnt even a gas station down there, and HE said there was supposed to be two. so we went back to the hotel and got all ready for THE BIG CONCERT..... *giggles. when we finally got in the tent we could see him, and it was sooo cool! and i was thinking wouldnt it be cool if Rebecca was here... because Rebecca Budig is "Greenli" on All My Children.. and i LOVE All My Children.. i've been watching for years.. and Greenli has always been one of my FAVORITE charactors.. well Rebecca and Bon are engaged.... (i already knew that... pshh.. i keep up on my soap stars and bachelors.. lol) so THEN i see this girl run up to him and he hugs her.. and im like.. could it be.... and then she turns around....... and omg... i freaked out.. i was like.. *makes huge gasping noise* it was soooooo cool. it was her!!!!! *screams. so i get out my phone and call my mom because she loves her too.. and i was like.. "you will NEVER guess who's here!" she was already jealous because i was seeing bob, but when she found out about greenli... ohhhhhhh. and then im talking to my mom for awhile and i look over and she's standing like, RIGHT next to me. i could have fainted. she was SELLING T-shirts for bob! this huge star and she's selling concert shirts for her fiance! so i went over to her and asked her to sign something for me, and she did, asked me if i watched the show.. i said yes... and then jenna took a picture of us with her camera.. but her camera had no flash.. so odds are it wouldnt turn out. at least we tried.... then we watched the concert.. which was awesome.. and hes so funny.... he was hilarious on the show but i wasnt sure if he would be in person.. but HE WAS. after the show he stayed after to sign autographs and take pictures.. and there was 200 people max there, so you can imagine how close to the stage we were. so we were in line waiting to meet him and Rebecca was still over there selling T-shirts and i was almost more excited about her, because i get ALL wrapped up in soap operas and such... and on top of THAT we were meeting BACHELOR BOB! *giggles again..... me and jenna were bouncing off the walls.. it was so funny. we're such nerds! and anyways, this lady behind us was started talking to us and i just kept teling jenna i just wanted to go over and talk to greenli.. i was like.. i just want to talk to her! and the lady behind us asked if we wanted her to take our picture with her, and i was like.... "our camera doesnt have flash, so i doubt it'll turn out, plus we already tried!" and she was like... "no i mean i'll take a picture with MY camera and then i'll email it to you." i was just like... are you serious! it was soooo cool! so she took my picture with Rebecca and after she took my picture and stayed and talked to her for like FIVE minutes! *dies. dies again. breaks out in tears.* im not exagerating either.. we had an ACTUAL conversation! and she's so nice! we talked all about the show, and i told her that when Leo died i cried for her because she was sad, and she was like, aww you're so sweet. and then she told me that she cried that whole last day she got to work with him because she was so sad. and she told me about how she had become really good friends with _______ the actress who played anna devain.... and i dont know... we just talked about stuff like that. and just normal stuff.. it was so exciting! so after that we got back in line and we finally got up to bob HE DID THE LAUGH.. if you know bob from the bachelor, you KNOW what laugh im talking about. its so funny. so we got his autograph and the lady behind us took all kinds of candid pictures and then a regular picture... i told him that i watched both seasons of the bachelor and that i loved all my children.. lol. and that was about it... he was so nice too! after we left the tent the concert was in.. we were still so _____ (place adjective for excited here) that there was no way were gonna go back to our room.. it was about 10:00.. we found anthony and chad, but they had found themselves some desperate whores, so we decided to go swimming instead... and that was fun. and after that we wandered the hotel because we were bored and we wanted mini-muffins, but failed to find any.... PLUS.... we knew where bob and rebeccas room was, someone told us, it was on the 6th floor with huge double doors, so we walked by there quite a few times. lol... when we finally went back to our room our roomates had been there for awhile, so we talked to them, they were really nice... LOL.. TALK about first impressions! *winks at jenna* *laughs. we rented Starsky and Hutch off the tv because we could rent movies for free... but we fell asleep before it was done... i made it just after the "dragon" part. lol. the next day we had breakfast and stuff.. and more classes. which were really neat.. we learned SO much, and we're so excited about yearbook next year.. me and jenna are the editors, and we plan to make out book the best it can possibly be. we have so many awesome ideas! FYI: our cover kicks ass. So it was a good day, no bob, but it was good. regardless we were still surrounded by his family, and they're all so nice and fun to be around. we talked to his mom, dad, and sister quite a few times too. and BECAUSE we're such nerds, we went to the hotel gift shop and bought thank you cards and filled them out for Bob and Rebecca and Bob and Nora (they're bobs parents) and after noras last class we went in there and gave her the cards and she read hers and hugged us both like twice and told us she loved us and that she was gonna "just treasure these cards, just treasure them" we told her how much we appreciated all the work they put into the convention and how much fun we had. we talked to her for 5 to 10 minutes just the three of us.. it was really cool. shes such a sweet lady, the kind you just want to take home with you and call grandma... lol. we went to the last big meeting in "chandeliere" room and then we left. it was sad to leave.. we didnt want to... but all of us were so incredibly tired. that was that... and wow was it fun.... TWO of my favorite daytime stars.... and I MET them! Talk about an awesome experience.... learned a load about yearbook, met so many amazing people.... and "bonded" with jenna.. i love her. shes so fun! Lol... and now we know what nerds we both are! we were both nervous to go, because we didnt know eachother, but not once was it weird.. it was soooo cooooool!!!! *screams for the millionth time.

