i think of you and everything's alright.

:: 2004 16 April :: 10.34pm
:: Mood: CRAZY

AHHH so much to do tonight my adrenaline high and this coffe mocha milkshake from steak n shake will surely help. Dance show was tonight I feel so good I mean yeah some of teh dances blew ass mostly because of awkward costume (ehh pimp suit anyone?) but some of them I felt awesome about. The trio with me britt and dorianna was...lol we did really good for learning it a few days ago even though brittney stopped dead on stage for like an entire 8 count.

Danielle and Christina came and gave me big hugs after it made me feel so great and happy. lol all the sexy moves were for you danielle. Janyll's mom bought me flowers and I saw some other people I knew....sterling, sum other IB guys Jessica C...dom was there I think didn't wanna talk to him.

Drove lauren home cuz she messed up her car lol shes commin over tomorrow to work on our audition dances. Oh yeah I got nominated for captain next year so I have to choreograph a dance to teach to the squad. I'm so nervous and stressed.

tomorrow morning we have an eagle ette show at the delray affair then me and lauren are working for a few hours then it's back to dance show for the second night...the grandparents are comming.

I had an hour to kill after school before I had to be at rehersal and Jimmy had an hour to kill before swim so we began to drive around aimlessly. lol aimlessly that is until he decided we were going to nick warrens house. so yeah spent an hour there watching jimmy play halo and hoping nicks dog wouldnt bite me and listening to him and his dad's extreamly amusing conversation. lol his brother Dave must have thought it was weird considering he just saw me in stat last hour and I show up at his house for no reason. aw well it was interesting. I miss hangning out with Jimmy no matter what we do it's always good times.

So my dad got a job managing a new American Eagle opening in the pga mall, that means 40% off of everything for jessica and i love that store. They only hire 16 year olds in boca though so I'm not gettin a job there. : (

In other news...couldn't go in and finish my chem test why is that? Mrs. Kenyon fucking lost it! she ALWAYS loses my papers. I know she thinks I took it home to cheat with too even I'm not that stupid theres no way to cover that shit up.

ok so overall really good day all the dancing I've been doing this week has kicked in the endorphins I'm slightly pleasant to be around at the moment, this will never happen again.

off to clean and do homework...this motivation cannot go to waste.

~good night to all~

spinoangel

:: 2004 16 April :: 4.48pm

in the words of a broken heart it's just emotions taking me over.
i'm caught up in sorrow, lost in the song.

lj says it all

:: 2004 15 April :: 9.02pm

don't know why I'm updating, I'm not in the mood and I have so much to do. *sigh*

omg I love Jimmy he just helped me so much with a chemistry question I think he needs to be my teacher. when you just give me a prblm and tell me how to do it I get it...I don't need to know all the theories and reasons behind shit I never plan on looking at chemistry again in my life.

yeah well as you see my test did not go very well. Nobodys did I dont think but I really didn't know a goddamn thing. We're all going in to finish it during 5th hour tomorrow. Hopefully I can salvage a D or maybe a low C??

Dance show is tomorrow I'm so not ready. One of our costumes is so horrible I just don't even wanna talk about it. lol we are pimps.

The dress rehersal went alright I guess it seems like a lot of people are actually comming to watch I'm suprised. I am sure to fall on my ass at some point now. lol

rite now with god as my witness I vow to be good for the next two months. No more lying/drinking/drugs of any kind. Not because it's the right thing to do lol but because I wanna go to gainsville with michelle this summer.

MisScarlet219 (8:17:05 PM): im going to be good for the rest of the year
MisScarlet219 (8:17:11 PM): no more drinking and lying and shit
MisScarlet219 (8:17:17 PM): cuz i wanna go to gainsville this summer
CircaPunk93 (8:17:31 PM): thats good about the first part
CircaPunk93 (8:17:33 PM): whats in gainsville
CircaPunk93 (8:17:35 PM): drinking and lying?
MisScarlet219 (8:17:38 PM): hell yea
MisScarlet219 (8:17:42 PM): only doing it right
MisScarlet219 (8:17:46 PM): with college guys

lol wat can I say...nah I'd be careful though I really just wanna go cuz I don't want to lose touch with Hillary and Richelle and everyone when they move up there. And I do wanna see the campus since I will most likely end up going there. Evan is afraid I'm going to get raped and murdered....wouldnt be a huge loss to humanity I don't think

I still have to convince my parents tho...theyre not compleatly sold on it.

laaaaaaaaa lalalala I have much to say but I suppose I will go and do things that need to be done....damnit

no maybe I won't maybe I will lie and sit here talking to people

as long as I had the intention of doing something productive at some point in the day I feel good about myself. Now that I have filled my moral obligations for the evening...I shall return to my CHUB & co.
here's your happy thought.....smile for me

~Remember The Best Kiss You Ever Had~

christini

:: 2004 15 April :: 7.22pm

sigh. yeah. things, suck. i guess. i dont feel like re-telling all my recent occurances, so, theyre on livejournal. username _asyousleep
have anice day.

