::
2003 1 July :: 3.39 pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: A/C Humming ever so softly ha
CHI-TOWN
HEY GUYS!!! i am in chicago!!!! woohoo i now can never leave becuase i love it too much. i didn't think i'd missed it this much but coming back was just like nothign had changed and that i was home again. Man i go back and forth between never wanting to leave to...never wanting to leave. I can't wait to see Nick and Sara and MEgan and everyone....i hope they still like me! Well tata for now must go explore my Chicago again!!!
pimp juice? |
::
2003 30 June :: 1.55 pm
:: Mood: Happy as a clam
:: Music: Feel So-Boxcarracer
TOMMOROW!!!!
YAY! tommorow i go to chicago woohu! i;ve decided to live and let live, as in whatever happens happens. Fuck akaward moments and strange meetings. I can't wait till i get there now. I am all ready with 2 new books haha. O i hate linsey for making me read the river king i cant put the damn thing down! Well peace out ppl im gonna go pack!!!!
pimp juice? |
::
2003 29 June :: 12.44 pm
:: Mood: Comfy
2 more days
Hey im bored and comfy and i want hot choclate with marshmallows. damn the heat hot choclate wouldn't be a smart idea considering its aout 95 out. oh well. im sure i won't be doing anything interesting today so this is it. bye ppls ttyl.
"I'M SO BORED WITH THE U...S...A...
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?"-The Clash
pimp juice? |
::
2003 28 June :: 3.00 pm
:: Mood: bored
3 more days
I am so bored.Some of Bob's endless family is coming over today, never met these ppl and don't really want to. what is it about family that makes me want to scream and run into a wall? i think all the having to repeat myself over and over again to differnt ppl i will probly never see again makes me go insane...oh well. 3 more days till i get out of this hell hole. i kinda dunno now, i go back and forth between wanting to go and not. right now i don't. its not that i don't wanna see ppl its just that...i dont know. i am just so bored and if anythign doesn't happen soon im going to cry blah. and now i have to go clean to impress ppl i don't care about. PEACE
p.s. whoa just realized im gonna be a sohmore next year...senior year why can't you be hear sooner???
pimp juice? |
::
2003 27 June :: 12.34 pm
:: Mood: dorky
Today is Friday
Wow last night was fun me and Nick stayed up to whatch the sunset. Its really neat. I'm very unconfused now, for those of you who don't i know i was extremely fucked up and lost for about a month. I just don't really care anymore. I need to just let things happen to me instead of forcing thigns to happen. I guess you just have to live life and wait for all the good things to come and eventually they will. Well i hope everyones having an awesoem summer...PEACE
P.S. 4 days till chicago!!!!!
"Becuase I need you more then you need me becuase i want you more i know because we move to fucking fast i think i really had to wish to make this last."
3 mug of juices |
pimp juice? |
::
2003 26 June :: 12.27 pm
:: Mood: confused
Sprite
Last night i spent the night at Linseys, we had a deep convo iwth Jack hahaha anywho it was fun and we caleld paulie and talked to him for a while....okay i think the coolest noise is when you open a can 'o soda and you pour most of it out but theres a little left and ya shake it. Its all bubbly and poppy...i know only me has the time for this but hey its pretty neat. Well i was supposed to talk to Brian last night but i waited till 11 and he never got on so i had to leave but...i dunno i wish i never had said anything, im just so confused. I have serious issues with making any decision past would you like fries with that complexity. I just dunno....PEACE
Sometimes i wish i was brave i wish i was stronger wish i could feel no pain-Boxcarracer
pimp juice? |
::
2003 25 June :: 8.55 pm
:: Mood: bitchy
I just have to wright this, i feel so mean. I love you Brian i really do i just feel so torn and i don't know what to do becuase i want too much....I want to be your friend...i dunno about anythign else. And i hate that the person that i happen to really like (nick for you ppl that actaulyl know me) lives in a fucking different state. I feel so confused and i want everything but i cant have it...gawr
pimp juice? |
::
2003 25 June :: 11.22 am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Boxcarracer-Tiny voices
Waiting
I have 6 more days till chicago and im so happy. i wish i could stay for longer but i can't. i'm so happy that im gonna see everyone, i really miss you guys. anyways i don't have mucht o say so im just gonna copy Linsey with this...lookie
I want- to feel
I have- issues
I wish- i was invisible
I love- beign alone
I hate- fighting
I miss- life, and 7th period of course :0)
I fear- everything ahhh
I feel- strangled
I hear- boxcarracer
I smell- yummmmy
I wonder- why ppl talk so much
I regret- a lot
When was the last time you :
smiled- last night, only few ppl can amke me smile
laughed- no clue
cried- two days ago, all day
bought something- yesterday
had a nightmare- last night
What was the:
last book you read- Dreamland (awesoem bok makes ya think)
last movie you saw- Dumb and Dumberer
last song you heard- Bowling for soup....ah..