when we FINALLY got back to school at around 5:30 my mom picked me up and we went straight to VBS, it was the last night. i didnt even have to go.. but i did, because i wanted to. me and alyssa were in charge of the K- 1st graders..... which is hard work.. and this evil lady yelled at us.. it really ticked me off. she hadnt been there any other night for VBS and then she has the balls to yell at me and alyssa for "not helping Jill and the kids play simon says" for crying out loud.. SIMON SAYS.. how hard is that. not to mention we had been the ones in charge of it the last 4 nights of vbs.. we just had them play that in the extra 5 minutes of snack time.... so we're sitting on the ground talking.. and this god awful woman comes over and says "you girls need to get up and participate with those kids, in alaska you're not going to have a jill to do everything for you" i looked at her like, are you fricking kidding me? so we just stand behind them all and finally alyssa says to me.. what are we supposed to do.. i mean comon.. they're JUST playing simon says! we were so mad... and then this bratty little boy was like... "i dont know how to play simon says..." after they had been playing for like 5 minutes and that same stupid woman was like... "why dont you ask erika and alyssa to help you" and then she pushes us towards them and says... "there.. now you have something to do" and she's saying all this in the cockiest, meanest tone....... i looked at her and was like.. "we've been doing this for the last four days" and she gave me THE LOOK for like 5 seconds and then was like "this is your training for alaska.. alot of people have put in alot of effort to even make it possible for you to go, you better act like you appreciate it." i COULD NOT believe she said that to me.. i was soooooo furious.. you cant even imagine. WHOS put in all the effort? i've raised all my money, i've been at almost ALL the trainings and meetings and work projects...... and some cocky bitch thinks she has the right to say something like that.... talk about wanting to hit somebody. i dont care who it is, including an adult from our church, i dont just pretend its ok when someones rude to me, and i definately got my opinion of her across....... then i was afraid to tell my mom because i thought she'd be mad at me for talking back to that lady, and my mom was furious.. like how dare here talk to me like that. i think it was a mix of things. i had JUST gotten back from being away for 2 days, i was exhausted, i didnt even have a chance to go home... and not to mention all MY effort i've put into this trip.... *gahhhhhhhhh* sorry, i just had to update about that... it seriously made me me so mad that i started crying.. yeah.. i know... pathetic, but i think it was just everything ontop of everything else. my life is crazy as it is.. and not to mention i was so tired and exhausted.............. *forgets about it. im gonna talk to jeff and carrie.. im so frustrated with so many things having to do with people at church. theres at least 7 people who just tick me off. and that woman... shes just the kind that scares nice people away because fat woman like that think they own the church, and you're just AWFUL if you dont do as much as they do... well SORRY.. some people have lives other then church....... not that its a bad thing... but still.... i do my best. and im sick and TIRED of people not acknoledging that. i know im gonna hear about it because i didnt go to church this morning.. i HAD TO WORK..... and i dont have to expaine that to everyone... ALKSDFj'asdfklaj;sk......

anyways.. i know this entry was long.. but this IS my journal.. and MY account of things that have happend.. i want to know and remember things that happend to me.. its my journal, not yours... some people cant grasp that..... so im sorry if you read the WHOLE thing and now want to complaine about it... did someone make you read it? mm hmmmmm.......

i got the swiss army romance cd (dashboard) its really good, and im yet to get the secret window..... but my first priority is a car. i've figured it out.. and SO FAR this summer, after next summer.. i will have made 498 dollars.. which is alot.. so that makes me happy. or maybe it was 398.. either way.. it makes me happy... take that lazy teenagers.. im working two jobs, and being all churchy and stuff.... dont complaine to ME about being overworked... yesterday i worked from 11-9...... my feet ache.. my sides for some reason ached.. i just ache. all. over.

but thats about all i have energy to type right now.. and my moms having a hernia because i wont get off...... so i suppose i will.

