*fun-ish day*...i guess lol.. at least the bus was... .. spanish was kinda boring.. history was eh... natalia sat with me tho!!! hehe lol.. Bio.. test... what more to say there.. i did my daybook in bio so i dont have any hw tonite :) <- big smile... well i have to read.. and do math.. but i never do math.. w/e lol.. why start now.. PE we went to the weight room.. christini will be BUFF by the end of the year....mark my words... lol.. bus was funnnnnnnn... me n lizzy sat in sam n rachs seat...and there was a cockiroach.. and i like started screaming and crying and i jumped up out of the seat all squirmy....VERY funny lol... then me n sam stratigically stole daniels script out of his bag... hes supposed to play a gay guy! lmao lol... andddddd what else... o that lady dancin in her car n sunil was like "BREAK IT DOWN!!" lol fun fun.. then i went to get my new invisilign... ::ouchies:: ... sadness... oh well... i have like a week of no hw... so thats always good :) and im gonna see my baby :) and going to wellington.. and making our video... "the spring" lol.. u guys we have to find a house to sleep at n get to the woods......NEAR there...

ehhh... i wish it was last night :( . today kinda sucked. hw day basically...only not too much was hw...procrastination as usual.. big bio test tomorrow...feelin kinda lazy... not too good.... and maybe make up english test, i have no worries about that one tho... it is mcmanus afterall lol ...so its gotta be easy.. i wanna see my baby :( i miss him so much.. and i havent talked to him in like, 2 weeks, well over the phone.. so im gonna try n get stuff done tomorrow and call him or something.. he said soemthing today that kinda got me feelin a little eh.. but i dont think he meant it the way it sounded.. so w/e, ill just forget it.. i just really wanna see himmmmm... were supposed to do something this weekend.... this is my list of what i wanna do lol : see emy, go to the beach a few times maybe, mall , i wanna see anger management and maybe afew other movies i duno.. hang out with mis amigas....DO THE DARK FOREST MOVIE!!! WE HAVE TO! ....ehhh i think thats about it right now... ill probly think of more stuff later.. OH! i know.. i was thinkin bout maybe goin to the rapids if a few people wanted to go......so lemme know on that one guys.. k.. g2g maybe study some more for bio..if not im going to sleep...toodles

AAAAAAH!!!
Tonight was the best fucking night ever......this weekend has been phenomenal (sp)... first yesterday..now today!!! ahh! i got up..and i went online right...and zac goes to me, hes like, so are u seeing simple plan tonight, im like, whAT!!! hes like yeah...wing ding..and at first i thought he was messing with me but i went to the site..and they were in fact performing...so i called up rach and she said she probly couldnt go after her mom and yesterdays fiasco..so i asked sam and she was probyl gonna come..but then rach could come and sam couldnt :( and i felt really bad i really wanted her to come......but i couldnt pass up simple plan... so me n rach went.. and it was so much fun.... we saw ms cleo!!! the real one!! lol... greaat...and they had frozen bananas on a stick they looked like frozen chocolate covered penises..it was great lol.. and thennnnnnnnnnnnn... omg simple plan was going on at 8 so we started working our way thru the crowd..like the 6 of us.. and we got to a point where there were like 3 girls in front of us.. and this other band was playing and we saw pierre and like the WHOLE crowd turns and screams for him...i felt so bad for that other band tho they were new and actually pertty good.....but AN YWAYS.. then simple plan came on and there was only ONE FAT ASS girl in front of us.. if she fucking moved all 6 of us coulda fit in her spot.... and then she kept like fucking shoving us back and we jumped right back into her lol .. we wanted to chop off her hair.. then the music started and we were jumping sooo much and i like almost fucking passed out..but that bitch she kept like stepping on me and shoving me and she elbwed me so i was like oh fuck no.. so i like pinched her and kicked her n shit and she didnt know who it was cuz there were so many people crammed in there lol.. but that bitch didnt even know any of the fucking words i was like why the HELL are u in the front row u dont even know their most played songs...rrrrrr..but it was SO awesome..they were performing for like an hour..and i was jumping like the highest lol i felt so proud, and i was fucking screaming the whole time i have like no voice now... pierre threw water on me!!! ahh lol.. wat else wat else.... omg.. they rapped too lol.. well they performed addicted, id do anything, grow up, im just a kid, worst day ever, you dont mean anything, god must hate me, and then they rapped to in the club.. that new eminem song.. and this other song i didnt know.. it was so funny..pierre can actually rap pretty well for a rockstar...natalia woulda liked that one lol.. so yeah.. overall fun night.. then i got chuck ( the drummer) 's autograph for my sammy baby ... they woulda done so many more but their fuckin groupies dragged em away... n then daddy came n got me n rach.. and we went to the radus.. and were there for like a half hour...mike was kinda..yeah .. lol.. w/e... then we came home n dropped her off and here i am talkin to my sammy baby!!! i wish she coulda come....damn babysitting :(... oh well.. wait till warped tour baby... its gonna fucking rock!!!!!!! were gonna get to the very very very front and its gonna be so fucking awesome i cant fucking wait!!!! and gc too!!!!!!!! AAAAHH!!!!! so energetic now.... best weekend ever.. i was hoping emy would be at the radus..that woulda topped off my weekend and made it COMPLETELY awesome.. but he wasnt :( ... i really wanna see him soon.. i miss him so much!!!