last thing you had to drink- orange juice
last time you showered- about an hour ago
last thing you ate- ....ummm....
Do you:
smoke- no but i think i will eventually
do drugs- ...no
have sex- all the time jk
sleep with stuffed animals- yessum and damn proud of it!!!
live in the moment- i hope so
have a boyfriend/girlfriend- ummm....im not sure
have a dream that keeps coming back- yeah
play an instrument- i ...no
believe in life on other planets- yeah but not aliens just...life
read the newspaper- yupperz, but onyl if i want to
have gay or lesbian friends- kinda
believe in miracles- yes
believe it's possible to remain faithful forever- yes if its true love
consider yourself tolerant of others- not in the least
consider love a mistake- sometimes, it hurts to much
like the taste of alcohol- yah
believe in astrology- yes
believe in magic- yeah i do
believe in god- yes
pray- all the time
have any secrets- too many
have any pets- DAISYMAE my baby puggy
wear hats- yeah
have any piercings- bb ring and ears
hate yourself- most of the time
collect anything- no
have a best friend- not really...i have all awesome freinds
wish on stars- yeah
like your handwriting- when i can read it, yeah
2 mug of juices |
pimp juice? |
::
2003 24 June :: 10.28 am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Bowling for soup
Just going through the motions all over again....
Help
The sound is too much for me. The way the light hits my face. It makes it seem that its okay. The smile on my face that you catch makes me seem happy and light. I hate the way the mirror makes my refelction seemingly perfect. The way the moonlight makes me seem thoughtful and clear. The noises make me easy to read, an open book. the hum of the dark makes me look to real. I am not these things and no matter what i do i will appear to real for who i am. I want to dissapear but the wind catches me and makes me visible. I hate the way that i can live on so fake and never doubting anything i do. I hate how the tears only sting when no ones around to see them. i hate everything that i am and wish i was someone i can never be. I want so much for myself but never move an inch to reach for whats just beyond my grasp. i want to make a sound so i can be seen and not taken for granted. i wish you could look into my eyes and not see me but see the person i so desperatley want to be. i want everyone to look at me and not smile, not pretend, show me how to be real. i want to be graceful as i die not in pain. i want to be taken into someones arms and told that i am loved. i want to feel the wrath of heartbreak. i am hollow and nothing seems real. just let me go, just let me go....
pimp juice? |
::
2003 23 June :: 3.48 pm
I feel so strangled and lost. im hot and i cant hink. i want to leave and take nothing with me. i cant breathe everyones bearing down upon me with their icy hot breath and words taht hold too much meaning to tell. i want to leave and take everyhtign i ever knew and throw it away. i cant do this anymore i cant fake it liek this anymore. i dont know wha tto do. i cant talk to anyone they just coo at me and pretend. i dont need someone to pretend. i dont i dont i dont need anyone. i need no one and no ones needs me. i just need to get out out of here where ever that might be. i need to feel free and not so strangled that i cant breathe. i take a breath and it feel like acid and nothign is right and i just cant get the words out fast enough. i cant cry i cant run i cant talk i need to leave so bad and im just beingt held down harder and harder with every moment. get me out of here i dont know how much longe ri can take this. this life of pressure and no patience. i cant do it anymore i just cant. i want to yell it but youll think me crazy and hold me down. STOP IT! stop the world stop everyhtign let me go let me run away let everyhtign fade dont make me stay here. i cant do it i cant dont understand me just leave me alone. i dont this i cant have this anymore. i dont know what to do im so lost. im alone with soo many ppl bearing down, kiling me, trying to keep me here. you cant keep me you cant ill run. i try to run but everyones here lookgina tem , expecting everyhtign form me . I HAVE NOTHIGN LEFT TO GIVE. just let me be free let it stop let me go let me go i have to run.
