them Damn Yankees

them Damn Yankees

:: 2005 14 June :: 3.23pm

keegans mom just bought me a bike..... *laughs.

for my birthday, so me and keegan can ride bikes together... awww, she loves me! *smiles.... i love that woman..

ahh.. i cant belive she just bought me a bike!!!! hehehe..... im so happy! i havent had a bike since i was like 11.... now i can leave keegan in the dust... since he's to cool to get a normal bike and will be stuck on his little "trickster" pshhh... whatever doll, you're goin down... thats right.....

comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 14 June :: 2.12am

*giggles

i find it funny when girls who are having sex get all defensive about "stupid girls" who get themselves pregnant...

yeah.. that kind of makes you one of them

if you're mature enough to have sex, protected OR unprotected then you sure as hell better be mature enough to have a kid... what a stupid statement.

here... quick lesson.....

SEX. LEADS. TO. CHILDBIRTH.

comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 14 June :: 1.55am

i spent the night at alyssas last night... we talked a lot... and its nice to have a friend that actually wants to hear about my life and who actually cares whats going on and how im handeling things.... because those kinds of friends are very limited... im gonna say 2-3 tops... no counting keegan.

tonight after i got out of work, me and keegan took pats paddle boat out on lime lake (his moms boyfriend) and chased a super big bird all over it... i think he called it a herrid or a harrend... same difference... we're just talking a BIG bird... and we saw turtles... i named one myrtle.... myrtle the turtle... giggles.... oh and we rode those old school scooters down to pats too.... lol..... i was one of those deprived children who never had one... it was fun.. we were like little kids.... then we rode them back to his house, and lauren matthews was over with emma... basically i spent more time with lauren then keegan.... *shakes fist at him..... i love those girls though... we were running around in the dark, and we EVEN climbed a tree... thats right.. i dont believe there are any trees to climb on any stupid computer.... *shakes fist at him again.... long story short: i'd rather not go into it! but yay im so glad i love emma and she loves me :)

(and lauren too..... she's a cutie too..... awww.. i felt like one of the girls tonight.... why dont high schoolers climb trees and play hide and seek in the dark anymore? stupid big kids...)

yesterday me and keegan met bobby at res life in grandville... it was pretty sweet.. the ground floor (the youth room.. if thats what you wanna call it) was incredible... we're talking INCREDIBLE.... the only thing is... the drive would kill us... all the gas it would take to get down there.....

keegans birthday went really good.. i was there all day, i wish i could fully explain the day... but you wouldnt get it, and i probably shouldnt.. but it was really good.. close to perfect...

we're getting air conditioning tomorrow... there IS a god who reigns in heaven...! we've been dyin over here....

i think thats all i got....

1 comment | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 13 June :: 10.29pm

I've definetely realized lately that when it comes to keeping my OWN secrets, i'm horrible at it. I can keep everyone else's secrets easily but when I have secret i just HAVE to tell someone. I can't just keep it on my mind only.
I also realized that I don't really want to quit Arby's. I really really like almost all of the people who work there. And I like a lot of the people at Lazer Skate. HOorah.
Anyway.

Justine, i'm sorry for stealing your idea, but it seemed like a good way to occupy myself, for i have no life.

Okay wait, before you start, like I said in the first paragraph- i'm not good at keeping anything secret about myself so wow! this may be harder than i thought.
Here we go:

