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WAR IS OVER

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:: 2005 15 November :: 4.38pm
:: Mood: happy/lonely
:: Music: What this woman needs - SHeDAISY

I just talked to Karl and he is in Germany right now. It's like 11 at night over there, I was like holy crap. They still have about another full day of flying left until they get there. He said it was a nice plane though, and that the flight wasn't that bad. He said he couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop thinkin about me, which made me feel really bad. I want him to be able to sleep, cause I doubt he's gotten very much. I know he didn't sleep much this weekend and I don't know how much he slept on the drive back... ehh, I don't know, but I still feel bad.
It's like I'm at the point in this relationship where I'm extremely clingy and I want to be with him at all points in time, yet he's gone over in Iraq, or at least he will be, so it kind of kills me right now. I'll have to find a way to get past this
Anyway, I have to go do some homework
Rachel

:: 2005 14 November :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Come home soon - SheDaisy

- Karl -
Friday afternoon Karl, his mom Teresa, and his brothers Erik and Roland came down. That night I had Barnwarming to go to because of FFA Innitiation. It was fun and crazy but his mom videotaped it and it was like the night that the new people got their asses humiliated. It was funny though. I had to eat corn and then dig through all this pond shit trying to find a penny. Pond shit includes mud, leaves, cow shit and any other kind of shit was on the bottom of that and ... well obviously whatever the hell is in a pond. Anyway, they freakin didn't put the pennies in until we had been digging around in it forever. I had a cream shirt on and people was slinging the crap everywhere so I got covered in it. I was pretty mad. Anyway, later that night we made love and it was so crazy. I won't go into details but it was pretty exciting. It still hurt though, so it wasn't as good as it could have been but it was still so wonderful.
Saturday we got up and ate breakfast then just hung around the house and talked for awhile. At around 12 Karl, Erik, Roland, Trevor and I went to the movies and watched Chicken Little, which was so freakin cute. Then we went to Wal-Mart to buy stuff for Funeral Potatoes. Strange name I know but they're really good. It's like sour cream, hashbrowns, cream of chicken, and cheese. Ahh it's so wonderful...anyway, we came home after that. Oh, we ate pizza before the movie and Karl stinkin put sugar in my Root Beer when I took the kids to the bathroom ... butthead. I defended his pop from Erik... *sigh*
We got home and they made homemade Root Beer. It was soooo freakin good. It was like dry ice, five pounds of sugar, five gallons of water (I think) and then Root Beer Extract. It was so wonderful. Anyway, we had that with supper, then we all loaded up and went to Gramma and Grampa Harrison's because they wanted to see him and meet them before they left. It was crazy over there but fun... at least I had fun...
We came home and watched a movie, or at least attempted to, then we messed around for awhile while cuddled up on the couch and then we went to sleep. Oh! We actually got to sleep together this time. Usually he was on the couch and I was in my room but nope, this time we slept together on the couch and it was so perfect and wonderful. I wanted every moment to last forever this weekend.
Sunday we got up and went to church, then came home and had the Funeral Potatoes (which I'm eating right now too... they made a shit load) and then we took five thousand million pictures ... ok, we actually did the pictures and then ate, but whatever. Dad, Taylor, Roland, and Trevor left to go do cattle up at Gramma and Grampa Prewitt's and we all stayed home and talked for awhile, then we went up there so they could all meet. It was like 8 people out of the 400 in my family, but ... ehh. Then Karl and I went on a double date with Tessi and Travis. We was gonna go to Sonic and eat, but we lost Travis and I forgot how to get there (I know, I know, it's horrible, I live around here I should know... bite me) so we just kind of pulled off the road under a bridge and we messed around for awhile, then I freakin had an emotional breakdown and cried for five million hours and made a mess out of my hair, make-up and his shirt. He babied me and let me cry for awhile but then he started telling me to stop. lol I felt bad because I know it makes him uncomfortable, but ... well hell I couldn't stop. Then we went to Wal-Mart because he was determined to cheer me up. We went and got a few essential tools (aka condoms) and then we went and looked at rings because he said he needed an idea of what I liked, which killed me but I did it anyway, then we went and looked at baby clothes and that made me happy... I don't know, we had a good time. Then we got some candy and went to the movie theater, hoping that Travis and Tessi would be there... luckily they was, though apparently they thought we'd had a wreck and had went looking for us but they was fine with it once they heard the story. Made me feel like a dope though :(
