spud
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2005 17 October :: 10.02pm
home sweet home.
i have to quit doing this shit to myself. gotta start being the college kid i'm really supposed to be.
which means i shouldn't be in here on the compy right now. i should be out in the common room with all the other turbo geeks, trying to do whatever. they're probably playing euchre.
the gig was fucking sweet. i had an awesome time. and everyone seemed to think i was pretty kick ass. i don't see what's so special, but i still enjoy the compliments. it's just hard to not let words like "phenom" get to your head... but it feels good. he had me stand up and take a bow and everything. it was just amazing. i've never really done anything quite like that before. i mean, band yeah, but it's not the same.
anyway.
the contour puked. so i helped dad put in a new alternator and serpentine belt. should be all set to rock and roll for awhile. needs new tires and an alignment, though. that'll be to the sum of like $300, give or take. and after $175 for a new alternator, the tires have been pushed back a bit. i know none of this is coming out of my pocket... but i still really feel for him. and i just know there's nothing i can do.
lifters on the gti probably came in today. i didn't pick them up. i need to order shims yet. this is taking forever. it needs to be done by next friday, so i can go down to kalamazoo. i'm excited about that.
and hopefully this sunday will work out. it really doesn't matter what we do... just as long as we're together.
but i definitely have a couple of things in mind...
ahem.
.
.
.
i'm a very bad influence.
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holiday
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2005 17 October :: 9.55pm
Things are WONDERFUL! Except I forgot I had a Bus. Eng. paper to write and a project for Nutrition to do...I remembered on the drive home. Guess they'll have to wait till after Laguna...
Charlie and I are all smiles now. It's good. He's working a 15 hour night tonight and probably all week. I went to my job orientation today and I will be working this Wednesday and Friday. It's going to be GREAT! I'm excited. We get paid every week though, which is wierd to be doing that again.
We're going to be saving up for a house soon. Once I start paying off stuff I can help. But Charlie's making a TON of overtime. Like 7 hours just today. Whoo wee that's cool and helpful. Ahhhh laguna is on...
I'll be on later.
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onceagainistandalone
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2005 16 October :: 12.58pm
my sister was telling me the other day that like a year and a half ago she felt restless with life and started praying for god to give her a kick in the ass..you know, something to move her on the next phase of her life. Just like that, she got pregnant with the most beautiful little girl i have ever seen.
yeah. thats what i need. not to get pregnant though.
i just feel like im doing nothing.
well its not really a feeling i guess, more like the truth.
anyway.
2 comments |
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holiday
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2005 15 October :: 9.34pm
Way to make me feel better dad! No, I just wanted to know if he even would cancel going for me. Now I know. I wouldn't have let him. But still, I just wanted to know. Silly me. I'm just a girl. I'll ALWAYS be here.
Anyway, I have a new job, and a new tattoo. Yippee!!!! I got it today at Wicked Ways. The guy Matt, he's pretty cool. I was laying down the whole time and holding onto Charlie's hand going "Oh god oh god oh god". It hurt when he got to the bony part. It's a star I drew, on my ankle. And I'm very happy :-)
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holiday
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2005 14 October :: 2.58pm
:: Music: The Used
Holy crap. I just bought Charlie's Christmas present. AHHHH :-D
It's been an interesting day.
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spud
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2005 14 October :: 12.39am
:: Music: franz ferdinand - fire
practice went pretty well, i think.
my band aid fell off. it was disgusting. as a matter of fact, i still haven't replaced it. *looks* yep, still disgusting. it just better not get infected. i need my thumb. no sense getting it lopped off. none whatsoever.
i guess i'm picking up the drumset tomorrow. and the new lifters for the car. then hopefully i'll be able to finish the car tomorrow night. that'd be sweet.
color tour on the 30th. don't know if jackie can make it yet or not. i hope she can.
i'm running out of money. i don't want to have to get a job.
and i'm not doing my homework. again. shit fuckers.
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holiday
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2005 13 October :: 11.10pm
You don't have to want to see me. Whatever.
I have a new job now. Finally. After a month. I don't know how I did it. Now I know why you get graduation money. Haha. For times like this. Too bad I'm spending some of it on a tattoo.
Chef called me today and I go in for orientation on Monday. Andrew had a good idea about not dispaying the name of the company so when people google it they won't get my journal. So I'm just going to type what the business card says...
..."Our catering experience has expanded over 15 years of performing thousands of catering events in our "hometown" to Rome, Italy. We have catered to several Presidents of the United States and have been selected as the exclusive caterer for the Farmers Charity Classic and West Michigan Whitecaps. Whether you're planning a corporate breakfast or lunch, a picnic in the park, or a gala event for 1,000, the "--blank--" team of event planners and certified chefs are trained to bring...."blank"...to your event!
I thought that was pretty neat.