Things You May Not Know About JESS okay and since i can't come up with like anything.. these are just random facts that you probably already do know!!
1. I play piano. and i love it sooo much.
2. I love little kids and my biggest thing I look forward to is being a mother and having a great family. and by great i do mean, wonderful and close to perfect and nothing like mine now.
3. I've never done drugs or got drunk or even drank alcohol really
4. I really do love God and I love going to church. Especially going with Roman, and I really believe that makes a relationship like a million times stronger.
5. Rap music makes me horny! oochie wally wally oochie bang bang baby!!!
6. I love when Roman calls me baby and how he says 'pajamas'
7. I'm a psycho in a way......no details.
8. When I was in like 3rd grade I thought of all the people I would kill if I had a gun. ceeeeerrrrrazzzyyyyy
9. My feelings get hurt really easily and i'm quick to cry. (ha, who am i kidding, you have to known that)
10. When I'm mad or sad I sing really loud in my car and drive an average of 80 mph and take breaks from singing to scream as loud and as long as i possibly can. Trust me, it really helps realieve stress.
11. Me and Gunnie were like best friends when i was a freshman.
12. Me and Andy Sischo were also best friends and he liked me when i was a freshman and then he turned into a jerkface
13. i love to sleep
14. when i'm nervous i get extremely sick to my stomach and can't eat anything and wanna puke my brains out
15. i hate my butt, thighs and my skin
16. i think feet are the ugliest things ever, except baby feet
17. i got in huge trouble for shoplifting, i'm sure you've heard so i dont really give a fuck. it was fun for a while but stupid.
18. i love love love Elvis music. And i'm going to have an elvis song at my wedding or reception or whatever
19. I wanted to kill myself when Kevin Cuppett broke up with me. (oh my.)
20. and i thought i was completely in love with him. (but kevin, if you read this, i do love you in the friend way you know!!)
21. I ssssssssssssssssssssssssjghjhjh
22. i've taken more medication in my life than probably 8 seventy year old people in a nursing home put together.
23. i used to think i was so ugly i would cry and cry and beg not to have to go to school
24. i wear size 7 1/2 shoes
25. logan crandall is one of my best friends
26. i liked roman way back when i was in 7th grade and i really had a thing for him when i was a freshman and before i went out with him when iwas a sophomore
27. babies make me so extremely happy just everything about them, i love them! and i have my entire life, since i was little.
28. i broke my wrist in 7th grade
29. i dont mean to look angry all the time, it just kinda happens.
30. but honestly, i am angry a lot. oops
31. i own way too many clothes that i've only worn like once
32. i love going for bike rides
33. i get really lonely and hate being by myself for a long time
34. i want to name my daughters audra and kenna
35. i love to dance crazy and especially do the tango with roman. !
36. fuck and pussy are my favorite words. not to be vulgar, but really they are!
37. josh plude kissed me and it was gross
38. i almost swerved into a semi once but changed my mind at the last second.
39. i have mental problems......yeah like you didn't know. come on
40.

i don't why i'm telling you people this!!! oh well i honestly dont really give a shit.

i think i'll add more later. no one cares anyway. HA whatever. fuck you all and goodnight!

3 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 13 June :: 4.14pm
:: Music: just to see you smile

leaving didn't hurt me near as badly as the tears that were rolling down your face
here , i'll try to write it again. UGH i have nothing better to do.

i'm afraid to leave this room for fear of being... i dont know.. mauled?

i am extremely happy with your decision. i'm so glad you picked what makes you happy and you won't have anything being held over your head for the rest of your life. i know it may create a few problems down the road but overall it will make things a LOT more easier.

i have come to terms with the fact that i'll never please you. well whatever. i can't do anything about it. no matter what i do bad OR GOOD you will never be happy. sorry. sorry i went to Jess's instead and sorry for even telling you. Most people wouldn't give a shit about that considering it's not a big deal whatsoever. gawd sorry for telling you i wasn't even going to bother because i didn't want to get in a huge fight but i decided it would be best to tell you what really happened but no, i'm wrong again.

you will never be happy with what i do, who i am, who i love, who i hang out with, nothing. There's nothing i can do about that because i'm not changing for you. Maybe some day you'll be happy with me, maybe in years when i have a life maybe you'll come to my wedding. Maybe once i have kids you'll be happy with me then. Probably not, but maybe.

I know I don't have a fucking bad life. Of course I know that but... there are just some things. just.....

where's the fucking love?
give peace a fucking chance!

that last one's for pappy. ugh i need to call her but i can't because i can't get a phone.

please somebody call me so i can have an excuse to leave this room.

i will never be even remotely close to perfect at all. sorry but i think you need to realize that. i wont be like your other children. maybe i just have a rebelious nature but oh well i really just don't care. i'm done trying i'm done done done doen donde alsdkfjasl;dkf in one year i will be out of here and i can't effing wait. yeah i've been provided with a great home and money and great car and security but... HMMMM there's one thing missing. wonder what it could be....

my family wont be like that. uga;slkgjasl;gkjasdgl;j not trying to hurt anyone but come on.

the countdown has been magically subtracted to zero days. Well, in a way. ugh. Oh well, I'm happy with it. God when will people realize? Honestly.

I can't wait to just have my friends and my best friend in the whole world with me all the time. I can't take this bs anymore. it's so dumb.

wow just nevermind.
LEARN.

3 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 13 June :: 4.13pm

oh my fucking god i just wrote the longest thing ever and lost it.

fucking shoot me.

comment.

sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 11 June :: 9.56pm
:: Music: vertical horizon-the best i've ever had

So things are cool. . .