We went inside and bought the tickets and then we went and played around in the arcade for awhile. Tessi royally kicked my ass at Air Hockey. I have no hand - eye cordination at all... it's pretty sad. She let me score 4 points which was horrible, but... ehh. We was watching Saw II. It scared the freakin crap out of me oh my gosh. I hate gory movies and ... well that was pretty damn gory. I screamed and Karl laughed at me forever for it. Me and this chick in front of me was the only ones in the place that screamed and Karl said he bet I made the other chick scream cause I did it first... lol I'm gonna keep thinkin she screamed because it was scary though, so that I don't feel so stupid. Him being there made it better than it usually is though so it aint gonna be so bad watchin scary movies anymore. Yay!
After the show we said our goodbyes and went home.... at least they did. We drove around for awhile and found a nice little hidden spot and made love again. It was so wonderful. First time it didn't hurt and ... *dreamy sigh*
lol I now have goosebumps just thinkin about it, but yeah, it was perfect.
We then went home and snuggled on the couch for about thirty minutes, then I went and got a shower and we went to sleep in the floor. It was the first time I had actually ever spooned and it was so cute lol. I slept really good, even though it was freakin cold as shit... anyway
This morning I had to get up and get ready for school and they loaded all their stuff into the truck then we took a few more pictures and then they took me to school. I tried not to cry the whole way there, and got by with just a few unnoticed tears. Then I had to tell them all goodbye, which was honestly the hardest thing I had ever done. He goes to Iraq at 3 something in the morning... tomorrow I guess. I didn't really cry until his mom hugged me and said how glad she was that Karl and found me and .. oh she killed me. I didn't start bawling though, so that was good. Just a few more extra tears. I hugged Erik and Karl was like "ah hell no" or "Oh I see how it is" or something like that, so then I started laughing and stopped crying... until I hugged him again and got a goodbye kiss. Then the bell rang and I had to walk away. That's when I started crying. I felt so bad walking away, but they needed to leave because he needed to back because he had a formation deal at 5:30, though it got moved back to 6:00 I think.. and I had to go to class. As soon as I walked into the building Katie was there and she saw me crying and ran up and I cried for like 5 minutes while just hugging her. I cried off and on all day, but luckily we got out at 12:30 so I could come home and cry. All my make-up was gone and my eyes were all red and puffy.... my teachers sure as hell left me alone today, though I don't think they really knew what was wrong with me. lol I think I got more hugs today than I have my whole life, it was so crazy.
I got home, took a shower because I felt gross from crying and everything, and then I tried to eat something and couldn't so I went and slept for awhile. Karl gave me a sweatshirt and pants that say Army on them that he had in Basic Training, and then one of his Army tee-shirts, and they smell like him and so that made me start crying all over again, but I put on the sweatshirt and curled up and just smelt it forever until I fell asleep. Then he called me a little after five and we talked for awhile and I started crying because he was packing and was talking about his helmet which made me think about him getting shot at and so I started crying and then he had to go, but said he would try to call me later before he left. I really hope he gets to, he said he might not be able to though. I'm gonna try not to cry this time because I know it has to make him feel bad, and that's the last thing I want so I'll just try to keep it in until we hang up, then Missouri's gettin a flood.
I don't know if I can handle this too well. I already feel as though my hearts being ripped out of my chest, and he's still in Kentucky, though only for 7 1/2 more hours approximately. It's going to be so hard to get up and go tomorrow. I really don't know how I'm going to handle this. I've already prayed my heart out today, which is something I don't do very offten anymore, but you can bet your ass I prayed today.
Rachel

:: 2005 9 November :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: I can love you like that - John Michael Montgomery

So tomorrow is Greenhand Innitiation for FFA. Sweet. I have to go all day in no make up and dressed Extremely skanky. Where are peoples morals? Not with them obviously. But it's tradition. All the guys have to dress up as girls so.. ha. Skirt/dress, pantyhose, heels, make-up, wigs... the whole nine-yards. Funny... for the females, upsetting for them I suppose.
Karl's still coming!!!!!!! I'm so happy.
Oh... freakin he called me today and told me that he might get to stay until the 21st again, but then later when he called me it was back to the 15th. Sweet. I didn't cry though, I was proud of myself....*shinning moment*..... ok, that's over with.
Anyway, I'm freakin goin to bed because I gotta be at the school at 7:00. Holy Hell.
Ha, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't really see... don't have my glasses on. I did that the other night when I was on the phone with Karl.... I've been doing it a lot lately actually. Pretty sweet if you ask me. Actually that's a lie, it makes me feel completely retarded.
Anyway....Holy Hell Goodnight.
Rachel

