...Gravity Claiming All Your Tears...

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 8 July :: 2.24am

love has become such a tangible thing...

:: 2003 7 July :: 4.20am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: edwin mccain - i'll be (acoustic)

the air conditioner was blowing more intensely than usual , or maybe i was just concentrating a little harder on that fifteen minute drive , accompanied by soft piano music that had been heard a million times before and little else . on command , i turned it down , even though it was already barely audible and it was my car . i was sick to my stomach of that faint churning and turned off the air abruptly ; so abruptly that i didn't calculate how the absence of noise would be equally , if not more , nauseating to the point that i began talking to fill the silence . speaking my mind , for once , and working out solutions to lifelong problems , with no reply . i calculated the number of days until this would no longer be a problem and bit my tongue to avoid further complications when irrational arguments sprung from the silent passenger . the conclusion ? i wish this had happened six days prior so that i could have spent those few more precious hours with the one person that makes this argument worth continuing .

i waited so it would be 4:20 when i posted this but since i was just editing something from an hour ago it was 3:29 so i changed it myself . that was so sad . i could have just changed it from the start .

"tell me we belong together . dress it up with the trappings of love . i'll be captivated . i'll hang from your lips , instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above ."

3 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 5 July :: 4.53pm

who wants to be beautiful when beautiful's just a lie?

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 3 July :: 2.51am
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: sublime - saw red (acoustic)

i'm so used to running and re-running scenarios over and over in my head and checking twice to make sure that the driver in front of me isn't tan and wearing a beanie and holding my remote control or even the gear shift as something to do while i drive that i'm sure that all of me isn't back from the airport yet . even as i write this , i'm still replaying the nervous toying with my necklace and the checking the television monitors five times to look for some sort of hint as to if i am even close to being right as i look up and there , in front of me , is the only thing that's been on my mind for the past 30 days . i don't know what i expected , and i know i didn't know what to expect , but it exceeded that times one hundred million , even sitting on that plain brown bench with hundreds of tired , jet-lagged people milling around complaining about luggage or the weather . that same bench that we sat on when we were both somewhat uncertain and nowhere near this deep into this ( so it must have been sometime before seven days into the relationship ) . that feeling on that bench on this night is greater than one million hits of ecstasy .

11 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 2 July :: 11.24am
:: Mood: excellent :0)
:: Music: Pass me the football...

The best days of my life <3
First off.

Last night + Wellington Girls + crappy movie at the drive in rocked my world(+Gregory too heh) DON'T go see the Hulk, its awful.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

TONIGHT!!!!!
ABBY D's SURPRISE 80's themed party!!!!!
I don't remember the last time that I had that much fun with everyone. Pics tell all!!!
GOO SEEE!DAMN HTML!!!, my links not working :0(
Man. I was all 80s dressed and running through the Boynton mall. Scavenger Hunts rock.
Thank you to everyone <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBY D!!!!!
<3<3

PS. I didn't do Gregs makeup, that was alllll him :0P

hmmm "last night" would be 2 nights ago... woohu wasn't up last night so i'm just copying and pasting my livejournal entry.

GOOOOO SEEE PICS!!!!! they really rock
rockrockrock.

_________________________________

Today was amazing. Gregory came over early this morning, made me pancakes and we laid in eachothers arms forever :0P 5hrs later hes gone :0( and i am indeed beary sad. :0(:0(:0(

oh. by the way, Ben Garb is No Parking's new drummer. Weird. heh.

THE LINK!! well url anyways...
http://public.fotki.com/plainmornings/abbys_pizzzartaaay/

:: 2003 30 June :: 3.12am
:: Mood: crummy
:: Music: powerman 5000 - when worlds collide

i have three grams left ( but i really need to pick up more ) .

i have a lot of liquor in my trunk and i don't even drink .

i have two days and fourteen and a half hours left .

i have speakers and a cd player ( but i am getting a system ) .

i have lost communication with most of the people i used to talk to .

i have awesome cousins .

i have new friends that i hope turn out to be as cool as they seem .

i have two jobs but i still lack money ( but it's just money ) .

i have run out of things to say .

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 30 June :: 1.32am

stream of conscious
Stream of conscious...
chosen sweetly i fell. i fell out of your world. Drugs consumed many, not me. It wasn't the drugs as much as you lying. What made you think I wouldn't understand, wouldn't want to help. You told me that it was a plea for help, you wanted me to notice, to care but you did the one thing i asked you not to do. I read your words, your heart poured out onto this screen and it sends sharp pangs through my heart because I cared. This is probably the one thing that could tear me away from the perfection I have now found. How can I be so happy yet still feel obligation. Maybe I still care... I shouldn't. Conflicts of the heart yet I know what I'm doing is right. I have waited so long for this and to lose it for something that has not worked numerous times? If we were meant to be together then it would have worked. Maybe not the first time, the second, the third?? If we were meant to be together "forever" then forever would not have been terminated so soon. Maybe it was love, I really don't know. You walked out that morning, told me that when you'd said it you meant it and for how long I was screaming that inside. It broke my heart. Out of anger I acted and you walked away. I am not saying that you walked out on it because I pushed you away myself but understand, it wasn't just me. Amazing. I can be on top of the world and your words, just your words can bring me down. I must care, I guess I try too hard not to. I read what you wrote for her it was always so much more beautiful then what you'd write for me. You say that it was just lust, a fatal attraction for her and that I was "home", I was what was familiar to you but she was the prize. I don't doubt that you really did love me or anything but you never showed me. Whereas you gave her the world, you felt 100% for me yet only gave me half. You said that you would never say it if you knew I wouldn't say it back. You never knew how I really felt for you, maybe I was a fool for waiting. Maybe i'm smart. Two people obsessed with getting hurt and this is what you get. I have learned from this. I will give 100% from now on, my heart on my sleeve I will get the 100% that I deserve.
I always knew I could do better.
Why am I even thinking of this, its over, i'm happy, I don't need to do this.
Goodnight.