My mom and I are getting along. Here's the trick. I make it seem like I'm busy and I run around for her a lot and talk to her and she seems to leave me alone. And it's not so bad. She's just lonely I think.

Jake and I have stopped fighting. and things are just very nice nice nice.

My open house is tomorrow which means some money for some things.

I have a roomate who is not crazy and she knows my stepsister

aaron is gone

my car is working

it rained a little bit

i have bangs

someone noticed my very intense eyes

i'm not sad about band camp or school or anything

i don't have anemia, lukemia or mono. i just need to eat more meat.

i signed up for my classes

i'm not being a bad babysitter for the most part

so here's the usual vagueness

today is the anniversary of your death and
i celebrate
with
enthusiasm
i will bury you with
duct tape

thank you
thank you
thank you

for closing the door
no
slamming
abrupt
and throwing the deadbolt

and while i pounded
until my
fists were bloody
all over the unwelcome mat

then YOU crawled through the window
and
i wasn't disapointed

gush

8 comments | comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 11 June :: 4.59pm

awww.. its my keegans birthday...

and awww... he's standing right behind me....

*giggles...

comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 11 June :: 9.30am

Just to see you smile. I'd do anything.
Look.

Read more..

3 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 10 June :: 6.27pm
:: Music: mariah carey- we belong together

when you left i lost a part of me. is that so hard to believe?

I'm not trying to hurt anyone or piss anyone off. I just love my boyfriend more than absolutely anything in the world.

I love Roman.

I can't wait to graduate and just be DONE

"Who am I gonna lean on when times get rough?
Who's gonna talk to me until the sun comes up?
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody better.
Baby, we belong together."

4 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 10 June :: 7.55am

i'm really sad

2 comments | comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 9 June :: 11.22pm

we went to the beach today.... im fried.
that rarely ever happends....

comment.

danibean

:: 2005 8 June :: 11.47am

yay! i had orentation yesterday! it was fun, but really hot out. everyone was kind of quiet and shy, but i know it'll all change. we were all just nervous. anyways, here's the classes i'm taking in the fall!

EDU 107- INTRO TO TEACHING- 3.00
HEV 100- HUMAN GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT: LIFE- 3.00
BIO 101T- GENERAL BIOLOGY- 3.00
MTH 130- PRE-CALCULUS MATH- 4.00
MUS 114- LISTENING EXPERIENCE- 3.00

16.00 TOTAL CREDIT HOURS

sounds fun huh?!

2 comments | comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 7 June :: 11.24pm

we just watched this interview with brad pitt and the work he's doing in africa... i mean yeah thats great... but you have to BE rich to help like that. yeah he's doing amazing things over there, but that still doesnt change the fact that just ONE of his outfits costs enough to feed an entire village over there.

i dont know...

but one thing i DO know is im getting fat... and i dont mean the PH kind.... i mean the gross disgusting go on a diet fat. i hate watching tv and seeing all the perfect stomachs... screw them and their perfect stomachs.. im a busy teenager who works almost everyday and still has other responsibilities to tend to... to bad if i cant go out and run a mile in this smothering heat... its not like i can come home to a pool or air conditioning.. why would i WANT to excersize!? YEAH... thats what i'll tell myself.... its not MY fault... its the heat. Genious.

GOAL #5,095,999,999: learn to spell damn it!

WHY must bugs crawl all over the computer screen.... little idiots.. im JUST going to kill them...

im tired, and hot..... GAWD is it hot...

ok bugs.. you're goin DOWN.....

1 comment | comment.

holiday

:: 2005 7 June :: 9.00pm

Well, gave my notice tonight. They said I was always welcome there. But I can't believe I cried! Blah. It was a hard decision. Hmph.
So I will be working at Two Sisters Cafe at Champion Fitness Center. That is about it for now.

comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 7 June :: 12.23am

hmmm..... meet the rest of the family?

maybe its nerves.. but to me its like i've come so far... why go further eh?

i know they want to meet me and wonder why they havent yet... but to bad, its not MY fault that havent gotten to know me the past 17 years. so im not gonna feel obligated... but then again, thats just me being a teenager, because in all reality i think i want to... alot. not for closure... for a place to start.

LOL at brandi, roni, and ashley...... you girls are to much... te he he... TEN pairs of flip flops! holllllly cow! aww, i love you girls!

hmmm... im bored with this now..

