LoupGarou
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2004 21 February :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Oh God I don't really want to say. Aw, what the hell; This is New Shit - Marilyn Manson
San Francisco
Yesterday I went to San Francisco with Marilyn and Louise. It was fun indeed! On the drive over there it drizzled a bit, which was nice. Louise had bought some Axe beforehand because she liked the smell of it. So we spent a lot of time smelling the can because Marilyn's mom didn't like it when we sprayed it in the car. Well actually I couldn't blame her. When I first got in the car they sprayed it and I practically choked on it because it was so strong.
We drove around a bit and stopped at KFC for lunch. I kept singing, "Ohhh Taco Bell, taco bell, product placement with Taco bell..." It was fun. Hey, what ever happened to that chihuahua anyway? When we were eating lunch on the upper level I saw a man who was posing as a girl. It was interesting, to say the least.
We drove around some more and went through downtown SF where all the big skyscrapers are. We parked next to Ghirradelli square where a black man was playing the saxophone. He started playing the Adams Family theme song and Louise and I had fun snapping at the right moment. HEE HAW! *cough*. We looked through the shops there, including a really cool hat shop and then went into the ghirradelli ice cream shop and got a hot fudge sundae. We sat there and ate like pigs while these little kids went and made noise the whole time. Marilyn kept uttering curses at them under her breath while louise kicked at a brave pigeon that decided to take a walk and eat the crumbs on the ground between people's shoes.
We drove around a little more and went down to Fort Point which was down under the Golden Gate. It was made out of brick and had National Guards with big machine guns patrolling the area, but you could go into the fort. There were barely any people there, but I thought it was really cool. We walked up a stone spiral staircase and if you turned you'd enter this room which was basically an exhibit. But if you walked further into the room you'd see there was a long hallway going through what must have been at least fifteen different rooms. At the end of the hallway was a very dark room so if you were at one end of the hallway looking down there it was like something in a horror movie. We walked through to the end room practically when we saw it! (DUN DUN DUNNNN!) A person! Actually it turned out to be a wooden model of a person dressed in a uniform, but it's one of those things that really doesn't help when you're already freaked out. We walked around on the top level for a while. Actually I more like skipped around the top level then walked, and I sang the Pirates of the caribbean song. THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS, THE ORIGINAL ONE FROM THE RIDE! Not to say that I didn't love the movie to death.
We walked down the stairway and went to the second level. We went all the way around which was kind of scary because NO ONE was there on that level, and in some of the corners there would be these places that were really dark so you couldn't see anything. *creepy voice comes out of nowhere* Something lurks in the shadows... muuuAAAAHAHAHA HA HA HA! *darth vader-like breathing is heard, and then it slowly fades away*
Umm... *looks around* where did that come from?... O_o... anyway, where was I? Oh yes. So we walked around and went all the way through the creepy horror movie tunnel to the dark place at the end. We went from there all the way around THAT level as well. I stopped at one point when I saw a little hallway thing. Marilyn wanted to movev on but Louise stayed back with me to check it out. We went inside and saw there was a locked door. On the walls to either side were signatures. One was even from 1896. There was also a faded black cross painted on one of the walls. Maybe someone had died there, or maybe it was simply something painted there to symbolize something else. Either way, I thought the whole place was very interesting. I want to go back there sometime.
We started heading back from there and drove through neighborhoods where the rich people lived. before we got on the highway we stopped at a beach called bakers beach for about ten minutes. It was really beautiful. It was about dusk by that time, so the view of the Golden Gate and the hills was really amazing.
Marilyn's mom said that next month we could come here again and go visit the Japanese tea gardens and spend more time on the beach and stuff. That'll be fun ^_^.
Yush.
I feel loved.
2 did |
Go fuck yourself
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Dukespartnerincrime
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2004 21 February :: 4.08am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Beatles- let it be
Chloe
I'm so sad. My dad's friend's dog, Chloe died. They had to put her asleep. She had a lot of heatlth problems i remember. She was such a sweet doggy. I never even got to spend more time with her. The last time I saw her was at Burney in Summer. I feel bad for my dad's friend Carlos (hes the one that we go camping with every summer at Burney along with his family, of course) because his wife told us that when his last dog died he stayed in his room for 3 days straight and he wouldnt come out because he was so depressed. Poor puppers. I loved that dog. Its amazing how people can become so attached their pets, especially doggies.
3 did |
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 20 February :: 1.33pm
Chris Lee and other assholes
Last night I added Nick Dazzi and most of his stupid ass friends to my hate list. Nick made 2 sns yesterday just to im me and call me a bitch and a fag and some other stuff then ask me why i hadnt blocked him yet. STUPID MOTHERFUCKIN ASSHOLE! why the hell should i have to keep blocking people cause they are harrassing me??? i think it might be chris lee but i'm not completely sure that he knows there is a "nick d" in my class. he probly does though cause anthoney rogers transfered out of there school to ours and probly told them. i'm so fuckin pissed right now and its the next fuckin morning!
this morning everyone was fuckin yelling really loud but some how i managed to stay in bed until 9:30. i hate them all. i came down and asked my sister why everyone was yelling and she said our dogs got into the neighbors yard and he was pissed. i love the rain but i hate the fuckin wind and if it werent for the fuckin wind our fence wouldnt have crashed over. STUPID ASS WIND!
yesterday night i got grounded i think but i'm not sure if my dad remembers or not. hes so stupid. (sorry for going out of order) so he fuckin comes in and says "get of the internet and turn off the computer" so i say 'fine dad i'm getting off right now" then he comes in and reads what i'm typing and i was talking to jimmy and i'm not supposed to talk to people i dont know so i'm sorry for not responding to those other things you sent. anyway so jessicas window was up and i put "my daddys making me get off right now" or something and then he saw that and said "your off for a week now" so i said "fine dad i dont care" and i almost started crying cause of the nick dazzi thing and he didnt even care that i was distressed. well i admit the tears come awfully easy when i'm trying to get out of trouble but i was upset. after that he demanded to know who i was talking to cause i had a shit load of boxes up and i told him and he said "oh okay." its like dude your such a fuckin dumbass. he doesnt even know how easy it is to lie about who your talking to on the internet. so i'm going to try to get out of my punishment or sneak on in the afternoons when i'm home alone to write in here and stuff.
they said there is another storm coming but i dont see it. last night i did and i went outside and stood in the rain for a while to relax but it wasnt raining hard enough for it to be fun. i hate this fuckin week and i wish it would end and i could go back to school and be so wrapped up in all the fuckin work that i wont have time to care about what chris lee does and all his shit.
i have to fuckin clean my rabbit right now and take a shower and do some of the dishes in about an hour and a half...this fuckin sucks. bye.
