To find someone you love, you gotta be someone you love.

To find someone you love, you gotta be someone you love.

:: 2004 27 June :: 9.08 pm

Damn! I saw the best movie tonihgt. The Notebook rocked my world...best love, best heartbreak, best sex scene...oh my god, i am just completely overwhelmed! went to Red lobster too...ryans not home though so that sux...oh yeah lots of tip this weekend too, and anne straightened my hair...i wish i had a cuddle buddy right now...oh yeah and i am gonna try to come to Kali during 4th of july week...woowoo!

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 23 June :: 6.34 pm

Which Rock Chick Are You?

So evwrything has been going so great lately. i have been hanging out with ryan a lot and dan is not being as much of a bastard lately either. i think i might have a little crush on chip though...just a little...i think it is because he makes me laugh so much...oh well it would never happen, so i think i will just keep my mind on reality...i am having a good summer but i miss you guys and i am looking forward to the fall...heart you...

Tell Me...

:: 2004 19 June :: 12.31 pm
:: Music: Modest Mouse- Float On

Summer update
Wow, one week down 7 to go...I miss max, but camp is getting better. I had a sucky cabin and i am still adjusting, but there were some great campers too and i am getting closer to ryan again...i was a fool to think it would happen so quickly...it will just take time...a lot of time. Anyway, I hung out at ryan's on monday night for like 5 hours, then on Tuesday I went to robert's for the game, on wednesday I fell asleep in my dinner and slept through the night, and then thursday was the overnight ( an 11 year old in my cabin peed the bed...damn the man) and last night i went to a mary Kay party and relay for life and this morning i work as i will also do tomarrow morning...then it starts all over again on monday. Working 7 days a week is rough, but it also helps keep my mind off missing all of you and Max. It is so weird, but it feels like college was just a dream and being bck here with all the bullshit just makes me want to go back, but the summer will be over soon enough and i will have moolah to show for it...wooWOO...alright i have to go do laundry now...i miss you all and i hope your summer is going well...once again sorry about not reading your entries, but let me know if any of you want to go see hanson in concert...;D

Tell Me...

:: 2004 14 June :: 8.10 pm

Goddamn it! max called and when he got to maine and I missed it! I am pissed!

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2004 13 June :: 1.05 pm

mmbobert...
i feel like a pooper cuz i never read everyone else's journals, I only can get on long enough to write and check my mail, so if anything really important happens, e-mail me. AAKellogg@hotmail.com

Alright on Friday i tried to get together with ryan but we had a limited time frame and all we ended up doing was playing video games...I really wanted to be ale to talk to him, but he kind of cuts himself off from me...ysterday i tried again and he didnt really even want to try to get together, soooo...

On the up side, On friday Anne Lacey Mandi Robert and I loitered in the park, then went out on Boberts boat to watch the sun set, then Bobert and i went back to his house while everyone got thier cars and we had some quality time talkin, and it turned out to be exactly what i needed, it totally got my mind off all of the ryan and katie and max crap...then when eneryone got there we all sat on the couch and watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and i fell asleep on Bobert's shoulder...which felt good, but not in the romantic way, it made me feel safe. I like hangin out with him and i dont feel like i have to try so hard. he is easy to talk to and we can tease eachother or Anne and there is no pressure to be something i am not.

I miss max and ryan but I have to realize 2 things...1.) Max will be back, and 2.) Ryan won't.

shout out to my girls and to bobert...thanks for getting me through last week...you did more than you know...

Tell Me...

:: 2004 11 June :: 12.49 am

I feel so lost right now...I just said goodbye to max and i cried all the way home, it just seems like nothing is working this summer. Katie is still not seeing the light, ryan is never going to be my friend again, and now best and truest friend i have is leaving for almost 8 weeks...i am trying to see the good and right now my vision is way clouded by fear and sadness...I IMed Ryan in hopes of talking and he is working on his last final which is due by 8am...so he cant talk or meet me in the middle...god damn it!Why am i crying? I am so frusterated with my life that i am crying and then i get mad at myself for crying and that makes me cry more...damn vicious cycle!