1 comment | comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 5 June :: 11.28am

yesterday was my birthday... and a good day it was.

my mom got me a car stereo and other stuff...
my dad got me a digital camera..
and keegan got me this picture of Paris that i've been wanting for months... i never expected it.. i was freaking out when i saw it... *loves on it

in the morning keegan took me to build a bear.. and we made a monkey... i named it kitty cuz thats what i call him.. laughs. him being keegan of course...

hmmm.. well that was that... and now im off to maybe go shopping..
have a good summer dolls.

comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 5 June :: 9.51am

please just dont bring up anything at all

1 comment | comment.

sugarmouse0587

:: 2005 3 June :: 9.51am
:: Music: fallout boy-grand theft autunm

I am going to lose it. Not even joking.

I thought things were going really good. I just graduated, I have cool friends, everything is pretty great on the boyfriend front and I thought my mother finally calmed down.

But no. Underneath all of that niceness she's harboring her bullshit. I can't even describe it that's how completely stupid everything is. I guess she expects me to spend my whole summer vacation cleaning. That's not happening. I do my chores. I do what she asks me. I drive A-ron around. I only ask her for money when it's totally nessesary. I try to whine less and I don't talk about how I don't love Jesus. I did my invitations. I'm working on the picture thing for my open house.I'm even trying to organize all the photos so we can be a happy family again.

I don't get it.

and the job thing. I've applied at Great Day, D&W, Meijer, Arbys, Tractor Supply, Movie Gallery, Kohls (twice) Debs, Rue 21, Shulers, and I don't know where else. I've picked up applications to like everywhere in Cedar.

Everyone MIGHT be looking at apps in a few weeks. So I go in or call to see how that's going. Oh, still looking. They'll call me. Not.

Arbys says my availitbilyt sucks even though I can work weekends and every day of the week, just not during the day on Monday and Tuesday.

Meijer? Who knows.

Bath and Body Works wasn't interested.

To work part time at Kohls you have to have open availability and I was willing to give up babysittting to do that. But now they're not hiring.

What the deal? Seriously. I'm qualified and I like working.

And I'm getting better. I go to the therepy. I take the medicine. I do breathing. I go into crowds and I try not to flip out. I didn't even cry when she yelled at me last night.

I don't want to live with my dad. I don't want to have two transitions this summer. But is that my only option? I don't want to punish my mother. I love her and everything she does. But why can't she relax and just accept who I am, an absentminded procrastinator? I seem to manage don't I?

Or maybe I'm missing something and I'm the bad one. I'm lazy and selfish and demanding.

oh my.

5 comments | comment.

holiday

:: 2005 3 June :: 12.02am

Ugh. Not feeling so well.
I do have a new job. It is so hard to decide whether or not to take it though. They pay a lot less than Carino's. I'm making $8 there, but at the cafe I would be making $6 (more in the fall though). I just went in to hand in my application and she was excited and we talked for an hour an now I have a job there. It'd be good because it'd be a more relaxed atmosphere, which is what I need right now. It's just so hard right now. I love working with the people I work with now. I don't want to leave yet! Ugh.
I really am having a hard time with this.
Tummy hurts going to bed now.

comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 2 June :: 6.29pm

Hardest Class: geometry... bleh
Easiest Class: band or .. history
Most Fun Class: band or yearbook or english or anything but geometry
Best Teacher: mrs deyoung or mr neier actually is a good teacher he's just odd
Worst Teacher: robuck
Best Grade: i duno band
Worst Grade: english cuz of that effing scarlet letter packet
Boring / fun lunch: stupid i hated it!
Detentions: millions
Best Game: um that one where everyone was all riled up and yelling lol i duno
Worst Game: football game having to march cymbals
Most Fun Dance: prom
Newest Friend: allison
Oldest Friend: jess
Favorite Memory: skipping school or anatomy class with jess and jess
Embarrassing Memory: crying in school
Worst Memory: fighting and stuff
Best School Meal: n/a
Worst School Meal: all
Best Decision: stay with roman through it all
Biggest Regret: not being able to turn in that packet cuz of skipping
Biggest Concern: roman and i's relationship probably
Smallest Concern: school ha..................right
Friend you wish you still had: sometimes will i think
Friend that you are glad you don't have: um no one
Spring Break / Winter Break: i dont even remember what ... oh probably winter
Best boyfriend / girlfriend: um lets see...roman
Worst boyfriend / girlfriend: n/a
Biggest Fight: me and jess h`
What was it about: ummmmmmmmm god i dont even remember!! lol ummmmmm ahh no i really dont!
Coolest Trend: scarves i love them
Dumbest Trend: question marks lol
Good / bad year: the school part sucked majorly but the life part had its good times
Rate it 1-10 (10 best): duno

The Year in Review brought to you by BZOINK!

comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 2 June :: 6.14pm

i love roman.

let's just say that.

and guess what!! i got a fricken 80 on my geometry exam. that is so good ooh i thought i was gonna fail it well actually it ended up being easier than i thought it would but stilll.

i got kind of bad grades in my opinion but...... whatever. oh well. whatever. the year is DONE DONE DONE FRICKEN DONE.

yeah
k

comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 1 June :: 11.44pm

if i tell you i love you, i swear i really do mean it.

that applies to anyone i really do.