i have the bestes bf ever :0) i love u so much emy, ur the best, u really are... u always know exactly what to say to make me feel ebtter :) i love u......hehehehe all giggly.,...best day... ahh :0)

BEST DAY EVER>.. its gonna be long...
OMG today was like, the funnest, bestest day in the history of days that included school...
1. it started out really shitty...but then as i walked up to first period (spanish..) there was a sign to go to the cafeteria....so me n lizzy went... at first i thought it was cuz lona was getting us doughnuts cuz thats what he said but he told us he forgot them at home ( sadness) but that the seniors stuck superglue in all the room key holes from 400s through 100s (foreign languages....history classes....electives....other shit..) so yeah, i have my first two classes in 400s, so we had free classes till 10:30... so school never really started for me till then.. and hardly..then since first lunch started i got some pizza and ate it on the way to english.. and mr mcmanus told me i got onto yearbook staff!!!! yay!!!! and i got an a on my vocab test..and math .. and for the rest of math we just hung out after the quiz... and i was SO planning on spending my night sleeping...but OMG so glad i didnt.. on the bus rach said she n sam were going to loggers.. so i wanted to go..and lizzy did too... and mike decided to come too....and as we got off the bus dan seemed to join us even tho he didnt go to loggers lol but it was fun anyways... then as we were walking.. rachie felt the need to change so she was stripping on oriole country road out of her skirt into soffes, behind a naked tree, lmao, then mr todds was eh-fun... daniel fit right in mr todd started making fun of him so he knows hes part of the family too.. and we talked about starting a marine lab trip over the summer :) its gonna be awesome...all of us in the keys WITH mr todd... omg so much fun. so then rachie drank some rotton "orange juice" out of his fridge...and.... dun dun dun... I GOT MY CALCULATOR POSTER!!!! RACH WE NEVER CUT IT IN 1/2!!!!!!!!! lol im so excited. half a calculator on my wall. wow were dorks lol. so then sams mom was supposed to pick us up but we decided to follow dan.. and then go to liz's but then dan turned into his neighborhood and we decided to go stalk him and follow him home...then we saw chris (sams bf/dans brother) stroll in as we approached the house... (dan kept dropping the mail.. i thought that was hilarious lol)... and then chris helped us come up with a plan.. so he snuck us (me sam rach and liz) thru the backyard..and into the playroom while dan was in the potty... and we were hiding in there with the door cracked open but we were laughing histerically..then dan stopped in front of the door and started to take off his pants but he saw us and then pulled em back up .. LMAO lol.. so we hung out there a little.. and me n rach wanted to go in the pool but LUCKILY we didnt cuz we werent supposed to be there.. and sam heard something and they were like oh fuck dads home so we like RAN out of the backyard and grabbed our shit and ran lol we JUST missed his dad going into the house... i wonder if he noticed we were there... eesh lol.. so then we walked to lizzys... and we came up with the idea to go n dress up n walk to natalias to scare her dressed up as oompa loompas lol so we ate some, found some fun stuff to wear, party stuff, scary glasses lmao, boas, all sorts of stuff.. so we walked out dressed like hippis..... and we mustve passed by the security guy and maybe 2 cops lol.. and we just sat out on the sidewalk across from natalias house.. and her aunt came out and seriously had to struggle