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 14 April :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: rooney

yeah, right about now, i feel like driving through those mountains in california, thanks rooney.

my dad thinks i am going to bed soon. yeah right. i slept for 3 hours when i got home, i can stay up for another 3 hours. doing what? who knows, i'm not ready to go to bed. tomorrow is thursday, this week seems to be going by relatively fast.

i can't wait for summer. first i gotta find a job first and a hot boy to hang out with.

<3

3 <3 ~~| ~~!!!!!!!~~~~

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 14 April :: 9.40pm
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: last train home- lost prophets

queries of my wondering mind.....
as i was taking a shower, my mind somehow wondered off onto this tangent which inspired me to write:
if theres one thing that i hate about other people is how they sort of take one picture of you and assume that thats how you always are...how you always will be. [ill put this a couple ways because i dont think that sounded as clear as it did in my head]. people that you know have this image of you, kind of this mold made out of unbreakable, immovable material, that if you fail to fit into because for one day, for an hour, or even a minute you decide to deviate from that mold, they are absolutely taken aback by that. its about images. its about how people see you as what you "appear to be"----and it makes me think that if the people you think know you best are the ones to be surprised when you struggle to reshape that mold, why are they the ones who supposedly "know you best"? i know, that we've all tried to dent our molds every once and a while, you know, test something new out---find a new...."shape". sometimes its hard for others to accept this new shape we want to take...it freaks them out. i know we dont like change, because ive been the one whos been freaked out before, but when you think about it, if no one dented their molds every once and a while, no ones mold would have room enough for them to grow.

dmlxoxo

:: 2004 14 April :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: quixotic
:: Music: champagne supernova- oasis

[make it up urself]
okay so i guess ill start out with my vacation---
went on a cruise with my family and the glickmans and had the most amazing time everrrrr. i honestly dont remember the last time i had so much fun. just the thought of being out in the middle of the ocean with no where to go and no one to disturb you is just so relaxing, and thats the one word i would use to describe this vacation. despite the fact that i got back to the room at 2 every night and woke up early every morning i must say that i came back refreshed as ever. theres nothing like a taste of summer to brighten my day. we met this girl jaclyn who was absolutely awesome and we hung out with her every night, we all skipped from group of friends to group of friends until the last night, and with each group finding a new joke or something to laugh about. wow i wish i could go back, and OMG do i miss that food! everything about it was just perfect, it was one of my favorite vacations.
All My Crusin Buddies:
*French Harvest
*J-Dawg
Kirk Cameron
Kirk Cameron's brother
Jorge
Big Poppa
Capers
Japers
FEVESSSSSSSSS
Chew-n-spit
"Jake"
Hot kid with glasses
Hot Brad
Hot Pennsylvania Andrew
South Carolina
Devil Children 1 and 2
Fat Bitch
Fat Bitch's sister with the baby lobster
Hot kid i wanted to meet but never did
PA Brittany
Loser Slut
Girl With Big Teeth
George/Frank

________________________________________________________________________
and back to the wonderful world of edgemont.....my first day back was okay, ive talked to josh a few times which was good after not hearing from him for a week, god i missed talking to him :)
its interesting---i always knew that i loved the guitar, but today when we were sitting in english the guitar advocacy was in the next room and i could hear them thru the wall. that instrument is absolutely INCREDIBLE. my mind just wanders when i hear it, and honestly, when i hear the sound i just smile. i feel like such a doof, but omg i just LOVE it. its so soothing, so---ahh, i cant even describe it. it almost brings tears to my eyes. its so beautiful. im definetly going to learn how to play one day.

**********and i said baby, ur gunna be the one that saves me, and after all, ur my wonderwall **********

----dml

boricuababy

:: 2004 14 April :: 4.37pm
:: Mood: ehh
:: Music: i pray-amanda perez

"life's tough but i'm tougher"..
being grounded sucks ass!!!

spinoangel

:: 2004 13 April :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: konstantine.. cant stop

i feel like i'm in a tornado. and all i'm running on is adrenaline right now. i feel so busy, like i always have something to do. i guess i do. all this stuff is so overwhelming, but i ... i dont know. i feel tired. but then i feel obsessive and then i need to find something else to do. i'm such a freak.

APRIL 15th ART SHOW. 5:30-7:30. come.

i think i'm going to find some more stuff to do...

random things to say
it's really hard to let go of someone.
it's really hard to see someone let go of you.
it's really hard not to fall into the same mistakes.
it's hard to sacrifice your wellbeing for someone else.
it's easy to love you.

it's to dying in another's arms
and why i had to try it.
and if this is what it takes to lie in my mistakes,
and live with what i did to you.
and all the things i put you through.
they'll never hurt you like i do.
this is to a boy who got into my head
with all the pretty things he did.
you know you keep me up in bed.
this is to a boy who got into my head
with all these fucked up things i did.
maybe you can keep me up in bed.
did you know i've missed you?
god, i miss you.