So Charlie may get the ring sooner than expected. Now I'm really thrown off as to what time he will ask! Ahh. I found what dress I want. Maybe I already put that in here. Anyway. Spring.
Panera bagels are sooooooo great!
4 comments |
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holiday
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2005 13 October :: 12.55am
"We call it the suck it game, because, well, when we win, which, Will and I ALWAYS win, you get to turn to the loser and say 'suck on it'!!!!!"
"Which lever do I pull to have a safe dropped on me!?"
Gah I love this show.
2 comments |
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spud
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2005 13 October :: 12.49am
skiving off of homework...
yeah. so i got the car all apart today. made some good progress. dad did an awesome job on the valve cover with the PCV hose. i think i'm going to run it to a separate breather tank, as soon as i can find a place to mount it. and i'll just put the old filter on the breather. i don't like running it straight to the intake for some reason.
but anyway. the timing belt is off. old valve cover is off. the cam is out. i have the wrong fucking lifters. and i guess the right ones are like $100 more than i had originally budgeted. marvelous. so i don't know what i'm supposed to do about that. and i managed to slice my thumb wide open while i was rerouting some fuel lines. fan-fuck-tastic.
honestly, it's been a good night. there was a lot of great progress. and like i said, dad did an awesome job with the PCV stuff. but my thumb is fubar, the lifters still need to be addressed, and i didn't do squat on my homework.
maybe next time. but all in all, a good night.
9 comments |
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holiday
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2005 13 October :: 12.46am
Awww. I love Will & Grace so much.
I love ma girls too. I had a TON of fun tonight. I'm so happy we're hanging out again. Sar-oid needs to hang out with us again too!
I'm just sad right now and I don't really know why. My body is just going crazy on me. Operation- Scare David didn't work so well but it was still fun. Stir-fry is yummy. My bed feels nice. G'night.
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stinko
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2005 12 October :: 12.49pm
blah
blah
blah
i
like
stuff
ha
ok
?
4 comments |
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spud
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2005 11 October :: 10.24pm
:: Mood: holy shit!
i just landed a gig!
wow. cool. i just. man.
in less than an hour i've managed to hear about and accept an offer for my first paying gig.
at a place called Franco's. this saturday night. from 9pm-1am.
everybody come see me!
it's on 36th st. between burlingame and clyde park.
practice is thursday. which means i'm going to need to freak out or something!!!! oh wait, i already am!
AWEXOME CROSS!!!
yeah. i'm giddy like a two-years-old girl. shut it up, you.
7 comments |
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holiday
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2005 11 October :: 5.27pm
Hooray for... subway cookies. Yep. I am bored but I don't feel like leaving for class yet. I ran over this HUGE raccoon last night while my dad was trying to call me. It was sooo gross. I get to hang out w/ma girls tomorrow. Yippee!
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holiday
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2005 11 October :: 5.19pm
Ugh
It's so boring right now. And cold out. I have class in about 25 minutes. I was thinking about really having the wedding at Charlie's Grandma Caldwell's. It would be so pretty there and nice. At first I wanted it to be by water, but that's kind of hard... Anyway. I'm not feeling too great right now. I am so tired.
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spud
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2005 10 October :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: self-propelled oscillating fan device thingy
sometimes i wonder if maybe i'm totally fucking up this car thing. doing it all wrong. i should buy a cheap american car as a beater. sell the red rocket. and then wait until dad has a pole barn where i can build my cheap race car.
i would so totally like to buy evil betty. and a beater. that would be teh sweetness. but i'm not in a position to do either. and i can't help but think i fucked myself. it looked like a winner at the time. i thought i had it all figured out. it seemed to be everything i wanted. i guess now i'll just have to make it what i want.
this is the first time i've ever upgraded a car without HAVING to repair it. i'm just upgrading because i feel like it.
to me that's a dangerously easy way to spend a couple hundred bucks.
this does not look good for homestarrunner.
i wonder if i could get a job at a shop. that seems to be the way to do this cheaply.
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holiday
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2005 10 October :: 3.36am
GAHHH
Tonight has sucked. Well, after I left Charlie's that is. Parents are gone for awhile. So when Charlie had to go to work I went home and took care of the puppies. But I'm supposed to pull an all-nighter so when he comes here after work we can just sleep all day. He'll be here in about 5 1/2 hours. I need to sleep!
Guess what!? It's really crappy. I told my mom earlier that I really need a new bed. I'm sick of my futon. And I want a real mattress. But really I'm okay with my futon, it'll do. So I decided to clean my room today. Just totally rearrange everything and mess everything up. And I have this HUGE dresser that I had to move by myself, and I wanted to move my bed to the other wall. Long story short: I BROKE MY FUTON! BOO HOO. What luck. And the worst part was, it was about 1:30 am and I really wanted to just finish cleaning my room and sleep. But I had to move EVERYTHING around and then I didn't know what to do w/my bed frame so I put it in the yard. hahaha.
