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holiday

:: 2005 11 April :: 2.16pm
:: Music: The Black Maria

Hmm...haven't been on here in a while. I am really not looking forward to going back to the 'ol routine. Crap.
It's been pretty nice. Things are happenin'.
Goin over to the best guy in the world's house in a little bit.
:-) heck yeah.

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blondie17

:: 2005 11 April :: 11.40am

read!
i like him so much. but i dont think it goes both ways. its on then its off...then its on then its off. i cant stand hearing him talk about other girls. we had one good night.....where i felt like the feeling was semi mutual. another night he talked about how he had sex with alyssa (one of his ex's) that afternoon...and i wouldnt let him touch me. i was pissed. then he told me he was just joking...and that it was cute that i cared so much. i was sitting on the slide and he came over and kissed me...a peck but he came to me and did it! my stomach hurts cause im talking about him so im going to go....wow...for once i hope that i dont get my heart broken...i would just like this chance.

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crazygirl

:: 2005 10 April :: 11.02pm

i had a dream last night
dustin posthuma was in it
what ever happened to that kid?

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onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 10 April :: 1.01am

i can't sleep.
i can't stop thinking about like..everything.

i was in a daydream all day...and now when i try to sleep i just end up staring at whatever is directly in front of me. then i get uncomfertable, roll around about. repeat.

i really feel that i made a wrong decision in coming here.

not just because i lost my job or anything..whoop dee doo..thats number 5 in the past 8 months.

its like..i don't know..i stopped writing, stopped reading books, i don't play my guitar as much. its like i don't have heart anymore to do the things i love.

now i just smoke pot and watch tv, and it makes me very unhappy.

and don't fucking say im not trying. everytime i pick up that pen nothing comes and everytime i pick up that guitar i get so frustrated i just wanna break it cause im just stuck.

stuck in this fucking state this room this chair.

not like i thought it would be, definatley not worth everything i left.

i realize now that all my updates say basically the same thing.

goodybye.

love,
matthew james hinton

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onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 9 April :: 8.24pm

we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene
probably going to go to southern california for a week or two.

take a break from the past four months of bullshit.

who knows what may come of it..id like to move there.

we shall see.

everything will change.

love,
matthew james hinton

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onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 8 April :: 6.20pm

there are many things in the wokrs right now
i don't know whats oing to happen in these coming weeks here.

several options to toss around the ol peanut.

to steal from a movie i like alot

she is the place i am headed.

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spud

:: 2005 8 April :: 7.25pm
:: Music: The Rippingtons - Kilimanjaro

if i could ...
... i'd make you understand.

yeah, those are seal lyrics. but i'm listening to the rippingtons. go figure. this drummer is more than slightly insane.
smooth jazz really r0x0rs my s0x0rs. seriously.

i taste and smell like cheap cigar. honestly, why the hell did i buy those. well, it smelled good at the time. i just know to never buy them again.

i talked with dad last night. the whole, "god made you with a purpose in mind, and will take care of everything that needs to be done in order to facilitate that purpose, if you ask him to."

which is reassuring, but it's not a big motivator. although, i really think that i can't possibly be motivated in this house. it just sucks my will to live. or at least, get anything done. i always thought it was mom, but she's not here. it's this house. it's creepy, and i don't like it. so, whatever.

i'm just so toast, and for no reason. i've done nothing at all, all day. and i still feel so totally drained, it's rediculous. i almost hate myself. tomorrow i'm going with H3k70r! jigga w00t w00t. that's gonna be superhella hot. i'm so excited, it's absurd.

still haven't heard from jackie. my life feels so weird. it's felt weird for a long time now. and it's not going away. well, it goes and then it comes back, then it goes again. so, i don't know. it's really just on a whim. whatever. i'll get over it or something.

i need to get offa this damn computer.