to not stare at us..she didnt know who the fuck we were and i could tell she felt awkward it was FUNNY AS FUCK> then she walked in the house and we saw someone peeking thru the blinds from natalias room lol and she came out and we sang and she started to scream it was so funny.....love u girl! ...but she was going out so we went back to lizzies...went online...looked at pictures...took some wacky pictures... music...rach performed for us...sammy gave me a semi-lap dance .....wow sammy i lvoe u lol im so crazy when im with u!! i love it!!!...then we went and ate and pigged out and had a burping fest...ehehehe .lol... and then me and sammy got wild in the room.... ::wink wink:: she turned me lesbo lol and bryan called lizzie and we all got on the fone all hyper and we made all sorts of weird comments and fart sounds ( thank u i was the best at em lol ) and it was just SUCH a fun night.. we figure if we had a video camera today...that woulda been SO perfect.. so we better do our idea for next weekend!!!! we wanna get my moms camcoreder , go to the skary forest at night dressed up all weird with dan and chris and mess around and scare people and the potheads in there and make a video and stuff...OMG WE SHOULD MAKE A VIDEO IN THE FOREST LIKE THE RING... Like film random trees and rocks and stuff lol .. thatd be soooo funny... wow.. i have the best time with u babies!!! love u guys... u are without a doubt the bestest and funniest and coolest friends ive ever had... i love u!!!!
but on ANOTHER note.. sammy informed me that the only reason celine hates me supposedly is my voice. im sorry but thats just like mean. how do i even have control or am able to change my voice?? ugh. i hate it when people dont like me for no reason. or something that i cant help. w/.e....i have the bestest friends!!! and i wouldnt give em up for anything..at least THEY think i have a cute voice lol...love u babes..

im going fucking crazy.....im going fucking crazy.......imgoign FUCKING CRAZY.............oh...to late...im gone
id be surprised if i wasnt in a mental institute by june.

ahhhhhhhh its a conspiracy we all have our periods.........wow i feel bad for the guys around us this week lol.....theres like 5 of us with them...oh well..at least something funny happened like, every class cept for spanish.....in history.....mieczszinski got ashleyu pretty good ...but even funnier...weslys damn fan fell on the floor lol...wow.. in bio.....mitchell was like hadlfkbnmnviuhwfnm and mr. hock was like shut up mitchell u sound like wesly....lol...it was so funny.. then in PE...this kid was walking behind us, and he started singing the oopma lumpa song out of nowhere and natalia started to like cry and ran away lol that was great.....and rachie! rachie grabbed natalias crotch!!!! that was classic lol......she slipped on the stairs outside of the gym u know like where u walk up....and i was on one side of her n natalia was on the other.. and she slid, and grabbed. lol ........but other than that....today no era muy evenful-o....check out that spanglish lol liz.... birth certificato.....:) betchya he wont even notice. im kinda nervous for yearbook...amy said shes on it, her spanish teacher told her she saw the list... so i made liz run off the bus to the yearbook room to check the list...but it wasnt there lol.....sry hunny! ...look tomorrow tho n tell me if we got in........ahhh... if those certain people get in and i dont i swear ill be so pissed... and i was ALSO informed that one of my brother's friends wants to rape me.......Amy told me she overheard him saying it on the bus yesterday...sooo...uhhh im like, oficially scared......