CRAPPY. So now we have to sleep on my big futon mattress on the floor. Eh. I'm tired it doesn't matter. I am so rambling right now. I'm exhausted. I went shopping today for a long time. GBAKHJANJAdahKDJ
G'night. Oh yeah, next saturday lissa, char and i are going for tattoos! mine shall be on my foot. awesome. it's going to hurt though. good thing i bought new shoes today!
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spud
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2005 9 October :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: liebevoll...
:: Music: heart - dog and butterfly
and just like that. life is good.
i was really afraid that i'd never be able to listen to heart again without crying.
and honestly, i'm still very close to tears. but that's okay.
i'm just tired of being a screw-up. and asking everyone else to just tolerate me. and they do it. maybe out of pity? nay (yeah, i said "nay". deal with it), out of love; unjustified, though that love may be.
and rachel's cool. she seemed really happy for me. i just hope she can find someone. or at least find peace with being single.
i'm still dirty though. i'll take a shower in the morning. at least 2 of my worlds are meshing. it's a start.
6 comments |
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spud
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2005 9 October :: 6.51pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: nuffink
growing up (post-divorce), i felt like i lived three different lives. one at school. one at home. and one at dad's.
i'm pretty sure i've graduated to like 7 different lives by now. and they're all constantly clashing with each other. they're not tidily separated like they were in the past.
i would really like to get back down to, oh say... one. that would be fantastic.
*
i got together with jackie. we talked. it was wonderful. but now i'm left with this tremendous guilt. like i don't deserve jackie's forgiveness, and i'm a horrible person for using rachel like i did. and just. messy.
and my homework is not doing itself, either. not that that is unusual.
and i forgot to get fucking groceries. so i'm going to have to remember when i'm out and about tomorrow. SHIT. i just remembered, i also forgot grandma's care package of cookies. which she gave me because i ditched on brunch to be with jackie. which was important. and then i ditched on dinner at kathy's... 'cause. i don't know. i just needed to get away for awhile.
the car has been postponed to next weekend. i get the parts tomorrow. i'm doing the valve cover, valve cover gasket, lifters, timing belt... and maybe the shift lever, if i get the chance to run to that place in cornstalk park. i need a boot and lever. and a dome light. and rear seatbelts.
i guess i could always remove the rear seat entirely, and that would solve the WHOLE problem. yeah. when i get a winter beater.
i'm just so emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted. and i know that it still pales in comparison to what jackie's going through. i'm just too numb to go through it twice. and i never wanted to do that to her. and that's exactly what i fucking did.
i'm supposed to give a persuasive speech tomorrow.
oh dear.
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greenpixiestix
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2005 7 October :: 9.02am
:: Music: A Wilhelm Scream - Less Bright Eyes, More Deicide
In case you really do want to read what I'd consider my REAL journal, head on over to diaryland.
Remember that I'm one of those quiet chicks who sits in the back of class. Ok? Good. Yesterday mornin', I was sitting on a bench, reading a book. Some guy came up and said, "Hey, I'm in a few of your classes. Kristina, right?" and I nodded. He was pretty hot. "How'd you know my...?" "OH! Sometimes I sit next to you, and the roll sheet gets passed around and... yeah, so how're you liking the book?" We chatted about the humanities class, and then it started getting strange. "Y'know, you're really pretty," he said. At that point, I was very conscious of my appearance. Hair down, eyes barely lined with eyeliner, black tshirt, black jacket, black jeans with wallet chain hangin' off, and faded, beat-up, 5-year-old, very weathered black Converse. "Uhh... thank you." "What're you doing on Wednesday night? There's this great Bible Study thing, if you'd like to come with me." DUDE! ARE YOU INSANE?! ...and was that a "date"?! "Oh? I don't really live in the area, but thanks for asking." Luckily, his phone started to ring, and I managed to make a quick escape. And I thought all I ever had to worry about was avoiding the Scientologists... Good grief.
*By the way, I'm single again, which meant I could've went to Bible Study with a hot guy without feeling guilty, but DUDE. *gesticulates wildly* NO.
1 comment |
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spud
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2005 7 October :: 10.34am
:: Mood: ass.
:: Music: the mars volta - "i'm totally freaking out, man!"
wow. i'm really disoriented. and this music isn't helping. oh well. it's still fucking cool.
i guess i'm going to work on the car tonight. hunter invited me to the haunt, but i'm not sure if i'm going to go or not.
it reminds me of a few years ago. the time i went to dee's house for halloween. and i was single, and miserable. considering i've spent the last 3 years un-single, and intermittently miserable, i don't know how to feel now.
i hate being this big of a jerk. but i know it's the only way.
this is what i get for taking romance advice from dorkus.