2 did |
Go fuck yourself
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dukespartnerincrime
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2004 19 February :: 12.45pm
:: Mood: headachey
:: Music: lotr: fotR soundtrack- "May it be"
HASHEM
HASHEM IS IN A FRIGGIN MENTAL INSTITUTION B/C HE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE! I WAS CRYING. FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM. I PLAYED "LET IT BE" WHEN I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MARILYN AND WE WERE CRYING. POOR LITTLE HASHEM. HE MUST BE SO SCARED. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL HIS PARENTS ARE DOING TO HIM. I ALSO REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF. I WISH I WENT TO HIS SCHOOL SO I COULD BE HIS FRIEND AND THEN HE WOULDNT BE SO SAD B.C HE HAD A FRIEND AND THEN HE WOULDNT TRY COMMIT SUICIDE. :( I GOTTA B/C IM GOING TO SARAH TO WORK ON OUR SCIENCE UNIT PROJECT. BYE BYE
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 19 February :: 2.05pm
:: Music: beatles
hashem...
HI! i'm really bored right now so i'm going to update and write what happened over the past day and half or whatever.
uh...I CANT THINK! ok i need some inspiration. oh ok well yesterday was nice. jessica came over so we could work on our science unit project and ruben likes jessica. i just am being honest right now so dont be mad but i dont think he is very good. yesterday he told us he did drugs and he was shaking cause of it. hes really nice and stuff and hes hot so i dont blame anyone for liking him but i think that thats really bad and so...oh well. I'M HAPPY FOR JESSICA! just dissapointed that he did drugs. jessicas mom came at about 6:30 and thats when she was supposed to go home. not when my parents are home though. i feel so bad. i think that by the time they finally left my mom told her mom our life history...again. its really embarrassing. i would love to tell her to shut up but she wouldnt listen even if i did so its pointless.
so now i'll say more about hashem. nobody really likes him at his school and i guess they make fun of him a lot or something cause he tried to commit suicide. i was talking to beer last night and i asked how hashem was and he told me that hes in a mental institution. i hope he gets better so he doesnt try it again.
i listened to "let it be" a little while ago..its so stinking sad. theres a picture of my aunt marie like 10 feet away and then i looked at it and then i started crying. its so sad. curse the beatles! no..i like the beatles.
theres nothing else to say. bye
1 did |
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 17 February :: 2.38pm
i'm bored and only one good person is on so i'm updating now instead of later.
i hate chris lee and i'm putting his last name in here so if anyone wants to they can go stalk him and kill him. last night "john kline" who ever the fuck that is was on chris's sn but i think it was him posing as the other guys cause hes a dumbass and he does shit like that. so he kept saying stuff like "noboby could be uglier than you" and "you're not even a human cause youre so ugly" its like dude "GO FUCK YOURSELF CAUSE NO GIRL EVER WILL YOU EVIL EVIL BITCH!" i hate him so much...last night i wrote a list of people i would like to beat and he is #1. i'm gonna share the list:
Chris Lee, Dela, "John Kline", Jason, Dani*, Anna C.*, Maureen, Amanda H. (maureens manly friend), Christina*, Sabreena (slutty ass bitch), Alan, Chrissy Parro (her last name so anyone can go kill her as well), Troy*, Shawn Dobson*, Lucas*, Stephanie*, Sean (for going out with stephanie), Amy*, Jessica Pellerin. people with stars are dumbass ass bitchy people that go to my school and if i put their last name go ahead and hurt them...badly.
so now i'm going to put in here a poem that i wrote last night when i was a ball of anger and its called "mean assholes"
People are right when they say "kids have gotten so rude"
Right now i feel like yelling "Amen dude!"
They can be so vicious and not think twice,
It seems like there are very few that are very nice.
Someday I will beat at least one of those nasty asses.
Make them feel so much pain over there body every punch passes.
Sure I'm not very attractive but i dont really mind.
A guy who isnt purely superficial is what I'll have to find.
I would like to hurt everyone who has been mean to me or people I care about
Kick them, punch them, beat them and shout.
Hopefully my anger would scar them for life
Worse than any serrated edged knife
Maybe if parents taught us kids good manners we would grow up to be great
But for some kids any correction would be too little to late.
so thats my poem..its not very good but oh well. that poem was written out of pure hatred towards chris lee and "john kline" aka chris's imaginary friend. i cannot emphasis enough how purely dumb and EVIL he truly is. there is no nice way to put it. hes a bitch AND DUDE! HE IS WAAAAAY UGLIER THAN ME! WAY UGLIER DUDE! i mean there are few hot asian guys. hes NOT one of them. stupid ass hole i hate him sooo much. this morning i spent 20 minutes beating the punching bag and screaming.ooo angry music is my friend.
I'M BORED! I'M GONNA GO NOW! bye bye
6 did |
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 16 February :: 11.30pm
:: Music: i am watching pearl harbor and that has music
what a lovely day today was. i woke up right in the middle of a really really good dream cause the heater was up to like 70 degrees and i got to hot. yea the dream was about my school going to meet with this other school that is nice. so we went to it and we got to see all the people and they were described them all to us and we got to meet everyone. STUPID HEATER!
i went to santa cruz today. its really nice there when its all rainy and stuff. there were a butt load of seagulls though. there were a lot of hot surfer guys though.
i went home for an hour then had to go to the evil orthodontist. i hate it there and today i was the last one. i broke something then they had to do a whole bunch of shit then they found another broken thing so i was stuck there for an hour and it was only supposed to be 20 minutes. there was a guy there who looked like sean but he was taller and his voice was hotter. so now my stupid mouth hurts really bad. yuckers i hate it.