eehhhh...i wanna crawl up into a ball and just die....so much shit happened last night..i dont even know where to start......emy and amy talked...and he was being a jerk to her... basically saying how me and him are too alike to be good together, and how supposedly i blew him off for 5 days...i dont get that part.. i mean the first two he KNEW i had a fuckload of hw.. and the other three he wasnt home, i wasnt home, how were we gonna talk.. hes just said some really hurtful things..and i have a feeling this is just the beginning of it.. so after i heard what they talked about......i emailed him, again, asking him to maybe clear up some things cuz i had no idea where we stood.. and i asked him if he was planning on responding and hes like no not really, and he was just being a complete jerk the whole night, all he was saying was how it was all my fault that we didnt talk for 5 days, and he kept stressing on that, and every time i tried to steer away from it we ended right back up there... i mean, i have to give him that, that we might be too much alike to be good for eachother, cuz we always act the same ways when we dont get our way, or when we fight, and i think thats the problem, that were both too stubborn to give in and we just keep defending ourselves.. and i dont know, maybe hes right, maybe all my friends are right, maybe its just time to move on, cuz from one point, i agree with that, but then my mind drifts off thinking about all the times he held me in his arms..our first date... stuff like that, and i just get lost in those thoughts, and think how amazing it is when were together, and then im back to square one. i know that the thing best for me would be to just move on, but i cant and i dont want to let go of him, what we have is too special to just let go like that... and thats why im so sad.. just for that reason alone, from when he left last night, till like, 12:30 am i was crying at the thought of losing us, thats how much he means to me. amy tried to make me feel better , and believe it or not it kinda worked hunny..and then sam called me and i guess we were talking about other stuff how all guys are asses and theres not one thats good out there, and she kinda steered me off the topic i guess and got my mind off of it and actually got me to stop crying.. but then my mom came in and sat with me..and yeah.. she got me crying again.. but she had some pretty good points.. that if a guy can make u cry once, he'll probly just keep doing it over and over.. and that all men are assholes..and some of the stuff she said actually helped.. and she just sat with me till i dozed off.. but then theres SOME people dont understand how hurt i am right now.. Marjorie.. that fucking bitch, she doesnt know shit about me or how i feel about him or anything like that, and she strolls along with her little bitchy friends trying to persuade him to break up with me. i dont understand how she has the nerve to do that.. shes fucking ruining my life.. shes already told him some complete bullshit about me and hes been believing it, like a while back she was telling him how i was always all over other guys or something and how i was "talking shit" about him all the time in school..well guess what...i never fucking even talked to her in school how the fuck was i gonna talk shit about him.. the only time that MAYBE came to that was when me and emy were BOTH in a fight and we were both pretty pissed but that was it. she just goes ruining my life without knowing the first thing about me..she thought i hated her or something , wehn i never did, but hey, guess what, now i do!! i hate her with a passion. she tries to go ruin my life and steal the one person i care most about in this world away from me by telling him all this crap and getting him to believe it and turn him against me. and who knows what else shes been doing, hes told me that she keeps stressing that THEY go out , she just cant find her own guy to get, she has to go after mine, well i have news for you bitch, if you ever get a guy, cuz ur so fucking ugly, then one day, hes gonna realize what a mistake it was to go for a little whore like you, and hes gonna dump your ugly ass, and, boohoo, youre gonna be heartbroken too, and guess who'll be laughing then.. i just cant believe u have the nerve to walk into my life and ruin the one thing that means the world to me. thats just wrong. go to hell. she came to me pretending to be all nice, and friendly, and "oh im so sorry i didnt know you still liked him" and then she goes to him, telling him all this shit about me, like oh dont go out with her she just wants you cuz i want u and she hates me and she just doesnt want me to get u, and all this fucking shittttt, WTF , honey, why in the world would i just want him cuz you want him. i dont even understand that. i wanted him cuz i missed him. you never played any part in my decisions about him...ever..dont go thinking my whole world revolves around u, she was just, such a two-faced bitch i couldnt believe it. i used to think she was a nice person.. but now... ive never hated anyone more than i hate her right now.. she thinks she has everything figured out about me but she doesnt know shit.