:: 2005 8 November :: 6.57pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Broken - Seether / Amy Lee

I just talked to Karl and he's leaving like a week before he was supposed to and I don't even know what to do, I'm just kind of numb. I don't want him to leave me, but I can't exactly say that because I know he doesn't want to leave me, and I don't want to make him feel bad because this is hard enough on him already.
I've cried off and on about it, but I still don't think that it's fully hit me yet that he's going to be over there where people are dying every day. He's promised me that nothing will happen, and he says that he has a way to know it, but he hasn't explained it yet, and he said that he will someday, and I trust him, but .. well, I'm still scared of getting a phone call telling me that he's never coming back. I can't even imagine what I would do. I don't even want to think about it, but then I can't help but thing about it sometimes.
At school every one always tells me all their problems and I listen and give them advise on what to do or what not to do, and it's always been that way, but lately I just want to scream and tell them that they don't know what it means to hurt, or to be scared about losing someone. I couldn't do that though, because they're going through what they're going through and it's a big thing to them so I cain't be like "well you have problems but mine are so much worse so shut up until you know what you're talking about." I'm mean.. but not that mean. I can't even talk to people about what I'm going to because I'm just ... I don't know, I'm a better listener than I am a talker. I can't get advice from someone because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but apparently I've gotten pretty good at giving it.
Then again that's another thing, it's like I have all my problems and then I have everyone elses on top of them, and I caint get rid of any of them so they just continuously pile up.
Renkoski is starting to make me talk to him about stuff, so it's not as bad as it used to be. Basically tomorrow I'll go cry to him and he'll make everything alright for a few hours.
Anyway, Ashley's killing me because she needs the computer to email something so ...
Rachel

:: 2005 7 November :: 12.11pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: rat pack - you've got to have style

most of the leaves are off the trees now. yesterday's wind looks do have done it. everything looks barren, yet full of life with all the green still around.

:: 2005 4 November :: 6.12pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Date Rape - Sublime

Was supposed to go watch Saw 2, go eat, and then go to Heathers and hang out forever tonight, but mom had a spaz fit and so that was made unimpossible... i aint for sure that's a word, but uh... yeah, i just used it.
Karl and his familys comin down next weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(yes I know all them was not neccisary but... they was needed)

Um... nothing really happend today. It was pretty flippin boring.
Erik (Karl's brother) doesn't like Napoleon Dynamite. Neither does Karl. they are horrible horrible sad little people. Actually they ain't little because they're both like seven feet tall so... but yeah, weird. They don't even know what good is.
Sadness.

Anyway... yeah pretty much I'm done for today cause I caint think of nothin else to say.

4 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 3 November :: 5.33pm

All Choked Up
Thank God I don't think out loud
Too many thoughts in my head
Right now
Mostly concerning the moonlight
As it dances across your neck. I'm out of practice
And you smell like roses. I'm the mortal soldier
Your queen of hearts
All that I want is to show you how you you're nothing like all of them tell you.
To be more than just a cricket on your shoulder
A little closer.

Feelings choke me
Don't let me leave without a word
Never give in
I've been letting my mind win the war with my heart. You are timeless
I am a fool in love with time

I've always believed in you
Want to be more than that tonight
And live for the moment
But that takes too much pride. You will stay what I never have

I'd shape up and put on weight
Cross out my calendar marked to the date where we'd meet on some mystic veranda
To dance I'd show you skills. I'm not forgotten. I'd spoil you rotten.
So Don't be afraid
For better or worse
Let's dive head first
And first we can think about this later when were not so jaded. So jaded.
I can't go on the way I've gone forever. A new endeavor is oh so needed and

Feelings scare you
You never look me in the eye
Don't ever change I just want you to know the complacencies always been staged
I was blinded until you opened up my eyes
I've always believed in you

Want to be more than that tonight
And live for the moment
But that takes too much pride
You will say what I.. Never had if I tried
Damned if I don't. What if I died without being with you
I can try all I want
The feelings would taunt saying �loser we see through you.� And forgive me love
These thoughts are not my own
They were put in my mind by aliens
To keep me home alone. And forgive me love
For wanting you. Blame it on those eyebrows arching over baby blues
Oh you. Oh you.....