Disclosure: If you're reading this and have to question if this is for/about you then you're wrong and its not. If it was then you'd know. Thats all.

7 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 28 June :: 3.49am
:: Mood: there is no word to describe how wonderful i feel
:: Music: Timb stuck in my head heh

i don't even know where to start...

i'm so numb with ecstasy (no not the drug, just the feeling) right now...

i'm going to say it and most definately mean it this time for sure. I have never been so happy in my life, its been 3 weeks of seeing him EVERYDAY (literally lol) and the after glow hasn't worn off yet which leads me to believe that its not an afterglow at all but this aura that we share between us, one of complete freedom and passion.

I know that he won't read this because as he put it, he "doesn't like reading other peoples thoughts" but you know what, he doesn't have to read this to know how i feel about him.

With my heart on my sleeve, I can now finally breathe a sigh of relief...

::sigh::
<3.

PS. in unrelated news, Timb & Harold rock my world as well.... they rocked pretty damn hard tonight @ the loft <3<3

:: 2003 27 June :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: the yoko theory - classics

there�s always something to look forward to ( God put this here for me , and you ) . yea , maybe it�s work , but i haven�t worked in awhile . or listening to a cd that i could just as easily listen to in my room but it�s my car , dammit , and i love it , even if i haven�t purchased my subs yet . and even though some things that i�m anticipating require a few days wait ( five days and four hours ) , other things will keep me going until then . tru .

6 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 27 June :: 2.37am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

when you've found a guy who will tell you you're beautiful even when you look like shit, make you dinner and buy you nailpolish, you know you've got a keeper.

I did nothing to deserve him.

I'm so damn lucky.
<3

6 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 26 June :: 11.54am

100 FRIENDS!!!!!

lol wow i suck.
i'm excited anyways :0P

i'm grounded.
i wish gregory would call :0(

i feel empty but complete. its a weird feeling.
i wish i went to wellington yesterday and had chicken lo mein with the cool cool cool girls.

the.end.
100friendsw00t!

EDIT @ 1:14pm

okay. i'm NOT grouded :0) Ashley and I are doing driving school together and Gregs making me dinner tonight <3

off to the mall con Sara B. <3<3<3

:: 2003 26 June :: 3.27am
:: Mood: high
:: Music: sublime - doin' time (uptown dub)

i am not addicted to any drug .

i want more marijuana but the boy who loves woman and calls girls sweetheart and freestyles like it's his job and tells you it is and passes off track eight off Back For the First Time as his own writing and packs huge bowls then throws them on concrete floors under tables and picks up only the resinated pieces and leaves glass pieces on the floor without realizing that little kids might step on it and thinks he is eminem has it all because it is his .

i gave out my phone number to a lot of people tonight that were so strange . one of them is black but acts white but uses old slang that is no longer cool and wants you to call him superman , just not to his face . i am connected to most of the people in boca who apparently don't realize that i was never cool enough .

i can show you a better time . baby you can drive my car , and baby i love you .

we are going to have the greatest fourth of july in the history of the world .

top and hop rhyme . silver doesn't rhyme with sliver , liver , or quiver .

tonight was ridiculously random , starting with amanda and ending with ryan fatigati , along with everything else .

6 1/2 days .

2 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 26 June :: 12.59am
:: Mood: crappy

Hi, my name is Vivi.
I got a speeding ticket.
Worst night ever.

Yeah. that just about sums up how i feel right now.

funny story though...well maybe not so funny if you weren't there but proves how small of a world it really is...

okay. well this took place during my break tonight at work. Vicky (one of my coworkers) came in with her brother, Dan and his girlfriend Kassidy who are both back from college for the summer. I got a bagel and sat down with the 3. As I sat down I realized that Vickys brother had long, curly hair very similar to Gregs..(us girl freaks talk about hair ALLLLLLL the time heh) sooo as i got up to get a magazine from the rack i pointed to Dan's head and stated "Greg has hair like this" and walked away. When i returned, Vicky asked me what Gregs last name was which i replied "Pishko" and all 3 of them burst out laughing. Very confused I asked what was so funny and Vicky explained that after i'd left, Kassidy said that she had gone to school with a kid named Greg Pishko who had hair like Dans sooo they were all tickled that it was the same person :0) Sooooo it turned out Kassidy graduated IB in 2002 and knows Greg & everyone else. We had a great hour of bonding over FOOLS stories and band stuff (Dan used to be in Jaded at the Swingset) soooo it was really cool.

yeah. thats all.

oh yeah. I saw Greg all this morning which made my day despite all the crapiness <3

hes soooooooooo wonderful. really.

2 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

:: 2003 23 June :: 4.25am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Radiohead - Hail to the thief

finally a good apple...
it has probably been awhile since i've really updated...(sorry!)

I do have a good explanation i swear! haha

well... i'm extremely content with just about everything right now.. its summer, i love my job and one of the best guys i've ever met likes me, really likes me and its just perfect...

i spent over 2 hrs talking to him tonight, both of us clarifying how we felt about eachother and stupid little questions we had for eachother...

my conclusion would have to be that Ben is right, he IS going to be the good apple of the bunch.. finally a guy i can be with and not have that uncomfortable feeling of "i can do better".

He makes me so happy...

PS. thank you to BenFranklin for lunch/4:30 dinner today, that made me equally happy as seeing Greg <3 heh no competition here, just love.
You mean the world to me Sr.Garbarino<3<3