5 comments |
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spud
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2005 6 October :: 10.23am
okay. well. everything is packed. and i did laundry last night. there's still one little spot, but the majority is gone. it smells good, and it's folded nice and pretty. that's more than i can usually manage.
i'm just really weirded out about the whole thing. but last night was a good talk. didn't really accomplish anything, but it made me feel better.
i just remember sometime back in march asking myself "why?"
and getting the response "why not?"
i couldn't find a good reason not to, so i did. and now we both have several reasons not to, and we're hard pressed to convince ourselves "why".
from that perspective, it seems pretty obvious. it's still really sad though.
Ich habe nicht gut glück mit die Fräu...
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spud
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2005 5 October :: 5.02pm
:: Music: uno melodic (funk compilation old skool)
dear diary, (mood: apathetic...)
i must be eeemo...
well. i about crapped my pants. i put the stopper back in the throttle linkages, so the butterfly would open sooner. i could NOT possiby start from a dead stop without squawking them in first. until the stop screw fell out.
i have to devise a way to change the setting. i like how it is now for road driving. it's doggier than sin, but it's smooth, with good low-end torque. then when i'm "racing" i can shove some sort of stopper in, then just take it out when i'm done. but first i'll need to be fixing my hood latch. it sucks having to open it with a screwdriver.
"the mating call of the teenage girl"... i need to buy me some techno to blare on my system. and some mid-ranges for the back. i'm thinking some 6-8" woofers or something. i think that would cover what i'm missing. maybe closer to 5" i don't know. we'll see. i'll just try a bunch of different stuff. whatever dad has lying around the trailer.
i don't really want to drive the gti this winter. but i don't want to get a beater either. and i don't have anywhere to store it. fuck. i don't want to HAVE to get a job on top of school.
plus next semester, i'm bumping up to 16 credits and possibly an internship for even more credits. yes. i'm pretty insane, that's for certain.
i think jackie and i are over. but i'm not really sure. she's not saying anything. i guess i'll operate on the assumption that she hates my guts. and then if she doesn't, i'll provide her with ample reason to. which would prove difficult, because i hate being mean. but then again, maybe if i just keep being myself that will be reason enough.
i'm sore from lifting yesterday. and i did a mile on the treadmill. a WHOLE mile! aren't you proud of me? i knew you would be. i need to stay on top of the lifting business. i want to feel huge. not necessarily look huge, but feel huge. and right now i don't.
that's enough for now, i think.
funkalicious.
6 comments |
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spud
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2005 5 October :: 8.42am
:: Mood: i'm awake, honest...
okay. so maybe it wasn't such a great idea. but that's okay.
i had fun, right?
shut up, brain.
i wanna take a nap. german quiz in T-15.
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spud
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2005 3 October :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: lost
:: Music: Yes - Close to the edge
several seditious scribes from syria...
well, i went to the commmunications discussion board tonight. they had people there from wood tv 8, fox 17, and the grand rapids press.
i was disappointed that they didn't have any radio people there.
and it's just more of the same thing. me having questions - unanswerable ones. at least, none that they can answer for me. i have to find out for myself. and nobody seems to know how. aside from getting knee deep into it, only to realize i'm in the wrong place, then look somewhere else. i'm personally getting a little tired of the runaround. but how else am i supposed to find it?
i mean, i have a strange and unique combination of skills and interests. that must mean that i have a unique role out there somewhere. i'd like to think that god didn't just put me here for shits and giggles, with no real purpose. and i'd like to think i can feel good for serving that purpose. but if i don't know what the purpose is, how can i tell if i'm serving it properly, and adequately?
i'm just tired of running in circles, not knowing where to go or what to do.
...
i readjusted the throttle setup according to the bentley. it's definitely smoother, and i have more low-end torque. but it doesn't wind out nearly as quickly. and i was going to try putting the stop-screw into the linkages, so the butterfly would open sooner, but the hood latch release is on the fritz. so now i can't even get into the engine compartment. i'll have to figure out a way to get at it with like a coat-hanger or something, to get it open, so i can fix it. but i didn't feel like doing it tonight. and i don't know if i have solid lifters or hydraulic lifters or what, but i guess i need to replace them. they're noisy as fuck. which is really loud, in case you were wondering.
edit: the mess i have to work with -
that's all for now kids. and my "blow shit off all weekend" thing has yet again come back to bite me in the ass. at least i got to sleep in this morning. so i'll be coherent while i'm pulling the late-nighter. but it will suck tomorrow morning. i think i might go lift weights tomorrow night. that would be cool. by my lonesome...
it's too easy to fall into this cycle. it sucks you in. makes you lazy. makes ME lazy.
2 comments |
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holiday
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2005 3 October :: 4.40pm
:: Music: Still Remains- White Walls
Yipppeeee finally 18.
hooray.
2 comments |
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