And live for the moment but that takes too much pride.
You will say what I never have.
Oh can you see me now?
Do you hear me now?
Do you see Me now?
Could you save me now?
Do you hear me now?
Could you see me now?
Could you save me now?
I'm choking... I'm choking...

:: 2005 2 November :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: Busy/Tired
:: Music: I Miss You - Incubus

Alright, I got questioned as to why I wasn't around here anymore by a little red head the other night and I had been thinking about comin back but I'll be damned if I have the time anymore. I'll attempt to make it I suppose, but no promises.
I'm not even aware of the date of my last entry so I'll just say the most recent stuff and we'll just have a little Dark Age between then and now.

-The most pressing issue of this month is that Karl goes to Iraq, though I'm not for sure as to what the specific date is as of yet.
He may be coming down next weekend... with his family in store. They're goin over there to see him and they might all come see me... Exciting... Scary... Nerve wracking.
Indeed
-On the 26th of October until the 29 I was gone to Louisville, Kentucky for FFA National Convention. It was so much fun, but it was freezing cold and the girls were all stuck in skirts, pantyhose, and heels. Not so much fun on the dress code side. My feet were dead. It was still pretty cool though.
I had bought a shirt that said "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy", but I grabed the wrong size of shirt so I just gave it to Johanna and all was said and done. She liked it and I got other shit so it was all good... I really liked that damn shirt though. I'm freakin getting one next year, you bet your ass on it.
-I am almost officially failing Algebra II. I don't understand anything that we're doing in this chapter, probably because I've been gone on a million trips all throughout it, but mainly because it's fucking hard. We have the chapter test either Friday or Monday, I can't remember which, and it's almost certian that I'm destined to fail it. I'll cry my little heart out, then make up for it with a ton of Extra Credit, and hopefully next chapter, because it looks a little more promising for my tormented little brain. I hate math.
-Our class rings came in Tuesday and I absolutly love mine!! I had my size wrote out and everything on my order form, and then the guy freaked out and told me that i HAD to get it half a size larger because my "fingers will swell." ok... this is his job so I trusted him. Now the fuckin thing's half a size to big and I'm pissed. It don't fall off or nothin, but oooh damn he's gonna get it when/if I see him again. I get a free shirt though... so it's all good I guess...maybe if we stretch it.
-I'm even more in love with Karl and I miss him more and more every day and it's getting even harder to get by without him, and it's hard to talk myself into even getting my ass out of bed because I know that something somewhere throughout the day will remind me of him, or my friends will bring him up in a conversation and I want to talk about him, but then I don't because it's to hard and painful because everything just makes me realize that he'll be gone in just a few weeks and I won't see him for an entire year.
That will leave me with half a year left of school when he comes back, and I cain't wait. I want to graduate at semester just so I can have more time with him, but then I want to have those last 4 months with my friends, and I want to go on Senior Trip and to Prom.... so that ones out of the question I suppose.
-Doug isn't on anymore. Ever. We got into it a little bit about things I'd rather not mention, and then he was gone. I've more than likely been blocked or deleted, but that's fine. He was changing and I didn't like it anyway. I miss him though.
-I'm going to Branson on the 30th of this month with Choir to go to a recording studio and ...what else? ... record some of our songs that we've been singing. I think it'll suck, but we get to hang out at the mall for a few hours so eh. Our teacher used to sing/whatever with Ray Stevens so he's seeing if he can't get us free tickets to his show so that'll be cool. What's the catch? None of my friends are in Choir with me. Ha. Looks like I'll have a jolly ol' time huh? you bet your buns. And it's mandatory that we go. We have been killed time and again that we'll recieve an F if we aint there... psychopath. Geeze.

Alright that's about it I'm thinkin. Now I have to go finish my homework and fill out my ACT thing...ahh that's another one, I have to go take my ACT soon...I forgot what day it is... but oh well. It took Johanna like 4 days to fill her form out, but I didn't know about this one until yesterday and it has to be in the mail on the 4th so I may just be takin the next one...oops.
Rachel

2 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 29 October :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: the great lakes - ghost of manitoba

i'm so tired right now that its not even funny, but i want to stay awake to watch something on the history channel. went over joel's house today, did part of our photo assingment, we were too lazy to shoot the infrared, so we didn't. jack came over joel's and we played pool for a bit. i left and got chased by like two assholes in two seperate cars while i was checking out a new sub going up, so i shut off my lights and drove out quick, but one followed me, so i was flying down 22 and lost him in my sub. it was not that cool. cross-country is almost over, tuesday is my last cross-country meet, forever. thank God.