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 10 June :: 2.57 am

I saw my max tonight and we had alone time to talk and everything...I will miss him a lot this summer and he is going to be leaving sooner than i thought(Saturday) but it is ok, because i think that what we have is special, he is my best friend i think, and he trusts me more than most, so we will see what happens. I was even ok with him talkin about girls he likes and going to scope one out with him...we are meant to help eachother through hard times and broken hearts, not be the causes for the heartaches...and i am glad to have him in my life.

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 9 June :: 1.20 am

My summer officially starts tomarrow and i am really really scared. Max is leaving in a week and i have never not been able call him, and i know that camp is not going to be the same without him...I am just hoping that n the next week he is going to actually hang out with me,but i dont have a good feeling at all. Then there is ryan...I am dreading seening him, having him at camp with out max is one of the most terrible things i can imagine. I have seen him about 5 times since i have been home and when i walk into a room and everyong ays hi, he doesnt say anything and barely makes eyecontact...how am i going to do this? I am so scared and i really dont have anyone to talk to about it...Katie is goignt o visit her bf, anne is obsessed with a boy she met in cali, kenz is barely my friend and ryan is an offlimits subject, i obviosly cant talk to ryan, my mom is out of the question and i cant get a hold of max for the life of me...I know i should be happy cuz camp is like a second home to me, but i cant shake the feeling that this summer is gong to SUCK.

On the up side, i have been going through books like water lately. here is a condensed list:

Nicolas sparks:
A walk to remember
Nights in Rodanth
Message in a bottle
The wedding
The notebook

Meg cabot:
Princess diaries
Princess in waiting
All American Girl

Sarah Dessen:
Someone like You
That Summer
Keeping the moon

Under the tusca sun and some happy potter books in there somewhere too...it is insane, but i love it...

Sorry i am so upset tonight...i am going to try to have some good dreams now that i have vented a little...

night and i miss you and heart you

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 9 June :: 1.18 am

LOOK OUT!
��
Brutisimo is a radioactive squirrel!!

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 7 June :: 12.29 am

GGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Why does my mother have to make everything so complicated? I KNoW i have told her about my worries about Katie's health before and yet tonight when i started talking about how distressed I am, she acted like i was putting her out and i was inconsiderate for even bringing it up. She gets pissed when i dont tell her what is going on...but now she is also getting pissed when i do tell her. She is always telling me I have a bad attitude and that I shouldn't take things out on her, but when i try to not hold things in, and actually talk about what is bithering me she freaks out on me. I hate it here and i can't wait til camp starts. Her mood swings are killing me, yesterday she opened my door while i was on the phone just to tell me she was proud of me and she loves me, then when got off the phone i when to see what thw fuck that was all about and she was almost crying when she told me she was glad i was going to the bookstore to get a book when there were other things likedrugs of alcohol i could be spending my money on...she is driving me insane! one day she is crying because of how wonderful i am, and the next my concern for a friend annoys her...i cant figure it out and when i try i do something to set her off...arg, i cant win...she feels bad that i never want to be home, but she is what makes home so unbearable...and if she read this she would probably spiral into a terrible bout of depression and not come out of her room for a week...I have TOO much shit going on in my ife to worry about her crap, I need to get out of here.

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 4 June :: 2.29 am

WOOWOO Harry Potter! KAtie KEnz and I dressed up and then when we got there a reporter took our picture and interviewed us...we are going to be in the paper! WOOT...it was lots of fun and a real good movie...can't wait to get my HP fix...i will have to read the books yet again. I have to work in the morning so i guess i better get some sleep...HArry was worth sacrificing sleep though...he and ron are so cute...awww...oh yeah I heart KAtie Simcock for being a bigger dork than me...I wasnt sure it was possible, but it is.