pimp juice? |
::
2003 23 June :: 12.14 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Bowling for Soup -Emily
Stil it rains
Hey guys its raining again and i love it!!! I went out today and got a book and the bowling for soup cde wuhoo. I don't think im doing anythign extremely important today. I just feel oh so comfy. I realyl wihs i had a fireplace and that it was snowing outside so i could sit and read and watch the snow. Hehehee thats just me but hey its cool. So big drama last night with linsey and paul and brittainy...i hate fights i really do but i think its all better now so that good. ..Okay i think my life is fuckign boring. I want to be the girl that can walk around and just get noticed. I want to run away for days and never be the same when i come back. I don't want to be ordinary, plain, boirng. I hear of all the ppl sneaking out and doing random things with random ppl while i sit in my room waiting for all my planned events. I want to sneak out and meet ppl that are so different from me that i just smile. I want everyhitgn i don't have but i know i could.
1 mug of juice |
pimp juice? |
::
2003 22 June :: 3.33 pm
:: Mood: cold
Rain
Its been raining for like, 5 days straight, i love it. I wanna go walk but my mom won't let me,gawr. 8 more days till i go to chicago, wuhoo. I am so bored, someoen entertain me please. I am also extremely cold i think im in an iggloo. Oh boy Oh boy. HA! Okay thats all fro now..oh yeah i have done nothing today, literally i got up watched a movie then went to sleep again, i lead such an intersting live! PEACE
pimp juice? |
::
2003 21 June :: 4.41 pm
:: Mood: sore
Nothing
Hey this is gonna be a short entry considering i havent done anything today. I got up at 10 and took the worlds fastest shower then went to tumbling. Well on my way there i fucked up my neck somehow. Well okay big deal right? Well now i can't move it becuase i just want to cry every time i do! I AM HAVING A FUCKING GREAT DAY! sorry but i hate not beign able to do anyhtign and just fucking laying in my bed with a fuckign heating pad on my neck wichc isnt helping at all.
pimp juice? |
::
2003 20 June :: 5.34 pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: All American Rejects-Swing,Swing
Farewell Mr. Penis Ball
YO! Hey guys i just go tback from the mall with the Linsey girl! It was fun we had a special mission as to why we went to the mall, i was swore to secrecy though...Anyway today at aproximatley 2:30 Mr. Penis Ball died, he was at the old age of 2 months and left behind thuthie and nobo the star...he will be greatly missed. I got these kickass belly balls..hahah they're balls for my bb ring..hehe well thats all for now! have a kickass summer guys! PEACE
1 mug of juice |
pimp juice? |
::
2003 19 June :: 10.39 pm
:: Mood: bouncy
Movies
Hey guys!!! what is shakin?!?! I just had the most awesome time at the movies. It was me, linsey, carrie, nora, and loren...we had a crapload of fun. We saw Dumb and Dumberer...whichc is very hard to say. Anyway, we threw popcorn and shit all over eachother and just laughed hysterically the whoel time. Man i miss seeing those guys everyday!! Well, im in a super good mood becuase of what ppl are telling me. O and Paulie is going out wiht Linsey!!! I think they're soo cute togehter! I just can't believe it cuz..i dunno ..its paulie!!! Well i have to go talk to ppl!! LUV YA GUYS!
2 mug of juices |
pimp juice? |
|