:: 2005 24 October :: 8.52pm

"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

1 !@#% | imagine

:: 2005 3 October :: 12.25am
:: Mood: working
:: Music: frank sinatra - summer wind

so homecoming was a lot of fun. hard to believe its the last one already, but oh well. i've been doing more thinking and it is still being debated whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. i'm renewing my vow to myself of abstaining from alcoholic drink, drugs, and smoking, as well as chastity and celibacy. i like it better this way, makes high school easier for me at least. i actually enjoy being single, not because i'm a "player", but because i'm not attached to anyone or anything, and its how i like things to be. i work best off of loneliness. but i'm not really lonely, so its good. i'm happy. more than i've been ever, because i'm not trying to win over someone's affections, or keep them, or things like that. i have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. most of them have girlfriends, but everything is well. so i am planning on being single for the rest of high school. no more girlfriends at least untill college. we'll see how this turns out.

1 !@#% | imagine

:: 2005 21 September :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Michael Buble - Home

So since I'm awake most nights now, I've been thinking probably more than I should, for my own good at least. Its getting to the time of year where I start becoming a lot less accessable, for a few reasons. I'm out of town more in the fall and winter, a lot more. I think that really I wouldn't mind having someone miss me while I'm gone, someone to call me or something while I'm out, or someone to meet me in the parking lot when I return. The holiday season approches, which likes to make anyone who is single feel like shit because they are single, but I plan on making the most of it. I'm still sitting here weighing the pros and cons of a relationship, and if its actually worth it. I still have no idea, but if things go okay, I might make a slight attempt at someone, which as history shows, will be futile yet again. I think what actually suprises me the most is how much I actually do like her, regardless of what I happen to go through with that. The feeling of being ignored is one of the hardest to work with, because one is not able to tell whether to back off and never speak again, or to continue, hoping that it is just a front that must be overcome. But alas, I am unable to read the slightest bit of emotion, whether postive or negative from her text, which does not help my cause. I am rushing forward already, because I have still yet to decide if I think a relationship, in general, is a good idea and worth it. I will pray for guidence on this matter, for it is actually of some degree of importance in life, for it decides time, energy and feelings. I feel as if I am degrading this whole matter down into word forms and not actual feelings. Oh well, I shall go, for I require sleep.

in ipso vita erat et vita erat lux hominum

:: 2005 19 September :: 12.16am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: explosions in the sky - your hand in mine

So I'm having one of those insane, can't sleep, too many thoughts nights. I told myself that I wasn't going to care anymore, because it never seemed like she cared and that I was just boring her. Why do I find the details to this after the fact? Why do I find out that maybe, in some way she actually liked me? Also, why does this shit keep happening? Oh well, I can't do anything about it now. Time and fate will tell what happens in this chapter of history. I just keep thinking, what could I have done to help myself with this, and what if everything worked out? What would that be like, and if so, how long till it does?

:: 2005 18 September :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: amber pacific - gone so young

people are going to die now. just because. probably because i'm pissed. randomly i will pick them and kill them. because i have the best timing in the world with things. fuck. so not cool.

:: 2005 16 September :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Lost in Hollywood - System of a Down

I just got off the phone with Karl. He found out that they get deployed on November 24th. Thanksgiving. Looks like I won't have to much to be thankful for when that day rolls around.
That may not be the set date, but I'm sure it will be. I miss him so much.

I had four tests today. History, English, A. Biology, and Algebra. History was fine, English was fine, Bio. was really hard, but then he decided not to take a grade on it so it was fine, and Math sucked, though I think I did alright on it. It was a lot easier than the last test so ... yay I guess.