Tell Me...

:: 2004 3 June :: 6.19 pm

Got up early to be to work by 6. it is a little bit of a shock after all the sleeping in i did this school year. I painted yesterday for hours too...oh yeah My aunt bought a cabin and i have my own key, so if you all could come up here sometime we could have a little shindig...it is on a lake and stuff...funfun

Tonight at 12:01 AM think of me. i will be dressed up in griffindor colors watchin Harry battle the Dementors. I heart Ron Weasley! I heart you all too...miss ya!

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 1 June :: 10.04 pm
:: Music: Watchin Dick Tracy

I LOVE CHRIS CARRABBA
wow, it HAS been a while since i entered anything. I have been workin like mad though. At leat one job a day usually more. Max cme home last weekend for a little bit, but i didnt get to see him very much, so next week when he is home he better make some more time, cuz i am planning on going out if my way to see him as much as possible. he is just my favoritest and i miss him like crazy.

I was thinking today that i hope there are some cute boys workin at camp this year. I want a little camp romance and i think that this is my year. I think that without max around as a sistraction i will be able to cruise around caddy with a more open mind.

Ryan is the bane of my existence. He is everywhere and nowhere.He makes me happy and miserable. He doesnt know what he does and he doesnt want to know. I try t be strong, but he is invading my life, and i want to finally have one of my own...damn it!

i am so tired all of the time

i have watched lots of movies lately.
new york minute
raising helen
day after tomarrow

Oh yeah, and i am in LOVE with Chris Carrabba. the concert rocked and i woo...sooo cute...

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 17 May :: 11.47 pm

I lost my brutisimo screenname on AIM, so if you want to be able to talk to me send me your SNs so i can rebuild my buddy list...my new name is brutalbrutis.

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2004 14 May :: 2.18 pm

I am leving in like 10 minutes...YAY!!! I can't wait to see you guys...woo!

1 Thought | Tell Me...

:: 2004 12 May :: 11.58 pm

I am sorry about not writing more and calling more, but there has been some major family shit going down. my mother is sooo mad as me and she will not lay off. I apparently go through money like water and made the wrong choie to live off campus and generally suck in everyway possible.I am TRYING and she just doesnt get it, and the worst part is that instead of just yelling and stuff, she crys and yells and makes me feel guilty and terrible. She makes me feel angry too, i have so much anger right now that i am actually CRYING...i HATE crying, but i have no other means of release, so here i am. ARG. I think I will just go to bed. I dont really want to talk, i just want to escape, so i am looking forward to going to d-town and cedar point...WOO...why does caddy have to blow so much?GRRR

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2004 8 May :: 8.35 pm

so here is the news...i realized this weekend why i hate cadillac. all of my "friends" here treat me like shit and make me feel like it too. I miss being able to hang out with people who arent just settleing when they hang out with me, but instead like me and want me around...damn it...i thought this weekend was going to be a break though for ryan and i, but instead it makes me even more worried about the impending summer situation...why do i do this to myself?

2 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2004 6 May :: 11.30 pm

The last couple days have shot my ability to write coherently all to hell, so here is a bunch of babble...if you can sort it out congradulations...

we to see bi-a and it was all weird and his mom was all soooo and i was all ahhhhh, and then i went to see my boys and i went to pussy's apt and then we went to s&w and we played the worst game of settlers ever and then the 2 mikes and i went to JJ and fooded then pussy went home and the 4 of us played risk...i am glad i never played with them before it was too grrr for words then on wed i saw my max and we went to the KIA and to martinis and a bunch of other coolplaces...i miss him so much and i dont know what i am going to do w/o him this summer...anywho, then i came home and got kicked offline 2X and i talked toRy on the phone, saw mean girls today with tarin..foun out if i go w/ her my mo will pay...have keep that in mind in the futeure...so tired, not really sure why, but i am soooooooo excited for cedar point...now that Jason said he is probably going mike wont have to watch us brave girls go on the rides alone...he wll have company on the ground...a big wooWOO to my girls...i miss ya and i will see ya soon...