I'M REALLY BORED AND THERE IS NO SCHOOL THIS WEEK SO ITS GONNA BE REALLY BORING ALL WEEK! yup i probly wont write in here too much cause there wont be as much to say.
now i will complain about my sisters. 4 sisters sucks really really bad and i hate it a lot. 2 would be nice but 1 would be ideal. so there is monica and shes annoying and stupid and tried to be the perfect sister but isnt. mary is the over achiever and fat but she tries to be the prettiest...it usually works. michelle is annoying but shes in her own category cause of her brain injury. maureen! I HATE MAUREEN SO FUCKIN MUCH! yup shes the worst. she says that i give her attitude and stuff but shes the fuckin one with the attitude. i mean she yells at me all the time and whenever she "asks" for something its more like yelling or whining. then she gets me in trouble for doing the exact same thing to her. stupidass motherfuckin bitch. ( i just used a sentence with nothing but swear words..wow) so then she says she can talk to me about things the easiest. i just play along so i can hear the shit about her life. she always complains about it, why doesnt she just get off her lazy ass and do something about it? I HATE HER! SHES SO FUCKIN UGLY AND ANNOYING AND SHED FUCKIN LIKE TO THINK SHES BETTER AND SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKIN PERSON IN THE WORLD BUT SHES FUCKIN NOT! I HATE HER SOOOOOOO MUCH! I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE HER FRIEND IF I WASNT RELATED TO HER. sisters suck. why couldnt my parents just buy dogs instead of having kids?
i'm done complaining.
Go fuck yourself
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dukespartnerincrime
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2004 16 February :: 6.45am
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: the darkness- "i believe in a thing called loved"
jessica's survey
| Basics | | Name:: | Louise | | Birthplace:: | california | | Birthdate:: | 6/11/90 | | Current City of Residence:: | i do not want to give out that much of my personal information to a website i have never heard out thank u very much. | | Family Members:: | mom, dad, 2 sisters, and 2 half brothers | | Favorites | | Color:: | green or blue | | Beverage:: | booz baby! jk i like sprite | | Movie:: | lotr (all 3) | | Musical:: | anything thats good | | Board Game:: | ouija board | | Computer Game:: | oregon trail! | | Game to Roleplay:: | i have no clue | | Animal:: | penguin | | Sport:: | ballet | | Book:: | witch of blackbird pond (i would say lotr but i havent finished it yet so i cant say that) | | A Day In The Life.. | | School:: | school is crappy. i want to graduate. i could type a lot of things about school but i dont want to bore the kind souls who are reading this. | | Typical Mood:: | tired | | Usually Found?:: | on the internet | | Collects:: | dice, lotr stuff, anything i like i guess | | Have You Ever | | Been kissed:: | sadly, no | | Done drugs:: | hell no | | Eaten an entire box of Oreos: | no, a different kind of cookies though | | Eaten sushi:: | no its smelly i dont like the way it looks | | Been on stage:: | yes many times | | Been in a car accident:: | no but i almost was | | This or That | | Cold or Hot:: | cold | | Blue or Red:: | blue | | Rain or Snow:: | rain | | Wool or Cotton:: | cotton | | Private or Public School:: | private (i dont go to a public school, but personally, i think im getting a better education then i would if i went to a public school) | | Chocolate or Plain Milk:: | chocolate (im lactose intolerant so milk isnt a big thing for me) | | Celsius or Farenheit:: | farenheit (what kind of question is that? are we not in the us or something?) | | Spring or Fall:: | fall | | Science or History:: | history | | Math or English:: | english | | "Love Life" | | Do you like somebody?:: | yes | | Do they know?:: | yes | | Do you want them?:: | YES YES YES YES YES | | Are they hot?:: | YES YES YES YES YES | | Random | | Who do you e-mail the most?: | myself | | Who do you IM the most?: | jason | | Who are you talking to now?:: | sarah | | Are you currently in love?:: | yes | | Is this survey lame?:: | no im actually having fun i like filling out forms and stuff tee hee | | Isn't bzoink! nifty? =) :: | i dont know know what it is but that name sounds cool so yeah! | | In 24 hours have you... | | ...Showered?:: | yes | | ...Had a serious talk?:: | yes | | ...Hugged someone?:: | yes | | ...Gotten along with your parents?:: | yes | | ...Fought with a friend?:: | no | | ...Done something kind for someone?: | yes | | Do You Like To... | | Give hugs?:: | yes! | | Give back rubs?:: | no thats nasty | | Take walks in the rain?:: | yes! | | Cook?:: | it depends what im cooking | | Eat?:: | yes! i love that! | | Sleep?:: | yes! i love that just as much as eating! | | Who..? | | ..Knows you the best?:: | marilyn i would have to say | | ..Have you known the longest?:: | im guessing they arent talking about family, so hillary | | ..Do you know the most about?:: | marilyn i think | | ..Do you consider your friend?:: | marilyn and jessica and hillary | | ..Is most likely to end up in jail?:: | jessica | | ..Can you go to with your problems?:: | my journal and my cat | | ..Do you want to get to know better?:: | sean | | ..Do you spend the most time with?:: | uhh my family | | Have You... | | ..Been to a concert?:: | no. | | ..Loved someone so much it made you cry?:: | yes | | ..Cheated on a test?:: | yes | | ..Ever stalked someone?:: | yes | | ..Done something you regret?:: | duh yes | | ..Been in an online relationship?:: | yes when i was like 12 and he was 16 | | Random Questions | | Single or Hooked?:: | single thanks to stephanie | | What is your worst habit?:: | saying | | Scariest moment?:: | i dont know.... | | Do you swear too much?:: | no i dont think so i swear too much in my head though | | How do you feel about homosexuality?:: | i support those who are homosexual and gay marraige | | Where are you right now?:: | in my parent's room | | Are you sitting by anyone?:: | no | | What song are you listening to?:: | nothing | | What is the last thing you said?:: | nothing | | What's on your mousepad?:: | a clover and the words "nd" in it | | What are the last four digits of your phone number?:: | 2262 | | What was the last thing you ate?:: | yogurt | | If you were a crayon, what color would you be?:: | blue | | How many buddies do you have on your list?:: | funny u asked, i just cleaned it out, 79 in all | | What's the weather like right now?:: | its kinda cloudy and its 54.1 degrees outside (i have a thermometer right next to me) | | What do you feel like doing?:: | strangling my mom for vacumming at this hour! | | What is your favorite quote?:: | "precious" |
Lame-Stupid-Random Survey brought to you by BZOINK!