I never get to talk to Doug anymore. We both have so much going on in our lives that it's almost impossible to be on at the same time, expecially with the time difference.
I talk to Kelly more often now, though not so much lately. He's busy and stuff and so ... yeah. It makes me happy talking to him. lol he's one to make you feel good about yourself, so it's always fun. Love ya Kelly (and Earl...) ahh that's weird, just playing Kell :s
Rachel

4 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 14 September :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Waterfalls - TLC

Got our math grades today and I have a 79%. I want to just lay down and cry. That's the lowest grade I think I've ever got.
In Biology Mr. Terry was flipping through our tests and saying random grades. I could see mine on the bottom, and when he got to it he said 48... I just kind of sat there open mouthed while slowly dying while he flipped to a few more and then he was like "oh... I think I'm dyslexic..." flipped back to mine and said 84. I started laughing but then I started crying at the same time and I basically sat there and cried for 10 minutes while laughing. It was pretty crazy.
The rest of the day was alright, though someone kept farting in math and it was making me gag. Pretty gross.
I realized that I like the long hair look for guys yet I'm with a bald one. What the hell...
Rachel

:: 2005 13 September :: 7.30am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Skin - Rascal Flatts

school in 50 minutes... Normally I'd be on the hot bus right now, but Ashley decided to be nice and take us to school on her way to school so that's rather exciting.
I was getting ready to do my homework last night when Tessi called, and then we got Caleb in on the conversation too. We talked for about 2 hours and... well apparently I caint do homework while talking to them too. I don't even really remember what we was all talkin about. I know porn came up at one point... go figure.
Anyway, that means that I had to stay up till 1:30 getting math done, and I didn't even start studying for the Bio. test. I have it fourth hour so maybe I'll get a B on it. Hopefully... *Crosses fingers* I didn't even get my stupid math done. Geeze... Basically I've become pretty bad about not getting my shit done for school. Not good. I better get my ass in gear and keep my GPA up so that I can go to college if I want to. I don't even know if I will. Really all I have to do is take the Real Estate test deal, which doesn't require a college education, and then just... bam. Everyone's been telling me that I need to at least get a 2 year business degree. I don't think I could handle takin 2 more years of school. I despise school.
Anyway, we gotta get our asses outta here and be on our way to school.
Rachel

:: 2005 12 September :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: I Can Love You Like That - John Michael Montgomery

school and other random things
~so school pictures was today... we all know how them go. your face breaks out horribly during the night, you get chocolate milk spilt on your WHITE shirt just moments before you get yours taken, you sneeze as the camera flashes and you have an asshole camera man so you don't get to retake it, you have something in your teeth...at least it always happens on the movies. Mine turned out pretty good i think. i didn't get anything spilt on me, i didn't break out, i didn't sneeze and i had nothing in my teeth... i don't even have a teethful smile so it wouldn't matter anyway. I'm one of them people with the shy smile so whatever.
~I got out of class to help the elementary get ready to take theirs. Sounds cool, exciting and important right? Wrong. Basically I played bitch and had to run all over the school and grab the classrooms that needed to get ready and drag them down to the point of picture happenings.
Hmm...
~Doug has got himself a woman. Pretty exciting, so good for him. He seems rather happy. They've already been to a symphony... yeah... pullin out the big guns.
~It's been a week today since the last time I talked to Karl. I'm so lonely and depressed. I never thought I would come to rely on talking to someone to keep my spirit up. I've been kind of dragging through school and... well it's just crazy. Listening to sad lovey songs and crying all the time. It's pretty bad. I got a letter from him today and oh my gosh it was so sad. It was Really mushy and I loved it.
Hmm...
~Ok, I have a big math assignment and a HUGE test in Advanced Bio. tomorrow so I guess I gotta go.
~Oh, I cooked supper all by myself! Sirloin steak, baked potatoes and green beans. It was rather good... Makes me happy that I did it without any help at all and didn't even burn it. There's a shit load of dishes now though and guess who has dishes? Yep... Me. Maybe I can talk mom and dad into doing them since I cooked. Doubtfull, but it's worth a shot.
(R)(a)(C)(h)(E)(l)

Ooh! We got people comin in from New Orleans to stay in town and at our church... we have a Really big church and a building with places to sleep and then there's this place called "His Childrens Camp" that's not even finished that the church is helping build and make for abused children and stuff... yeah, a bunch of people are gonna stay at the camp, at the church and in the building. A few people I know are lettin people stay with them and the kids are gonna start goin to school with us and everything. It's gonna be so stressful because we have a Really small school and there's barely enough room for all the people that already go, let alone new people, but... well what can you do? They need some where to go and we got room to board them.. just not to educate them. I'm sure thing's'll work out though.