hes gonna leave me for her someday..iknow it..its gonna be exactly like it was with his gf last year... he was oh so in love with her, then me and him became friends, and he was always telling me about his problems with her, and we talked about everything and became really close, and we started to like eachother, then he left her, and i know this is exactly whats gonna happen with HER, cuz it seemed to have already started. im gonna lose my baby :(

this weekend was awesome till now...last night rach n sam came over...today i went to the beach with rach..it was so much fun..then i came home and, ok well this week me and emy didnt really talk to much, like i had a fuckload of homework to do, so i didnt have time to do anything, and i guess , i dont know what happend, but i felt like maybe i wasnt being all that great to him and i felt really bad cuz i love him so much, so last night i sent him an email apologizing, and he hasnt written back..and today i was on for like, an hour, and he was too, and he didnt say anything to me, and before he had up an away message that was like "im at the movies with whoever ur mind wants to think im with" or something, and i know he was trying to make me jealous, and guess what, it worked.. so i was really upset...and ive been moping around the house eversince..cuz even with my away message up saying i was sad..hes been on for a while and he hasnt said anything, or called me, and shes on, so i know hes talking to her, and, i dont know, i felt so bad for just not talking to him, andhes just making me feel like shit :( ive been crying all fucking night and even my brothers friend who called for him was like umm are u ok? but no, he cant even call his own fucking girlfriend to see if shes ok. cuz that would just be the wrong thing to do.

quizzie!
Have you ever

{x} Fallen for your best friend? Yeah
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? no
{x} Been rejected? I don’t put myself in those types of situations lol..
{x} Been in love? Yepperdeedoo
{x} Been in lust? Ehhh I guess? Who hasn’t..
{x} Used someone? Not that im aware of..
{x} Been used? Hope not..
{x} Cheated on someone? nope
{x} Been cheated on? Not that I know of..
{x} Done something you regret? Who hasnt

Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? :0) my baby
{x} You talked to? sammy
{x} You hugged? :0) my baby
{x} You instant messaged? Sammy
{x} You yelled at? Daddy and mommy

Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? ehh
{x} Considered being a hooker? Let me tell you..
{x} Considered being a pimp? Oh yeah baby
{x} Are you psycho? Oh yes
{x} Split personalities? Actually I think I do lol
{x} Schizophrenic? Isn’t that the same thing…
{x} Obsessive? About some things yes
{x} Obsessive compulsive? Sometimes lol
{x} Panic? All the time
{x} Anxiety? sure
{x} Depressed? Used to be a lot… now its less and less often
{x} Suicidal? no
{x} Obsessed with hate? no
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? oh yeah.
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? Not that crazy lol
{x} Understanding: yea
{x} Open-minded: yes
{x} Arrogant: don’t think so
{x} Insecure: I definitely have my days.
{x} Hungry: always lol..specially when I cant have food..
{x} Friendly: yep
{x} Smart: i suppose
{x} Moody: definitely lol
{x} Childish: emy thinks im a 5 year old lol
{x} Independent: yeah right I cant even go to the bathroom by myself lol sammy
{x} Hard working: uhhhh I wish I could say that lol
{x} Organized: if I feel like it..
{x} Healthy: yeaaaaaaaahhh riiiight
{x} Emotionally Stable: ummm mostly yes
{x} Shy: depends who im around.. around sammy… never (wink wink lol)
{x} Difficult: its my middle name J emy would know lol
{x} Bored Easily: you have no idea lol
{x} Thirsty: …sure lol
{x} Responsible: yeah I guess
{x} Sad: not currentlyJ
{x} Happy: yepJ
{x} Trusting: depends what kind of person..
{x} Talkative: depends with who
{x} Original: sure why not
{x} Different: I prefer weird
{x} Unique: that’s a nice way to put it lol
{x} Lonely: nopperz I got my babyJ
{x} Color your hair? Brownish-blondish-idontknow
{x} Have tattoos? The kinds that come off in the tub sometimes lol or hennas..but none right now..
{x} Piercings? One in each ear
{x} Have a boyfriend? J I love u emy
{x} Floss daily? No lol
{x} Own a webcam? nope
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? Rarely lol
{x} Sprechen sie deutsche? Used to..
{x} Habla espanol? Si!!!!! Me encanta espanol!! Lol ange