2 did |
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 15 February :: 9.45pm
today sucked...well parts of it
i'll be happy to begin this but then its gonna get bitter and angry. ok so yesterday my sister and i were supposed to go to church but we didnt. instead we drove around and went to barnes and noble cause shes in love with it. i like it there but spending an hour there when all she looks at is romance novels is REALLY boring. its fuckin romance. theres like a million romance movies that you can watch and it ends in 2 hours. so then we went to the travel book section and i was looking at a book about ireland and she found stuff about random middle eastern countries. what the fuck?? its not like shes ever gonna go to one. so then we went to go pick up her stupid friend who says like 2 words the whole night. we pick her up she says "hi" then the rest of the time its silent. we rented s.w.a.t and some lifetime movie..well it belongs on lifetime. it was a waste of time but i picked it out cause it looked like it would make me cry.
today....there are no good words to describe it but there are several ones that kinda fit it. it was pretty fun..at times. i went with louise (sorry jessica) and we laughed practically the whole way up. we were complaining about sean. thats really fun. so we got to san francisco and we were trying to find some museum i dont remember what and we got lost and my stupid sisters dumbass bitchy friend kept telling us to go the wrong fuckin way. we ended up spending 2 hours in the car on a ride that should have been 1 hour maybe. we finally stopped for lunch and ate a shit load cause we were all really hungry then we went to some jumbo size target for no reason. louise and i went off by ourselves and kinda looked around then went into the mall. then we got bored and ran back to target cause we only had 10 minutes. so we got my sister to give us until 3:00 and we went around some more. we ended up looking for axe cause it smells really really good. so we had the axe in our hands and louise wanted to walk around more and made me hold it. we went down an aisle with makeup in it and a guy and his girlfriend came in from the other end. it was soo embarrassing cause he was kinda looking at us. so i tried getting louise to hurry out of the aisle but she wouldnt cause she wanted some fuckin eye liner. I WAS HOLDING AXE AND I'M A GIRL AND ALL SHE COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HER STINKING EYE LINER! so finally we left the aisle and went out to get in line. we were next in line and my sister calls and says that we have to go cause my dad found out we were in target in daly city and was pissed. stupid really. so all that embarrassment for nothing. louise says she will get some axe this week and i'm going to pay her back for it later.
we finally came back home and hung around till 4:30 when louise had to go home taking with her a conversation between her and sean. poo face. oh well she said she's gonna make a copy for me.
the rest of the night has been okay. american dreams is gonna be on soon so i'm gonna go so i can take a shower and stuff.
4 did |
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 14 February :: 12.24am
:: Mood: sad...again
:: Music: bittersweet symphony
mrs. beall and other stuff
i came home from spending the morning with my sister and i spent like 3 hours on the internet being bored cause noone was home. i love vacation. i get to sit home alone and do whatever i want. i often spend several minutes beating the shit out of my bunching bag while screaming stuff at it that deal with people i hate. or sometimes i scream stuff that has happened and what i should have done if i embarrassed myself. my favorite subjects are sarah,stephanie or lynn and miss doherty. usually i ask the punching bag if it would "like another barrido" oo thats fun. then i say "fuck you" several times. its really weird but really really fun and painfull. someday i know i'm gonna break or sprain my wrist or arm on it. oh well it will be worth the pain.
i briefly mentioned mrs. beall (bell) , louises grandma, in my last entry. i feel like talking about her again. shes such a wonderfull lady. when i took my highschool test she dropped off louise and i said "hi mrs. beall" and she said "oh hi marilyn" and gave me a hug. i wish she was my grandma. she gave me birthday cards and a first communion present. i really appreciated it but i dont think i've ever told her. i've never taken the time to tell her that shes like a grandma to me and now i feel so bad. i mean she might die soon and i havent been as nice as i could have. i always said thank you and stuff but i never listened to her when she was telling stories or something which was rare but did happen. i spent a lot of time at her house when i was little cause louise has been my friend since kindergarten and we always had to go to her house cause we were too young to be home alone when my sisters did stuff. besides, (comma mistake i think) we always had more fun at her house. her back yard is really big and there was always something to get into. mrs. beall never said no to me when we asked if i could go over. shes watched all her grandchildren and opened her house to louise's aunts and uncles to live in. she has such a big heart...i dont think there is one bad thing about her. i'm going to cry so much when she dies. if you believe in god even a little bit please pray for her. i've seen 2 people die of cancer in the past year who i loved a lot..i dont think i can bear to see a 3rd one die.
oo more complaining. i hate my dads side of the family. i have an aunt marion who isnt even 1% italian but she acts as though she is. at my sisters wedding, my aunt maries funeral, and even the after buriel lunch for my aunt marie she wouldnt fuckin shut up about food! i mean she'll talk about every fuckin restaraunt in morgan hill (where she lives) if you give her time. she talks about food while your eating. she talks about it when your crying or something. its like dude is that all you fuckin think about??? if she were so old and a family member i'd tell her to shut the fuck up. i swear she will tie food into just about anything she can. sad? eat a cookie. "no you have to go the restaurant down on.... cause they make the best..." i hate her so much.
