I love Alex so much I can't bear it. he just left by the way. he came over to help me with my science project, because I was all out of sorts..isn't that sweet? I mean, what 13 (14 in..3 and a half hours) year old boy would spend a saturday helping their girlfriend with a boring science project..one that isn't even fun? he's grrrrrr8! everyone looks down on our relationship..they all think we've been together too long, or we're "obsessed" with each other, or we spend too much time together..but the thing is, he's also like my best friend. I mean, I have the Fabs, but they all have lives. Jennah has dance and..Brett...Rach has her little pothead friends, and Erin has Corey..and that older party crowd. so, Alex is..mine. he really knows me..maybe better than anyone else. it's great..and we're great. and I honestly do not care what anyone thinks about us.."I don't care what they say about us anyway, I don't care about that."...and I just quoted Weezer.. .. ....ehh, that wasn't as bad as it could have been.
everyone is getting a Woohu now. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, it's awesome. I mean, I didn't have one before 2 weeks ago. I used to have what you would call a blog though. It was cool, but definately not as cool as Woohu..ehh, that was back in the 7th grade, someone shoot me. we make such a big deal about how horrible 7th grade was, but I don't know if it was really that horrible. I mean, yea it was pretty darn bad at the end (all the c r a p starting on Feb. 7th to be exact). but before that I don't remember it being that bad. i guess it was for Alex and Jennah because they were going through their little "I love you, I hate you" period. I was still going out with a different guy every month..hah, that seems so long ago. this year has been pretty bad..for me at least. I hate saying that because it's 8th grade (uh, yay?) and I don't know. all I know is that I've bottled a lot of stuff up..mainly just family things..and..because, and I guess thankfully because, of Alex, I don't know how to..express? how I feel about..things. and whoa, sorry if I confused anyone right there. but yea, so I'm kind of like this stuffed animal..one with a smile. I'm smiling, because the smile is sewn on, and I want to make people happy. but there's so much stuffing, cotton and whatnot, inside of me, that I can't seem to get out. it's stuck in there, because I'm sewn shut. there, maybe that makes more sense, I don't know. but I'm going to be broken open, soon. and I don't know where exactly I'm going to put all of this stuffing...on a notepad, written by a doctor, trying to fix me? no clue, but we'll all find out soon..and I'm so confused..why the hell does the internet community think I'm suicidal? all of a sudden I'm getting all these emails about deals on valium. who else is? there must have been some crazy theft somewhere and all these crazy terrorists are trying to sell it to us crazy americans who live online and therefore wants to kill ourselves becasue face it, how the hell do you go on enjoying your life if it's internet based? sorry, I guess some of us do. hm.
alright well, I'm going to do the less fun part of my project..the activity/definition sheets..ehh..why ms. schmidt? why?
later guys.

nevermind, dad's home!

it's 437.
well it was. now it's like, 448. oh well. I'm on the phone with the greatest most beautiful boy on the face of this earth...yes, Alex. : )
oh yea, happy new year's.
last night was pretty fun. we went to megan's. there wasn't any drama, just the way it should always be. : ) I hate to be the one to cause drama, even though I know I sometimes do. but everyone does. anyways, there wasnt any last night so it's all good. Alex and I made out from last year to this one...like, we started making out 15 seconds before midnight and then stopped about 15 seconds after. except I was laughing the whole time. oh well. yea so Rach and Cristina had to leave at like, 11 which sucked. it was just me, Jennah and Chelsea sleeping in Megan's room which was awesome cause we got the bed to ourselves. : ) so we styaed up and talked about s t u f f all night..went to bed at 4something, woke up at noonsomething because the friggin dog jumped on me and Jennah..the one that I don't like..oh yea, I don't like dogs period..haha, what a way to start the new year. lol, j u s t k i d d i n g ! it was funny. so Megan's parents made us all this AWESOME breakfast. yumm..and I discovered what sparkling grape juice is..haha, THEY PUT IT IN A WINE BOTTLE! I think that is so cute, so when like, all the adults are drinking wine, the kids can pretend! lol, sorry..oh yea, last night, Megan was one scary mofo..she comes in her room and we're just sitting on her bed and I swear she was acting like Mr. Steve, lol. her beast was out..I mean, allllll out. she did this thing with her face and she made a noise and, whew, I'll never be the same. so Jennah's mom came and picked us up at I dont really know when...when I got home, Rach and Cristina came over..whoa, this was just like, an hour and a half ago..I'm totally losing it..yea, so we walked to Cristina's old house..::tear:: and oh man, it was so pathetic, Cristina wanted to say hi to Jonathan..and me and Rach didn't..lol, but finally we agreed to walk up to his door with her and we just stood there not knowing what to do, and I swear this went on for like, 10 minutes and finally she rings the doorbell and, dun dun dun, no one answers. lol...so we walked to this girl Sara's house that Cristina used to be friends with and we said hi and happy new year and then we start walking back to my house when we see Rach's dad driving towards us. so we get int he back of his pickup..which was the coolest thing..-ya know, I've just realized this..Mr. Steve has the cool pickup, Mr. P. has the cool RED pickup, Mr. Marshall has the Jeep..and my dad has the..Bronco..oh well, it's kinda funny-he drops me off at mi casa and steals them away -forever and a day- and here I am.
and now I have to go get ready to go to ze movies. : ) happy new year.