:: 2004 13 April :: 4.32pm
:: Mood: creative

*Written in the Stars*

It's like a relentless design that I can't help but fill
and we were written in the stars against all sanity and will
so let me struggle in your arms just hating love and loving hate
it's like a knife deep in my chest but it just feels so fucking great.

We're like a twisted cosmic joke 'cause heaven's hard up for laughs
forget the scene they wrote it's not my words I take 'em back
but there's no use leaving now
because I'm only comming back

I don't control this life
don't feel a thing but somehow it's right...

Why does my body set on fire when we're caught up in the night
it's like some predestined desire i'm not strong enough to fight
so fuck it all let's be ironic and make out beneath the stars
surrender to reluctant passion and split open all these scars.

We're just a twisted cosmic joke cause heavn's hard up for laughs
forget the scene they wrote, it's not my words I take 'em back
I'm really trying to give up
but something keeps us comming back

so here's to the goddamn night
it's real but there's nothing right
it's ok not to feel tonight...

<3

2 <3 ~~| ~~!!!!!!!~~~~

:: 2004 13 April :: 4.17pm

ok much to tell....i will prbly forget it all

lol yesterday I was so late to school and my mom wouldnt give me a note so I just wandered around the annex most of the time. Passed like 10 aps didnt get stopped once it was nice...chilled in the dance room, met some hatian girl had a nice chat lol then we met a substitute teacher, a senior aid from the IBO and some other interesting people....what a random morning

3rd hour went to the CAS fair...me danielle and heather wanna do habitat for humanity lol dont laugh I can build a goddamn house if i want to...every1 do it with us!!

5th hour took a health test then left early to go reherse with brittney...then stats was all review

then I had still more rehersal after school (if NE1 wants tix to the dance show gimmie $10 this week)

came home was in a very take control bitching out mood. lol logan pissed me off as u see so I biched him out on his journal but he pussied out and erased it.

Evan made me so fucking mad. I always let shit go with him but I wasn't letting him get away with this one. I swear all guys are too goddamn busy thinking with their dicks to have a shred of common sense.

I felt so good though, im finally starting to feel like me again. Ive taken too much shit from people lately fuck being a pacifist and letting people walk all over you, I'm taking back control, getting my self-respect back a lil too. If that means remaining on the side of virtue more than i usually would...idk i'll buy a vibrator or sumthing idk lol.

After last night I went in my room and just started writing I havnt done that in forever it felt so fucking good. idk how bad it is but i wrote sum lyrics and a poem I miss being able to let it all out thru that. maybe ill write em in here.

~Be Yourself Always~

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 11 April :: 10.27pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: phantom planet - california

saturday and sunday

saturday ended up to be great. first, did errands with my dad since he wanted to see me drive. got home and he was like, "i'm done driving for the day," cause i asked him about taking me and bri. well bri and i definitely did not want to sit at home that night so we figured that bowling could work. Got people together and went. It was fun, all the dancing, dorkiness... good times.

Sunday: Happy Easter!
Went to church when i woke up, came home and Patrick (cousin that lives in SF) and his girlfriend Kelly were here. They ate breakfast with us and we talked about Asia. They invited me to come spend time with them when they move to Singapore this summer. I'm definitely going there, after high school graduation, Asia, here i come. Kelly, she's from Singapore, is really nice and I hope she becomes a member of our family. She said to any of you IB people interested in going to UC Berkely, that she thinks you should re-consider because their funding is going down and it's becoming not that great of a school. So after breakfast, they left and we left to go to Melbourne to my Grandma's house. I love going there, but today I just felt like the black sheep. My cousin, Megan, is mad at me still from last weekend and she gave me the silent treatment the whole time. I think that's what mostly made me feel like it though. *shrug* Her Mom was like, "she'll get over it when she needs help moving out of her dorm." heh. i'm not helping, the day before i have oral surgery. that's it, that was easter. hope yours was wonderful.

see you all tomorrow. grrr... 5 day week, with tests. i hate it.

<3

Find out which band you are!

spinoangel

:: 2004 11 April :: 11.33am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: globes and maps

they didnt play this. but thats okay.
an interesting and awesome memory. i love you girls.

what i did not like about the night:
1) the people who WOULDNT "step back". instead they stepped forward.
2) the huge girls who bad-mouthed emo music/concerts.
3) not being able to hug my christine more and enjoy the music with her.

what i loved about the night:
1) making a lasting memory with ashley before she leaves us.
2) rockin out and wanting to be on that stage someday.
3) its always nice to hear something corporate live.
4) being so happy, i wasn't able to cry.
5) the lead singer of yellowcard playing with his shirt off... damn.
6) enjoying most of the concert with a good view AND lots of space. we're so smart, ashley.

it was just great. i will always be willing to see something corporate again. a lot of time was spent WAITING for people to stop pushing so they both didnt play for that long. but it's okay. <3333 i loved it. loved it. LOVED it.

missed our wonderful katherine who was meant to be there.

the only time i got sad was around the end of konstantine when he sang "i miss you".... yeah.

According to the Which Something Corporate Song Are You? Test...

I am RUFIO.