i feel like i'll never shut up....sorry. i was thinking last night when i couldnt fall asleep even though i was really tired. i was thinking about being shy. pretty random to be thinking about when youre tired. i dont like being shy. i often wonder how people arent shy. they just say anything and people dont think they are weird and most people like them. i came to the conclusion i'm afraid of rejection. it seems like i dont really have anything to say to people i dont see everyday cause i dont know how they will react to what i say. i tend to be fairly sarcastic and random and i think some people dont realize that so they think i'm being rude or dumb. a lot of my randomness is dumb and a lot of my sarcasm could be taken meanly. i dont mean to but i was raised that way. then there are people who are mean that have made me scared to be myself. on the internet i say stuff really weird stuff and then people dont know how to react to it cause they dont really know me. i feel so dumb when that happens cause people will put the generic "o" or "yea" or soemthing. in situations where i'm right there to hear the persons criticism i really hate that. so i guess i deal with it by preventing it. i admit it..i hate being criticized unless i ask for it. i dont like people who will just say "you know that really good but....". i want to beat them and say "you know what? i never fuckin asked you to give me your input so shut up" unless its in math or science. people can tell me what i'm doing wrong all day in either one of those and i wont get mad or sometimes writing. not poems though. my poems are mine and as far as i'm concerned nobody has to read them if they are going to be mean. i hate mean people. i am one sometimes. i guess i hate myself occasionaly. well i think everyone does.
ruben likes nicole, that slut girl i dont like. she likes craig and ruben. stupidass. i guess i'm kinda jealous cause i USED to like ruben. i hate his name though. its really ugly. (sorry to anyone who likes that name) heres his profile:i love my baby:-! o u can call me co co! hahaha
"co co" part refering to the last part of her sn. i just helped her get a picture of craig and then she doesnt care and likes ruben! THAT WASNT SO NICE! her dog looks like my dog. thats random.
i'm tired. bye
3 did |
Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 13 February :: 7.16pm
a little survey:
| Basics | | Name:: | Marilyn | | Birthplace:: | California | | Birthdate:: | 5/21/90 | | Current City of Residence:: | San Jose | | Family Members:: | Parents, 4 older sisters | | Favorites | | Color:: | blue | | Beverage:: | diet coke | | Movie:: | billy elliot | | Musical:: | top hat,white tails (i thinks thats what its called) | | Board Game:: | i dont play them | | Computer Game:: | i dont play them either | | Game to Roleplay:: | what? | | Animal:: | chickens and roosters | | Sport:: | baseball | | Book:: | i dont usually read but...anything that will make me cry | | A Day In The Life.. | | School:: | i dont get it | | Typical Mood:: | cheerful or sad | | Usually Found?:: | on a chair | | Collects:: | random stuff | | Have You Ever | | Been kissed:: | nopers | | Done drugs:: | oh yea i'm always doing drugs! no | | Eaten an entire box of Oreos: | unfortunatly and now i hate them | | Eaten sushi:: | no and i dont plan on it | | Been on stage:: | uh...kinda but i want to more | | Been in a car accident:: | no | | This or That | | Cold or Hot:: | hot | | Blue or Red:: | blue | | Rain or Snow:: | RAIN! | | Wool or Cotton:: | cotton | | Private or Public School:: | private..sorry | | Chocolate or Plain Milk:: | depends.. | | Celsius or Farenheit:: | faranheit | | Spring or Fall:: | fall | | Science or History:: | history | | Math or English:: | english | | "Love Life" | | Do you like somebody?:: | yup, several people | | Do they know?:: | one does | | Do you want them?:: | ? uh..yup i guess i do | | Are they hot?:: | yea | | Random | | Who do you e-mail the most?: | louise | | Who do you IM the most?: | jessica | | Who are you talking to now?:: | jessica | | Are you currently in love?:: | no | | Is this survey lame?:: | i suppose so (billy elliot moment) | | Isn't bzoink! nifty? =) :: | no | | In 24 hours have you... | | ...Showered?:: | yup | | ...Had a serious talk?:: | no | | ...Hugged someone?:: | yup | | ...Gotten along with your parents?:: | yup | | ...Fought with a friend?:: | no but i was annoyed | | ...Done something kind for someone?: | yes | | Do You Like To... | | Give hugs?:: | YUP! HUGS ARE GOOD | | Give back rubs?:: | no | | Take walks in the rain?:: | yea..without an umbrella or rain stuff | | Cook?:: | sure | | Eat?:: | of course | | Sleep?:: | sometimes | | Who..? | | ..Knows you the best?:: | my sister | | ..Have you known the longest?:: | louise | | ..Do you know the most about?:: | louise | | ..Do you consider your friend?:: | people but i dont feel like writing the names | | ..Is most likely to end up in jail?:: | stephanie | | ..Can you go to with your problems?:: | louise or jessica | | ..Do you want to get to know better?:: | hmm...i dont know | | ..Do you spend the most time with?:: | people at school | | Have You... | | ..Been to a concert?:: | nopers | | ..Loved someone so much it made you cry?:: | yes..bek aka justin when he graduated last year | | ..Cheated on a test?:: | yup | | ..Ever stalked someone?:: | yes..bek again | | ..Done something you regret?:: | hasnt everyone? | | ..Been in an online relationship?:: | yup for like 2 days and it was really dumb | | Random Questions | | Single or Hooked?:: | single | | What is your worst habit?:: | biting my nails | | Scariest moment?:: | almost drowning in the ocean | | Do you swear too much?:: | yup | | How do you feel about homosexuality?:: | i have no problems with it. =) | | Where are you right now?:: | at home in front of the computer | | Are you sitting by anyone?:: | no | | What song are you listening to?:: | i'm enjoying a silent house | | What is the last thing you said?:: | "lol sorry" | | What's on your mousepad?:: | a mouse..ooh this weird animal thing | | What are the last four digits of your phone number?:: | i'm not saying | | What was the last thing you ate?:: | ice cream | | If you were a crayon, what color would you be?:: | red | | How many buddies do you have on your list?:: | 114 | | What's the weather like right now?:: | half cloudy half sunny and windy | | What do you feel like doing?:: | going to sleep or watching pearl harbor..again | | What is your favorite quote?:: | "i'm gonna beat you" |
Lame-Stupid-Random Survey brought to you by BZOINK!
while i was at ccd on wednesday i was playing with a safety pin and was scratching my thumb and i scratched once really hard by accident and it really hurts so i'm complaining.
last time i wrote i said that kyle isnt hot. well something about him is and i lied last time cause i was embarrassed.
just now louise told me that her grandma could be sick with breast cancer. i really like her cause she was kinda like my grandma in a way. i really am going to miss her if she dies.
bye
Go fuck yourself
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LoupGarou
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2004 13 February :: 1.07pm
:: Music: New York, New York - Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennet
Listening to this song makes me want to go back to New York or San Francisco.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Not like I care all that much *sniffle* I'm all alone anyway.
hee hee it doesn't matter. I wouldn't care if I had someone to give a Valentine to or not.
