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the end is the beginning is the end

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nerdalert

:: 2005 20 January :: 10.11am

so as you can see, or have heard already, my computer is now operational, AND they gave me the hard drive back, so i think i might go office space on it and take it out to an open field and beat the shit out of it

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moana

:: 2005 20 January :: 2.35am

for AC
a certain woman i know had the capability of smuggling me out of kuwait. my mother gave me her number before she went to 7ajj, "just in case" something happens to her and i end up here with my dad. so i asked her if i could take someone with me. she said i could.

more news. when you get your jinsiya and jawaz, you don't need your father's permission to buy a ticket. if you have them with you, all you need to do is go to the airport and buy a ticket.

also, get this. the american embassy loves these sort of "child abuse" cases, meaning, they will help you get out if you go to them. not directly, but they will help.

hang on right now, because it seems like a long way back to sanity. whenever you so much as think of thinking of giving up, think of your siblings instead. iyyanee oo iyyaach you do anything to compromise their well being. if it all works out like i want it to, then i'll even watch over them for you while you go set your life up.

there's light at the end of the tunnel, and the sun rises on your eighteenth birthday.

IF YOU HAVE A JINSIYA AND A JAWAZ, YOU DON'T NEED PARENTAL CONSENT TO BUY A PLANE TICKET.

it's not long now.

i love you.

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moana

:: 2005 18 January :: 8.10pm
:: Music: bjork - i miss you

i know i already woohued today but, this one's for you, baby boy
I was looking through an old chronicle I kept a few years back when my brother first went to college, and found a whole section on air, or wind. I like this part of it.

"The rush of air, humid and stale, thick with the scent of rain and damp is as refreshing as any spring breeze. Any air that moves and changes of its own accord carries with it a calm and peace, a confirmation of life that no air generated by machine can ever emulate. Only when the air moves by itself, scattering my hair into my eyes and my face, do I appreciate reality, not as it is defined by the media, but rather reality as few know it, and those few only know it at rare time intervals. This realization of reality is often spurred on by the most unexpected things; a content, familiar face, a patch of comfortable sunlight in my eye and often, a sudden breath of air, from nature or by a loved one's lips... It's a reality I love and adore. It isn't frightening or unhappy as so often is impressed upon us, but pure and rich..."

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moana

:: 2005 18 January :: 3.07pm

i'm sorry, i just had to post this, had to. it's almost as good as the lollita test.






She Wants to Move by N.E.R.D.





"Her off beat dance makes me fantasize
(Her curves) She's sexy!!
Her ass is a spaceship I want to ride
(Her ass) She's sexy!!"

In 2004 you got your groove on - and had the best time ever.


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amazighstarrynights

:: 2005 17 January :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: some arabic meditative stuff

My literary endeavors...
She lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, listening to noises in her empty room. She looked at the clock as the irridescent yellow/green numbers flipped slowly... 2:23, 2:24, 2:25....She thought if she looked hard enough she could make them move. She tried to breathe, to remove all of the thoughts in her head, she looked back at the numbers, it was no use - she would spend another night sleepless. She heard a noise in the house, it was too loud to be in the apartment next to her. She listened closely, it was coming from her apartment. She felt her heart creep into her throat...what was she going to do? She grabbed the phone that was next to her bed and listened, her breathing getting heavy. It was coming up the stairs, she turned the phone on. Was she imagining this or was it real? She covered her head and held the phone in her trembling hands. The sound was getting closer...her door opened, she gasped. Pressing the buttons, hoping it would go away. "Baby, baby, baby shhhh" Who was that, it sounded so familiar. "I'm here baby shhh don't be scared." Her eyes were clenched shut and she didn't dare open them. She felt her covers move - she thought she was going to be killed. She felt him touch her arm, she was almost in tears. She inhaled deeply for what she thought was the last time and it hit her. She slowly opened her left eye but it was too dark. She inhaled again, it was. It was him. She started to cry. He wrapped his arms around her "Baby I'm sorry I wanted to surprise you not to scare you." She could not talk through her tears. He pulled her close and she could smell his deep exotic scent. Her heart was still in her throat. His large hands brushed her hair and he kissed her forhead. "I missed you baby, I had to see you." She had missed him too and could not believe she was getting this chance. She was still crying tears of happiness and he wiped each one away with his hand, kissing some of them away. There were so many things that she wanted to tell him, how happy she was that he was there, how sad she had been without him, how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. But she couldn't get the words out. What she really wanted was a kiss, the kiss she had waited so long to recieve. She looked up into his big, brown eyes framed by long black eyelashes and felt her heart melt. They looked into each others eyes, as if their eyes were memorizing the others soul. He moved his hand from her hair and opened it, running his fingers down her forehead, over her eyes, down her cheek and gently using his thumb to trace her lips. As he reached her chin he gently began to pull her towards him. She held her breath as her lips nearly reached his. She anticipated the tingle she had felt everytime they had kissed. The feeling deep inside her that made her feel like they were the only people in the world and that moment was all that mattered. She anticipated the softness, the sensual feel of his lips. She anticipated wanting more than just a single kiss. She could feel his breath and she waited. Her eyes popped open. 2:46 She had fallen asleep for a few minutes. Of course it couldn't have been him could it? He'd been gone for a year....2:47