oh yea, and if anyone was wondering about the fight from yesterday...there's a whole lot of tension between my mom and I but we haven't talked so uh, I don't know. whatever, I don't think I'm really going to talk to her again until I see..yea.. I love my dad.

Alex called me a bitch. I was on the phone with Davis and I was telling him about Alex's past relationships and I said, "yea, and he almost went out with this girl Kyle." and Davis yelled, "you went out with a girl named Kyle?!" so Alex grabs the phone and yells, "you bitch!" seriously, he wasnt laughing. so I'm a bitch. if only he had said that last night..

ya know, I really thought that the new Blink cd was gonna kinda suck..just because I'm not so into pop-punk anymore. but I have to admit it's really good. I also thought I'd have to be in a good mood to listen to it because I'm thinking something like Enema of the State, 1 sad song, the rest stupid and funny. but it's not like that at all. there really arent any funny songs and there's a few heartbroken sounding ones. I'm impressed.
I've been trying to put up an icon with one of the pictures Jennah and I took the other night, but it won't let me..and it's just my luck that we don't have the right kind of picture programs on this computer, or even paint! I mean, paint kinda sucks, but you can still get the job done. I have a few different picture programs on my computer so I tried saving the pictures to a floppy and I was going to transport them, do what I needed to, and then come back here and try it again, but my moniter wont turn on. I'm kinda disappointed..gotta wait for the big man to get home to fix it. -he can fix anything, I swear.- anyways, so right now it's Belle because it's the only thing I have that was already under 49 kb or whatever it is.
ah, last night was horrible..horrible. I really don't mind cleaning my room out...it's quite fun, but last night, I don't know. I was supposed to "get my hair did" with my sister, but it was gonna be too late or something, so apparently we're going tonight, but it's my sister so you never know. I'm also supposed to spend the night over there, which should be interesting. but it'll be fun, because I love my sister. so my room is looking pretty good, I think..but it's gonna look great when we're done. the bookshelf is on my computer desk, the vanity is going, the while shelf and the wooden nightstand are gone, the shelf with the tv on it is going to be spray painted -I want hot pink- and moved kind of in the corner so it'll be diagonal, the dresser might be moved more towards my door a little bit but for the most part it's going to be in the same place, and the same with the big desk. the pink shelf is going to go where the vanity was so we can move my computer desk all the way against my wall, and the FUTON is going in the middle of the room. phew! it's going to be shiz.
tomorrow is New Years Eve. : ) I'm not sure, is it New Year's, or New Years? I can't remember if possessions need appostrophes..I like it with an appostrophe better..oh well. anyways, the first plan was to go to Erin's, but then Miss Kelley canceled it. so we were going to go to Megan's. but then Miss Kelley decided to put it on again..so we then we were going to go to Erin's like we originally planned to. but recent news from Jennah tells me that Erin called Miss Kelley a bitch so she's not allowed to do anything for New Year's. so we're going to Megan's. which, we're excited about because we miss Megan more than anything! and her house is a great party house. : ) it'll be great fun..I can't wait.
okay well, I think I'm going to go clean some more.
"Remember what the Monty Python boys always say..'no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.'"-cool Scottish guy from Sliding Doors..great movie if you like Gwenyth and British accents.

Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes


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I hate potheads. I hate coke addicts. I hate heroin abusers, or even people who are addicted to pain relievers, it's the same fucking thing. we all have shit to deal with. we all have family problems. everyone's back hurts. everyone needs more than they have. but not all of us need a crutch to get through it. I think that people who do drugs, or drink, to "get away from it all" are weak bastards...that's including some of my friends, and some of my family. all of you need to get a life and stop looking for the wrong things to help you through. for some it's religion, for some it's a psychologist, for some it's just a friend to listen..and that's why I'm here. nwo I sound all cheesy and shit. oh well, it's better than killing my brain cells or putting little holes in my arm. sure stoners are funny, but my god are they stupid. I hate stupid people who have a chance to be smart. you're wasting air.