You know, I'm looking at this map and if you look at the Mississippi River, it has a heck of a lot of twists and turns. Seriously, go look!
Oh, and did you know that technically if you go to Alaska and took a plane to Russia it would only be about fifty miles away through the Bering Strait? IT'S AMAZING! Simply fantastic! Then all you would have to do is take a plane from Uelen, Russia down to Petropavlovsk-Kamchatskiy, Russia. From there you would travel to Tokyo, Japan!
That's right, people! I am a super-genius! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Okay, not really.
Hmmm, what is there to talk about? Well, today is the beginning of lovely vacation! Am I going to do anything special? NOT AT ALL!
Just going to sit here, sleep in, and be lazy like I am so good at doing during vacations.
I lost the notebook with all the character names for my story. I know the names of the main characters and all, but people like the alpha male and female of Kerry's pack were in there and I can't remember their names *frowns*. I don't know where it could have gone. Last time I saw it it was by the computer, and I checked my room, my closet, the drawers in my desk, etc. Just wait. Later it will turn up in some completely obvious place. O_o
You know what pisses me off? When people go and make fun of people for things they can't help or they can't change. For example, there's this really nice guy named Kyle in my class. He isn't bad looking or anything, in fact I think he's very good-looking. But he has had a problem all his life. When he was a baby he was born with his upper lip folded upward, attached near the area where his nose begins. I think we all started that way, which is how we get that little dent on the skin between the nose and the upper lip, but Kyle's lip never got itself fixed and when he was born, his lip was still attached. They cut off the part that was attached because I guess if it stayed that way when he got older he could get diseases and sicknesses easier. So now he has what I believe it called a "cleft lip" ot something. It looks nothing like a cleft chin, don't worry. It just looks like a piece of his lip was cut off neatly, leaving an indentation where the problem once was. People who have been in his class for years and have known him for long have grown used to it and learned to look past it. But now I am told that not all people want to except he's different. Some heartless bitches make fun of it and it makes me so mad I could slap them. He can't help something like that! And imagine all the looks he is given when he goes places in public, all the looks and whispers he's recieved all his life. It must be hard on him. He never shows it, but it must be. And I hope all of those that have mercilessly talked about him behind his back because of that small deformity can understand how it feels. Because I know for a fact that those people who do that aren't perfect. They need a harsh slap of reality if they think they're better than him just because they don't have that problem.
It makes me sick.
Here's another survey because I couldn't think of anything else to put:
| Basics | | Name:: | Jessica | | Birthplace:: | California | | Birthdate:: | 12/23/89 | | Current City of Residence:: | My Happy place | | Family Members:: | Mom and Dad and a younger sister | | Favorites | | Color:: | black | | Beverage:: | coke | | Movie:: | the Lotr series, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Secret Garden ^_^ | | Musical:: | grease? | | Board Game:: | Life | | Computer Game:: | I don't play computer games | | Game to Roleplay:: | .... I roleplay my own games. lol | | Animal:: | wolf | | Sport:: | swimming | | Book:: | Blood and Chocolate | | A Day In The Life.. | | School:: | it'd good enough | | Typical Mood:: | either genuinely cheerful or pretending to be. | | Usually Found?:: | in front of the computer or in the shade away from the sun. tee hee. | | Collects:: | anime and mangas | | Have You Ever | | Been kissed:: | not really | | Done drugs:: | nope! | | Eaten an entire box of Oreos: | uh uh | | Eaten sushi:: | yep! | | Been on stage:: | why yes I have | | Been in a car accident:: | small ones | | This or That | | Cold or Hot:: | cold | | Blue or Red:: | blue | | Rain or Snow:: | rain definitely | | Wool or Cotton:: | cotton I guess | | Private or Public School:: | private only because I go to one | | Chocolate or Plain Milk:: | either | | Celsius or Farenheit:: | farenheit | | Spring or Fall:: | fall | | Science or History:: | history | | Math or English:: | english | | "Love Life" | | Do you like somebody?:: | not really | | Do they know?:: | nope | | Do you want them?:: | not all that much | | Are they hot?:: | sure | | Random | | Who do you e-mail the most?: | no idea | | Who do you IM the most?: | Marilyn or JDawgII ^_^ | | Who are you talking to now?:: | Marilyn | | Are you currently in love?:: | nope | | Is this survey lame?:: | It is now that you said that | | Isn't bzoink! nifty? =) :: | yep now it's definitely lame | | In 24 hours have you... | | ...Showered?:: | yep | | ...Had a serious talk?:: | yep | | ...Hugged someone?:: | i think so | | ...Gotten along with your parents?:: | yesh | | ...Fought with a friend?:: | no | | ...Done something kind for someone?: | i think so.... *ponders*... I hope so | | Do You Like To... | | Give hugs?:: | only to certain people. | | Give back rubs?:: | no | | Take walks in the rain?:: | yes! | | Cook?:: | don't know. I don't do it very often | | Eat?:: | food is good | | Sleep?:: | I dont like to go to bed before midnight usually but I like sleeping in late. | | Who..? | | ..Knows you the best?:: | Julie | | ..Have you known the longest?:: | Bryce | | ..Do you know the most about?:: | Stephanie | | ..Do you consider your friend?:: | a lot of people: marilyn, louise, julie, ashleigh, etc, etc.... | | ..Is most likely to end up in jail?:: | Stephanie | | ..Can you go to with your problems?:: | Julie, Marilyn or Louise. | | ..Do you want to get to know better?:: | JDawgII (lol) | | ..Do you spend the most time with?:: | Marilyn and Louise | | Have You... | | ..Been to a concert?:: | no *sobs* | | ..Loved someone so much it made you cry?:: | yes... in the 3rd grade... LEAVE ME ALONE! | | ..Cheated on a test?:: | not that I can remember | | ..Ever stalked someone?:: | dont know. If I did I dont remember it. | | ..Done something you regret?:: | yes. Hasn't