:: 2005 12 September :: 7.44pm

~so school pictures was today... we all know how them go. your face breaks out horribly during the night, you get milk spilt on your WHITE shirt just moments before you get yours taken, you sneeze as the camera flashes and you have an asshole camera man so you don't get to retake it, you have something in your teeth...at least it always happens on the movies. Mine turned out pretty good i think. i didn't get anything spilt on me, i didn't break out, i didn't sneeze and i had nothing in my teeth... i don't even have a teethful smile so it wouldn't matter anyway. I'm one of them people with the shy smile so whatever.
~I got out of class to help the elementary get ready to take theirs. Sounds cool, exciting and important right? Wrong. Basically I played bitch and had to run all over the school and grab the classrooms that needed to get ready and drag them down to the point of picture happenings.
Hmm...
~Doug has got himself a woman. Pretty exciting, so good for him. He seems rather happy. They've already been to a symphony... yeah... pullin out the big guns.
~It's been a week today since the last time I talked to Karl. I'm so lonely and depressed. I never thought I would come to rely on talking to someone to keep my spirit up. I've been kind of dragging through school and... well it's just crazy. Listening to sad lovey songs and crying all the time. It's pretty bad. I got a letter from him today and oh my gosh it was so sad. It was Really mushy and I loved it.
Hmm...
~Ok, I have a big math assignment and a HUGE test in Advanced Bio. tomorrow so I guess I gotta go.
~Oh, I cooked supper all by myself! Sirloin steak, baked potatoes and green beans. It was rather good... Makes me happy that I did it without any help at all and didn't even burn it. There's a shit load of dishes now though and guess who has dishes? Yep... Me. Maybe I can talk mom and dad into doing them since I cooked. Doubtfull, but it's worth a shot.
(R)(a)(C)(h)(E)(l)

Ooh! We got people comin in from New Orleans to stay in town and at our church... we have a Really big church and a building with places to sleep and then there's this place called "His Childrens Camp" that's not even finished that the church is helping build and make for abused children and stuff... yeah, a bunch of people are gonna stay at the camp, at the church and in the building. A few people I know are lettin people stay with them and they kids are gonna start goin to school with us and everything. It's gonna be so stressful because we have a Really small school and there's barely enough room for all the people that already go, let alone new people, but... well what can you do? They need some where to go and we got room to board them.. just not to educate them. I'm sure thing's'll work out though.

:: 2005 10 September :: 12.58pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: I wanna do it all - Terri Clark

Newness
Well... it's a lot different now... yall approve or dissapprove?
Lemme know...
Rach

2 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 10 September :: 10.48am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Baby Doll - Pat Green

Gross Creepy Things
My best guy friends (Jacob) sister (Samantha) who just graduated is dating our History teacher Mr. Navarro. He's.... how can I put this... a rather unique individual. He gets REALLY excited about things dealing with History (which is probably a good thing considering his occupation...) and he has these LOOOOOONG skinny fingers and he like waves his hands around while talking and they... eww his hands are just weird and he should wear gloves. They aint gross, they just... weird a bunch of people out. Other than that he's a real cool guy. When he first came... actually just until last year, his hair style was a comb over. Yeah... He's only like 24. Anyway, he now got it cut into a more "modern" style, short on the sides and back and longer in the front... basically the hair style every male in high school had until longer hair became "the thing", only he doesn't spike it... which is probably a good thing.
Now, Samantha... wow. Long, gorgous red hair, beautiful green eyes... but she's rather weird herself. She's just one of those people that's so smart that she's weird. Jacob's the same way, only he's more smart about weird things that no one really cares about. It's fun, he's a great person to be around and we think the same way, though I won't even pretend to be as smart as him, so it's all hunky dory. lmao we're considered the "Weird" people of our high school. it's rather fun. I couldn't even attempt to explaine it. We find things like " Save the people" folders ammusing, while others are like "... what the fuck!? ..."
it's great.
it's wonderful.
anyway, back to the point, Samantha and Jacob's parents are REALLY weird, like, worse than them. it's crazy. His mom... ok i caint even go into it, but they would NOT approve of Sam and Navarro, so they keep it mum. Jacob doesn't even know about it which KILLS me. I only know because Sam is best friends with Jenn who goes to school with Ash and Ash and Jenn are friends and so she passed the news along to Ashley and Ashley decided to ruin my life by telling me. I cannot concentrate in History no more because Ashley decided to share that they... fornicated.
Now I just picture his ... strange, special hands carressing her body while.. *gags*
ok i'm done, simply because i cannot force myself to continue.
ha.
*shudders*