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amazighstarrynights

:: 2005 17 January :: 11.32am

Weird, weird, weird
So I want to tell you a story about a driving experience last night. I was driving down the interstate with my sister. We were going to my mom's house which is about a half hour from my house. We always people watch because we get bored and like to giggle at people doing strange things. So, I passed this silver hybrid toyota and there was a guy driving. I went by fast and wasn't really paying too close attention to him. Ashley turns to me and says, "what was that guy eating? A popsicle or something? Christ it's like -20 out (it really was -20)" "No, I don't think so Ash.....it looked like a shoe." "It was not a shoe don't be ridiculous." So being the inquisitive people we are, I slowed down so that he could pass me again. As he's gaining we're waiting intently to see if he is still doing whatever he was doing. As he gets closer we look and sure enough IT'S A SHOE! A BLACK WOMAN'S HIGH HEELED SHOE. And this guy was not just like cleaning some spots off he is TONGUING this shoe, literally making out with it. Shoving the toe part into his mouth. Licking the heel. It was like a car accident - you don't want to look but you can't help it. Oh my god we were in such shock we could hardly laugh. What the hell was this guy doing?? We had to pass him again. Sure enough still making out with the shoe. We stayed in front and kept him in my rear view mirror until we exited. By this time we were in hysterics. I have never seen something so utterly strange in my entire life. Good thing he had a Minnesota license plate.....

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moana

:: 2005 17 January :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: sick

there's been so much terrorism around lately. in these past couple of days there have been houses and apartments searched just to find ammunition, shotgun shells, heavy artillery, home made explosives and, scariest of all, plans to blow up and destroy areas of heavy foreign presence. this meant embassies, certain resteraunts and coffee houses and, you guessed it, private american and british schools.

i don't understand what's going through these people's heads. i'm not scared, it's about that. i don't feel threatened at all for some reason. but i'm confused. i wish i could understand what was happening. why are muslims killing other muslims in the name of islam? it just doesn't make sense to me. no foreigners have been hurt or killed or even inconvenienced. four policemen have died, and five are in hospitals with gunshot wounds.

i don't understand it.

my mother left last night to hajj, the holy pilgrimage required of every muslim once in a lifetime to mecca. while we were in the car driving her to the airport, we got the news that the saudi arabian government was spreading out 50,000 soldiers to "protect the pilgrims". it should make me feel better, but it doesn't.

i have a bad feeling.

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moana

:: 2005 15 January :: 1.55pm
:: Mood: warm and fuzzy
:: Music: zodiak - everything goes

They say it's a night in a year, when everything goes

Today I turned 17 years old. I took an Arabic exam and an IB HL Math exam, 20 Paper 1 questions. In other words, 20 questions on everything I've taken this year and junior year, straight forward math problems. And we're done our core for math. From here to May, it's reviewing for the final exam, and Paper 2, which is conceptual and abstract, the really hard stuff. There's never been more than one question on a Paper 2 exam, and it's never been less than 30% of the overall score. Basically, these are the thoughts that have occupied my mind all weekend (minus 2:06 on the phone with California, when I stopped thinking about math, science and... well no, I didn't totally stop thinking about free will).

I know today is supposed to feel special, but it doesn't. It's just another day: I had exams. But today, people gave me things, like swiss cake rolls and Interpol CDs *cough*.

But today is special, because I checked my mail and I had all the people in the world tell me how much I mean to them. Thank you guys, it's not the birthday that's special, it's all of you for making it feel like it is.

I love you all.