everyone? | | ..Been in an online relationship?:: | yeah but it was dumb. | | Random Questions | | Single or Hooked?:: | single | | What is your worst habit?:: | biting my nails and saying "oooo" too much online. | | Scariest moment?:: | When I heard my cousin was hit by a car and that he didn't have much of a chance of living. | | Do you swear too much?:: | sometimes | | How do you feel about homosexuality?:: | I'm more open about gay guys than I am about lesbians, but I don't DISLIKE lesbians I guess, it just makes me a bit uncomfortable. | | Where are you right now?:: | in my dad's office at home | | Are you sitting by anyone?:: | no | | What song are you listening to?:: | Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru (english version) | | What is the last thing you said?:: | online? Online I said "that's ok" | | What's on your mousepad?:: | I don't have a mousepad. I'm typing this on a laptop. | | What are the last four digits of your phone number?:: | 9904 | | What was the last thing you ate?:: | I'm thinking it was Nerds | | If you were a crayon, what color would you be?:: | black, well, I'd like to be that color. | | How many buddies do you have on your list?:: | 104 | | What's the weather like right now?:: | cloudy and windy ^_^ | | What do you feel like doing?:: | sleeping or just sitting | | What is your favorite quote?:: | "Don't sweat petty things. Don't pet sweaty things." |
Lame-Stupid-Random Survey brought to you by BZOINK!
Bye bye now!
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Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 12 February :: 12.18am
ok short entry tonight cause i gotta a paper to write and its 9:00 but i need a break.
today i discovered i still like kyle. yup gross but i cant help it. i mean hes ugly but i like him for his personallity. today, as we were walking out of science class, he said "marilyn." and i said "yea" then he said "our lab notebooks weren't due today" and i kinda half laughed and said "i know i'm sorry" then he said "its ok" and he walked away. big conversation. lol. anyway the reason he said that was cause i thought they were due so i ran out of the science lab cause i didnt do mine and pretended not to be done with my test and i guess he didnt finish his either.
so i talked to sean today and told him some bad stuff about stephanie but apparently he doesnt care. stupidass. someday he'll realize that hes wrong when hes upset cause she broke up with him cause hes boring or something. well i think hes really nice still but i dont like him as much as i used to.
Cherrylicious451: marilyn why would he be pissed at u if he dodnt want u to be pissed at him lol
see thats the improper grammar shit that i hate.
thats about everything important that happened today. bye
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Go fuck yourself
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LoupGarou
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2004 10 February :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: icky
:: Music: Eternal - Evanescence
Brass monkey is a chunky monkey so get funky, chumpy!
I think I am going to describe some people in my class. Especially the annoying evil ones.
First, there is Lucas (People call him Luc for short. And yes, that is how he spells it). Lucas is a cocky asshole who thinks he's the best person in the world. He is a sports jock and likes to boast about how good he is at running and playing sports and anything else he can think of to make someone feel lower than him. In math it seems like he is always calling out the answers louder than anyone else and it makes me want to turn around and smack him. The worst thing about him has got to be his big mouth. He just won't shut up and mercilessly shoots people down when they try to say something. For example, there is a really nice girl in class named Anna. She's a straight A student and usually very polite to everyone, but every time she says something and Lucas hears, he tells her to shutup. I tell HIM to shutup and he just tells me to shutup. But I wasn't the one talking.
Yesterday he was bugging the hell out of me. I sit in the back row in Language Arts and Jessie sits in front of me. Then, Lucas sits in front of Jessie. The thing is, the whole period he is turned around talking to her and insulting her and making fun of her. For some reason he thinks it's funny when he makes fun of people. I was trying to work on my vocab like a good little student, but he just wouldn't shut up. So I yelled at him:
Me: Luc! Shut up and turn around. You're pissing me off!
Luc: I wasn't even talking to you.
Me: Exactly! You weren't even talking to me and you're pissing me off.
Luc: What the fuck?
Anyway, he wanted to be an asshole for the rest of the period, so he purposely didn't shut up. So I got Matt and Eric Z. on my side. Jessie was on my side too, but she didn't threaten him. Eric said "Luc, shut up or I'll pierce you." lol. He was talking about using his pen. Then Luc wouldn't shut up, so Matt stepped in. He took his pen and said "Luc, shut up or I'll take this pen, shove it up your pee hole and make it come out the other end."
lol.
*sigh* We made an attempt, and Matt kept on threatening him. Mrs. Saunders even told him to be quiet at some point. Now for appearance. Though Luc prides himself on being an "excellent athelete", he doesn't look like he's in much shape. He's a bit on the stout side, not fat, just short and slightly rounded in build. He has dark skin and spikes his black hair. lol he didn't gel it one time and it looked really funny because it was sticking up. Like I said, he's an asshole that's full of himself. It's amazing he has a friend like AJ. Aj is really nice compared to Luc.
Anyway, I wanted to complain about Nino too, but my mom is making me get off *sigh* there is just not enough time in the day. So I'll just paste in a poem I made last year. It's in a ballad style, and parts are kind of dumb, but I tried. I entered it in a contest last year. It didn't win. lol. Tell me what you think:
Shapeshifter
The wolf raises her head in a toast to the moon
As its pale light glints on her fur.
The Great Goddess would be coming soon
And dance where the tree-tops were.
The wolf’s golden eyes seemed to grow with the light
Of magic and mystery.
Today the faeries would be in flight,
For there would be much to see.
As the dark hour approached, the reeds began to sing.