Ok, so top my last few days... Bachelor Bob, Greenli, stressed to tears, bratty kindergardeners, working all day multiple times, and new dashboard... mwah ha ha.. how DO i do it.

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 23 June :: 4.30 pm

hmmm... well thats one way to look at it.

i guess i'm just not worth it right? its easy to deny me isnt it?

i should just let you walk over me shouldnt i? because thats what you're used to... is it not?

you'll regret crossing me like this....

4 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 23 June :: 2.15 pm

i think im finally starting to understand.....

they were right about you werent they?

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 22 June :: 8.40 pm

vbs went good tonight. a little girl gave me the friendship bracelet that they all made. it was sweet. me and alyssa are in charge of kindergarden through 1st grade.... its amazing how cute some of them are.... but sometimes i just want to inform them that i only have 2 hands, therefore they cant ALL hold them at the same time. lol.

i didnt sing tonight... mwah ha ha ha... hows THAT for thinking for myself.

saturday im supposed to have missions trip training from 1 till 9.... but i have to work from 11-10.... i hope jeffs not to mad... im gonna completely miss it.

this summer is all work for me. *tear.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 21 June :: 12.46 pm

todays brandi's birthday.. and she's not even here for me to maul her and tell her happy birthday.... *sudden sadness over comes me.

ah well... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

5 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 19 June :: 8.19 am

last night was stacys bon fire.. that went good, except for random morons and their stupid randomness... wait.

no. ok fine. stacy, im leaving, because the music SUCKS! and that just TOTALLY makes or breaks a party... well, no, i should rephrase, it didnt suck. i would just rather stab a fork in my eye and feed it to my dog. *smiles.

some people arent even worth a giggle. *shakes head.

theres nothing i love more then going to sleep at 3, and waking up at 7. just gives me some sort of high.... riiight.

im gonna be so busy the next week.

next week is VBS at church, and i have to help out at that, its a sort of training for the missions trip.

the 24th and 25th i have a yearbook thing to go to.. its overnight, where... i forget.

i guess it doesnt sound like much, but it is damn it.

i would LOVE it if i could start working at arbys.... its like... "you're hired" (80 years later)... "your first day is this next friday."

that'd suck to be that old..... *shudders.

i have to be to work in a WHOLE 3 hours... i just dont know if i have time to get ready. hmm...

its nice working at cindys cuz we dont have to wear anykind of uniform, and we can eat food all day... like ice cream.... *licks lips. at arbys we get 50%.. that just sucks. seems how becky works at mcdonalds and gets a free lunch. tisk tisk....

its cold... really really cold.

i have no life.

MISHY was at stacys party... i couldnt have been happier. *tears.. i love her sooo much.

i was gonna end my entry with the whole... i have no life, but then i found the dire need to express my love for mishy, and then i found the need to explain why i didnt end it how intentionally i was going to end it, so now i've decided to leave you in an udder sence of confusion.. thinking im a moron.

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 18 June :: 4.14 pm

it is HOT.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 18 June :: 1.34 am

It's Saras birthday!!! woot woot!

*hugs her.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 17 June :: 4.13 pm

on a side note.....

ajsdlk;fjasd;gkljadflkjafsdgklajsdfgklja;sdflgjka;l

*screams.. GAHHH

fuck you.

2 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 17 June :: 4.05 pm

tomorrow's my friend sara's birthday, so im going over there tonight. i miss that girl.

im sad though, me n jess were gonna hang out.... *tear.

i desperatly want the outkast cd... thats sad right? but i like them..... mm hmm. *nods head.

SHOOOOOOOOOOOOT. im suposed to call becky back, sorry... she takes priority...

*runs to phone.

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

:: 2004 15 June :: 12.21 pm

i have to go to the school and have the fill out my work permit.... *cries. i dont want to.

that requires taking a shower, which requires drying my hair, which I HATE DOING.

i really need to get back into shape, it depresses me how flubby i am. *cries again.

becky got me the usher cd for my birthday *loves her. im gonna pimp all the way to town while my booty goes smack.

*giggles.

3 ..chose the best times | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..