2 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 1 June :: 11.29pm

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
03. If I could give you one thing, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. I will tell you one thing I like about you.
09. Put this in your journal

i changed it a little cuz i thought some were dumb.

7 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 1 June :: 11.24pm

only ONE PERSON

yeah

HEY i'm on hotornot.com... lol not really but gunnie says it looks like me...

i think the first one on the left kinda does but not really but tell me for yourself... what do you think ? lol. just curious.

um also... i dont think anyone reads my journal... did you know i make like all my entries FRIENDS ONLY?!!? did you.

http://www.woohu.org/img/jessalike.gif

tomorrow BEACH AND hanging out with my little cousins i'm gonna take them to a movie and maybe the park or the beach.

i duno. whatever

3 comments | comment.

holiday

:: 2005 1 June :: 9.06pm

I'm not so scared anymore. Still scared about my parents. Still thinking about it. Not so sure yet. I am so stupid. We'll be fine. We will be fine.
P.S.- I may have a new job @ Champion. The cafe there. Going to drop off my application tomorrow. Who knows. I'm sad about Johnny's though. There are so many people there that I have grown to know and I am so comfortable there w/everything. I know a lot there.
I think that's the problem, I know everything I can about what I do there, so there isn't challenge anymore. But I love working there sometimes and that doesn't help me make my decision.

Gah. That's about it right now.

comment.

brokenmentality

:: 2005 31 May :: 10.36am

once again... another perfect weekend.

OH my gosh, yesterday me and keegan went and saw Madagascar... i dont think i've ever laughed so hard at a cartoon... it was hilarious. te he he....

my room is just full of roses... i hang all my flowers upside down.. and now i have a dozen hanging from my ceiling, 3 random roses in random places, and a vase FULL off rose buds and petals... im such a lucky girl! :)

i even CLEANED my room this weekend... WOW. it looks so good... im willing to bet i have the coolest room EVER.. pshh.. its true.

tomorrow can not come fast enough for me... it doesnt feel like the end of school... but thank god it is. i have never been more ready for the year to end. i hate that... but i cant help it... school can die. next year will be good though..... our senior year is gonna fly by.. im gonna cry when its over even though i hate it so much. when its over, its gone, and its just a memory..... and to lose all the people we've grown up with is gonna be both, a blessing... and extremely hard.

i must say though.... im ready to say goodbye to many of them. *smiles.

my birthdays saturday... it really snuck up on me this year. birthdays are overated.... you turn a year older.. thats it. i like getting new stuff and feeling special because "its your BIRTHDAY" but in all reality... who came up with this idea to celebrate the day we were born? everyone goes through it... its not like its special just for you... everybody has a birthday... mine is just one more. but ehhh... another excuse to eat cake is ok by me.

2 comments | comment.

holiday

:: 2005 30 May :: 9.03pm

It just feels like a vacation. I'm watching Hell's Kitchen right now. I am getting kind of scared...of everything. I want to make sure this is what career I want to do. I've been cooking for a while now it feels too late to back out. I just want to get to the top the fastest way I can. It's really hard. About something entirely different,
I am scared it is too late. I'm calm but scared. I keep messing up. These dreams are strange. I keep dreaming the same thing.
But Charlie keeps me strong. Ahhh have to go.

4 comments | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 30 May :: 1.46pm

ughgghasldkfjasl;dfjk lkj what a fucking waste of a day. like the only day i dont have to work and i'm sitting at home alone on my huge lardass doingmtoahsdgiol;asdkjgsl;dgjsadlgkjsdl;gjkasd
gsjd
gskdjg
sldgkj
glkjs
dgklj fuck fuck you. fuck you all. and go fucking die.

1 comment | comment.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 29 May :: 10.36pm

this is like one of my favorite pictures ever. yay i am just feeling very in love right now so you must look at it. so deal with it!
Read more..

edit: okay so it's a little huge!! fine! i'll make a cut tag. but still, you should look at it! it makes me happy.

2 comments | comment.