Currents
{x} Current Clothes: twinkie pj’s
{x} Current Mood: J hehehehe/skurred for bio lol
{x} Current Taste: toothpaste
{x} Current Hair: wet and curly
{x} Current Annoyance: biology and the parental units
{x} Current Smell: I can smell emy J
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: bio
{x} Current Desktop Picture: lemme check..different bands n shit its cool lol
{x} Current Favorite Group: something corporate… I love them.. and cant forget simple plan!!!! 7/26!! Ahhh!
{x} Current Book: lovely bones..its awesome
{x} Current DVD In Player: the ring
{x} Current Refreshment: agua
{x} Current Worry: im gonna fail bio tomorrow
{x} Current Crush: J my baby
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: sheesh..today… its milo ventimiglia..and shane west..

On Dating....
{x} Long or short hair? Depends on the kind of guy
{x} Dark or blond hair? darkk
{x} Tall or short? tall
{x} Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? both
{x} Good guy or bad guy? A good combination of the two
{x} Dark or light eyes? dark
{x} Hat or no hat? None..
{x} Pierced or no? not really my thing
{x} Freckles or none? none
{x} Stubble or neatly shaved? I like my men ruggedJ lol missy
{x} Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? Don’t u have to be outdoorsy to like sports seeing as how u play sports outside..