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spud

:: 2005 7 April :: 10.42am
:: Mood: relaxed

stuff, junk. mom and libby should be somewhere on the ohio turnpike by now. they left at like quarter to six. i remember vaguely coming to as mom said goodbye this morning. but by the time i was coherent, she had gone back upstairs. i glanced at the clock, then fell back asleep. i set my alarm for nine. this is the first time i haven't gone with them. it's weird.

i should be doing calculus, or cleaning, or showering, or something.
so, i'll get on that shortly.

i should probably also eat something.
i need to call dad.
i haven't heard back from jackie. i'm not really worried, i just hope i didn't say anything stupid. which is like, constant with me - i'm always saying stupid crap.
MIVE track day at gingerman this weekend. i'm so horribly excited, it's rediculous. okay, i have every reason to be extremely giddy. so, i am.

i'm not feeling too good though, because i haven't lifted at all this week. i probably won't. but let's face it, without kevin here to kick my ass, i knew i wasn't gonna do it. i just really don't want to. for some reason, having kevin there, makes me want to do it.

no, not that, you sick fucks. well .... maybe a little bit. but no, not really.

sick fucks. you seriously think i'm gay? whatever, i'm totally over it.

i've actually been in a good mood for the last 24 hours or so. just really funny stuff with the motion picture show. just a great time. too bad it's all inside my head, so none of you can see it.

speaking of inside my head, i ran into sarah at the store yesterday, and let me tell you, it was really great. *swoons*

anywho.

um...

yeah. ...

i can't really follow that up all too well.

in other news, i need to get prom crap all sorted out.

*-*

mom just called. she was on the ohio turnpike (am i good or what?). but now i can't remember what i was gonna say.

but yeah. lots of stuff to do.

i'll talk to you kids later. and stuff.

SHUT UP, PUPPIES, I'M COMING!!!! good gravy...

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onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 6 April :: 6.37am

sometimes i really feel that something is wrong with me.

i start work at 6 am, it is now 6:37, and here i am. fucking fired. because my stupid alarm clock was an hour slow.
why does this always happen
why can't i just work
hold a job
make steady money

its fucking depressing, its not like its hard to keep a job. everyone does it, but here i am..this is now my 5th job since september.

well fuck..i don't know

this jibbers everything up.

but now i have to go really get fired face to face, so yeah.

love,
matthew james hinton

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holiday

:: 2005 4 April :: 7.09pm

Gramma and I went shoppin' today! It was fun. We went to David's Bridal.
I got a dress! FINALLY! A prom dress, mind you. But a wedding dress isn't far off. I called my mom to tell her they're holding it, and when I first told her where we were, she was quiet/confused then she freaked. haha. I had to remind her we're looking at prom dresses.
Got some shoes they're going to dye for me and a bag and my grandma got me these really beautiful earrings and a necklace. Holycrapawesome. Yes indeed. I can't wait to go w/Charlie! :-)

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spud

:: 2005 3 April :: 11.25pm

i'm on the computer waay too freaking much.

or, at least, i have been today.

something to rectify tomorrow, i guess.

this is bullshit.

i WANT to be tired.

i told mom to wake me up tomorrow at nine.

i'm hoping that'll fix it.

i'm sick of feeling so unaccomplished and unenergetic.

and it's only been a day or two.

shit.

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spud

:: 2005 3 April :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: lethargic

well. i'm back from krispy kreme. i had fun. saw cool people, and cool cars. there was a guy there with a yellow convertible beetle, who had just moved here from virginia, and named his bug after mustard plug. i thought it was hawt.

and hector was there with "project liger". it was fricking schweet. and paul was there, so he got to hear the stereo, thus relieving me of something that has been on my mind way more than it should've been.

next weekend is track day at gingerman. i'm so excited. and a loser.

this week until then, however, is chock full of working and stuff. and not even for money! grr. oh well. it's what i need to do to get the things i want.

went to the new house today to try and figure out the schematics of the new bedroom. i'm trying to figure out a way to cram all my shit into a 10x10 foot living space in a way that allows me to maintain stereophonic imaging while i'm in bed, as well as when i'm at my desk. then you throw in the fact that i'd like to be able to watch tv from bed. it's a tricky mother. i also want to keep in mind that the cords running from my amp to my speakers should be exactly the same length, so the speakers are getting signal at the same time. it's my amateur way of adjusting the timing of all this stuff. it's gonna get trickier in the new car, whenever i wind up wiring that thing in. of course, that requires having a new car first.

in other news, i wrote some lyrics friday night. i edited them saturday when i woke up. here they are in all their glory:

The sun sets low on a crimson horizon.
The day dawns inversely, admittedly wizened.
The nigh that impends upon pastel creation.
The dark that unites in the hearts of all nations.