PS i miss you all like crazy

3 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2004 1 May :: 12.23 pm

Here are some updates on my life:

Room: My crap doesnt fit, so i will sell some of it

aminals: my pets are annoying the crap out of me

family: ditto

friends: better than expected, hung out with anne and lacey last night...woot

boys: brad is soooo cute...more on that later

music: listened to 80s music w/ anne all night...got the dashboard tix in the mail today...WOOT!!!

movies: I am slightly obsessed with the family channel movie that Britney spears produced...the guy in it is sooooo cute...actually i have been watchin a lot of chick flix in general...woot for cute boys

1st fox: miss hardcore

alright...some elaborations:

Brad: Ryan's brother, 17 (almost), lifeguard, when i was in 10th grade my mom told me i was meant to be a Davis. she thought i was in love with ryan, and when i finally convinced her i wasnt, she said i should date his older brother mike. when mike went back to college she startted talkin about brad, and i must say that after i saw him last week it isnt too bad of a choice. SO CUTE!

Cick Flicks:Brave New Girl... I love the Family channel movies! they are so cute and they always have happy endings, this new one is about a girl from texas who gets accepted to a formal music convervatory in philly, so at the end her friends help her do this really awesome show and the cute boy composes music for her and awww...How to Deal...I like Mandy Moore a lot, and that movie just hits home so much for me...besides Trent Ford is cute too...

Boys: Wow a lot of this entry has been about boys, but to tell you the truth, I have been thinking a lot about them, so it just reflects my actual thoughts...

LAst Night: Went to TC and stayed at Laceys...she has lost soo many lbs...she looks great though, not sickly like kasue...i was looking at pic os the girls in cali and it is sooo scary how skinny kaite is...i hope that she gets better this summer...

this is a buch of babble, but that is ok cuz it is my damn journal and i will write what i want!

3 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2004 28 April :: 12.26 am

Part One:

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
somewhere warm

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
my YMCA polo

3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Torso

4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
hmmm...Dirty Dancing 2 soundtrack

5. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Out on the water in a kayak at dusk

6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
in the middle of a fight

7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
not big on massage

8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
mind...but ideally both

9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
9-10

10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
coffeemaker

11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
condesension

12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
guitar

13. FAVORITE COLOR?
green

14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUVs?
Sports cars

15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
yes

16. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Mike Mulligan and his steam shovel

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Fall

18. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
i pretty much dislike cleaning in general

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Telekinesis

20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Star flower

21. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
not anymore

22. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
My dad

23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Friday

24. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
what isn't

25. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
depends on the day

Part Two: (why is this broken up into parts?)

1. What do you look like?
next

2. What song best describes your life?
Buffalo Tom- Late at Night

3. Cake or pie?
Pie

4. What book are you currently reading?
Harry Potter again

5. One place you'd like to visit that you've never been?
PR

6. Coffee or tea?
I like both

7. What car do you own?
1990 Olds- oldy goldy

8. What famous person would you like to meet?
John Cusack

9. Favorite holiday?
July 4

10. DVD or VHS?
DVD

11. What's in your closet?
clothes and luggage

12. What singer, dead or alive, would you like to see perform?
Jim Morrison

13. If you won a million dollars, how would you use it?
college, save the rest for future endeavors

14. What sports do you watch?
Football, basketball, baseball, hockey, tennis, soccer

15. The last three movies you watched?
Connie and carla, Prince and Me, How to Deal

16. Favorite exercise?
exercise?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
yes

18. Favorite alcoholic drink?
White Russians

19. Ever had an encounter with the supernatural?
no

20. What's your fantasy pet?
i dont know, i dont really fantasize about pets

21. What would you like to say to those you are sending this to?
Dreams aren't perfect they come true not free.

1 Thought | Tell Me...