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nerdalert

:: 2005 14 January :: 1.21pm

so, my hard drive is fried, have to get a new one.....so if you need to get a hold of me call my cell. and for the upcoming weekends this is my schedual if you want to hang out.
15-17 home, friday is occupied, but the rest is open i think.
21-23 msu, at some point i will be buying and making sleds to go super fast with hilary, janet and mel. i will be playing bball with danielle some time, and calling dale and craig.
28-30 michi-lu-ca sleding and having a grand ol' time
4-6 ludington to hang out with meghan and alex and snowboarding

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amazighstarrynights

:: 2005 13 January :: 11.49am
:: Mood: cold

More Photos
I said I would have more so here is round two!

I just think this is so cute!
Read more..

I'm still scanning so watch for more!

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amazighstarrynights

:: 2005 12 January :: 10.14am
:: Music: *gulp* Hanson....

PICTURES
Well my friends I would love to introduce you to...MOROCCO!

Here is me and Youssef - my almost husband. Even though I didn't want to get married I won't lie - this guy rocked my Moroccan world ;) haha!
Read more..

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moana

:: 2005 12 January :: 1.12pm
:: Mood: non-human
:: Music: kidney theives - arsenal

plants and snails
Some middle schooler walks by Andy, 7amada, Zed and me carrying a plant. This was our reaction.

Andy: Oooh look! Plant!
7amada: Can you smoke that thing?
me: I want to pee on it...
Andy: No, I want to look at it and admire its beauty...

*Andy and I crack up*

Read more..

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nerdalert

:: 2005 11 January :: 6.41pm

well im back at school and i actually have things to update about, but i dont have my computer, its broken. its in IT right now being fixed...i hope. the hard drive needs to be reformated because it wont start. this is somewhat reminescnet of the start of last semester. i hope this is fixed just as fast though.

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amazighstarrynights

:: 2005 11 January :: 8.51am
:: Mood: artistic

Feminism in Islam
I'm redecorating my house. I was looking for some designs for fabrics and came across this story about the Blue People in Morocco. They are a group of Berbers (forgive me but after a vacation I'm always on a research kick of the place I just was - not to mention I'm doing a Moroccan themed bedroom...). The Blue People are called this because of a blue stone they use when dying fabric and it turns their bodies a tint of blue. The coolest thing though is that it's a matriarchical society, even though they are Muslims.
The Blue People have a matriarchal society: unusual enough in terms of "Western" cultures, almost unbelievable in context of what is assumed to be "Islamic". Women keep all the household keys, show off their "strength" by impromptu wrestling matches, go unveiled - while the men modestly cover their noses and mouths with the end of their tagelmousses (several meters of gauze, wrapped around the head in a turban), and have equal - if not greater rights to choose/take as many lovers as they wish before marriage: it only increases their value, skill and desirability. Why do Blue men, feared to this day for their ferocity and skill as warriors and respected as businessmen, "veil" and defer to their own women? Because of their belief that the world has a great number of evil "spirits" eager to invade the body via any opening - especially the mouth and nostrils, so they must cover/protect the entranceways, but since women know the secret of life: only they can conceive and givebirth, they have natural protection against these evil spirits.

I just thought this was awesome. Go girls!!!

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amazighstarrynights

:: 2005 11 January :: 7.19am
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: News

I just need to write...
I'm sitting on the terrace of the house right now. The king's palace is over one side with the snowy mountains in the background. The sun is starting to go down and I can hear fireworks exploding in the distance. People fill the streets because the king is in Marrakech and it's New Year's Eve. I can smell the grills and the call for prayer has just begun. I see palm trees waving in the wind, the sun is sinking fast and it is starting to get cold. I really realize how differing things are. *sighs* I'm still going through withdrawls. Danielle, you might just be in trouble now because with the way things look right now I might be writing in here all the time. I really want to sit down and write a story - at least about the Moroccan Love Affair but when I try to do it, I just can't seem to get going. I worry too much about the details. I am excited because today I get back the pictures from the trip ( soon to be added onto here). Maybe that will help me start writing. Today I need to get some things done. I have a lot of calls to make and need to do them before I go back to school and work again. I still have three weeks of vacation before I start the next semester - the semester of hell as I affectionately refer to it. 17 credits.....argh eesh... I'm doubting myself. I hate these slumps when I feel sorry for myself or think I can't do things. I hate that feeling. Right now I think I am just really emotional. I feel really alone, like I could be in a room full of people and still be alone. Eh poor me - no more complaining. Pictures in a few hours!!!

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