Bloodbaths in secret are secret no longer,
When worldwide media proves itself stronger.
Then the day breaks, shedding light on the matter.
While bodies lay broken, men's wallets get fatter.

But new hopes and dreams arise with the sun.
Rays of red silence portend life begun.
Those versed in violence know this cannot end.
Yet there are still those who can somehow pretend.

So why are we here? Have we yet reached meridian?
Plebeian ignominy accentuates mortal sins.
Those passing judgment will cast the first stones.
Meanwhile, the platypus ascends to the throne.

....

* i can get the words to sound good together, but they still don't tell a story. i'm just babbling jibberish. cool sounding, but jibberish nonetheless.

6 comments | feedback


onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 2 April :: 11.21pm

helicopter blades
thump thump thump

fuck

when will there be something to do

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spud

:: 2005 1 April :: 3.04pm

stuff

i just got out of the shower. it feels good, what with my exfoliating experience in sam's driveway and then working out, and everything.

it was funny. i had just gotten back from kevin's, and while i was in the shower, the radio played "daughters" or whatever it is, by john mayer. it just seemed like such a perfect coincidence.

i'm feeling good. lot's to do, though, lots to do.

so, with that i leave you, to go do my "lots".

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crazygirl

:: 2005 31 March :: 7.38pm

don't worry about a thing
you know your path is true
just ease your mind
have a banana or two

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spud

:: 2005 31 March :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: RHCP - by the way

Polyvinyl Chloride

i didn't realize how depressing it would be to see the talent show, and not be in it. some of it was painful to hear, but most of it was pretty good. i'm sure eveyone who saw me plugging my ears thought i was a big dick, but i'm just trying to preserve my hearing as best i can. i could still listen to what was going on - it just wasn't so harsh. they were totally overdriving their amplifier. i think the speakers couldve handled it, but they weren't matching the amp properly. not that it really matters. i just know that once i get everything on dad's stuff wired up right, it's gonna be sweet.

it still sucked to not be playing, though. i always think that at weddings and stuff too. i'd rather be the one up on stage or spinning the tunes, than the one out on the dancefloor. that's just the way i am.

anyway...

i just wrote a cool rhythm. it's an accent pattern in 4/4 time, but the accents go: . . . . 2 . . . . E . . . . & . . . . UH . . & . . . . UH 4 . . .

i know most of you won't understand that, but whatever, i thought it was cool as hell. it has this really odd, kinda sporadic feel to it, but it comes out to be 4 in the end. well, it's actually 2 measures long, so it's 8. you know what i mean, though, right?

yeah, sure.

i'm also likin' this samba thing that Mr. Robuck is having us do now. it's an old jazz tune called Caravan. it's cool.
i'm getting better at my swing too. just the whole double strokes on the ride deal. i'm finally getting my speed up, after HOW many years? my left hand is still a puss ass, though. i'm trying really hard to work it out more, but it's still tough, just to force myself to do it. it's very tempting to do a right hand lead, just because i can do rhythms that are more fun to play, and it just feels more natural and flowing. but the only way to get the left lead to flow is to work it, so there you are. i'm just a lazy bitch.

speaking of which, i need to do my 4 pushups. and my crunches. spring break is gonna suck not lifting. oh well. i'll do what i can.

i'm so busy for the next couple of days, it's nuts. i hope to god i don't forget anything important.

that's all i have for now, so - until next time - i'm really naked right now.

okay, not really. but it was fun to pretend!

okay, i'm really gonna go this time.




seriously...