The stars glittered in their blanket of dark.
All about the land the air seemed to ring
With cricket chirps and animal barks.
The wolf heard the high-pitched answering calls
Of her moon sisters and her moon brothers.
And through the splashing of the falls
There were even the sounds of others.
All the kingdom would come this night
To see the Moon Goddess dance,
And spread the hills with her pale magic light
As the fireflies around her would prance.
And suddenly she was there.
Her hair floated on the breeze.
The stars dazzled around her, where
She danced among the trees.
Her eyes were points of endless light,
Her skin as fair as snow,
Her hair a shock of silvery-white
That set off a magic glow.
Gently she took her sister wolf’s paw
In her delicate hand.
And by some sort of secret law
Sprinkled on it a magic sand.
“This will allow you to walk with the stars one night,”
She said to her canine peer,
“You’ll be able to take flight,
And even fly away from here.”
“But I love this place” the she-wolf said,
“I’d never want to leave.
I love it here, I’ve never fled,
if that you can believe.”
“Why yes, my child,
But surely there must be something I can do.
Perhaps prance among the flowers wild,
or make a different you.”
“I have always wondered
What it would be like to be of human kind.
Long in my thoughts I have plundered,
And searched my frame of mind.
“If maybe I could see how it feels
To be like those that sing with words,
To use utensils with my meals
And feast on tasty birds.”
“Ah” The Goddess said,
“Then here’s what I’ll do.
You’ll have the choice to feast on bread
Once I am through with you.
“From now on you can change at will
From human to true form,
But if you tell them, they will kill
And you’ll never be reborn.
“You see, young one
These humans are afraid,
Which is why they carry gun
And horrid spear and spade.
“If they see you aren’t true blood
You’ll never live to tell the tale,
Nor see another blooming rose bud,
or wonder at the hail.
“So I give you this gift,
But use it well.
Your shape you can shift
With this magic spell.
“And now I must go,
For dawn’s coming fast.
Don’t be in woe,
I’m sure you will last.”
And with that word said, she was gone
As quickly as she had come.
And now the world seemed still and calm
And the wolf realized she was numb.
Looking down at herself she was surprised to find
She now had two legs, not four.
The moon Goddess truly was kind
For she gave her so much more.
She found she could change to and from at will
But on the full moon she had no choice.
For on that day up her spine came a chill
As she regained her howling wolf voice.
Now just a legend she is to us all,
Though some still think it’s real.
She walks through the forest with no regrets at all
About her wondrous deal.
_____________________________
Oh God, now that I look at it, I realize how bad it is. T_T. Please be merciful.
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Go fuck yourself
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chuckitatthewall
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2004 10 February :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: tired and annoyed
today is bad. woke up at 6:45 and then fell back asleep till 7:00 when my mom came in with the dog, cubbie. cubbie is a really good dog and i love him but at 7:00 in the morning having a dog put his big fat head on your pillow isnt exactly nice.
went to school and we took our history test. i was really tired the whole morning and jessica and i both wanted to go home. so at recess we figured out how we would do it. jessica was going to go first and say what was wrong with her which was real. then about a half hour later which only ended up being 20 minutes i would go to mrs. saunders and say "i really dont feel good may i go to the bathroom" like i had to barf or something. so i did that then i came back and told her i still wasnt feeling well. so she said i could go home and i went to the office to wait for my mom. i didnt really have a stomache or headache but i was extremely tired and i told my mom that so she said i could just lay on the couch for the rest of the day. the one really nice thing about my mom is that shes pretty good about letting me have the day off when i'm sick or stressed or just tired. i even got the day off once just cause i started crying cause we had a science test the next day and i was really worried. i ended up getting sick but she didnt know it when she let me stay home. i just talked to lynn and she said that some people asked her if i faked it. i did but i was tired so technically i was sick. well i watched this show and stuff and saw some depressing stuff.
ok so theres this guy, alex, and i guess he likes me but i think hes pretty annoying and ugly (not like i'm beautiful but u know). whenever i talk to him and he says he has to go he says "luv ya". i dont love him. in fact i only like him as a friend. i dont want to be mean and not say "luv ya" back but how can i if i barely know him? so i havent and i wont unless i've known him for a long time and decide i like him a lot. i just dont get why after knowing someone for like 2 days poeple say "oh yea she/he is my boy/girlfriend and i love him/her." maybe i am dumb for thinking that but its so stupid. its kind of hard to love someone unless you know them well and care about them a lot.
today ashley, a girl at school who i usually dont like, had surgery for scoliosis. i used to be friends with her but her hygene wasnt very good starting in about 6th grade. i make fun of her a lot for her greasy hair and disgusting blackheads and greasy skin. its really really gross but right now i'm worried about her. i also have a lot of sympathy for her cause her parents have known about her scoliosis since she was baby and they did nothing about it. instead they bought a lot of clothes and unnecessary (sp.) junk for her and themselves. her mother has barely worked in her life and they complain about being poor but they have noone to blame but themselves. i believe i said before that we are not rich and that everyone thinks we are cause of my dads profession and stuff. well i realized we should be rich and that we should have lots of stuff but my parents spent their money wisely. we dont have big fancy nice cars and stuff and we dont have a big fat house. they spent the money they had and even money that they borrowed on sending us to a private school and all my older sisters through college as well as setting aside money for vacations and extra stuff. well her parents should also be rich but they arent. not because they spend it on important stuff but because they spend it on crap. good parents would make sure each of them had a job and make sacrifices to make sure ashley got the surgery. at one point 7 people were living a little 3 bedroom town house because my parents decided that my sister needed to be placed in a mental institution for her own good. nobody ever complained or whined about it. ashleys parents would rather live in a larger house with a whole shit load of crap than get her surgery. its absolutely disgusting. i can remember that she was so spoiled that she complained about not being able to shopping after school one time and spend money that they didnt even have. her parents have made me appreciate mine.
i feel like i was just bragging about my family. sorry i dont like doing that but it was the best comparison i could come up with. well i have to go do my homework and write up part of my paper. bye
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Go fuck yourself
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