I think I'm ready for a differnt lay out. I'm sick of this one ... i'll think about goin for something... happy and chipper. Maybe. Depends on if i find a back ground i approve of, which is doubtful because I'm picky as hell.
I still have to do some house work naked (just for you Kell ) so ... yeah fuck the work, i'll do it later.
Rachel

2 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 8 September :: 5.32pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Where You Are - Rascal Flatts

I figured it was time to update again since i aint since the 26... but yeah.
Karl came down Friday and left Monday at one... he picked me up from school... it was so sweet. lol all my friends like flocked out of the school and like killed him and Bubba.
We ... had sex. oh it was so wonderful even though it did hurt soooo bad. We didn't until Monday... oh it was so crazy.
He hates seeing me cry so I held it in until i couldn't see them anymore when they was drivin off and then i just started bawling. oh it was horrible. I had to do the MDA boot block like we do every Labor Day since my folks are on the fire department and yeah... so he got to leave me standing in the middle of the highway. i felt like a hooker, it was wonderful. lol. Anyway, luckily i had my make up because i got to go be on TV!! it was so exciting...ha, no not really, i just kind of stood there and mom and dad did all the talking about how much we raised and stuff. BooooOOOOooooring.
Anyway, schools still really hard and we have way to much homework. I was gonna be in FFA but I don't know if i'll be able to because since Ashley's at college there isn't anyone but me to take care of the house, kids, and cook supper, so I might have to sacrifice my social life for my family. Now, some may be wondering "why doesn't your Parents do all them things". Well my friends (i'm guessing) my parents just don't do them things. they claim that it's to stressful coming home from working all day to a needy family. Hmm maybe you fuckers shouldn't have had 4 kids then huh? Yeah, smart move. So, I get to do all that fun stuff all by myself. Ashley's never home. She's at home Friday night through Tuesday morning, then she stays with my cousins that live up there by the college to save gas since it's so damned expensive anymore. stupid... gas... whatever.
On another note... actually, back to Karl, while down here he managed to accidentally break his phone. How did he do that? Simple. He jumped in the pool with it in his pocket, it fell out of his pocket and he stepped on it. Hmm. Wonderful. Now, he's broke from comin down here and therefore cannot afford to grab a phone real fast so i caint talk to him. It's killing me.
anyway, i'm tired so i'm gettin outta here
Rach

2 !@#%$ | imagine

:: 2005 4 September :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: pick an exit - for the road

I am currently sick, and it does suck. Its been a while since I've been this sick. So I am attempting to get well as quickly as possible, because I don't want to miss any class when classes start back on Tuesday. So yesterday was devoted to getting better and watching college football. My beloved Fighting Irish are looking great this year under Charlie Weis. The new offense is amazing, and the defense is even looking better. Now I am going, because I now require 600 more milligrams of Advil, as well as rest.

:: 2005 28 August :: 8.50am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: hellogoodbye - call and return

so why am i awake right now? i left mass early to come home and pick up my brother, and i'm waiting for him, so i'm writing in here. fuck coach and his sunday practice, agnostic/athiest prick. i know agnostic people that don't pull this shit and still respect people who do. i really hope he dies. so i'm sitting here in a dress shirt, tie, dress pants and my usual shoes for school. aroused? ha. i'm going.

:: 2005 27 August :: 11.50pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: explosions in the sky - time stops

so i'm going to rant a lot in this entry, because i can do that.
i'm sick of dealing with stupid people.
i'm sick of dealing with stupid people who bring up past events.
i am now thinking how much of a waste of time this is. but oh well. things are going to change. a year from now, i'll be in college. most likely with jeff at aquinas. what's interesting is how quickly the mind can can and be made to forget things. feelings can be forgotten. its is amazing what the mind is capable of.

so two new explosions in the sky cds coming out. should be amazing, like always. but for now, i'm tired, and have to be at metro beach by 9:30 tomorrow morning. should be interesting to see if i get yelled at tomorrow also for whatever reasons. i'm watching the end of Apollo 13. i really like this movie. for now, goodnight.

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