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blondie17

:: 2005 31 March :: 11.46am

read people i need advice
one minute we are cuddling and the next minute ...he has a crush on someone. someone else. one minute i feel so close to him and the next....ive never wanted to be more far away. its weird...cause he'll put his arm around me and pull me closer and then that same night he says we are never going to be anything. exact words...."if we ever go out...which we probably wont, then well be together a long time." thats all we have more than him and any other girl is what he says. but after that he says "i think im crushing on kim" i say...well okay. i dont get how you are not ready to have something...tell me not to rush things, and then you tell me how you want to be with someone else. shes a bitch. she has a boyfriend, and the way she talks to him its like she doesnt. she tells him they need to hang out and then shell stand him up. and for some reason he likes her. i knew this would happen. when i finally get brave enough to move on hell do something to make me feel like he could like me.....like for instance....well be at a store.....i wont touch him...well just be walking...then hell grab my hand and hold on the rest of the way. i dont get this. at all and i want to stop liking him....more than anything, but everytime i make head way something happense which i guess gives me false hope. I think that we could be so perfect together. id do anything for that chance. but if we do end up together in the end....ill most likely feel as if i was never his first choice and that he was settling for me.

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crazygirl

:: 2005 30 March :: 11.44pm

walking out of a night club to hear birds chirping and realizing it's brighter out than when you went in. check.

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stinko

:: 2005 30 March :: 11.15am

im closer to the ground than i will ever get to you
it's so weird that soon i will never be back here again.

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blondie17

:: 2005 30 March :: 7.53am

so anyways. i went to a pure romance party yesterday. it was fun. got some good stuff! and won some unscented lubricant. that was cool. and i plan on using what i bought...well maybe not seeing as how i dont have anyone to use it with.....jessi? becca? hilllalrlrryryry!!!!!! we need a get to gether and a video cam lol.

5 comments | feedback


onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 29 March :: 12.06pm

it seems that i have created a chain reaction of shitty events.

god i want to come home
i just want to come home..

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onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 29 March :: 10.16am

fuck..

i don't know.

ask me later.

love,
matthew james hinton

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crazygirl

:: 2005 28 March :: 1.22pm

i think it's a little concerning when someone's trying to find a dog to match their new louis vuitton dog collar.

peter, you make me sick.

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blondie17

:: 2005 28 March :: 12.08pm

so...i think that i am doing good with the getting over him bit. go me! not really. its so hard. we went to westgate the other day, and he held my hand! he reached for my hand! of course he had some alcohol in him but do you think i care? nope! your crazy if you do! it was so nice. he told me that he looked forward to my calls at 2:45 when i get out of school and right before soccer. he told me i mean a lot to him. and im his best friend. he told me that it meant a lot to him when i took him to court that mornign.he told me that it meant a lot to him when i was getting sick cause i thought he was going to jail...cause it meant he knew i cared....I CARED AND CARE A LOT! and he told me i was special and if anyone ever hurts me hell kick their ass. he told me he wouldnt let me get used by guys anymore. he is the reaason im so happy all the time, and hes the reason im so sad. he told me it was too bad that i had to work sunday cause his family was going out.....which means i think that he wished i could go with him. i stood up to my dad and told him to quit being a jerk cause i like jason. my family likes him. I like him. my mom even told him that she wished he could have been with them on easter. (i had to work so i didnt even eat with my family i got cold leftovers. I sat with his mom,sister and his sisters boyfriend and looked at family pictures...mostly of when he was younge.....so cute! i just love being this close to him. it is nice. saturday sucked at first and then got better. i hung out with him pretty much every day this week. and weekend. wow. hes such a great person!

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spud

:: 2005 27 March :: 11.21pm

if you feel the urge, don't be afraid to send up a quick prayer for me. i figure it can't hurt. but there's no expectation.

i try and pray for you guys as often as i can. probably not as often as i should. but i try. and it usually makes me feel better.

maybe it's stupid, but katie's the one i pray for the most.

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