im feeling a little better.. emy got over his little make christine feel bad thing.. soo.. on a lighter note.. why dont i tell you all about the oh-so-exciting night sam provided me with last night lol.. on the bus we (me sam and rach) were talking about what we were gonna do at night.. and it was between a show at pis (lol) and movies.. so i got home... and rach didnt wanna go to the show.. or the movies.. so we were gonna have a blockbuster-sleepover night.. but sam wanted to go to a party with celene or go to a movie to see chris, so we were like uhh , and then we decided on movies, so sam told me one tiem, and that wasnt the time, so we found a different one, but we didn thave rides, then we finally found rides n the movie n stuff so i got in the shower and got ready and went to sams.. and then rach got there, and we were running late, like we were at her house at 7 30 and the movie started at 7 35 , so we decided to see the 8 35, but celene and chris were already at the movies, and we couldnt get a hold of them, then sams parents drove us, but they took us to shadowwood, and we were like, dude, were going to muvico, and sams mom went all pms on us like u never told me that im not driving u all the way out there blahblahblah.. so they drove us back to the house.. and left her sisters with us, and went out for dinner, so we got in touch with chris and they were all like wtf where are u and so we finally got my mom to come and get us from sams and take us to muvico.. but sams sisters were being such little brats they were like no u cant leave us alone someones gonna come and knock at the door and they were being such brats but we finally got out.. and we got there late but w/e, so the movie (bringing down the ho(use) lol rach, that was funny as fuck, i think i was being really obnoxious cuz i was really hyper cuz i got my food and was no longer on an empty stomach lol rachie u knowwww u wanted some of those fries..mmm.. so yeah the movie was soo funny.. and sammy and chris were so cute.. me and rach kept looking at em lol, hand holding and cuddling... awwww :0) hehe i love u babe, im so happy for u, and after the movie.. chris went byebye and we were walking around the parking lot (me rach sammy celene and her little amiga) and me and sam kept making fun of all these people and imitating em it was great lol we were soo hyper.. she started dancing in the parking lot lol and we were gonng go and piss off a couple making out lol.. ahh it was grea.t. and then we were just standing around,, on the corner, and i looked around.. and miguel was standing right there!! iwas like ahhh miguel i didnt evern recognize him!! it was cool , i havent seen him since , that football game.. wow. so yeah anyways. then me and sammy kept being dorks and stuff lol and celenes mom came at like 11 something.. and we all crammed into the car.. i was sitting on top of rach n sam cuz there wasnt room lol u know u guys enjoyed that (wink wink) and we saw these people in a car that kept staring at us and it was so funny lol, .. celenes friend didnt seem to like us, more me lol, but thats ok, cuz i have my sammy and rachie and i dont care honestly lol.. annyways.. so then we went to sammys and rachies mom came to get us.. and dropped me off.. and that was it.. wow sammy, u owe us BIG TIME. rach had her burger n fries but u had me on a fucking empty stomach !! !lol.. stilll love u babe.. u know id do anything for u.. as i proved last night.. ur worth it tho :)
but theres like, an issue i guess, rachels feeling lonely cuz she doesnt have a bf, and a bunch of us do, and were constantly trying to get her to open up to us and talk to us, but i think she thinks that since we have bfs we dont understand how she feels, and she kind of blocks us out.. and she claims that jessie undertands how she feels and made her feel better and thats great and all, but we understand too, and i think she just doesnt see that cuz she wont talk to us about it.. like before we had bfs, we were lonely too, and we knew EXACTLY how she felt to see happy couples walking aruond in the hallways and stuff and realize that we had no one, but then even now that me and sam do have bfs, we still know how she feels, cuz they dont go to our school , we dont see them every day, and we see those happy couples and wish that our bfs were there with us, but there not, and it hurts us too.. and maybe its not that bad cuz theyre there.. but just cuz we cant magically find her a man thats perfect for her doesnt mean we dont care and dont sympathise for her.. lately i feel like she kind of blocks us out of her emotional life and centers her life around jessie, and i feel like we always come second to her, i dont know if thats the way it is or just the vibe im getting.. but i think sam feels the same way too.. so, i dont know

emy :0(
i dont know what to do..yesterday.. i got home and he was on.. and i know it wasnt his mom or anything cuz he had his away message up .. and he came back so i tried talking to him but he wouldnt respond and he left.. so i was like.. uhh.. and then when i got home, at like midnight, i checked my away message, and he left a message to email him when i get back, and that was it, so i did, and he didnt write back yet, and hes been on for a while, so i dont know what that was, and then this morning, i had this whole message up for him for his bday while i was sleeping and he was on and he didnt say anythign to me... and he was away when i got on the computer, so i tried calling him, 3 times it rang busy, then like 2 minutes later no one picked up and i got the machine.. so i know someone was home so i think he just didnt wanna talk to me, but then he came on and we were talking and he was all sad or soemthing and i tried to find out what was wrong but he was like " i dont know" and he said some things that really hurt me but i kept reminding myself that its his bday and he shouldnt be sad so i TRIED to make him feel better but apparently it had the opposite effect, and he was like, at one point, i said that id do anything for him, and hes like no i dont think u would, and i was like why not, and hes like, i just dont, and im sorry, but that just really really really hurt and i just broke down in tears, but again , i couldnt let him know that cuz its his bday and even though mine was a living hell and everyone made it horrible and he didnt even say happy birthday to me, and i was crying the whole day, and he didnt even seem to care, but i wanted him to at least have a good birthday and all he could do was tell me how sad i was making him and i dont get it because weve been so good for a long time like no fights no nothing and its been so amazing and im so in love, and today he was just like, i guess giving me the cold shoulder, and all of a sudden hes like oh im sorry im going outside ill be back later im sorry i was pissy thanks for putting up with me, im sure ill feel better when i come back i love u, like, from one minute making me so incredibly sad, the next hes like all happy, i dont get it, w/e, its his birthday and i dont wanna ruin it for him.. if i havent already.